“I would like to see you. I’d like to hear what happened face-to-face.” She paused. “Do you want me to come over later?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. The lawyer asked me to lay low right now. And . . . and I think that’s best.” After a moment, he said, “How about I go to your house tonight? Or do you think your parents will be upset if I show up?”
She didn’t even know if her parents had heard the news about Jacob yet. But if they had, she knew they wouldn’t be in any condition to talk to him.
“I don’t think that would work, either.”
“I figured as much.” He cleared his throat. “How about I come up to the store, then? That’s a fairly neutral place.”
“I think that sounds like the best choice.”
“I’ll leave in a few minutes. I’ll see you then.”
After she hung up, she hurried back to her purse and slipped the phone back inside. As she did so, she steadied herself against the counter.
The only way to deal with it was to keep busy. And that meant that she could no longer ignore the chore Mrs. Schrock asked her to do.
With a sigh, she eyed the cage of kittens in the corner. It was time to tackle the cats. “Kittens, try to be nice, now. Remember, I am only trying to help.”
In reply, one of them stood up and bared its teeth.
Jacob hadn’t known what to expect when he slipped into the back of the store and saw Deborah for the first time. Would she be in tears? Angry at him? Or, was she going to be ready to talk?
Whatever her mood, he was prepared to accept it.
Well, except for hearing her squeals. “Deb, what’s wrong?”
“Get over here quick,” Deborah called out. “These kittens are tearing up the store something awful.”
For the first time in twenty-four hours, he laughed. “Deborah, you’ve got a scratch on your cheek and an empty cage. Where are the cats?”
“On the loose.” With a moan, she halfheartedly pointed to the cage. “Your mamm asked if I could clean the cage. But they didn’t take kindly to it, I’m afraid.”
“Any idea where they could be?”
“I heard them meowing a few moments ago over by the baskets.” With a wince, she added, “I fear they’re systematically tearing up all the merchandise.”
“I fear you’re right. Come on, follow me and get ready to grab a kitten.” When she followed him around the corner, Jacob glanced her way and smiled. “I can’t say that I’m glad you lost the cats, but I have to admit that it’s nice to be doing something so normal.”
“If you’re saying tracking naughty kittens is ‘normal,’ that pretty much sums up the way of things,” she teased. “This store has had more animals for sale than seems possible.”
“It’s a habit of my father’s, I fear. He’s always had a soft spot for animals.” He frowned. “For anything in need, actually.”
“I’ve noticed that.”
“Yes. I, uh, imagine you have.” He glanced her way again, and felt his mouth go dry. There was so much between them, so many words said, and so many words left unsaid. Years’ worth, really.
How did a couple ever overcome such differences?
For that matter, how could a woman ever forget the circumstances of her brother’s death?
Looking uncomfortable all over again, she spied a kitten, swooped down, and picked it up. After a few irritated meows and one halfhearted swipe, it settled in against her.
Deborah beamed. “Success!”
As he’d suspected, the other kitten appeared when its littermate was picked up. It sat on the ground, meowing franticly, as if it were worried it was about to be left behind.
Jacob quickly picked up the other kitten, but had to hold it away from his chest as it squirmed and scratched. “Yours is far happier than mine, I fear.”
Once both kittens were safely contained, he braced his hands on the counter and began. “Deborah, I should tell you that I never intended to harm your brother.” He shook his head. “For a while there, it felt as if the Devil had gotten ahold of me. I was so angry at Perry, so angry that I could hardly think about anything else.” Glancing at her sideways, he said, “Have you ever felt that way?”
“No. I’ve been upset with people, and upset by a person’s actions, but never like you are describing.”
“I hope you never feel anger like I did.” He pursed his lips before continuing. “Because I’m an only child, and because we don’t have extended family here, I’ve always felt it was the three of us against the world. When I saw how Perry was continually hurting my family, disregarding all my daed has tried to build with this store, I couldn’t see beyond that.”
“I know you were upset . . .”
“I knew the feelings were wrong. I knew my thoughts weren’t Christian. I knew I needed to turn the other cheek. So I kept everything inside . . . I pretended I was okay.”
“But you weren’t?”
“No. I wasn’t. I wasn’t even close to being okay. Just before Christmas, I wrote him that note you found.”
“He kept it. It must have meant something to him.”
“I don’t know if it did or not. All I know was that my anger had consumed me.” He turned her way, afraid she could see how vulnerable he felt. “Everything came to a head on the night you and Perry came by the store on December thirtieth.”
“After Christmas, Perry was really withdrawn,” she said. “I think he finally realized that he had made some very bad acquaintances, with some really dangerous men. He never said anything to me, but I do know that he had a lot of regrets, and that he was afraid.”
After a moment’s pause, Deborah continued. “That day was the first day we’d talked in ages. It felt like I had just gotten my brother back from a very long trip.”
“I didn’t know any of that when you two showed up,” he admitted. “All I felt was that Perry had come by my family’s store again, with the intent of doing something illegal. Or, at the very least, to make trouble.”
“So you yelled at him.”
He winced. “I did. You know what happened next . . .”
