Daniella flushed. He blamed himself, when she was the one who had urged him on. She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
He met her gaze again. “I—”
“Let’s just forget it, all right?” Forget it? What a stupid thing to say. She knew hell would have icicles before she forgot it.
She pushed away and sat up. That’s when she finally remembered—she and Travis were both naked. With a gasp, she jerked the blanket up to her chin.
Her action left Travis totally, vividly exposed to her horrified gaze. She spun away from him, her cheeks on fire. “I’m sorry.”
Travis watched her long black and white hair slide down, hiding her pale skin and the three parallel scars across her back. With any other woman, he might have laughed at such a reaction to his naked arousal. But this wasn’t any other woman. It was Dani. He swore under his breath.
Trust me, he’d said. Then he had proceeded to use her to satisfy his own needs. And had terrified her in the process. He had obviously brought back all her fears and nightmares. God, how could he have been so depraved?
He swore again and tugged on his pants. To her back, he asked, “Would you rather rest a day or two, or are you up to starting home today?”
Home. Daniella clutched the blanket tighter. Yes, she was ready to leave this place. Maybe once they reached open country she could forget those searing, shameful things she had felt when he touched her in the darkness. “I’m ready to go whenever you are.”
“You’re not too tired?”
“Why should I be tired?”
“By all rights, you should probably be dead. If I hadn’t followed your tracks all the way here, I’d almost swear you flew from El Valle. I started out a half a day behind you and nearly rode Buck into the ground. I never got near you.”
She shrugged. “I was in a hurry.”
“Fine. We’ll leave as soon as you’re ready.”
An instant later, she heard the hide flap over the doorway rustle. He was gone.
Now what happens? she wondered while she hurriedly dressed. Her attempt at being a real wife had failed miserably. He was surely disappointed. He’d said he was sorry. He blamed himself.
Yet she knew it wasn’t his fault. She had asked for last night. Begged for it. It was her own frightening response that had ruined things. She had no idea what to do about it, other than keep out of his reach until she was certain those strange feelings wouldn’t recur.
After braiding her hair, she tugged on her moccasins, gave her saddlebags a final check, and stepped out into the sunlight.
They were saddled up and on the trail within an hour. Travis led the way, with Daniella’s two geldings, Butch and Ben, in tow; Daniella brought up the rear. She was glad to simply follow for a change. All that sleep last night—she wasn’t used to that much sleep at one time—had left her groggy.
She’d been so tense and worried for so long, she hadn’t had time to feel tired. She’d simply ignored the exhaustion, the aches and pains of being in the saddle all day. But now that her body had nearly a full night’s rest, it seemed determined to make up for lost time. It was letting her know it would no longer be ignored. She kept dozing off in the saddle.
Lord, she couldn’t remember the last time she was so tired. Staying in the saddle soon became a real chore, until she wasn’t sure how much longer she could do it.
If her sheer fatigue wasn’t enough, the burden in her womb was also making itself felt. Daniella was being kicked and poked and prodded from the inside. After about an hour it stopped. Then her troubles really began.
She was ready to swear Dee-O-Det was wrong. There had to be more than two babes in there, and they were all sitting on each other in a pile, directly on top of her bladder. She was forced to stop frequently to relieve herself.
Travis made no comment about her frequent stops, for which she was grateful. She was slowing them down, she knew, but couldn’t help it. He waited on the trail for her each time, never leaving her behind, never complaining.
Each time she got on and off her horse was harder than the last. It took a real effort to pull herself into the saddle. Her arms trembled with weakness and her legs were nearly numb. Not to mention the unaccustomed soreness from—No. She wouldn’t think of last night.
By the time they stopped for the night she was far beyond uncomfortable, past fatigue. She was incapable of thought or movement. When Travis lifted her to the ground, her legs wouldn’t hold her, and she started to collapse. He caught her to him and lifted her effortlessly in his arms. He cursed under his breath, then out loud.
“Goddamn. Why didn’t you tell me you were about to collapse? Are you trying to kill yourself, along with these babies?”
Daniella forced her eyes open and peered up at his furious face, but was too exhausted to even speak. She tried, but all that came out was a low moan. Travis muttered another curse, then laid her down on the ground so he could set up camp.
As he looked down at the dark circles beneath Dani’s eyes, he sharply berated himself for a fool. He should never have urged her to leave so soon. He should have stayed to let her rest longer, or left her there.
Her exhaustion shook him more than he cared to admit. He’d never seen Dani other than strong and alert, except on rare occasions. It was obvious she’d been pushing herself to the limit, and everything was catching up to her. Using her the way he had last night hadn’t helped. If he wasn’t careful, this trip could kill her.
He spread out their bedrolls side by side, then placed her gently on the blanket and covered her. The sun was going down and the air was cooling. They were still in the mountains; it would be cold tonight. He built a fire.
He wasn’t worried about attracting attention this close to Cochise’s rancheria. No one but Apaches would be anywhere near, so they were safe for tonight.
With a frown, he watched the tiny flames come to life. What a strange thought. He and his family and everyone he knew had been fighting Apaches on and off for years. But now, if the Chiricahua were near, he knew he was safe.
Because of Dani.
When the fire was going good, he heated up a chunk of venison one of Cochise’s wives had given them this morning, then woke Dani. Well, he didn’t actually wake her. It was more like he sat her up and forced her to eat.
