"Where are all the miners?" Riff asked.
Myron wrung his hands. "Striking! Most are at the casinos and bars. Some flew home to their planets. It's awful, awful!"
Piston nodded. "I'd strike too in a mine like this. Look at that! No symmetry to the side tunnels. No system to the carts. Give me a platoon of gruffles, and I'd dig up all the pyrite in this mine within a month, leaving a network of beautiful tunnels for the ages to admire."
Myron gulped. "Sir Gruffle, they don't strike because of the size or shape of tunnels. They strike because . . ." A roar sounded below, and Myron squeaked. "Because of that!"
The mines shook.
Dust rained.
The bellow grew louder, and a creature moved below.
"Fragging aardvarks!" Nova cursed, unfurling her whip.
"Worse," said Myron. "A Denebian tardigrade."
Riff stared down into the shaft, queasy. The creature was climbing like a worm through a vein. It was massive. It was bloody massive. It made the caterpillar train seem puny. Its sluggish body undulated as it chomped on rocks flecked with fool's gold. Its six legs, each larger than a man, stretched out, tipped with claws. It drove higher and higher, snapping its jaws.
Steel drew his sword. "By my honor, I shall slay this beast."
Piston hefted his hammer. "I'm slaying it right with you, laddie."
Twig trembled, the smallest of the bunch, but managed to raise her wrench. An electric charge crackled between its prongs. "And I'm helping."
Romy, meanwhile, rubbed her eyes and gaped down, nearly tilting over. "A giant elephant!" she breathed. "Can I ride it? Can I, Riff, please?"
The beast in the mine rose higher, increasing speed, and suddenly burst up toward the platform, jaws opened wide enough to swallow them all.
Romy squealed and hid behind Riff, dropping her pitchfork. The others leaped back too—even Steel. Towering teeth snapped before them, and then the creature sank back into the mine, grumbling.
Riff gasped for breath. He reeled toward Piston. "You told me tardigrades are tiny! Wee little buggers, you called them."
"They are!" Piston insisted. "But this here is a Denebian tardigrade. Totally different variety, sir. I thought you were asking about the kind you have back on Earth."
Riff groaned and tugged his hair. "Right. We blast the bastard to death. That force field up there?" He pointed up the shaft to where a shield blocked the vacuum of space. "We lower it. We fly the Dragon Huntress over the mine. And we blast this place full of plasma. Dead tardigrade. Job's done."
"You can't!" Myron said. "You'll destroy the mine."
Riff patted the starling's shoulder. "We'll set the weapons to roast flesh, not rock. We won't damage the mine much. But our friend here will roast."
"You don't understand!" Myron wrung his hands so madly he seemed close to tearing them off. "We're still governed by Earth laws out here. Laws protecting endemic wildlife. If we kill this tardigrade, we'd be fined for millions. With the losses we've had over these past few months, we can't take any more. We'd have to close down." Tears filled the little man's eyes. "You have to remove it peacefully. To draw it out of the mine and send it on its way."
Riff's eyes opened wide. "And where do you expect us to take it?"
Twig approached him. The halfling tugged at his pant leg. "Captain, sir!"
Riff turned to look down at the diminutive mechanic. "Yes, Twig?"
She gulped. "We used to get Denebian tardigrades back in Haven. The planet I'm from. Where all halflings are from." She shuddered. "Horrible creatures! They used to sometimes land on our planet and eat us. They love to eat halflings. We're their favorite dish. A tardigrade once ate my uncle. It's all right. He passed through alive. Wasn't too happy on the other end, though." She gulped. "Point being, tardigrades are space farers. They travel through the sky like whales in the ocean. They can survive in vacuum. That's how they get from planet to planet. Probably how it got here—swam through space. We just need to do what we did back in Haven. Fish it out!"
Piston nodded thoughtfully, stroking his beard. "Aye, the lassie's right. Got a good idea or two in that noggin of hers sometimes. We can fly the Dragon up there." The gruffle pointed at the sky. "I can attach the iron cables we picked up a couple of years back. Just like a fishing rod. We just need to find proper bait."
Twig nodded and bounced around, excited. "It'll work! We'll attach a nice meal for the tardigrade to eat, something really delicious. What bait can we use?" She grinned, turning from one Alien Hunter to another. "Any ideas?"
