But I’m still so sorry for what happened. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss you. I just want you to know I’m going to start living my life now.
Thank you for showing your little brother all the love you did. You were the best at everything and I’ve tried to live up to your standards. I’ll always keep your memory alive in my heart.
I love you.
* * *
COLE PUT SASHI DOWN ON her seat then began to tear up the letter. He moved to the door of the helicopter, opened it and threw the bits of papers to the wind. The relief and weight that vanished with the papers was obvious. He looked like a new man.
The arctic air that filled the belly of the helicopter was like a slap in the face for Sashi. She could see what forgiveness had done for Cole. Now it was her turn. She really needed to heal on the inside before she could be in a serious relationship with anyone.
Cole closed the door and sat back down in the seat next to her.
“Ready for some lunch?” he asked.
She nodded.
* * *
COLE HAD GONE TO WORK that afternoon decorating the family’s yacht moored to the docks, into a floating palace of lights. He’d wanted everything to be perfect tonight when he proposed to Sashi. He’d even called her parents today.
They had given their consent if it was what Sashi wanted. Everything was falling into place. Ridding himself of that burden had changed his outlook. He was a different man. He had found the perfect woman and he was not going to let her get away.
He’d left Sashi some money so she could buy a dress in town for their special date tonight. With Jens as her driver, he knew she would be well taken care of.
More than anything he couldn’t wait to see his diamond on her finger. Cole patted the breast pocket of his jacket, double-checking to make sure it was there. He and his dad had bought a ring today at the jeweler’s. Now it sat in his pocket all ready to be placed on her finger. All he could do was hope that she would like the ring and love the man who wanted to give it to her.
The phone in his pocket rang. “Dr. Stevens,” he said.
“This is Jens, sir. We’ve arrived. Would you like me to escort Miss Hansen in? Or would you like to come and get her?”
“I’ll be right out. And, Jens, thanks for your help today.”
“You’re most welcome, sir.”
* * *
SASHI SAT IN THE BACK of the Cadillac Escalade wondering what was going to happen. When Cole had told her to buy a special dress for the evening, she thought it meant a dinner with his parents. Clearly that wasn’t the case since she’d said goodbye to them earlier at the house.
Now why was Jens pulling into the harbor? Then she saw the beautiful yacht tethered to the dock. It was festooned with colorful lights and looked...enchanted.
Tonight she was grateful she hadn’t spent all the money he’d given her on the outfit she was wearing—he had already done too much. Especially when she saw the price tags at the boutique Jens had taken her to at first. She’d cringed inwardly, then clunked out the door on her crutches. Once outside she’d asked Jens if he knew of any secondhand stores.
He did, and at one of them she found the perfect dress—a sleeveless black silk that hugged her body perfectly, falling just above her knees. The store had a pair of black kitten heels to match the gown, allowing her to walk steadily with crutches. To finish off the look, she pulled her hair up into a loose chignon, leaving tendrils of hair to frame her face.
She watched as Cole exited the yacht and walked to the Cadillac. He looked incredibly sexy in a perfectly tailored suit. He opened her door and leaned in. His eyes swept over her. “Do you want to walk with your crutches or do you want me to carry you?”
The way he looked, smiled and the exhilarating smell of his aftershave titillated her senses. But she’d vowed to be strong and not rely on him for everything. “I think I can manage on my own.”
He helped her out of the Cadillac, then reached in for her crutches, which he handed to her. The wind off the water was bone chilling, and Sashi shivered, despite the long cashmere coat Cole’s mom had lent her.
Jens drove off as she and Cole walked together onto the dock and onto the yacht. Sashi had seen boats like this in films, but never in real life. “This is beautiful, Cole!” she breathed.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“Who wouldn’t? It’s incredible, and the lights...” She was speechless as he ushered her inside.
Cole moved in closer to her, making her yearn for something she knew she couldn’t have. He deserved someone better than her, a woman who wasn’t broken. Before Cole found forgiveness, they were two lost souls who clung to one another for help and security.
He helped her off with her coat, then brought his hands up to cup her face. “Sashi, you’re so damn beautiful.” Then his hands slid down to her waist and he pulled her close.
She leaned back slightly to meet his gaze, and she couldn’t recall a time she’d ever seen so much desire. When he lowered his head and their lips met, her resolve to keep her distance melted away. The kiss was hot and wet, and seemed to go on and on. Sashi ran her hands through his hair and started to remove his jacket. One of his hands began to unzip her dress.
The sound brought her out of her sensual trance. “Cole, we need to...” But no words could come out. The aurora borealis was out tonight in its full grandeur. The sky kept flashing a green light over the mountains and bay, creating an atmosphere of supreme brilliance from the snow-covered peaks to the ocean below.
