CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Cait slowly became aware that she was lying on the floor before the altar, her cheek cradled on her arm. The cavern sanctuary was silent save for the faint plip… plip… plip which sounded nearby. She raised her head. One of the altar candles had gone out; the other was burning low, and molten wax was splashed steadily on to the bare stone. She rose and glanced around guiltily, as if afraid she had been observed and would now be punished for her presumption. The sanctuary was empty. She was alone.
Then she saw the cup, and the memory of her vision struck her with a force that rocked her back on her heels. She swayed on her feet and clutched the side of the altar to steady herself.
She had been there. She had seen the Saviour. She, Cait, had touched him, and he had touched her. She lifted her fingertips to her forehead where he had kissed her-the place now burned with a tingling sensation as though flames of fire danced there. Inside, she was filled with a strange quivery airiness, as if she had been scoured hollow, poured out, and the newly emptied void filled with effervescent light.
'Lord and Master,' she whispered to herself. 'I want to walk in the True Path once more. Guide me with your Holy Light.'
She stood before the altar, gazing at the cup. Her search for the relic had ended; she had found the Mystic Rose. What is more, having experienced something of the vessel's sacred and mystic power, she knew she stood in the presence of true holiness and was far from worthy. Her hard-hearted, unthinking pursuit of the Mystic Rose was corrupted by ambition and unholy revenge, and she felt the weight of her sin clinging to her, dragging her down like a filthy, bedraggled garment. All she wanted was to be free of it and clean once more.
'Forgive me, Lord,' she sighed, and bent her head. Breathing out a prayer of humble confession, and breathing in the Master's forgiveness, she picked up the Holy Relic and carefully, and with all reverence, replaced it in the hollow at the base of the cross. Closing the little door, she took up the remaining candle and, with a last look around, hurried from the rock-cut sanctuary, through the connecting corridor and the outer passage, quickly retracing her steps from the cave.
The courtyard was dark still, although the cloud-filled sky was blushing pink in the east and all but the brightest stars had faded away. Flitting out from behind the refectory like a shadow, she made her way to the guest lodge and slipped back into her room. With a last look behind her, she closed the door quietly and, removing her boots, crept back into bed, pulling the bedclothes around her to take away the chill.
She lay in bed and shivered-half with the cold, and half with the excitement still tingling through her. She had drunk from the Holy Chalice and a mystical communion had taken place. She had met with God.
This knowledge produced an almost frightening ferment in her soul. It filled her to bursting with an elation that fizzed and burned and threatened to overflow at any moment in wild laughter, or wilder song, or dazzling miracles. Her heart raced; the palms of her hands were hot and dry; her fingers tingled.
Squeezing her eyes shut, she relived the vision of the upper room, remembering the touch of the Lord Jesu as he placed the cup in her hands. It was all she could do to keep from crying out with the ferocious exuberance of her joy.
In a little while, the bell rang and presently she heard the sisters stirring in the yard outside. There came a soft rapping at her door and Sister Besa entered. 'My lady, it is time for morning prayers,' she said. 'If you would like to join us, you would be most welcome.'
'Thank you,' said Cait. 'Of course I will join you. I would like nothing better.' Throwing back the bedclothes, she quickly slipped her feet back into her boots, and followed the nun out into the courtyard where they fell into place behind the other sisters making their way to the refectory.
During the winter, morning prayers were held in the long, oven-warmed hall. As Cait entered she heard a shrill squeal and was instantly enfolded in a fierce embrace. 'Thea!' she gasped before the air was squeezed from her lungs.
'Oh, Cait!' Alethea clasped her tightly, as if she would obliterate the days of their separation through physical force. 'The abbess told me you were here. I wanted to see you right away.' She thrust Cait at arm's length. 'You look well, Cait. You do.'
'And you, Thea,' replied Cait. Her eyes travelled to her sister's shaven pate.
Suddenly mindful of her shorn locks, Thea released her sister and raised a hand to her head. 'I am a nun now,' she said, smiling self-consciously. She paused, reflecting on the wonder of it, and then raced on once more. 'But Cait, there is so much to tell you. There was a ceremony last night. I wish you had been there. It was wonderful. I wish you could have seen it.'