Deborah nodded, feeling a chill run down her spine. It was all so clear in her mind, it could have happened yesterday. “Frannie and Beth invited me to join you. And you made sure Perry stayed away.” She remembered feeling so torn. She’d ached to be included. After all, none of Perry’s actions had been her doing.
Jacob nodded. “Yep. I made sure he stayed away. And then, the next day I saw Frannie crying. She told me that she and Perry had been arguing.” He swallowed. “Her sleeve had ripped . . .”
“But that was the next day. Why did us coming by upset you so much?”
“Now, it seems hard for me to explain. But that day, I felt like he was never going to listen to any of us. He wasn’t going to change. He was never going to leave us alone. And Frannie . . .” Jacob reached out to her, looked like he wanted to touch her, but dropped his hand. “Deb, I’ve never had any romantic feelings for Frannie . . . but I do think she’s just about the nicest person I know. I hated that he’d made her upset.”
Frannie did have that way about her. “Did she confide in you? Is that why you went to go see Perry?”
Raising his chin, Jacob looked beyond her. “She was crying, and admitted that she’d been with Perry at the Millers’ old well.” His eyes bleak, he said, “All this time, I felt like no one had really stood up to him. So I decided to go find Perry and do my best to convince him to stay away from all of us.”
Deborah was trying to see Jacob’s side of the story. But she couldn’t refrain from speaking her mind. “Jacob, that wasn’t your place. Not one of us had asked you to be our savior.”
“I know. But that evening I didn’t care.” He blinked. “I’m sorry, Deborah. I wish I could tell you that I was a better person, but I’m not. I made mistakes. Terrible ones.
” He turned away then, walking to the other side of the counter.
Deborah glanced at the store’s entrance, half hoping for a visitor, for a reprieve from hearing the awful details of what had transpired.
But no one appeared. They were alone. “So you went to the Millers’ farm angry.”
“Jah. And when I got there, I yelled at him.” His cheeks flushed. “I said some terrible things, Deborah, things I’ll always regret. He yelled at me, too. Then, next thing I knew, we were pushing each other. Fighting.”
“Fighting?”
“Me and Perry had known each other all our lives, Deborah. Though neither your parents nor mine condoned violence, it doesn’t mean we always listened. There were many times we wrestled when we were small. Anyway, one thing led to another, and I pushed Perry hard. He landed on the ground, his head hitting the stones of the well. He started bleeding.”
Her heart was racing. Everything inside her was fighting against Jacob’s words, against the story. She hated hearing about her brother’s last moments alive and that they were filled with so much pain.
In that moment, she knew she could have gone her whole life without hearing about Perry’s last moments on this earth.
But to shield herself from the pain wouldn’t make anything better or easier. Not now, and not in the long run.
It was important that she hear the rest of the story. She knew she needed to hear it in order to heal. Even if hearing it hurt. “And then?”
“And then he started yelling, and I, God forgive me, got scared. It was like something had all the sudden snapped inside of me, and I had finally opened my eyes to the person I had become. I was horrified, Deborah.”
“What did you do next?” she whispered.
“I ran. I left him there, bleeding.” Reaching out, he gripped her hand hard. “Deborah, I’m telling you everything because you need to know. Admitting what I did, how I behaved, what I was thinking—to you, of all people? Telling you is far more difficult than telling the police. But Deborah, please believe this: I didn’t think he’d been mortally wounded. Never in a million years did I think he was hurt that badly. I thought after I left he’d get himself up and go home.”
She wasn’t going to let him off that easily. “But he didn’t.”
Jacob was still gripping her hand. His fingers were digging into her skin, keeping her next to him. His gaze was tortured and raw. There was no charm or covering up of the truth.
And that’s when she knew that everything he’d told her was the truth.
“If you left him lying there . . . how did he end up in the well?”
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Sheriff Kramer. I don’t know.”
“But weren’t you concerned? I mean, didn’t you worry when you never saw him again? When me and my parents told everyone how he’d gone missing?”
“If he’d died after I left him there, wouldn’t someone have found his body? It never occurred to me that he’d passed away. Deb, I thought he’d finally left town.”
“Truly?”
“Absolutely. I was so full of myself, Deborah, that I had thought I’d scared him enough that he had listened to me and left. That he went to St. Louis or wherever and starting living with the English. I thought he’d jumped the fence and never looked back.”
“I had thought he’d moved away, too,” she admitted. She’d been so hurt, so upset that he could leave her without a goodbye . . .
“But Jacob, what do you think happened to Perry after you left?”
“I don’t know.” Finally his death grip on her hand eased. “I promise you, I have no idea what happened. It was as big of news to me as to anyone when I heard his body had been found.”
Remembering the day Sheriff Kramer had delivered the news, Deborah shuddered. “My parents could hardly believe it. I was shocked, too.” She’d also felt so incredibly guilty. Here she’d been so sure that Perry hadn’t been a good enough brother to her . . . when she hadn’t even questioned where he’d gone.
She’d never even attempted to look for him.
