by Susan Rohrer
Hayden stifled a grin. “Not so much.”
“Goodnight, Hayden,” Daniel said as he pulled back the covers to get into bed.
“Night, Dad.” Hayden padded down the hall.
Daniel sat on the bed, shaking his head at the oddity of it all.
♥ ♥ ♥
The wee hours of the morning found Tara hard at work, the beam of a flashlight spilling on her father’s newest note to Merry. She could see that her gift idea was catching on and it encouraged her creativity.
Ollie sleepily shuffled into the study. “Did he send another one?” he wondered a bit too loudly.
“Shhh! Want him to hear us?”
Ollie nestled up to see Tara’s work. “What did you do?”
Tara sat up proudly. “Turned up the flame a notch.” She blew on the drying ink as Ollie read.
“You wrote ‘Much Love’ this time. Oooh...”
Tara pointed out the salutation. “I also put that ‘Dearest’ before Merry’s name. And I’m particularly proud of this part I added at the end, here. Look. Dad had it ending with just ‘everything that you are.’ But I made it ‘everything that you are becoming to me.’ See? Can’t even tell I added that last part.”
Tara giggled conspiratorially. She stuck out a pinkie, reminding Ollie of their top-secret pact. Ollie linked his little finger with hers, grinning as he whispered. “This is gonna be good.”
seven
Morning came, and with it, anticipation over all the day could bring. As she readied herself to set off, Merry marveled. For so long, there had seemed no end to the bumpy road of her life, but now, she felt herself turning a corner. With each step, there was a growing sense that she was walking into an entirely new season.
As she locked her apartment to head out, Merry counted her blessings. Her phone, gas, electric, and credit card bills were current. There were groceries in her cupboard. Her mechanic had happily paid off her car, and then bought it as a restoration project.
Merry chuckled to herself that she didn’t have to dodge Mr. Grabinski on the way to the El. Instead, she wished him a nice day, confident that her December rent check would clear. Everything in Merry’s heart sang out. She was headed to work at a job she loved, working for a man who had captured her imagination.
Arriving at the Bell homestead, Merry went straight to the study. Even if she hadn’t been instructed to check the Christmas drawer each morning, she still would have done so first thing. She wondered if there would be another note from Daniel and exactly what it might say.
Merry slid the desk drawer open. She was not disappointed. Again, there was no to-do list hurriedly jotted on an impersonal lined pad. Instead, there was another card in an envelope hand-labeled with her first name.
Merry perched on the desk chair, savoring the moment. She pulled out Daniel’s note, then sat back, drinking in every Tara-amended word:
Dearest Merry,
You left so quietly tonight. I didn’t get a chance to say thank you. I’m so grateful for everything that you’re doing—and even more for everything that you are becoming to me.
Much love,
Daniel
Fondly, Merry pressed the note to her heart. She held it out again, reading it over and over. Any doubt that the first note had left in her mind evaporated in the light of this second one.
Merry reminded herself that it was just the beginning. She knew not to leap headlong too fast. But her eyes shone at the thought of what seemed to be developing. She doubled her resolve to do everything she could to give the Bell family the best Christmas of their lives.
By the time the twins’ bus dropped them off at the corner that afternoon, Merry had already added a festive wreath to the front door. She’d sealed bright red apples and affixed them to a ring of fragrant long-needle pine. Shiny jingle bells—one for each member of the family—hung at the center, sure to ring with each entrance and exit. A sheer golden bow tied it all together, sending a message that this house would indeed be celebrating the season.
Hayden trudged up as Merry began to wrap the iron rail up the steps with pine garland. Tara wasn’t far behind her sister, concluding a cell phone call.
Merry greeted the girls with a smile. “Want to help deck the halls?”
Hayden shot a dull look back. “Gee. I would, but I’m, oh, so anxious to write a love sonnet for English.”
“I’ll help,” Tara volunteered. “Already wrote my sonnet in Study Hall. I’m telling you, one look at Leo and it just fell right out of me. Borderline brilliant, and it’s not even due for two weeks!”