'She did.' Abbess Annora was standing not two paces away, regarding Cait with a stern expression. 'Did you not?'
'Truly?' asked Alethea. 'You saw the ceremony?'
'It is true,' Cait admitted with genuine contrition. 'I heard the bell and followed the sisters into the cavern. I saw it all.'
'And you have drunk from the Holy Cup,' the abbess said, stepping close.
'Cait!' gasped Thea, her dark eyes growing wide.
'It is true,' Cait admitted. To the abbess she said, 'I meant no disrespect. Indeed, I did not know it was against the rule of the order. I merely thought to -'
The abbess cut short her explanation. 'It is nothing so simple as a rule of the order. There are far more serious implications.'
'I am sorry,' she said. 'Truly, I am. But how did you know?'
'Do you think someone so long in the service of the chalice would not know in the instant I saw you?' The abbess frowned with sharp displeasure. 'Come with me-both of you. Sister Besa, you come, too.'
Leaving one of the other nuns to lead prayers, Sister Annora led them to her room at the end of the hall, sat them down on the bed, and closed the door. Sister Besa, uncertain about what had happened, took her place before the door.
'Please,' began Cait, 'you have every right to be angry. I do not blame you in the least. I would not have interfered in the ceremony-only, I was that desperate to see Alethea at long last. I beg your forgiveness. I meant no harm.'
'That is a matter of small consequence.' The abbess crossed her arms over her narrow chest, and regarded Cait with a hawk-like stare. 'Tell me, did you see anything when you drank from the cup?'
'I did, abbess,' answered Cait.
'What did you see?'
Cait lowered her eyes. The vision was so perfect, so beautiful, she did not want to spoil it by putting inferior words to it.
'The truth now,' demanded the abbess. 'What did you see?'
'Tell her, Cait,' urged Alethea. 'Abbess Annora is very fair; the punishment will not be harsh.'
Cait shook her head. 'If I hesitate it is not for fear of punishment. It is because I do not trust myself to speak of wonders beyond my understanding.'
At these words, the abbess softened. 'Tell me. Perhaps I can help you.'
'I had a vision,' Cait began. 'I have never known anything like it, for it seemed as if everything was happening all around me and I was there.'
'Where were you?' asked the abbess.
'I was in the upper room with Jesu and his disciples. It was the night of the Passover feast.'
At this revelation the abbess's face blanched pale. Both Thea and Cait saw the blood drain from her features. 'Abbess?' said Thea, rising to offer her seat on the edge of the bed. 'Are you well?'
'Sit you down, Abbess,' said Besa, moving to her superior's aid. She took her elbow. 'Rest a little, and I will fetch you some water.'
Annora waved her aside; holding up a hand to forestall any more offers of aid, she gazed at Caitrfona for a long moment as she struggled to regain her composure. Slowly, her expression of startled distress gave way to acceptance. 'So,' she said softly, 'it has happened at last.'
Cait and Alethea stared at the abbess, but said nothing. A long moment passed. Annora drew a breath and motioned Cait to stand. 'Daughter, give me your hands.'
Cait str
etched out her hands. The abbess took them and turned them over, pushing up the sleeves. To Cait's amazement there appeared deep red welts on both wrists. She stared in disbelief at the blood-red marks.
'Holy Jesu be praised,' gasped Sister Besa, turning wide eyes to the abbess. She made the sign of the cross, and folded her hands beneath her chin and began to pray.
Bending down, the abbess lifted Cait's gown away from her feet. 'Remove your shoes,' she said.
Cait did as she was told, withdrawing first one foot and then the other. Each instep was marked by welts similar to those on her wrists. Rising, the abbess said, 'Now your mantle.'
Cait hesitated.
'There will be another mark on your side,' Annora told her, 'in imitation of the spear wound Christ suffered on the cross. I must see it to be certain. Please.'
Untying the laces at her neck, Cait removed her cloak and loosened the top of her mantle; she pulled her arms from the sleeves, and pushed the mantle down over her breasts to her waist. She glanced down her torso, hardly daring to look.
