“You doctors already know the answer to that question,” she said, “but I’ve never been the type to let anyone take care of me. It’s very hard. How come my parents haven’t come here?”
“I believe your parents are saving their money to fly out and pick you up once you’re better.”
Daniel stood up. “I’ll leave now so that you can call your mom and dad. Then you need to get a good night’s sleep. Once your phone call’s done, the nurse will give you something to help you sleep.”
“It’s been good talking to you, Doctor.”
“See you soon, Sashi.” He turned and left.
* * *
SASHI LOOKED AT COLE. “Please don’t go till I’m asleep. I’ve got to call my parents.”
He handed her a cell phone, then sat in a chair close to the bed. She punched in the numbers she’d known since she was a child and heard her father’s voice. “Daddy—I’ve missed you so much.”
“We want to see you, baby,” he said. “Tell me and we’ll be on the next flight out, which we’ve wanted to do all along. But since we heard they’re holding off burying Kendra till the autopsy is completed, we’re debating between coming while you’re healing or when you’re better. When do you think you’ll need us most?”
“Oh, Dad, I always need you and Mom, but I guess you know the Knights are helping me out financially.”
“Is that my little girl I hear on the phone?” said Sashi’s mother.
Hearing her mother brought tears to Sashi’s eyes. “I got my blanket, Mom. I miss you so much and wish you were here. But they have an incredible staff here and I’m going to need you more when the real healing starts.”
“Did you know I talked to you for hours and hours while you were in the coma? The Knights paid the long distance bill. And we’ve spoken to your doctor, Cole Stevens. We understand that he’s the doctor who saved your life. He must be pretty special.”
“He’s a great doctor, Mom, but can we talk about him later?”
“So he’s there with you in your room right now.” Her mom paused. “That’s good.”
“Yeah. Mom, they gave me some medicine and I’m starting to fall asleep, so I better let you go. Love you.”
* * *
COLE TOOK THE PHONE and turned it off. Then he lowered her bed to a flat position. Sashi’s eyes were closing and he could see she was falling asleep. He needed to leave the room and go home. As he walked to the door, he looked back at Sashi who, despite her pallor, was utterly beautiful, her gorgeous red hair something he would love to get lost in.
You need to take a breather, pal, he told himself. He’d walked such a tightrope since he’d found her on the cave floor. It was an enormous relief to know she hadn’t died and would recover. The most important thing now was to help her recover mentally after such a traumatic event.
No matter how much he liked Sashi, he refused to take advantage of her while she was in such a weak state. Since she was stuck up here in Alaska with no family or friends, he would be the doctor she could trust. He’d be a friend, not a boyfriend at the beginning of a blooming relationship. The promise did not make him particularly happy, but it was the right thing to do.
* * *
IT HAD BEEN THREE DAYS since Sashi had seen Cole and she missed him. But he could be out on a rescue or simply have the time off. She was nervous and excited to see him again. What was it going to be like? Now that their relationship had changed so much, Cole was her doctor and the man who’d saved her life.
Not only had she fallen for him that night beneath the stars when they had kissed so intimately, but now he had become her lifeline here in Ketchikan. How was she going to behave with him? She didn’t know what to do. What did a person in her circumstances do? All she could do was follow her gut instincts and hope they led her in the right direction.
To pass the two hours until her first group therapy session, Sashi found a rerun on TV that kept her entertained. The show was So You Think You Can Dance. She’d heard about the series, but never had time to see it. Now she could see why some of her friends enjoyed it. The dance sets were incredibly well choreographed.
Sashi sipped on water and glanced at the clock. She wondered what the group therapy session would be like. She’d never gone to a psychiatrist before. There was a part of her that didn’t want to go at all. Yet, the horror of what she’d lived through and the loss of her best friend continued to haunt her daily and in her dreams.
All she thought about was how she should have, could have done more to save Kendra. She felt entirely undeserving of the Knights’ generosity.
One thing she definitely wanted to do was find Freddy and give him a piece of her mind. If he’d acted like a man, Kendra would never have run from the cabin. She would still be alive with his child. That bastard.
She seemed to leap from sorrow to hate at a moment’s notice.
She missed Kendra so much. Her friend would’ve known exactly what to say to cheer her up.
She needed to get herself together. Sashi was grateful Joe had brought her suitcases to the hospital. It was nice to wear her own clothes. One of the nurses had dressed her in a comfortable dress for the day and put her in a wheelchair.
Sashi waved to the nurses on her floor as she wheeled herself through the hospital corridor. As the door opened she backed herself in, hitting the button for level four, the “crazy” ward as she liked to call it.
She pushed the handicap button to back herself into the room. After wheeling around, she just about fell out of her chair when she saw who was sitting opposite Dr. Samuelson.
* * *
COLE WAS ELATED TO SEE Sashi come through those doors. Over the past few days he’d had to go out with Jake and find some hikers lost in the Misty Fjords. He’d radioed in to the hospital to see how Sashi was doing. It was a known fact that when someone was as physically fit as she was, the ability to regain strength and heal was greater. So he wasn’t surprised to learn about her amazing progress.