Hayden clasped her hand over an imaginary microphone and affected her voice as if making an announcement over a loudspeaker. “Attention customers: ego overstock on aisle five.”
As Hayden went inside, Tara turned back to Merry, enthused. “Okay, shhh! But I’ve got it! The quintessential thing for my Christmas list.”
Merry’s interest was immediately piqued. “Something for you?”
Tara shook her perfectly coifed head. “For Hayden, silly. Okay, this is genius! Just ask me what Hayden would want more than anything ever. Ask me!”
“What would Hayden want more than anything ever?” Merry repeated.
“Her own room!” Tara exclaimed. “We move her out, set up her own space where she can peck at all her computer dealie-bobs and mope to her heart’s delight. It hit me, like, bing! Wouldn’t this be absolutely perfect for her?”
Merry nodded, weighing the possibility, “Wow, and for you, too.”
“Okay, this is not about me,” Tara protested. “Yeah, it’s a fringe, but remember, she’s the one who’s opted out with me ever since Mom died.”
Merry secured the garland with wire. “People deal with these things in different ways.”.
“It’s been three years,” Tara dismissed. “Kinda time to move on.”
“Have you?”
Tara hesitated a bit. “Yeah, I mean—I’m not over it, over it. I still miss her, but I’m not going to spend my whole life moping, much less wreck yet another Christmas.”
In some ways, Tara was right. Merry knew it, and she felt for her. “Has it been awful?”
“You have no idea,” Tara confided. She put her books down and picked up a length of pine. “Dad must really like you, though. A lot.”
Merry did her best not to let her growing interest in Daniel show. “What makes you think so?”
Tara was as cool as the December breeze. “Just that you have him actually enjoying this as a holiday is radical. Even if it’s only to convince ourselves that this family is something approaching normal, which it so categorically isn’t.”
“Maybe you can change that.”
“Hello?” Tara replied. “That’s why the room for Hayden.”
Merry pondered it, realizing that the idea might not be as self-serving or outlandish as it had first seemed. “So, where would you see her new room being? I’m new here, but I haven’t found any empties.”
Tara gave Merry a congenial shrug. “Oh, I don’t know. Somewhere. You’ll figure it out.”
Merry wandered the upstairs hallway, looking into each and every room. She pushed the master suite door open and scanned the space thoughtfully. She wondered if she dared to go in, and then decided that she would. After all, how could she help the children with ideas for their father if she had no idea what he already owned?
Examining the top of Daniel’s dresser, Merry smiled, noticing a collection of tiny, wind-up toys. There were more robots, some animals, and racecars. Merry picked up a bottle of Daniel’s cologne and took in the musky aroma with recognition. She had noticed that scent from the first time she’d bumped into him and spilled coffee all over his suit.
Merry glanced around. There it is, she thought. There was that suit, hanging in a dry cleaning bag on the hook outside his closet door. Daniel had been so good about that, she recalled. He’d never so much as mentioned it again. What a man did when you spilled something on him said a lot to Merry. She didn’
t do it often, but she’d spilled enough on Arthur’s customers to know it could bring out the worst or the best.
Ollie peered into his father’s room. “Whatcha doing?”
Merry startled. “Ah! Ollie!” She quickly recapped the cologne and put it back in place on the dresser. “Just, uh, looking for something,” she improvised.
Ollie wandered in. “Can I help?”
“Well, um...that depends.”
Ollie eyed Merry suspiciously. “On what?”
Merry stepped to the door and mysteriously cased the hallway. “Can you be trusted with highly classified intel? Information that, if divulged, could put major sticks in your stocking?”
Moments later, Ollie tiptoed down the hall. He peeked into the twins’ room like a secret agent. A finger to the side of his nose, Ollie slyly signaled Merry that the coast was clear.
Ollie slinked past. Merry followed. Ollie ran and flattened himself against the doorjamb at the end of the hall. Playing along, Merry pressed herself against the wall beside him. Ollie nodded the all clear signal.