There below her ribs on the right side was another ugly blood-red welt, larger than the others; shaped like a ragged gash, it did appear as if she had been stabbed and the blade had left a thin oblong slash in her flesh. She touched it gingerly, but though the skin was raised she felt no discomfort, only the slightest tenderness.
'There is no mistake,' concluded the abbess.
'Oh, Cait,' whispered Alethea, 'what have you done?'
'Nothing.' A quiver of astonishment touched her voice.
'Does it hurt?'
'Not in the least,' answered Cait in a daze of wonder. 'I feel nothing.' She pulled her mantle up over her shoulders once more. 'What has happened to me?' she asked, retying the laces.
'They are the Stigmata of Christ,' the abbess told her. 'See here,' she held out her arm and drew the long sleeve of her robe away from her wrists. The blotches were faded to a pale pink hue, and looked like scars from old wounds. 'Behold,' she said, 'the Mark of the Rose.'
It was true, the marks did look something like miniature roses-especially compared to Cait's, which looked like fresh lacerations. Cait shook her head in disbelief. 'What does it mean?'
The elderly abbess traced the marks lightly with a thin fingertip. 'It means, dear child,' she replied, lifting a hand to Cait's face, 'that you are to be the next Guardian of the Chalice.'
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
'Chosen,' the abbess was saying. Her voice seemed to come from very far away and Cait was having difficulty making herself understand the words. 'You have been chosen, Caitriona.' She paused, regarding the young woman before her with sympathy. 'And now you have a choice.'
'You must decide whether to answer the call,' volunteered Sister Besa.
'Do you understand?' asked the abbess.
Cait stared at the livid marks of the stigmata on her wrists and shook her head. 'No.'
'In this way the succession is ensured,' Abbess Annora explained. 'Whenever a new guardian is required, someone is chosen. The stigmata are the visible signs that the choice has been made. However, no one can force you to serve. That is your decision and you must make it on your own.' She smiled. 'The Lord has called you, Caitriona, and now you must decide how you will answer.'
'Will you help me, Abbess Annora?'
'Of course, my dear, I will help you in any way I can.'
'Oh, Cait, this is wonderful,' said Thea, putting her arms around her sister's neck. 'God has marked you for his own. Think of it!'
Cait smiled doubtfully; already she could feel the unwieldy bulk of responsibility beginning to settle upon her. From the other room came the sound of a benediction spoken aloud, and then the scraping of benches on the stone floor as the sisters began to break fast.
'Do you want me to tell the sisters?' asked Besa.
'Not yet,' replied the abbess. 'I think it would be best for Caitriona to have a little time to herself just now. I will call a special chapter meeting tonight and we can tell the others then.'
She turned towards the door. 'Now we will eat, and then you can have the remainder of the day to pray and ponder how you will answer.' To Thea, she said, 'I know you are anxious to be with your sister, and there is much you have to tell one another; but, in the circumstances, I wonder if that could wait a little while. I think Caitriona would like to be alone for a time, and you have new duties to perform.'
'Of course,' replied Alethea somewhat reluctantly. 'I understand.'
'Thank you, Thea.'
'We will talk later.' She kissed Cait on the cheek and went out. Besa followed, closing the door behind her.
'Will you stay with me?' asked Cait. 'I have so many questions and I would rather not be alone with them just now.'
'If that is what you wish,' replied Annora. 'In the end, however, it is to God you must go for guidance. I can only tell you the way it has been for me.'
'That,' said Cait, 'is what I want to hear.'
'Come, let us walk. The day is bright and the cold will clear your head.'
They passed through the busy refectory. A few of the nuns raised their heads from their meals as they passed; both Besa and Thea glanced up briefly, and then looked away again lest either by expression or sign, they should draw attention to her. For that, Cait was grateful.
The abbess led Cait out into the yard, then along the path leading to the barns and outbuildings. They walked in silence; Cait took deep breaths of the cold mountain air and found it helped banish the fevered thoughts from her mind.
