And the second Crazy in Love began to blare from the speakers, Miranda rolled her eyes as she rattled, “I know. I know. You do it all. Best choreographer in the game. Everybody loves you. Blah, blah blah.”
“Must’ve picked up that hater trait from your mama,” I told her with a laugh as I held the phone out in front of me.
And while I made myself busy using the front camera to take pictures with all of the silly little filters before uploading one I found cute enough to share with Miranda’s audience, she fired back, “She was your mama first. Now get me on the uh-oh’s.”
I tapped the screen to flip the camera around, recording my sister as she halfway-danced, halfway-flirted her way through the ten seconds of footage I caught. And once I brought the phone down, she practically snatched it from my hand so she could watch it. Then watch it again. And again. And one more time before she actually pressed upload.
But what I assumed would be her bragging about how good she looked in the video was actually directed at me when she said, “Girl, my Snapchat is going nuts with people talking about you! And look who was first.”
She turned the screen my way to show me the, “Who is that?” message which matched my thoughts to a tee considering I didn’t recognize the name nor the tiny thumbnail of profile picture she tried to show me. And once she realized my only reaction was no reaction at all, she groaned before clicking over to his Snapchat story and explaining, “Remember Steven’s friend that I was telling you about? He’s fine, right?”
As I watched the series of pictures and videos play on the screen, I came to the conclusion that he was indeed fine. But just as quickly, I also decided he was a little too into himself and a little too pressed to show off his lifestyle; both tokens of his immaturity which allowed me to reply, “He’s cute. If that’s what you’re into.”
“Come on, Amerie. I know you’re all heart eyes and wet panties for Knox, but you can still admit a nigga is fine when you see a fine nigga,” she insisted as she held the screen to freeze on a picture of him shirtless as he laid poolside on whatever overpriced vacation he had already been showing off.
His abs were definitely poppin’, and the lip pulled seductively between his perfect ass teeth was a nice touch. But still, I maintained my original stance. “Like I said, he’s cute.”
“Cute enough for me to give him your number that he just asked for?”
My face scrunched instantly as I cocked my head back in disbelief. “My number? He literally knows nothing about me. Why would he ask for my number?”
She was already busy typing away on her screen when she answered, “Cause your greasy-faced ass was looking all extra adorable on my Snap.”
“Shut up!” I yelled, laughing as I shoved her in the arm.
But even through the little stumble, her phone remained perfectly positioned for her to continue typing. Though when she peeked up at me with a mischievous grin, I instantly became concerned.
“Well, I just sent it to him so don’t be mad at me,” she announced casually as if I had given her permission, or even shown a tiny bit of interest.
“Miranda, why would you give that stranger my number?” I asked, probably not as mad as I should’ve been. But I suppose my feelings about life in general had drained me to the point of not being able to give much energy to less important things.
It would be nothing to block his ass on first contact.
Still, my sister tried to reason herself right when she answered, “Just in case you don’t get your man back. I mean, you’ll be back home pretty soon. No better time to at least introduce yourself to a new friend.”
I rolled my eyes, snagging the box of Chinese food in hopes of being in the mood to finish it later as I tossed over my shoulder, “I’m going upstairs to take a long, hot bath. Then I’m gonna crawl under the covers, eat this food, and watch some TV until I fall asleep. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to wake up in six days when it’s time for me to get my regular life back.”
I knew how pitiful I sounded; so pitiful that I barely recognized myself which meant getting back to regular life on the East coast was crucial. But I hadn’t even made it to the threshold of the door when I heard Miranda yell, “That might get your regular life back, but staying in bed is definitely not how you get your man back, RiRi!”
“Mind your business, MiMi!” I shouted in return before making my way to the staircase, climbing them two by two until I made it to the foyer that led me to the set of the stairs that would take me to my room.
Or… not my room. Knox’s room. Because this was Knox’s space even if he didn’t ever stay here.
“I can’t wait to get back to my own shit.” I thought to myself, though even that wasn’t exactly true. I had gotten used to the neighborhood, had gotten used to the twenty-four-hour dance studio, had gotten used to the extra-large bathtub with the whirlpool jets.
Truth be told, I’d probably miss that the most.
But since I was still here for now, I took complete advantage as I found the perfect temperature for my water before leaving it to run as I went to the kitchen to grab a glass of wine and a few cheese cubes to hold me over since I still hadn’t really eaten anything more than a few bits of Chinese food. And by the time I made it back upstairs, I had just enough time to get undressed before the tub would spill over. Though when I climbed in, a little water did end up splashing onto the floor.
I soaked long enough to shrivel, the jets working wonders against my aching muscles for a full hour before I called it good. And when I climbed out, my limbs felt like noodles after practically being numbed from the vibrations, leaving me just enough strength to get to the bed; a place I planned on staying at least until the cameramen came bugging me the next day.