“Cover me,” Merry whispered.
Ollie raised an imaginary pistol, checking down the hallway as Merry slipped by him, turned the doorknob and cracked it open.
When Merry peered in, she found herself at the bottom of a steep attic staircase. Ollie tipped his head in below her, a landslide grin unfurling at the prospects.
As soon as she got to the top of the stairs, Merry pulled out her phone.
“Who are you calling?” Ollie asked.
“I’m texting Tara. Your dad gave me her number.” Merry keyed in a message as she spoke. “Ix-nay on ayden-Hay. Upstairs.”
Merry sent the text, and then stepped into the cluttered attic room. Dormer windows sent light streams through dust particles, falling on a host of stored items. There was old furniture, the kids’ former cribs, and toys they’d grown past. There were boxes, trunks, and suitcases from long ago family vacations.
“You come up here much?” Merry asked.
Ollie shook his head. “Dad says I can’t without a grown-up. I think ‘cause of mom’s stuff. But I still like it.”
Merry examined the markings on a stack of boxes marked Christmas. “Well, lookee here.”
Ollie threw back a tarp, launching a cloud of dust just as Tara reached the landing. Tara dodged, waving the dust off vigorously. “Hey, watch it. This is dry clean only.”
Merry gestured toward the attic room. “Tara...I think we’ve found your present.”
“Like I want a bunch of dusty old relics,” Tara groused.
Ollie rolled his eyes. “For Hayden, Dopey. The room?”
Tara shot a betrayed look at Merry. “You told him?!”
“Well, yeah,” Merry defended, “And if you’re nice to him, he might even help you fix it up for her.”
“And keep all our other secrets,” Ollie added, with a broad wink at Tara.
Tara back-peddled, confused. “Wait a minute. I’m supposed to fix this whole mess up? You misunderstand. I’m more of an idea person.”
“But, you also execute,” Merry noted. “Like your love sonnet and all your outfits. Who puts things together better than you?”
Tara seemed to warm to the idea. “I do have a knack,” she observed. “And Hayden is definitely challenged in the style department.”
Merry threw an arm around Tara, leading her into the room. “So, we’ll get the extra stuff out, open up some space for you to do your wonders, and divert Hayden’s attention while you’re up here.”
“No need,” Tara sighed dejectedly. “She won’t even miss me.”
When Merry dropped by the study to get her coat that evening, she found Daniel at his desk, taking care of the family bills. She popped her head in cheerily. “Knock, knock.”
Daniel motioned Merry in, a welcoming expression on his face. “So, Tara brought me into the loop about the attic.”
“And you’re okay with it?”
Daniel nodded approvingly. “I like it that you think outside the ordinary Christmas box.”
Merry ventured into the room. “Speaking of ‘out there’ gift ideas—for your mom, along those lines... What about an invitation to live here?”
Daniel sat back. “Where here? It’s not like I have any more attics.”
Merry moved closer. “Well, she said you don’t use this office much. And there’s plenty of space in the master suite for your desk.”
Daniel smiled pleasantly. “So, you’ve been exploring, haven’t you?”
Merry blushed a little. “You said to listen for hints, which have pretty much been flying like snowballs.”
“She said she wants to move in here?”
“Not in so many words,” Merry explained. “But...sometimes you can tell what’s inside a package without opening it.”
Daniel studied Merry for a moment. “Yes, you seem to have a talent for that. But I was thinking she might like a nice sweater, maybe a coat. Or a sweater coat. That would be good.”
Though everything inside Merry screamed that his idea wasn’t the best, she was careful not to overstep. “Good. I’ll pick something out. But, I’m sure she’d love it if we could work the room out, too. That is, only if you want that.”
Daniel put his checkbook aside, weighing the notion fondly. “There you go,” he said. “Once again, you’re as wily as Amanda. When we bought this house, I’ll admit I deliberately put this desk here, staked out the territory so that—”
“—So she wouldn’t feel staked out,” Merry finished.
