She was kissing Ben, the man she was falling in love with.
She wrapped her arms around him, wanting to soak up every moment of the kiss. They kissed for several moments more, until his hand had slipped beneath the edge of her shirt to trace delicious patterns on her bare skin at her waist.
They might have continued kissing there in the quiet kitchen for a long time but the children suddenly laughed hard at something in the other room and Ben stiffened as if someone had dropped snow down his back.
He slid his mouth away from hers. “We’ve got to stop doing this.” His voice sounded ragged and his chest moved against her with each rapid breath.
“We...do?” She couldn’t seem to make her brain work.
“Yes. This... I’m not being fair to you, Caidy.”
Something in his tone finally penetrated the haze of desire around her and she took a deep breath and stepped away, willing herself to return to sensible thought.
“In what way?” She managed to make her voice sound cool and controlled, at odds with the tangled chaos of her thoughts.
He raked a hand through his hair, finishing the job of messing it that her own hands had started. “As much as I obviously...want you, I can’t have a relationship right now. I’m not ready, the kids aren’t ready. I’ve thrown too many changes at them in a very short time. A new town, a new school, a new job. Eventually a new house. I can’t add another woman into the mix.”
His words doused the last embers of heat between them. She shivered a little and pulled her shirt down while she struggled to chase after the tattered ends of her composure.
What could she say to that? He was right. His children had survived a great deal of tumult in a short time. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Ava and Jack. They were great kids and she already cared for them. Just that afternoon, she felt as if she’d had a breakthrough with Ava when she had helped her ride around the practice ring on one of their more gentle horses.
Ben was the children’s father. If he felt as though a relationship between him and Caidy would be harmful to his children, how could she argue?
He had obligations bigger than his own wants and needs. She had to accept that, no matter how painful.
Much to her horror, she could feel the heavy burn of tears. She never cried! She certainly couldn’t remember ever crying over a man. Not since that idiot Cody Spencer when she was sixteen.
She took a deep breath and then another, concentrating hard on pushing the tears back. She didn’t dare speak until she could trust her voice wouldn’t wobble.
“I’m really glad we’re on the same page here,” she said, pretending a casual, breezy tone. “I’m not looking for a relationship right now. This attraction between us is...inconvenient, yes, but we’re both adults. We can certainly ignore it for the short time you’ll be living on the River Bow. After that, it shouldn’t be a problem. I mean, how often do I need to take one of the dogs to the vet? We’ll hardly ever see each other after you move into your new house.”
Instead of reassuring him as to her insouciance, her words seemed to trouble him further. His brow furrowed and he gave her a searching look.
“Caidy—” he began, but Des came into the kitchen before he could complete the thought.
“You’re still in here making pizza? This kitchen is so hot!”
Isn’t that the truth? Caidy thought.
“You didn’t even come in and watch the show with us and now it’s almost over.”
She seized on the diversion. “You really left the movie before the end?”
“Jack wanted more root beer. I told him I’d take care of it.”
Ben made a face. “Jack has probably had all the root beer one kid needs for a night. How about we switch his beverage of choice to water? If he complains, you can tell him his mean old dad said no.”
Destry grinned. “Right, Dr. Caldwell. Like anybody would believe you’re mean. Or old.”
“You’d be surprised,” he muttered.
“Why don’t you watch the end of the show with the kids?” she suggested.
“What about you?”
“I have a few things to take care of in here. After that, I’ll be right in.”
After a moment’s hesitation, he nodded. “I can take Jack’s water, if you’d like,” he said to Destry, who handed over the cup and led the way to the television room.
When he was gone, taking all his heat and vitality and these seething emotions between them, Caidy slumped into a chair at the kitchen table and just barely refrained from burying her head in her hands.
She was becoming an idiot over Ben. All he needed to do was give her that rare, charming smile and her insides caught fire and she wanted to jump into his arms.
Worse than that, she was developing genuine feelings for him. How could she not? She remembered him at dinner with Maya and her heart seemed to melt.
She had to stop this or she would be in for serious heartbreak. He wasn’t interested in a relationship. He had made that plain twice now. He didn’t want anything she had to offer and she would be a fool if she allowed herself to forget that, even for a moment.
Okay, she could do this. A few more weeks and he would be gone from her life, for the most part. She would just have to work hard these remaining weeks while he was still on the River Bow to guard her emotions. Ben and his children could easily slip right past her defenses and into her heart. She was just going to have to do everything she could to keep that from happening, no matter how hard it might be.
Chapter Twelve
Three more days.
She could smile and make conversation and pretend to be excited about Christmas for three more days.
Less than three days actually. Two and a half, really. This was Sunday evening, the day before Christmas Eve. She had tonight, Christmas Eve and then Christmas Day to survive, and then she could toss another holiday into her personal history book.
Okay, that didn’t count the week leading up to New Year’s, but she wasn’t going to think about that. Once Christmas itself was over, she usually could relax and enjoy the remaining days of the holidays and the time it gave her with her family.