“No words could do justice to the beauty of this night sky. I could only imagine creating a dance to show the splendor of what I have seen tonight. Too bad I don’t have a camera and can’t take pictures very well.”
“Sammi is a professional photographer. I’m sure she has hundreds of pictures you could choose from of the aurora borealis.”
She bumped into his shoulder. “Thanks. I have a question though.”
“You have a question?”
“Yes. Are we going to have dinner tonight?”
He looked a bit stunned. “Uh, it’s all ready for us to eat.”
* * *
COLE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT to make of this new woman. He had never seen her like this before. All through dinner she was fun, sweet and loving, but something had changed since this afternoon. He could feel she was holding herself back. Maybe when he proposed, it would allay all her fears.
The red and white roses all over the countertops and the lit candles created an atmosphere of romance. He stood up and crossed to the sound system, then put on the song they had danced to so many weeks ago in his room. “I’ve come to think of this as our song. Would you dance with me again, Sashi?”
“As long as you help, Doc.”
Doc? He winced. Where was all this friend stuff coming from?
Sashi stood on her own, waiting for Cole to come. She’d taken her shoes off in anticipation before he reached her. When he did, Sashi put her good foot on his right foot, and seconds later, they began to move to the rhythm. To Cole it was heaven.
Once the song ended, Cole got down on one knee and pulled out the little box containing the ring. “Sashi Hansen,” he began, “I love you. Will you marry me and live with me here in Alaska?”
* * *
SASHI WAS BLOWN AWAY. She knew that Cole had feelings for her. But she hadn’t anticipated a marriage proposal so soon. Cole must have had an epiphany in the h
elicopter that morning.
Between finding forgiveness from his parents and writing the letter to Luke, he’d obviously found the peace she was so desperately looking for. His guilty feelings must have gone to the wind right along with the pieces of paper.
She, however, couldn’t say yes until she’d reached the same level of self-forgiveness as Cole. It wouldn’t be fair to him. She would be cheating him out of the life he deserved.
The ring was so beautiful she could barely take her eyes off it. It was at least a carat and a half emerald-cut diamond with two emeralds on either side half the size in the same shape. And Cole was hoping to slide it on her finger.
“Cole,” she began, “the ring is absolutely gorgeous. But I can’t say yes right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for a real relationship. I’m so sorry. Today when I saw you forgive yourself over your brother’s death, I realized I still needed time to heal. You deserve a woman who can give herself wholeheartedly to you. But I’m still stuck and I refuse to drag you back to that dark place.”
“Sashi, I can help you. You helped me. We can do this together. We can make it work!”
“I can’t. Until I can fill this void in my soul, I’m no good for anyone. I’m so sorry, Cole. I never meant to hurt you.”
Sashi’s heart was breaking as she watched him close the tiny box. “I have major obstacles to overcome. I have to forgive myself, and I have to make things right with Kendra’s parents. Until I heal, I can’t be the strong person you need.
“I also need to see my parents. I miss them. It’s a huge decision for me to leave everything I’ve ever known and live in Alaska. And I don’t know that there will be children here who’ll want to take dance classes.”
“There will always be room in Alaska for a dance teacher,” he said. “But it was foolish and selfish of me to ask you to marry me and live here. I’m sorry to have put pressure on you—I know better than anyone what you’re going through. Forgive me, Sashi. I’ll let you go to find the peace you deserve.”
Sashi’s lower lip began to tremble. “It’s also hard for me to imagine a life without you.” She started to cry.
Cole took her in his arms and held her for long minutes, then let her go. She watched a curtain fall over his face.
“Can you please take me back to your parents’ home?” she asked.
“Sure. Let’s go.” He blew out the candles, turned off the lights and handed Sashi her crutches, then headed to the deck above. Sashi’s tears slipped down her cheeks as she climbed the stairs with the help of the railing.
I’ve done it now, she thought. I’ve truly lost any chance to be with Cole.
* * *
WHEN THEY RETURNED TO KETCHIKAN, Sashi found that her parents and the Knights had arrived and were staying at a hotel in town. Mary, it seemed, had called them and told them Sashi was much better, and they had all come to accompany her on her flight back to Virginia.
Sashi learned that the Knights had flown to Prince of Wales Island to visit Frank Marshall and Freddy at the resort. Apparently they’d given the Marshalls hell for what had happened.
Sashi asked Mrs. Knight, “Do you feel better?”
“Talking to that young man will never bring my Kendra back,” Mrs. Knight said, “but it felt good to give him a piece of my mind.”
Sashi decided that after what she’d done to Cole, it would be best for her to take a room at the same hotel as her parents.
* * *
IT WAS SASHI’S LAST NIGHT in Alaska. Doris had called and invited the group to her home for a goodbye dinner. Sashi was nervous and excited to see Cole after almost a week—a week that had been one of the worst she’d had up here. She had to find a way to get over Cole, or she was going to be miserable for the rest of her life.