Riff tapped his foot. "You did say they love eating halflings."
Twig nodded. "They do! They love us! They . . ." She gasped. "Wait. No!"
Riff knelt before her and held her shoulders. "It'll be safe. We'll give you helmet."
Twig wailed. "No! I won't do it!" She pointed at Romy. "Let the demon be bait."
Romy snorted. "My hair's made of fire. It would never eat me. Animals are scared of fire."
"And I'm too large a meal," Piston said, patting his barrel chest. "It would just see me as a choking hazard." He turned to look at Riff, Nova, and Steel. "And surely you won't ask the new owners of our ship to do the dirty work."
Twig groaned and flopped down onto her backside. She crossed her arms. "I always have to do the dirty work! Whenever you clog up the toilet, Piston, it's me who has to fix it."
"That's because you drop wrenches into the pipes!" the gruffle roared.
The halfling ignored him. "And that time we cornered the snot-monster on Rigel Six, who had to climb into his nostril to retrieve the diamonds? Me!"
Piston raised his hands defensively. "You know I'm allergic to snot-monsters!"
Twig looked from one person to another, seeking some support. They were all silent . . . other than Steel.
The knight stepped forth and raised his chin. "I'll do it. Strap me up like a worm onto a hook. I'll be your bait. Even if I die, it's for the good of our cause."
Twig rose to her feet and groaned. "It's no use. Tardigrades won't even touch humans. Hate the stuff." She heaved a long, deep sigh. "Fine! Fine, fine, fine! But I want a bonus, mister." She poked Riff. "Fifty extra credits."
Riff nodded. "Done. Thank you, Twig." He turned toward the others. "We came here for a hunt. Turns out it's a fishing trip."
CHAPTER THIRTEEN:
GONE FISHING
The HMS Dragon Huntress hovered above the asteroid, a spool of cable attached to the dragon's head.
"Easy now," Riff muttered. He stood on the bridge, fiddling with controls. "Just got to release a little . . . bit of . . . cable. Oh shenanigans."
Outside the windshield, the spool spun madly. A great length of cable, a good twenty meters long, rolled out. Attached to one end, Twig shouted. Her voice rose through the communicator strapped to Riff's wrist.
"Captain! Slow down!"
Riff nodded. "Sorry, sorry! Hang in there."
She groaned. "Do I have a choice?"
Riff leaned toward the windshield and looked down. About five hundred meters below shone the surface of the asteroid. The mine gaped open like an eye socket leading deep into a stony skull. All around the pit spread Pyrite City, its glittering halls and neon signs bright. Twig dangled over the colony like a worm on a hook, dressed in a space suit. Inside her helmet, her eyes nearly bugged out with fear. In her gloved hand she held her precious electric wrench.
"Captain?" Twig's voice rose again through the communicator. She gulped. "Captain, I'm scared."
"You're all right, Twig." Riff returned to the controls. "I've got you. I'm going to release just a little bit more cable. Much slower this time. Stay cool, little buddy. All right?"
Her voice shook. "All right."
The others crowded around Riff, silent and staring. Nova clutched her whip nervously, and her long, pointy ears cocked toward the windshield. Steel stood sternly, chin raised, sword in hand; only the knight's eyes showed the pain he felt over seeing a damsel in distress. Piston anxiousl
y tugged his beard, and even Giga seemed a little concerned. Only Romy seemed delighted with the proceedings; the demon bounced around and chewed her tail.
Riff pressed down lightly on the controls. The cable continued to spool out, meter by meter. Twig descended closer and closer to the mine.
Riff still saw no tardigrade below. Only the shadowy pit leading into the depths of the asteroid.
"Twig, you see anything down there?"
The halfling spun around on her cable, turning to face the asteroid. She gazed down into the mine.
"Nothing, sir. Just shadows and . . ." She gulped. "Oh, stars. I told you that a tardigrade once ate my uncle, didn't I? I don't want to be eaten."
"You're not going to be eaten, Twig." Riff tried to keep his voice calm and comforting. "We'll pull you right back up as the tardigrade emerges. We just need to lure him out, not actually let him bite you. Once he's out of the mine, we can ram into him. Send him hurtling out into space."
He lowered Twig another few meters.
"Captain?" Her voice trembled over the communicator, staticky. "Captain, I can see movement. I . . ."
