by Kim Dare
Hadley nodded. He was still silent a little while later, when Rawlings led him upstairs. He watched over him as he stripped himself down and slid between the sheets.
The younger man looked across at him as he laid his head on the pillow.
“Do you want to…?”
Rawlings shook his head. “Go to sleep. I’ll have to leave in a few minutes.”
Hadley apparently lacked any kind of instinct for self-preservation once he lost himself in his submission. He closed his eyes. Within a few seconds, he was fast asleep, not the least bit bothered by the fact a relative stranger was still lurking in his bedroom.
Rawlings stayed for a few minutes, just watching over him as he slept. Turning and walking away from him was just about the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Downstairs, he rinsed the mugs and plates and set them on the draining board. There was nothing to do then, except leave.
Dropping the latch on the front door, Rawlings closed it carefully behind him. Dominant or not, the scene was finished, and whatever happened between them next was in ultimately Hadley’s hands.
Chapter Four
“If you’re not on your knees in the next three seconds, I’ll turn you over my knee, right here, in front of everyone.”
“What the—?” Hadley swung around in his chair.
Rawlings stood directly behind him. He looked perfectly serious.
Hadley just stared up at him as if he’d…well, as if he’d just propositioned him in the middle of the police station canteen.
“That’s what you’ve been waiting for me to say all day, isn’t it?” Rawlings asked, as a half-amused smile twisted his lips.
Hadley started to breathe again. He shook his head. “I just—”
“Decided that avoiding me was easier than facing me?” Rawlings suggested as he took a seat opposite him. “Before we did a scene, you panicking and leaving the room whenever I walked in, was an amusing character quirk. Now, it’s annoying.”
Hadley stared down into his coffee, sure the other man wouldn’t be the least bit impressed if he gave in to the temptation to look over his shoulder and make sure no one was watching them.
“No one’s within ear shot. Keep your voice at a reasonable level and no one will think we’re talking about anything more interesting than your current case.”
Hadley looked up and met the other man’s gaze.
“I have no interest in telling anyone about anything that happened between us on the weekend. Whatever happens in that room can stay in that room.”
Hadley took a sip of his coffee in the vague hope that the hot liquid might untangle his vocal cords and let him speak in something lower than soprano. “Thank you.” It took everything he had not to call him sir.
Staring down at the steaming liquid as if it held all the answers in the world was easier than facing the situation before him. Unfortunately, there were no solutions hidden in the black depths of his coffee. When he finally convinced himself to look up, he felt just as clueless as he had when he first saw Rawlings walk into the station that morning.
Four days wasn’t nearly enough time to get it all straightened out inside his head. The time he’d spent with the dominant still seemed more like a fantasy than any of his dreams had been.
“What happens now?” he managed to ask, after a few more minutes of uncomfortable silence.
“Now, you make a decision. Last weekend should have gone a little way toward helping you work out if this is what you really want, or if it was just something you were curious about and needed to get out of your system.”
Hadley wrapped his hands around the coffee mug and let the heat soak into his palms. He had a vague memory of doing the same thing while he sat in his kitchen the previous weekend, but that part of the night was even more confused in his head than the rest. “You must think I’m an idiot.”
“I think you’re very young, very new, and standing right on the edge of it all. Everyone who gives in to curiosity stood there once upon a time. Some leap in. Some don’t.” The older man shrugged and took a sip of his own coffee. “Some have no interest in leaping.”
“You wanted to…you leapt,” Hadley observed.
“Yes.”
“And if I…if it wasn’t it a onetime deal—for curiosity or whatever?” Hadley asked, trying not to stumble over his words.
“I think we suited each other very well,” Rawlings said, perfectly calmly.
Hadley nodded, afraid to lift his gaze from his coffee, just in case he saw amusement in the other man’s eyes. It was hard to believe he was anything less than a joke to the dominant after the way he’d acted that night.
“Look up.”
Hadley obeyed. There wasn’t even a thought process—just the order and the obedience of it.
Rawlings took a key out of his pocket and put it on the desk. “For the playroom. Let me know when you’ve made up your mind about visiting it again.”
Reaching out, Hadley picked up the key. He held it so tightly, the jagged edge dug into his palm.
Rawlings continued to hold his gaze for several long seconds, as if he really could see straight into his mind. He nodded once before he rose to his feet and walked away without another word.
* * * *
I’ve made up my mind, sir.
The moment Hadley pressed send on his mobile, he was filled with a desperate desire to claw it back. He pushed the phone back into his pocket, as if that would somehow stop the message from escaping.
Taking a deep breath, Hadley looked around the little hallway that led into the proper playroom, not sure what to do now. He was pretty sure that when Rawlings had given him the key to the playroom, he hadn’t included silent permission to go into the main room and play with his toys.
His gaze fell on the coat rack. Leaving his clothes by the door had been a damn sight easier when there was someone there to see him stripping down. Getting undressed when an order hadn’t actually been issued didn’t feel the same. Standing naked in the middle of the empty room quickly made him feel like a complete pillock.