Except that nothing beat seeing the real thing. Sashi Hansen was in her full glory, getting her sass back. She wore a floral print dress that hugged her chest in a way that made his heart pound. He took in the rest of her. The sleeves left room for bandages. The dress came to her knees and of course her one foot had the boot she’d be wearing for another seven weeks.
But the other foot had a shoe with a little flair, a dainty flat covered in silver sequins. And her hair—the glorious red tresses seemed shot with gold as they tumbled over her shoulders. And as she wheeled closer to him, he noticed her lovely eyes—greener than he remembered them being. God, she was beautiful.
His heart beat furiously.
He had to remind himself that she needed a doctor and a friend who was in control and professional. You’ve got to let her heal before she knows how you feel.
* * *
“YOU’RE HERE!” SHE EXCLAIMED with joy. “But why? I don’t understand.”
He looked happy. “I’m here for group therapy.”
“What?” She felt as though she was going crazy. “You mean the group is just the two of us?”
“Yes.” Sashi looked at him more closely to see if he was telling the truth, but she shouldn’t have. His tanned face was more handsome than ever, and his shirt and jeans showed off his broad shoulders and muscular thighs. It seemed every time she saw him there was something new. Like how sexy he looked when he put his hand on his neck, causing his biceps to bulge, and met her gaze. I
t was enough to make her weak at the knees. Thank heaven she was sitting.
At last she averted her eyes, not wanting to look at him anymore. Until she figured out what was going on between them, she decided she needed to focus on her recovery and not her heart.
She closed her eyes, fighting for composure. She was here to heal. All they’d shared was a night of kissing, and then he’d rescued her. Now he was her doctor. “I may not understand, but I’ll roll with it.” She turned her attention to Dr. Samuelson. She’d already done some therapy with him this week, and she trusted him.
The psychiatrist stood up and walked up to the chalkboard. He wrote, “Survivors Guilt,” then returned to his seat. “Sashi and Cole, I’m glad you’re both here. Each of you has survived a very traumatic event. We’re going to do a variety of exercises to help you cope with the pain you’re suffering now.”
Sashi turned to Cole in shock. “Is he serious? Have you been through something terrible, too?” She immediately felt a new connection with Cole.
Cole brought his chair closer to Sashi’s. “Yes,” he said. “I once lived through a nightmare.” Their eyes met in mutual pain. Sashi was barely aware that she’d grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Cole’s about to start a process that’s very difficult,” Dr. Samuelson said. “He’s going to try to tell us how exactly his trauma occurred. He brought in a picture to share, in order to recreate the scene. Cole? We’re ready when you are.”
* * *
HE DIDN’T REALIZE HOW MUCH he needed Sashi’s strength until she grasped his hand. They both had suffered and soon she would know what he’d done to his brother.
From a back pocket he pulled out his wallet, then flipped it open to a picture of two handsome teenage boys standing on their skis next to a helicopter.
Sashi leaned closer. “Are you the shorter one?”
Cole turned to her in surprise. “How did you know?”
“It’s your eyes and the way you hold yourself. Is that your brother? He looks just like you.”
“Yeah, that was my older brother, Luke. We were two years apart but pretty much inseparable. We were ski racers who traveled the world racing. When we weren’t racing, we were training in South America, New Zealand and on the glaciers of Europe and Oregon.”
“Wasn’t that dangerous?” Daniel asked.
“Sure, but we weren’t scared of anything, especially Luke. We loved coming back home to Alaska and skiing up in the Chugach. Nothing beat heli-skiing on fresh powder.”
“Tell us what happened,” Daniel encouraged him.
Cole began to rub Sashi’s hand almost like a worry stone. “I was heli-skiing with Luke where we grew up in Valdez. It was a perfect snow day and Luke was one of the best skiers in the world. The family thought he was going to make the Olympics that year. He jumped first. I followed him.
“The powder was shoulder deep and the air crisp with the scent of pine. With a sun shining above us, it was heaven. We laughed as we crisscrossed down hundreds of vertical feet of snow, until we came to a chute where we both stopped. It was a gnarly one, and only the craziest of crazy skiers would ever go on it.
“I said to Luke, ‘The trials are only a week away. Let’s play it safe, bro.’ But he never played it safe. My heart pounded so hard I thought it was going to burst. I had a dreadful feeling and screamed, ‘Don’t!’
“He jumped into that chute like he was born to ski it. But the last storm had turned the snow to ice underneath the powder. It gave way and Luke was sucked in like a vacuum. He was wearing a beacon. I jumped down to the other side of the chute and chased that damn avalanche, praying I would get to him in time to dig him out.
“I did get to him and started digging, but the snow gave way. I fell another hundred feet, sliding down the mountain till a tree stopped me. I broke my left leg in a place similar to your break, Sashi. All I could do was drag myself back to Luke.