“The day I heard, I thought that maybe I actually had killed him. It wasn’t until I heard that he’d been found in the well that I knew it couldn’t have been our fight. But I was still upset. So upset that my parents sent me to Lexington for a horse auction.”
“I went to Charm. My parents didn’t want me around during the investigation. They thought it would be too hard for me to take, I guess.”
“But we had to deal with it anyway, didn’t we? The Lord wasn’t going to let us run away.”
“Yes, we did.” Her heart warred with the heartbreaking facts of his story, and her feelings for him. Deborah didn’t know what to do, or what to say.
But though she knew it might take a long time to understand what had led Jacob to resort to violence, she realized one truth—Jacob Schrock had not set out to kill Perry.
That was not who he was.
“Deborah, listen. I don’t know if you’ll ever be able to forgive me. Maybe even hoping you will is too much for me to ask. But please know that I am sorry. I am sorry I hurt your brother. I’m sorry I didn’t tell everyone about his injury. I’m sorry I kept the fight a secret. And I’m sorry I was mean to you when I returned. It might not mean much, but I promise . . . I will regret my actions until the day I die.”
Could she forgive him?
Then, she realized . . . how could she not?
Forgiveness was a cornerstone to their community. Acceptance of others, even if they weren’t perfect, was something she’d been taught since she was a young girl. If she refused to forgive Jacob, it would be as if she was turning her back on everything that was good and special about her community.
If she refused, she’d be no better than her parents. And their refusal to forgive was damaging them both.
“I’ll do my best to forgive you,” she said. She felt almost as if the Lord was right by her side, coaxing her on, offering the words to say when she hardly knew what to think. “Though, I’m not sure if I’m even the person you should seek forgiveness from . . . I promise, I’ll do my best.”
Tears dampened his eyes. He blinked twice. Then, as if he was unable to help himself any longer, he reached for her and hugged her. His arms around her felt like everything she’d ever needed. A hug from her brother. Support from her friend. A touch, letting her know that she wasn’t alone.
And, God help her . . . being in Jacob’s arms felt right. She lifted her chin to look at him.
He was staring at her with love. With a tenderness that left no doubt of how he felt about her.
“Deb,” he murmured. Lowering his mouth, he kissed her carefully, as if she was so fragile, she could break in his arms. She could feel her resistance melting. Felt desire spring forward again.
After all, this was the man she’d always loved.
Then the store’s front door opened, breaking them apart.
“Deborah?” Her father stood at the open door, a look of shock and betrayal on his face. “How can you be standing here, hugging Jacob?” her father called out. “He killed your brother.”
Once again, Deborah felt her insides twist up into knots. As everything seemed to spiral out of control.
Chapter 20
“We all make mistakes, to be sure. However, some mistakes cannot ever be fixed. They merely bring forth pain. Forever and ever. It’s a terrible shame, that.”
AARON SCHROCK
Jacob quickly stepped away from her side, but the damage had already been done. He’d forgotten where they were, had forgotten how vulnerable she was, and had kissed Deborah right in the middle of the store.
And her parents had seen it all. By the looks of her father’s thunderous expression, Jacob knew he would never be forgiven. At that moment, Jacob wasn’t sure if he even should be.
Beside him, Deborah looked shaken
and a little embarrassed. But she looked far more composed than he felt. “Daed, what are you doing here?”
Before her father answered, her mother appeared behind him. “Sheriff Kramer came by the house last night, Deborah.” With a wary glance in his direction, she added, “He told us about Jacob. Since you were with Frannie last night, we knew you wouldn’t have heard. We came here to tell you the news.”
Deborah blushed. Her parents had no idea that she had a cell phone.
“Jacob, my question is why you are out of jail,” Mr. Borntrager said, his voice full of menace. “They should have never let you around decent people.”
Jacob felt like his throat was so filled with a lump, he doubted he was going to be able to swallow much longer. But he didn’t dare to defend himself. What could he say to Perry’s parents that could possibly ease their pain?
“Daed, you mustn’t say such things,” Deborah said. “Jacob is innocent.”
“No, daughter. He is far from that.”
“If you talked to the sheriff, then you know what happened with Perry and Jacob was an accident. We mustn’t blame him.”
“I know no such thing.” Turning to Jacob, Mr. Borntrager glared. “You killed my son, and have been lying about it all this time.”
“That is not what happened!” Deborah said fiercely.
Jacob was stunned. Never would he have imagined that she would be defending him, and especially not to her parents. The only way he could imagine dealing with this situation was to let them have their say. Therefore, he bit his lip and stood still. Completely prepared to take whatever vitriolic words were flung his way.
“Deborah, come with us now,” her mother said quietly. “You need to quit this job and never come back. We’ll shop somewhere else.”
But instead of letting her mother coax her outside, Deborah stood her ground. “That’s not fair, Mamm.”
“It’s not fair that Jacob killed your brother,” Mr. Borntrager said. “Worse, you are demeaning his loss by hugging his murderer. You’ve shamed us. Never have we been so ashamed of a child.”
“Never before?” she whispered. “Never before have you been so ashamed?” Deborah’s eyes filled with tears.
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