For now, she had to survive this particular evening. Caidy stepped out of her bedroom wearing her best black slacks and a dressy white silk blouse she had worn only once before, to the annual cattleman’s harvest dinner a few years earlier. With it, she wore a triple strand of colorful glass beads she had picked up at a craft fair that summer.
This was about as dressed up as she could manage. Was it too much? Not enough? She hated trying to figure out proper attire for parties, especially this one.
She fervently wished that she could stay home, pop a big batch of buttery popcorn and find something on TV that wasn’t a sappy holiday special.
She had an excuse just about every year to avoid going to the big party Carson and Jenna McRaven had been hosting the past few years at Carson’s huge house up Cold Creek Canyon, but Destry had begged and pleaded this year with both Ridge and Caidy.
Destry had trotted out a dozen reasons why they should make an exception and attend this year: all her friends were going. It was going to be a blast. Attending was the neighborly thing to do. The McRavens would think the Bowmans didn’t like them if they continued to decline the invitation every year.
Finally, she pulled the “you just don’t want me to have any fun” card and Ridge had reluctantly accepted his fate and agreed to go. Though she knew it was ridiculous, Caidy had felt obligated to accompany them both.
She wasn’t looking forward to any aspect of the party except the food. Jenna was a fantastic cook and catered events all over the county. Her friend, though, tended to go a little overboard when it came to Christmas. Her very gorgeous husband did too. Raven’s Nest was always decorated to the hilt for the holidays and the McRavens loved hosting holiday gatherings for family and friends.
She could get through it, she told herself. Less than seventy-two hours, right? With that litt
le pep talk firmly in mind, she headed for the kitchen for the two Dutch apple pies she had baked that morning and found both Destry and Ridge there.
“Oh, you look beautiful, Aunt Caidy!” Destry exclaimed.
Ridge gave one of his rare smiles. “It’s true, sis. You do. Much too fancy to be saddled with the likes of us.”
Her oldest brother looked handsome and commanding, as usual, in a Western-cut shirt and one of his favorite bolo ties while Destry wore her best pair of jeans and the cute wintry sweater they had bought in Jackson the last time they went shopping together.
At the neckline, Caidy could see the flowered straps of her swimming suit peeking through.
“You’re all set to swim?”
The McRavens had the only private indoor pool in town and it was a big hit among the area kids. The stuff of legend.
Destry lifted a mesh bag off the table. “I’ve got everything here. I can’t wait. I’ve heard it’s a superawesome pool. That’s what Tallie and Claire told me. I just hope Kip Wheeler isn’t too much of a tease. He can be such a pest.”
Kip was Jenna’s son from her first marriage, which had ended in the tragic death of her husband several years ago. He and his two older brothers and younger sister had been adopted by Carson McRaven after he married Jenna. They now had a busy toddler of their own, who kept all of them hopping.
“Everybody ready?”
“I am!” Destry jumped up and threw on her coat.
“As I’ll ever be,” Caidy muttered. Ridge gave her a sympathetic look as he lifted one of the pies and carried it out to the Suburban.
A light snow speckled the windshield, reflecting the colorful holiday light displays they passed on their way to the McRavens’ house. They approached the house through a long line of parked cars on either side of the curving driveway. It looked as if half the town was inside the big house. She recognized Trace’s SUV and Taft’s extended-cab pickup. Apparently, even when they canceled the regular Sunday night Bowman dinner for a special occasion, the family couldn’t manage to stay apart.
“I’ll let you two off near the door, then find a place to park,” Ridge said.
She wanted to tell him to forget it, but because she was wearing her completely impractical high-heeled black boots, she didn’t argue.
“Want me to take a pie inside?” Destry asked.
“You’ve got your swim stuff. I can manage,” she answered.
As she expected, the entrance to the McRavens’ house was beautifully decorated with grapevine garlands entwined with evergreens and twinkling lights. A trio of small live trees was also adorned with lights.
The door opened before they could even knock and Jenna McRaven answered. She smiled, pretty and blonde and deceptively fragile-looking. “Oh, Caidy. You made it! I thought the day would never come when we could convince you to come to our Christmas party.”
Carson joined her at the door and gave all of them a wide, charming smile. He was vastly different from the cold man she remembered coming to town five years ago.
“Caidy, great to see you.” He kissed Caidy’s cheek before slipping an arm around his wife. The two of them plainly adored each other. Caidy had noticed before that when they were together, scarcely a moment passed when one of them didn’t touch the other in some way. A hand on the arm, a brush of fingers.
She told herself she had no right to be envious of their happiness together.
“And you brought food!” Carson exclaimed.
“Where would you like the pies?”
“Besides in my stomach?” Carson asked. “They look fantastic. We can probably find room on the dessert table. What am I saying? There’s always room for pie.”
“I’ll help you,” Jenna said, taking one of the pies. “Carson, will you show Destry where she can change into her swimming suit?”
“I’ve already got it on,” Des proclaimed, yanking the neck of her sweater aside to show the swimming suit strap.
“Good thinking.” Carson smiled at her. “I’ll just show you where you can leave your things, then.”