He didn’t even know if Rawlings was at home. He’d seen a light on when he snuck past the house and to the annex, but the other man could have left it on when he went out. He probably was out. He probably had plans. For all Hadley knew, the other man had plans to bring another guy back to the playroom that very night.
Staring at his mobile phone, where he’d placed it on top of the pile of clothes, Hadley silently begged for it to ring, for Rawlings to phone him back and tell him that…to order him to… Hadley sighed. Pushing his hand through his hair, be began to pace around the small space that bridged the gap between the playroom and the real world.
Glaring at his phone every three seconds didn’t make it ring. He was on the verge of scrambling back into his clothes and running away when a noise on the other side of the room caught his attention.
The door to the outside world swung open. Before Hadley had time to panic, Rawlings stepped inside and calmly closed the door after him. He didn’t even look surprised to see him.
Hadley looked at his mobile. He hadn’t told the other man where he was. The guy was a shrink, fair enough. He could probably predict behaviors and whatever—but there was no way in hell he should be so far inside Hadley’s head that he’d know where he was right then.
“I knew you were here the moment you stepped into the room.” The calm certainty in the other man’s voice was reassuring. It was hard to believe that Rawlings wasn’t in complete control of the situation.
Hadley forced himself to think rationally about the possibilities for a few seconds. He looked to the upper corners of the room. “Closed Circuit TV, sir?”
“Silent alarm on the door.”
Hadley frowned. “You said you knew it was me.” He dropped his gaze. At least he hadn’t been disappointed when he’d found which of his submissives was waiting for him in his playroom. He supposed that was something he should be grateful for.
“I don’t give out keys on a whim.”
Hadley nodded.
“And I don’t make a habit of taking more than one lover at the same time.”
“So I’m…” The only one with a key. He didn’t say the rest out loud.
Rawlings raised an eyebrow at the half sentence.
Hadley took refuge in nodding again. “Yes, sir.”
Rawlings seemed to be waiting for him to say something. With his brain running on a severely reduced blood supply since Rawlings walked into the room, and most of the blood had been diverted straight to his cock, Hadley decided silence was probably his best option.
“You said you’ve made your decision,” Rawlings said after a while. “Tell me what it is.”
Hadley merely stared across the room at the other man. His decision was to return to the playroom, to submit to the other man, to…he wasn’t exactly sure. To be available whenever the other man wanted to tie him up or screw him? He had a vague idea that was the way situations like that were conducted.
Rawlings stepped forward. As he studied Hadley’s face very closely, it took all Hadley’s self-control to maintain eye contact.
“What do you think happens next?” the doctor asked.
“I do whatever you say, sir?” Hadley suggested. It had worked out very well for them last time. He didn’t see any reason to mess about with a recipe that could make him come harder than he‘d ever thought possible.
“And what then?”
Hadley thought about the question, trying to decipher what the other man was getting at.
“I told you what happens in this room stays in this room, didn’t I?”
“Yes, sir.”
“And perhaps, if I were in the mood to take you on as nothing more than a play partner, I’d be happy for everyone to believe we were no more than casual acquaintances outside the room, too.”
The younger man remained silent.
“I don’t want a casual play partner, Hadley. I want a submissive.”
Hadley stopped trying to think of something to say. His brain simply gave up.
“Did you bring your handcuffs?”
Hadley blinked and tried to change mental tracks, as quickly as Rawlings changed topics. Finally, he stopped trying to make sense of it and just answered the man. “Yes, sir.”
“Bring them with you.” Rawlings went into the main room, not even looking over his shoulder to check that Hadley was doing what he said. It was as if it never occurred to him to doubt that his submissive would trail along behind him, following his orders as he went.
His faith was well placed. A few moments later, Hadley stepped into the room after him, handcuffs hanging from his fingertips. Placing them on Rawlings outstretched palm, he considered his next move, but he didn’t actually do anything until Rawlings’ hand gesture indicated the dominant wanted him to. Hadley turned his back on the other man and put his hands behind him.
Two deft movements and he was neatly bound. Some stupid little bit of Hadley felt a little better about the world.
He turned back to the doctor.
Rawlings waved a hand to the room in general. “You can look around.”
Hadley nodded, but it was several seconds before he tore his gaze away from him and actually began to make his way around the room. His bare feet made no sound. The whole room fell completely silent. Hadley couldn’t help but look over his shoulder and check that the older man was still there. He discovered Rawlings sitting in a leather armchair on the far side of the room, watching him very carefully.
Aware that both he, and his reactions to everything he saw, were being studied and assessed, Hadley tried not to make a fool of himself. He also tried not to get harder with each toy and piece of leather-clad furniture that he turned his attention toward. Hadley doubted he was successful on either count.
His breathing turned shallow. His movements slowed. His head seemed to become lighter and emptier by the moment. Part of Hadley was aware of it all happening as if from the outside. He wondered if Rawlings could see it all as well. A glance back to the dominant told him that Rawlings saw even more than he did himself.