"Twig, your heart rate is elevated. Stay calm, buddy. You're in good hands."
The sound of her gulping filled the bridge. "Yes, sir. I . . . if something happens to me, tell Piston that he can have my wrench collection."
The gruffle snorted. "Useless bunch of junk! You better survive, Twig, because half of your wrenches are still clogging up our engines, and I'm not reaching in there myself to pull them out."
Riff kept loosening the cable, lowering Twig closer and closer to the mine. Soon the halfling had reached the shaft and was now descending into the darkness. Her heart rate increased further.
"Stay calm, Twig," Riff said. "Tell me about something relaxing. Tell me about a beautiful place on your home planet."
Twig suddenly sounded like she was crying. "Haven is so beautiful, Captain. I haven't been there since I was a girl. It's all rolling, grassy hills. Rustling trees. Beautiful farmlands of wheat and barley. In autumn, all the leaves turn red, and the wheat and corn turn gold, and we sit around the hearths, eating pumpkin pie, and . . ." She whimpered. "Captain! Captain, I can see it!"
"All right, Twig. Wave your arms around a bit. Lure it up."
Riff leaned toward the windshield again. Several hundred meters of cable now stretched out from the HMS Dragon Huntress—nearly its full length. Twig dangled about a hundred meters deep in the pit, waving her little limbs about.
Below her, rising from the mine like water gushing from a geyser, came the Denebian tardigrade.
"Reel me up, reel me up!" Twig shouted.
Riff pressed down on the controls, trying to tug Twig back up.
Instead, the spool released its last few meters of cable.
Twig fell deeper into the pit. The tardigrade leaped toward her, jaws snapping.
"Captain!" the halfling screamed.
"Damn it," Riff muttered. "What's wrong with this thing?" He hit controls madly. "Spool's loose!"
"Fragging aardvarks, Riff!" Nova shouted, banging against the windshield.
"Captain!" Twig cried.
The tardigrade soared and opened its jaws wide, and Twig fell down into its gullet.
"Giga, get us out of here!" Riff shouted, turning toward the android. "Reverse, reverse!"
The android smiled sweetly. "Happy to comply!"
The Dragon Huntress engaged its front-thrusters. Blasting out gas, the ship pulled back, moving away from the asteroid.
The tardigrade's jaws snapped shut, sealing Twig inside its mouth.
The Dragon Huntress kept reversing. The steel cable pulled taut like a fishing line, running from the tardigrade's mouth to the starship's spool.
Twig was nowhere to be seen.
"Twig!" Riff shouted into his communicator. "Twig, can you hear me?"
Her voice sounded muffled. "Captain, it's eating me! Get me out, get me out!"
Riff wiped sweat off his brow. "Hang in there, buddy. We won't let him swallow you." He turned toward Giga. "Keep reversing. Tug that giant slug out of its hole."
"Captain, it's swallowing me!" Twig cried.
"Hang in there! Giga, damn it, more thruster power."
The android bowed, smiling. "Increasing front thruster power, sir."
The Dragon Huntress continued reversing. The engines groaned in protest. Metal parts creaked. Down below, the tardigrade thrashed. The massive alien slug began retreating into its burrow, Twig still in its mouth.
The Dragon Huntress jerked forward, tugged toward the asteroid.
"The fragging thing is fishing us!" Nova shouted.
"Giga, more power!" Riff said.
"Cannot compute." The android tilted her head. "Forward thrusters at maximum power, Captain."
"Then turn us around and engage the back engines." Riff cursed as the Dragon Huntress was yanked down again. The starship was now only three hundred meters from the asteroid, and the tardigrade kept tugging. Twig's screams rose from Riff's communicator.
"Cannot compute," said Giga. "Cannot turn the Dragon Huntress around while cable attached to spool. Cable would tangle in our wing and snap it, sir."
Riff cursed. "You have to reverse somehow, Gig. Come on!" He clenched his fists, and suddenly his eyes widened. "Blow our fire! Blow down dragonfire onto the asteroid! Newtonian laws. It'll shove us back into space."
"And you'll burn Twig and the tardigrade!" Piston shouted, running toward Riff. The gruffle's eyes dampened. "The damn fool will burn, and . . . her wrenches, and . . ." He wiped tears from his eyes and grabbed Riff. "We've got to save the little clod, Captain."