The look on Daniel’s face said it all. Merry knew immediately that she had dug down to the truth, a truth Daniel hid, even from himself.
“I adore my mother,” he confided. “The kids love her to pieces. But down the block is close enough, all things considered.”
Merry drifted by Daniel’s desk. “Funny thing is, if I had a mom as great as yours, I don’t think I could keep her close enough.”
Daniel shook his head, resisting. “But, given where I’m heading with things, the truth is...”
Daniel motioned Merry closer. When she stepped just to the side of his desk, he lowered his voice to a confidential tone. “If and when another woman moves into this house,” Daniel said, “I’ve been looking for the kind of woman that...” Again, he paused. “The truth is, I was hoping that she’d be my wife.”
No more words passed between them that night. Daniel simply punctuated his point with a smile that said he had a specific woman in mind.
Though she thought she’d burst with joy, Merry held her composure, wanting to allow Daniel to take things at his own pace. In the past, she’d made the mistake of gulping too soon. This time, she resolved, she would sip and savor what was developing between them, every delicious step of the way.
Merry nodded to Daniel that she understood, an effervescent sparkle in her eyes. With a simple wave goodbye, she slipped out for the evening, wondering if there’d be a way in the world that she’d sleep a single wink that night.
eight
Merry navigated the Bell’s upstairs hallway, her arms overloaded with Christmas boxes from the attic. Indeed, it was a precarious pile, but she’d picked it up with a special purpose. As she passed the twins’ bedroom, Merry peered in at Hayden who sat, staring blankly at her computer screen. “Think you could give me a hand?”
Hayden pushed her laptop away in frustration. “I guess,” she sighed, “now that I’ve made so much progress on my sonnet.”
Outwardly, Merry made nothing of it as Hayden came to her aid, but inside, Merry celebrated. Her idea had worked. It was only a foot in the door with Hayden, but Merry knew it was a start.
Downstairs, Merry sorted through the tiny houses and storefronts of a miniature village as Hayden pulled out pieces of a model train set. Merry didn’t mention it, but she presumed that every piece of that railway represented a memory, a connection to Christmases long ago. All of those memories had been good, she supposed, all except the very last one.
<
br /> “Looks like I’m not the only one that’s been living under the tracks,” Merry quipped.
“Yeah, this is all Dad’s,” Hayden replied. “Mom started it for him. First the engine, couple of cars. Never did get a caboose.”
Merry nodded softly, steeling herself to take the plunge. “Is it okay if I ask you something?”
Hayden grimaced wryly. “Just don’t go all Barbara Walters on me.”
Merry snapped two track pieces together. “What was your mom like?”
Hayden shrugged. The subtlest sort of smiles crossed her face. “She was...kind of corny but cool, about Christmas and Valentines and birthdays and pretty much any other excuse to do her whole uber-mom thing. Freakish you should ask about her because it’s sort of taboo here.”
“You know, you’re really pretty when you smile like that,” Merry observed.
“I’m not smiling,” Hayden replied.
“Not now. But you were.”
Hayden quickly dropped back to a smirk. “Promise not to hold it against me.”
Merry nodded. “Promise. But I think the moratorium on enjoying Christmas ran out a while ago. You could always ease your way back into it. Don’t want to crack anything. Start with a warm-fuzzy, barely there,” Merry playfully demonstrated as she spoke. “Then, a sort of botoxed upper lip smile.”
Hayden bit her lip, but Merry still spotted it.
“Busted!” Merry teased. “You’re such a little cheater!”
Losing the battle, Hayden clamped her lips with her fingers.
Merry pointed at Hayden with glee. “Flag on the play! No lip biting or finger clamping!”
Despite Hayden’s concerted efforts to prevent it, a grin popped out.
“Ring-a-ling! Somebody get a camera!” Merry exuded.
“Cut it out!” Hayden protested. “You’re as bad as mom!”