Hadley’s slow circuit around the room eventually brought him to the spanking bench he’d become so well acquainted with on his previous visit. There was a shelf on the wall behind it. A bottle of massage oil caught the submissive’s eye.
“What was in that stuff anyway?” Hadley asked.
“The oil?”
Hadley nodded. “I damn near floated away on it.”
“I think you’ll find that’s called sub space, and it has nothing to do with the oil.”
Hadley stared at the bottle. “You’re sure.”
Rawlings nodded.
Hadley turned his attention back to the spanking bench.
“Has it occurred to you that I’d be well within my rights if I turned you over my knee for accusing me of getting you high during a scene?” Rawlings asked, but he sounded faintly amused rather than truly angry with him.
Hadley shook his head. “I think refusing to spank me would be a much more effective punishment, sir.” He managed a small smile at the sheer truth of it.
“You like the idea?”
Hadley nodded. He met Rawlings’ gaze for a moment and held it.
“Did you really think I’d get you high?”
“No,” the submissive’s smile turned rueful. “But if I did make a fool of myself by going dopey for no reason, I’d rather we pretend it was the oil, if it’s all the same to you, sir.”
“Submissive, not dopey, there’s a difference.”
For a few seconds, Hadley said nothing, unable to find the right words. “I’d have done anything you ordered me to do, sir,” he finally confessed, his voice barely more than a whisper.
“Yes. You did take to it rather well.” Hadley glanced sideways at the other man. He didn’t seem to find anything the least bit strange about it. “It can take some men like that, the first time they submit.”
“It won’t be like that every time?” Hadley blurted out, his horror at the idea of something he’d fallen so instantly in love with, being snatched away, filling every word.
Rawlings smiled slightly. “Some men develop some degree of control over the depth to which they submit. Others never seem to lose the ability to throw themselves into another man’s care and trust that their master will look after them.”
Hadley nodded. He was pretty sure any sensible man would want to be the first sort of submissive. Apparently, he wasn’t all that sensible.
He stared at the spanking bench for a little longer, but he eventually had to turn his attention back to his master. Hadley’s feet carried him to the other man without asking his brain’s opinion.
Standing before the dominant, he had no idea what to say. The handcuffs behind his back saved him from reaching out for the other man without permission, but they couldn’t stop him from staring.
Rawlings glanced at the floor by his feet. The base of the chair gave way to a thick leather cushion that covered the tiles in front of it.
Hadley knelt. Rawlings ruffled his hair, the same way Hadley thought he might praise a puppy that had learned a new trick. Hadley still found himself relishing the gentle bit of contact.
His tongue flicked out over his lips, but he kept his request to be allowed to serve and service his master back. He was pretty sure Rawlings would tell him what he wanted him to do. Staring at the floor to one side of his master’s chair, he simply waited upon his pleasure.
“Do you have any idea why you spent the last few months avoiding me?”
Hadley glanced up at the other man. “You think it was because I knew you were a…?” A frown gathered between his brows. Knowing the other man was a dominant didn’t have a damn thing to do with it. He was equally sure he’d see himself damned before he’d willingly blurt out that he’d developed a soppy crush on the other guy.
“Because you recognized a dominant and panicked?” Rawlings finished for him. “That’s
one possibility.”
Hadley went back to staring at the floor for a little while. The room wasn’t cold, but as his gaze travelled over the other man’s shiny black boots, he became increasingly aware of his own nakedness, his vulnerability.
Rawlings stroked his fingers through Hadley’s hair again, pulling him forward a little. The constable went with it. He rested his forehead against the other man’s thigh for a few minutes as the dominant toyed with the thick blond strands.
Hadley tried to kneel there quietly, but the longer they remained just sitting idly while the time Rawlings was willing to grant him ticked away, the harder it was not to move, to speak, to do anything that might convince the other man to allow him more than that chaste touch.
Just as he was about to give in to temptation, lift his head and probably ruin everything, Rawlings stopped stroking his hair. Hadley froze, holding his breath as he waited to find out his master’s verdict.
The older man gently guided his head away from where it was resting on his leg, up higher to where the line of his cock pressed against his jeans.
Hadley didn’t even dare to kiss the fabric. He knelt there, with barely an inch of empty air between him and his master’s cock and let the other man make the decision.
The dominant freed his erection, but didn’t give himself as much as a single stroke before he put his hand back on the arm of the chair.
Hadley hesitated for a moment before leaning in and kissing him very gently on the tip of his cock. Rawlings didn’t push him away. Hadley leaned forward a little more and took the head into his mouth. Laving him with his tongue, he suckled gently around the glans.
Last time, he’d been so desperate, caught up in the spanking bench and the leather and his master’s touch. This time was different. Cuffs aside, he was free to be wherever he chose, free to put his mouth wherever he chose. There was nothing to hide behind, no idea that the other man could do whatever he pleased with him regardless of what Hadley wanted.