They walked away and Jenna led her into the opposite direction, into the beautiful gourmet kitchen of the home, which currently bustled with about a dozen of her friends.
“Hey, Caidy!” Emery Cavazos greeted her with a smile, looking elegant and composed as always while she transferred something chocolate and rich-looking onto a tray.
“Hi, Em.”
Nothing to worry about in here, she thought. She loved these women and got together with them often at various social functions. She could just pretend this was one of their regular parties.
“You know, Caidy would be perfect for that little matter we were discussing earlier,” Maggie Dalton exclaimed.
“What matter?” she asked warily. With the Cold Creek women, one could never be too careful.
“We’ve all been admiring the new vet—a gorgeous widower with those two adorable kids,” Jenna said. “We were trying to figure out someone we could subtly introduce him to.”
“We’ve already met.” And locked lips. More than once. She decided to keep that tidbit of information to herself. If she didn’t, the whole town would join her brothers in trying to hook her up with Ben, who had made it quite plain they would never be matched.
Caroline Dalton—married to the oldest Dalton brother, Wade—tilted her head and gave Caidy a long, considering look. “You know, Mag, I think you’re absolutely right. She’s perfect for him.”
“I...am?”
“Yes! You both love animals and you’re wonderful with children.”
“We need to figure out some way to get them together.” Emery, the traitor, joined into the scheming.
Had she become such an object of pity that all the women in town felt they had to step in and take drastic action to practically arrange a marriage for her? It was a depressing thought, especially because Ben had made it clear he wasn’t even interested in kissing her.
“Thank you, but that’s not necessary,” she said quickly, hoping to cut off this disastrous conniving at the pass. “As I said, Dr. Caldwell and I have met. He treated a dog of mine who was injured a few weeks ago. And in case you didn’t know, he’s currently living on the foreman’s cottage at the River Bow.”
“Oh, I hadn’t heard he and the children moved out of the inn,” exclaimed Jenny Boyer Dalton, principal of the elementary school. “I’m so happy they’re not staying there for Christmas. No offense, Laura.”
“None taken,” Caidy’s sister-in-law said. “I agree.”
“That was a brilliant idea,” Caroline said. “See, you are perfect for him!”
She could see this whole situation quickly spiraling out of control, with everybody in town jumping on board to push her and Ben together. What a nightmare that would be. He would hate it, especially when he had clearly brushed her off two nights ago after that stunning kiss.
In desperation, she hurried to try a little damage control. “I think you all need to give Ben a break and let him settle into Pine Gulch before you start picking out china patterns for him. The poor man hasn’t even had the chance to move into his own house yet.”
He would be going soon, though. The house he was building would be finished after the holidays and he and the children would be moving off the River Bow. The thought of not seeing those lights gleaming in the windows of the foreman’s cottage—of not having the chance to listen to Jack’s knock-knock jokes or being able to tease a reluctant smile from Ava—filled her with a poignant sense of loss.
The rest of winter stretched out ahead of her, long and empty. Not just the winter. The months and years to come, each day the same as the one before.
She would miss all of them dearly. How would she live in Pine Gulch knowing he was so close but out of her reach?
Maybe the time had come for her to take a different path. She could probably find a job somewhere outside Pine Gulch. Separating from her family would be painful but she wasn’t sure which would hurt more—leaving or
staying.
“Only friends, huh? That’s too bad.” Maggie Dalton gave a rueful sigh. “Don’t you think if you tried, you could stir up a little interest in more? I mean, the man is hot.”
Yes, she was fully aware of that—and was positive none of these women had known the magic of his kiss. The problem wasn’t how attractive she found Ben Caldwell. He didn’t feel the same way about her and she couldn’t figure out a darn thing to do about it.
She wanted to cry, suddenly, right here in front of her dearest friends—each of whom had the great fortune to be married to a wonderful man who loved her deeply. They were all so happily married, they wanted everyone else to know the same joy. Caidy didn’t know how to tell them the likelihood of that happening to her was pathetically slim.
Not that she wanted that. She was perfectly happy right now.
“You’d be surprised how often friendship can develop into more,” Emery said. “Dr. Caldwell really does seem like a nice guy. We don’t get all that many available men in Cold Creek besides the guys who come to snowmobile or fish. Maybe you should think about seeing if he wants to be more than friends.”
Those tears burned harder behind her eyelids. Coming to this party was a phenomenally bad idea. If she’d had any idea she would face a gauntlet of matchmakers, she would have hidden in her room and locked the door.
“Don’t, okay? Just...don’t. Ben and I are friends. That’s all. Not everyone is destined to live happily ever after like all of you are. Is it so hard to believe that maybe I like my life the way it is? Maybe Ben does too. Back off, okay?”
Her friends gaped at her and she could tell her vehemence had shocked them. She wasn’t usually so firm, she realized. Now they were going to wonder why this was such a hot button for her.
Damn.
And Laura knew she and Ben had kissed. She was going to have to hope her beloved sister-in-law didn’t decide to mention that little fact to the rest of the women.
A Cold Creek Noel Page 15