To her dismay, Cole wasn’t there. She shouldn’t be surprised, not after the way they’d parted. But the house was filled with well-wishers from the hospital and all of Cole’s friends. She loved seeing Doris, Doug, Sammi, Jake, CJ and Natasha, Nels and his wife, Marta. She hated having to say goodbye.
She’d be eternally grateful for all their support. She’d never anticipated finding a warm surrogate family in the cold North. In a strange way, though, it hurt to look at them, knowing they all loved Cole and probably didn’t understand why she was leaving him. She only knew that it was the right thing to do.
The feast on the dining room table was dazzling. Clam chowder, fresh crusty bread, shrimp, crab, rice pilaf and various salads. But Sashi found she could eat very little. Her appetite for food had disappeared. She realized she needed to talk to Kendra’s parents now, before they all flew out tomorrow.
As she approached them, she could feel her heart pounding and her head starting to ache. But this was something she was not going to back down from.
“Mr. and Mrs. Knight, could I talk to you privately? Just for a moment.”
“Of course, darling,” Mrs. Knight replied.
They followed her into a small den. The Knights sat on a small leather couch and Sashi sat in a chair facing them. Then she took a deep breath and began. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for letting Kendra die—even though it was Freddy’s actions that made her run outside. I hope you know I loved her like a sister.”
Walt reached over and took Sashi’s hand in his. “Sashi, we have known you since you were three and riding around on your tricycle. You brought nothing but joy to Kendra. To all of us.” He glanced at his wife, who nodded vigorously.
Sashi could feel her eyes begin to tear up.
“You didn’t ‘let’ her get killed,” he went on. “We heard that you threw yourself in front of a bear to save our daughter’s life. What an incredible act of bravery and...” He seemed to choke up, and he looked down at the floor and coughed. Then he brought a hand up to cover his mouth and started to cry.
His wife jumped in, rubbing her husband’s back. “We have wanted to thank you for so long now. What you did took not only bravery, but love. Love for our daughter. What a wonderful friend you were. We love you very much.”
The Knights both reached over and tugged her gently to come sit between them on the couch. Soon all three were hugging and crying. Sashi realized that she had finally gotten to the point where she could forgive herself.
A huge weight was lifted from her shoulders.
Now she needed to go find Cole and make things right with him—if he still wanted her.
She sought out Jake. If anybody knew where Cole was, it would be his best friend.
* * *
AT THE AGE OF FIFTEEN, when Cole had lost his older brother, he thought he knew heartbreak. But losing the woman you love was equally heartbreaking. Cole had tried all week to throw himself into his work, but it couldn’t take his mind off of Sashi.
He thought about taking a tropical vacation. But going somewhere romantic without Sashi sounded like another type of torture.
Coming out here again to Humpback Lake was the best thing he could have done for himself. He still couldn’t understand why Sashi had turned him down flat. But the wilderness was a great place to be alone and think, while indulging in his favorite pastimes—hiking, fishing and hunting.
Today’s hike lifted his spirits a little. Now he could do a little fishing. He jumped across the waterfall and headed into the cabin.
The sight that met his eyes left him momentarily speechless. Sashi was sitting at the picnic table wearing a fitted long-sleeve shirt and
jeans. Her glorious hair was down. And the cabin had been transformed from his den of disaster into a romantic retreat.
Cole thought he could devour her right there on the table. But he needed to know why she was out here?
Candles flickered on every surface. The picnic table was covered with a white tablecloth. There was a spread of food on it similar to the one he’d supplied when he’d brought her out to the lake.
His appetite, however, was more for her than the food. He was angry at himself for still wanting her. And then angry at her for toying with his this way.
“Sashi, what are you doing here?”
She rose from the table, using a cane to stabilize herself. “I came to find you and talk to you.”
“I think you’ve already said enough.”
“No, you need to hear what I have to say. And I need you to hear it.” Her voice was shaking.
He sighed and said curtly, “Hurry up, then I’ll fly you home.”
He could see the flash of pain in her eyes. But he couldn’t handle being around this woman who’d rejected him for any length of time.
“I had an amazing talk with the Knights,” she said. “I asked them to forgive me. Not only did they forgive me, but they told me they loved me and were grateful I’d stood up to the bear like I did.”
“And what does this have to do with me?”
“Everything! When I heard their utter forgiveness, it took me by complete surprise. Their love and acceptance have helped me to forgive myself, take away the pain I’ve been carrying around over Kendra. I finally realized it wasn’t my fault.
“It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just something terrible that happened. A whim of fate. I’ve also let go of my anger against Freddy. I feel like I’ve exorcised these bad feelings from my soul and am ready to start a new life with you. If you’ll give me another chance, that is.”
The Alaskan Rescue Page 16