But it was the thoughts of the cameramen that reminded me I still had footage to review since it hadn’t all been done the day of our initial meeting. So instead of grabbing the remote, I grabbed my iPad, tapping through my email to find the link to the files that Shep had sent over. And once the first set of clips downloaded, a still shot of a smiling Knox as he watched a group of dancers perform for him as the cover photo, I quickly realized this was probably a bad idea. But that didn’t stop me from pressing play as I got a glimpse of what Knox was up to when we weren’t filming together.
While I fully expected to see him flirting with some of the women dancers the same way he’d always do in the past, my heart literally swooned as I watched him get hyped up over a younger boy performing what looked like a freestyle routine. Knox was cheering him on up until the boy’s final move when Knox swooped him up in a hug and called him the champ. And when he put him down, he gave him a little tap to the chest and insisted that he’d be taking his job in no time which made the boy’s crooked smile grow even wider.
And it made my smile grow wider too.
The more footage I watched, the deeper I sank into the sheets, comforted by the fact that regardless of whatever would end up happening between us in the long run, I had done the right thing by letting Knox back into my life. He wasn’t a completely different person, but there was definitely proof of his growth. And no matter how much the footage had been trimmed down to show the most interesting stuff and fit into the time constraints of the show, I was happy to discover there were no signs of him engaging in the behavior that had caused our fall out in the first place.
In fact, the only person shown even remotely catching his eye was me. And while I had initially been totally against things being portrayed that way, had initially been against being presented as what could be perceived as a romantic pair, it didn’t take long for me to decide that I didn’t want to edit or change a thing.
Knox
The moving truck caught me off-guard.
When I pulled up to the house after being gone for a week, it was honestly the last thing I expected to see. But it made sense regardless of how I felt about Amerie leaving, though I could imagine her feelings being the exact opposite.
The show was done wh
ich meant she no longer had to deal with me.
Her wish was finally granted.
I hadn’t talked to her since we got into it in the elevator. But after talking through the situation with Kim, apologizing and talking through it with Blaise, and then having some time to think about it on my own while I immersed myself in dance, I realized I wasn’t as mad at Amerie as I made myself out to be. In fact, I was madder at myself than anything, especially after getting into it with Elijah and discovering the true root cause to all of my madness.
My pops.
While I always knew I couldn’t blame him for my actions, I also could no longer ignore his influence. And even if I wasn’t running around on my wife the way he had done, I was still running around, I was still hurting people, I was still detaching myself from making real connections which were all traits I had inherited from him no matter how much I had tried to separate myself from his existence. But now that I fully recognized the issue, it was up to me to change the discourse. And even though I had already been taking steps towards doing just that, it was time to turn the page and really get over the hump.
Starting with Amerie.
Since the movers were going in and out, the door was already open. Though I still rang the doorbell as more of a warning than anything before I stepped inside. And as I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, paired with a woman’s voice yelling, “It’s open” my heart began to pound in my chest as I prepared to see her again.
But it wasn’t her.
Regardless of how much the two looked alike, it didn’t take more than a second for me to recognize it was only Miranda. And she wasn’t happy to see me.
“You have a lot of nerve showing up here, Knox,” she snapped, tossing her waist-length ponytail over her shoulder as she sized me up.
Instead of getting wrapped up in her attitude towards me, I stayed focused on my original plans when I asked, “Yo, is Amerie here? I need to talk to her.”
Miranda rolled her eyes, shifting her weight to one leg and crossing her arms over her chest when she answered, “She’s not. Though even if she was, I still would’ve told you no.”
“Do you know when she’ll be back?” I asked, peeking back out of the front door thinking maybe she’d be pulling back up from wherever she had ran off too soon.
But as I looked both ways up and down the street, I heard Miranda release a heavy sigh before she finally answered, “She’s not... coming back, Knox. She flew home once her last filming day was over. Had some business to take care of.”
“Damnit,” I huffed, my mind immediately going into overdrive as I considered my next steps.
Though my processing was completely interrupted when Miranda shoved me in the back and yelled, “I was rooting for you! I know what Amerie did was wrong, but damn. A whole week? No contact? Don’t you think that’s a little excessive?”
“I had to get my shit together, man. And I was workin’. I was busy,” I told her in an attempt to justify the timing.
Still, that didn’t stop her from challenging, “Too busy to hear Amerie out?”
“Look. The whole reason I came over here was to right this shit. So you gonna help me make that happen or you just gonna stay on my neck about it?” I asked, hoping that would save me from having to really explain myself. And when she didn’t look completely convinced, I stepped to her, putting a hand to her shoulder as I encouraged, “Come on, Miranda. You said you were rootin’ for me, right? You know I’m good money.”
She turned her head towards my hand with a scowl on her face before turning back to me and correcting, “You aight.” Making me chuckle as she continued, “Nah, if I didn’t see it for myself, I would’ve already kicked you in the nuts by now. But if I help you out, you better not fuck it up, Knox.”
“Sounds all too familiar,” I thought to myself as I assured her, “I promise you I won’t.”
I could tell she was still toying with the idea in her mind, twisting her lips and diverting her eyes until she let out a groan. “Well… I know she usually reserves Wednesdays for the office unless she has something really important going on. So if you’re willing to make the trip - which, you better be willing to make the trip - I’ll tell her assistant to let you through. Say 10 o’clock sharp?”