Riff ignored the gruffle and leaned against the windshield. The tardigrade kept tugging them down; in seconds they would crash against the asteroid.
"Giga, can you turn us around just a few degrees? Point our weapons there." He pointed a hill of excavated rock. "Blast those rocks with dragonfire."
"Happy to comply!"
The ship tilted. The steel cable creaked. The tardigrade gave a massive tug, and the Dragon Huntress sank another hundred meters, nearly hitting the asteroid.
Its dragonfire blazed.
The blasts of plasma shot out in a fury, slamming against the rocks just outside the mine. Stones cascaded and melted. Twig screamed.
The force shoved the Dragon Huntress backward.
They blasted away from the asteroid, yanking the tardigrade clear out from its hole.
"Fragging hell," Nova whispered, pressing herself against the windshield. "It's huge."
Romy's eyes were so wide they almost popped out. "It's even bigger than an elephant!"
Riff stared down. The tardigrade kept rising from the tunnel until finally its tail emerged. The full length of the beast flapped in space, a great wriggling blob. Its pudgy six legs thrashed, and its jaws were still snapped shut, sealing Twig within. The line of cable ran from its lips to the ship. The Dragon Huntress kept retreating, pulling the creature farther away from the asteroid.
"Twig!" Piston tugged Riff's wrist toward him and shouted into the communicator. "Twig, can you hear me, you clod?" Tears streamed down the burly gruffle's brown cheeks and dampened his white beard. "Talk to me, Twig! I'll never yell at you again, I promise. I'll never make you climb into the septic tank, burrow into snot-monster nostrils, or even sweep the engine room floor again. Please, Twig, just talk to me." Piston was trembling now. "Please. I can't run this ship without you. You're the best damn mechanic I know. You're . . ." He sank to his knees. "You're my best friend."
Silence filled the bridge.
Outside the ship, the tardigrade wiggled on the line, floating through space.
Only static came through the communicator.
Piston lowered his head, tears falling, and Riff placed his hand on the gruffle's broad shoulder. Everyone else stared in silence.
The communicator crackled with static.
Twig's voice rose from the speaker. "Well, go on, Piston! Tell me mo
re about how wonderful I am."
Piston's eyes widened. The gruffle leaped to his feet. For an instant, pure joy suffused his face. Then rage overflowed it, and he shook his fist. "Why you little clod! How dare you fool me! I'm going to . . . I'm going to . . ." He fell back to his knees. "Aw, you wee lassie, I'm going to give you the world's biggest hug once you're back."
Riff sighed with relief and sank back into his chair. The ship moved farther and farther away from the asteroid, pulling the tardigrade along.
"Giga, can you blast some thruster power against it? Spray its head. Let's see if we can get it to sneeze Twig out."
"Happy to comply!"
The forward thrusters, normally used to steady and turn the ship, blasted out gas like smoke from a dragon's nostrils. The streams hit the tardigrade's head. The giant alien thrashed and mewled.
Its mouth, however, remained closed.
"Twig, you hear me?" Riff said. "You still have your electric wrench handy? Give the creature a little shock. We just need it to open its mouth."
"It'll swallow me!"
Riff shook his head. "Not with us holding you on the line. Go on. Give it a little bolt."
Through the communicator, they heard electricity crackle as Twig turned on her electric wrench. "Shocking it right on the gums, sir. I—whoa!"
Below the ship, the tardigrade whimpered and twitched. Its nostrils flared. Its body wrinkled up.
Then, with the might of a shattering star, the tardigrade sneezed.
"Captain!" Twig shouted.
A blast of green mucus flew through space and splattered against the Dragon Huntress's windshield.
"Gross!" Romy said, wagging her tail in delight.
"Captain . . ." Twig whimpered. The little, mucus-covered halfling clung to the outside of the windshield, painted green. "Captain, I hate this job."
Riff wiped sweat off his brow. "Twig, make for the airlock. Piston, go pull her into the ship." He turned toward Giga. "On my signal, Gig, prepare to thrust the ship forward."
Piston lolloped off the bridge. Out in space, the tardigrade—the bait and line free from its mouth—began to fly back toward the asteroid.
Alien Hunters_Discover Sci-Fi Special Edition Page 10