“Night was coming, but I didn’t care. I just kept praying that the helicopters passing over would stop and help. Then a storm set in. I made it back to where Luke was. He’d been dead for how long I don’t know. I dug us a snow cave and prayed all night that God would bring my brother back.
“The next day rescuers found us. Even though I knew Luke was gone, I still hoped they could save him somehow. This is where you come in, Sashi. When I heard you talking in the cave and saw your face, I related to you on a level I never had with anyone before.”
* * *
SASHI WAS STUNNED BY what she’d heard. She couldn’t believe the man who’d rescued her and was now a doctor had undergone something so tragic.
She shook her head. “How did you find the strength to go on living? You’re like a superhero. To think you’re a doctor who goes out in a bush plane and rescues people...” Knowing this about Cole made her do some self-checking. She realized that dreams don’t have to be discarded.
He’d lost a brother and had turned it into something noble. She’d been told she could dance again, so there was no reason to think she wouldn’t be able to open her studio.
“Cole,” Dr. Samuelson said, “do you find that you push yourself harder and harder to fight depression and anxiety? Do you think you picked the field of medicine you did to prove to your brother over and over again that you didn’t mean to let him die on the mountain?”
Cole looked at the doctor and finally nodded. “Every time I’m out there on a rescue, I try to prove that I beat the odds and can make it right this time. The day Luke died, I gave up ski racing and focused on school. With my injury, I couldn’t ski anyway, and I found out I was actually pretty smart. I used my brains to get into medical school and then to service.”
Sashi looked at him. “Have you forgiven yourself yet? To me it sounds like you did everything you could to save your brother. And over the years you’ve done so much to help others, your brother would be proud.”
His eyes watered. “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself. I think you know the feeling.”
Tears filled her eyes, too, and she nodded. “I know it all right. But your brother died twenty years ago. At some point you have to forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong.”
“Neither did you,” Cole responded.
At that, she brushed her tears away, and the gesture made him reach for her. He lifted her out of the wheelchair—she was so small, it was easy to sweep her up in one swift movement—and wrapped his arms around her. Here was one person who truly understood his suffering.
Sashi’s sweet body and her kindness released his emotions. It felt so right to have her in his arms while he let go of twenty years of sorrow.
“Cole,” Daniel interjected, “Sashi’s right, you know. Over the next sessions we’re going to learn how to forgive ourselves and move on. We understand it’s okay to be sad for the loss of our loved one, but we can’t blame ourselves for that loss. It was just a freak accident.”
“Daniel, I hear what you’re saying.” Cole had been playing with Sashi’s incredible hair, inhaling her sweet fragrance. “But how do I forgive myself when I know my parents haven’t truly forgiven me?”
“Put Sashi back in the chair—or at least look at me.”
Cole didn’t want to let her go. Instead, he tucked her into his neck. Cole had had no idea how weak he was until this moment. He hadn’t been ready to talk about any of this. But now he was willing to do it for this redheaded beauty he’d fallen in love with.
“Are you sure they haven’t forgiven
you?” Daniel said. “Or are you walking around with extra guilt you’ve put on yourself.”
Cole met Daniel’s gaze. “That’s a very good question.”
Daniel glanced at his watch. “Our session is over for today. Sashi, next time it’s going to be your turn to share your story.”
She pulled away to look up at Cole, and knew she could do it now that she had Cole by her side. For the first time since the cave, Sashi saw more than friendship in his eyes. She was confused, but so happy to be safe and secure in his arms.
Cole smiled. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be here.” Then he pulled her close again, letting her know that he meant what he’d said.
Chapter Six
It was late afternoon.
Sashi sat nervously on her bed waiting for Cole to help finish getting her discharged. She knew this day had to come where she would be leaving the comforts of the hospital and living on her own until she was going to fly home. Admittedly she’d been assured the small apartment was close to Cole’s house and her new physical therapist, but the knowledge didn’t allay her fear.
The thought of being alone at night terrified her. The nightmares and panic attacks hadn’t abated with therapy. She’d been seeing Dr. Samuelson privately for the past week. He was going to send her home with various prescriptions to help with those problems. She was going to take the pills for a little while to see if they helped, but her goal was to get off them as soon as possible.
Now she was going to be on her own, alone in a foreign place, using crutches or a walker to get around. If she fell, she would get up just as she’d been taught in physical therapy. A fierce dancer, she’d fallen countless times. She wasn’t going to stop moving or let fear stop her. First, at her therapist’s suggestion, she would always wear clothes with pockets so she could carry a cell phone with her at all times. Second, she would refuse to cry or feel sorry for herself.
Hard to believe it had been over three weeks since she’d been admitted to the hospital. With the help of Joe’s daughter, Mary Brown, a truly gifted physical therapist, she was able to rely on a walking cast and without a wheelchair. It comforted her to know that both Cole and Mary didn’t live far away.
The Alaskan Rescue Page 8