At the first barn they stopped to put some fodder into the crib for the animals. The barn was warm, and heavy with the sharp smell of sheep and their oily wool. The abbess left the door open to allow the fresh air inside. Several of the ewes were already round-bellied with lambs, including one poor old ewe which appeared ready to burst. 'We call that one Sara,' the abbess told her. 'She was barren once, but no more. Every year she has triplets or twins.' She reached out and stroked the animal's woolly head. 'But this lambing will be her last. Sara is getting too old. Like me.' She looked at Cait. 'It is time for someone younger to take my place.'
'Abbess Annora,' began Cait, 'surely I cannot -'
'Hush, daughter, I did not mean you-at least not yet. As I said, the choice is yours. I merely meant that I have been feeling my age of late. I know the time is coming when I must lay my burden down and step aside.'
'I see.' Cait nodded, brow puckered in thought.
'All in God's good time, child.' The abbess regarded Cait in the dim light of the barn's open door. 'But there is something else, I think.'
'I have a confession,' Cait said. 'Once you have heard it, you may change your mind about me.'
Abbess Annora laughed. 'Do you know how many confessions I have heard over the years?'
'I doubt you will have heard this,' Cait replied, frowning. There was nothing for it but to name the black deed and face her judgement. She drew a deep breath and blurted, 'The cup-the Mystic Rose -1 came here to steal it.'
An expression of wonder rearranged the elderly abbess's features. 'Well, you are right. In all my years I never have heard that. And now that I hear it, I am not at all certain that I believe it.'
'Oh, I assure you it is true. Sadly, I am no better than the worst thief who ever lived.'
'Neither do I believe that. Still, I suspect there is a tale here, and I would hear it. Come, you can tell me while we see to the pigs.'
They walked to the next barn to refresh the water in the pigs' trough, and while they went about this homely duty, the abbess scratched the old boar behind his large ragged ears and listened to Cait's long and rambling explanation of the events that had brought her to the abbey and to this decisive moment.
She told it all-about her father's murder, how she had gone to confront the murderer, to hold him to justice, but had been thwarted by the appearance of the White Priest, and had stolen the precious letter instead. The letter, she explained, described a great treasure. She went on to tell how, upon
discovering the prize to be won, she had raised a company of knights, and travelled to Aragon with the intent of claiming the Holy Cup of Christ for herself. She told about the attack on the trail, and how Thea had been abducted by bandits, how they had searched and searched for her, and how they had at last been found by Prince Hasan Al-Nizar and taken to his palace in the mountains, the resulting skirmish with Ali Waqqar, and how Abu's dying words had led them to the village by the lake.
She finished, saying, 'I prayed to be God's instrument of justice. I thought to use the Mystic Rose to lure my father's killer to his doom. For that, I needed the Holy Chalice, and I came here to take it.' Overwhelmed by the enormity of her crimes, Cait lowered her head, awaiting the abbess's censure. 'You must think me a most brazen and contemptible sinner. The audacity of my deeds amazes even me.'
'Aye,' agreed Annora, observing Cait with a shrewd appraising eye. 'In truth, it does amaze me also. But I do not know what amazes the more – that you should hold yourself so low, or that you should fail to see the Swift Sure Hand at work in these dark deeds to bring about his glorious purpose.'
Cait made to object, but the abbess asked, 'Did you know that the Sacred Chalice was here?'
'Why, no,' replied Cait after a moment. 'When Brother Matthias was killed all knowledge of the cup was lost, and we gave up any hope of finding it. Also, Alethea and Abu were missing so we abandoned the search in order to rescue them.'
'You did not know the Holy Cup was here until you drank from it, and then its true nature was revealed to you.'
'Yes,' replied Cait. 'That is the way of it.'
'Why did you do that, do you suppose?'
Cait recalled the ceremony in the cave. 'I saw Alethea and the other nun drink from the cup, and it produced such rapture that it roused me to envy.'
'It is not envy to see the joy of the Lord manifest and want it for yourself. Rather, it is the voice of the Good Shepherd, calling you to himself.' She allowed Cait to think about that for a moment, and then said, 'Let us walk some more.'
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