“I’ll be there,” I replied confidently, pulling out my phone so that I could book a flight immediately even though it was only Sunday.
And as I typed away at my travel app, I heard Miranda say, “Oh, and Knox?”
I peeked up from my phone as if to ask, “Yeah?” finding Miranda’s expression completely softened when she offered, “She’s not as upset with you as you may think she is. Don’t let her fool you into thinking otherwise. I know she’s good at that.”
I nodded to agree, knowing Amerie had tried that shit on me a few times before I told Miranda, “Thank you. I appreciate this, for real.”
And as I pulled her into a quick hug before turning to leave, she rattled, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, nigga. Just don’t make me regret it.”
I shook my head, grinning as I made my way back to my house while I scrolled through my flight options before bumping right into Elijah who was on his way out of the door. I hadn’t talked to him since we got into the argument that set everything off a week ago. And according to the expression on his face, he was just as tense now as he had been back then.
Still, I tried to play it cool when I asked, “Yo. You straight?”
He shrugged, shoving his hands in the pocket of his hoody as he fired back, “Do I have a choice? This shit ain’t nothin’ new with you, man.”
“Look. I know I was trippin’. My bad,” I admitted, trying to resolve the situation as soon as possible.
But regardless of how much I wanted bygones to be bygones, it was clear Elijah wasn’t interested as he snapped, “It’s always your bad, Knox. Like I said, this shit ain’t nothin’ new.”
He blew past me towards the driveway, bumping me in the shoulder on his way out. And while any other time the action probably would’ve started a whole unrelated fight, I pushed that to the back of my mind so I could tell him, “I’m for real, bruh. I shouldn’t have flipped out on you like that. I was just… havin’ a bad day.”
My admission was enough to at least get him to stop walking. Though when he turned around, the scowl on his face told me it still wasn’t over.
Truth be told, I couldn’t blame him. A bad day – a bad moment – wasn’t a valid excuse for going off on the closest person to me, just like it wasn’t a valid reason to have avoided Amerie for a full week. And as if Elijah could read my mind, he asked, “So when you’re having a bad day, you suddenly forget who I am? What we’ve been through together? I ain’t no bitch ass nigga, Knox. I’m your brother. The only one you got.”
I held my hands up defensively as I added, “Which is why I said my bad. I’m sorry. You know I’m workin’ on it though, man.”
I hated sounding like I was using my therapy as a crutch, but it was the truth. I wasn’t perfect. I would never be perfect. But I was actively making strides towards improving myself.
Thankfully Elijah agreed, offering a half-hearted smile when he replied, “Yeah, that’s the only thing saving me from knockin’ your ass out.”
“So you’re really not mad at me then?”
The chuckle he let out didn’t match the hand he pushed against my chest, making me stumble back as he answered, “Hell yeah, I’m mad at you. Well… I was mad at you. Right now I’m just being shady to make a point that I ain’t gonna be too many more bitch ass niggas.”
“Nah, you’ll always be my little nigga though,” I told him as I wrapped an arm around his neck, scrubbing the top of his head with my knuckles the same way I’d do when we were kids.
“Yeah, whatever,” he muttered with another laugh, pulling away before he asked, “Where you headed off to?” Gesturing towards my phone that still had the travel app open.
I resumed making the arrangements, typing away at the screen as I
answered, “East coast. Gotta get Amerie back.”
“Get her back? I thought y’all were cool.”
“We were until we got into it,” I replied, replaying the situation over in my head along with the multiple ways I could’ve handled it differently.
But my thoughts and solutions weren’t enough to stop Eli from teasing, “So you were just going to war with niggas left and right, huh? No wonder you were so pressed.”
“Yeah. But just like I’m here makin’ it right with you, I’m gonna head out there and make it right with her,” I told him confidently, knowing being sure of myself was the only way this whole thing would work.
And I needed it to work. I needed Amerie back in my life. I needed the opportunity to experience her fully. I needed to express what I knew all along, and what Elijah also knew when he asked, “You really love her, huh?”
I didn’t even have to think twice when I answered, “With everything I have. That’s my babe, man. Always has been. Even when she wasn’t fuckin’ with me like that.”
Elijah nodded to agree, putting a supportive hand to my shoulder that pulled my eyes from the screen to him. “I wasn’t sure if you were gonna be able to pull it off. You know, actually get her to give you a chance. But I’m glad you did, bro. And I hope it all works out for the two of you.”
While it felt great to at least have my right hand man back on my side, I knew it was truly a toss-up when it came to Amerie. But I still tried to remain as positive as he was when I told him, “Yeah. I hope so too.”
&
The first time I had shown up to Amerie’s office months ago, I was completely confident, completely sure of myself, completely in control of the situation. But this go-round, I felt the exact opposite.
I wasn’t sure how Amerie was going to react to me, wasn’t sure what Miranda had shared to get me the meeting in the first place. Still, I tried to keep calm as I approached the receptionist’s desk and said, “Hey. I’m here to see Amerie.”
An Encore for Love Page 19