Daniella wasn’t even aware of her surroundings. She chewed when Travis told her to chew, swallowed when Travis told her to swallow. At least…she thought it was Travis.
Her mind hazily questioned how it was possible for a person to eat and sleep at the same time, but she wasted no great amount of energy trying to figure it out.
When her head kept drooping until her chin rested on her chest, Travis finally laid her back down. The front of her shirt moved. He reached out a hand and gently stroked her protruding stomach. Beneath his touch, the babes quieted.
What was he to do? He wanted to take her home, but if she was this exhausted after only one day, she’d never survive another four or five days their slow pace would take them to get home. But they could be back with Cochise by this time tomorrow night. Could he do that? Take her back there and leave her until he could return for her?
The mere thought of going home without her was too bleak to even consider. If he wasn’t able to come back for her any time soon, she might very well be past the ability to travel at all until after the babies were born. Damn. He wanted her children born in his house. In his bed.
The notion startled him. He’d been aware for some time that he had strong feelings for Dani. They were mixed up feelings, and he hadn’t yet sorted them all out. There was gratitude, of course, for getting Matt back, but there were other feelings. He wanted to protect her, to make sure no one or nothing ever hurt her again. After last night, he realized he was one of the things he must protect her from. How was he to do that, without letting her go?
He wanted to share things with her, ordinary, everyday things. There’d been dozens of times since they’d brought Matt home when Trav
is would go about his daily chores and think, If Dani saw this she’d smile, or he’d sit down to dinner and wonder, Does Dani like peaches?
Then there were the times he lay in his bed at night, alone, and remembered the feel of her body next to his, the sweet, innocent taste of her lips, and knew he wanted her, without a doubt.
He wanted her beside him, day and night.
But what did his wants matter in the face of Dani’s health? Travis bitterly regretted kissing her the night of the fiesta. If he hadn’t tried to rush her, she wouldn’t have run off the way she did. He’d have been able to convince her to stay with him. She would have been safe at the Triple C instead of up at El Valle fighting fires and getting shot at. And she wouldn’t have come to the mountains and nearly been killed by Loco.
If he hadn’t been so foolish, so stubborn, so damned stupid that night of the fiesta, none of this would have happened at all, and Dani would be at home, in his bed, and by now he would at least be lying next to her, touching her.
Yet he obviously hadn’t learned his lesson. Last night was proof of that. He had rushed her, pushed her. Used her. Terrified her. And if he were honest with himself, he would admit that what bothered him perhaps most—he hadn’t satisfied her.
He wasn’t sure he was ready for that much honesty.
And he still wanted to hold her. How long would it be before she let him get that close again? If he took her back to Cochise, he might never get the chance to regain her trust.
Right now she was so exhausted, she wouldn’t know if he touched her or not. He could lay beside her, hold her…
No. It wasn’t right to take such unfair advantage.
Yet even as he told himself that, he knew what he was going to do. He lay down next to her and slipped his arm beneath her shoulders, turning her slightly until she rested against him.
She felt fragile, oh, so fragile, and precious. She felt as if the smallest movement might shatter her into a million pieces.
He ran his hand down her back and fingered her thick black and white braid. Pulling on it gently, he tilted her face up and placed a soft kiss on her lips. She sighed in her sleep and buried her face against his neck.
Travis lay awake for hours, savoring the feel of her in his arms. Whether he took her back to Cochise tomorrow or not, it could be months, or longer, before he had this pleasure again.
The sun was just coming up when Travis gently shook her awake. Daniella was groggy and disoriented, but the hot coffee he furnished helped clear her head. She mentally braced herself for another grueling day. A shudder of apprehension shook her at the sight of Travis’s grim expression. He must be furious that she was slowing them down so much.
When they were ready to mount up, Travis stood and stared at her for a long moment, his expression forbidding. He closed his eyes briefly and seemed to come to some sort of decision, then lifted her carefully, almost gently, to her saddle.
Daniella made an effort to appear alert and energetic, but she failed miserably when she discovered she couldn’t even keep her eyes open. The bright morning sun shot tiny daggers of fire directly into her brain. She had to close her eyes against the blinding glare.
But if the sun was in her eyes, that meant they were heading east! Home was west! Suddenly she had no trouble at all keeping her eyes open. She pulled up on the reins, bringing Blaze to an abrupt halt. “Why are we headed east?” she demanded.
Travis stopped his horse a half-length ahead of hers and kept his eyes trained on the trail. “I’m taking you back.” His voice was emotionless. No, not emotionless. It was hard…cold, and it sent a shiver of apprehension down Daniella’s spine.
“Back to Cochise?”
“Yes.” He still didn’t look at her.
In that moment Daniella’s world came crashing down around her. He’d changed his mind. He didn’t want her after all. Her emotions seesawed between hopeless despair and righteous anger. The anger won out. “No!” she cried.
This time he looked at her, in surprise. “What do you mean, no?”
“I mean simply that. No.” She thrust out her chin. “I won’t go.”
“Look, Dani. I’ve thought it over—”
“You’ve thought it over? You’ve thought of nothing but yourself. You’re always trying to tell me what to do. You told me to come home with you, but I didn’t, so you came after me. Then you told me to marry you. Now you’ve changed your mind and decided you don’t want me after all. Fine! After what happened when we—” Her cheeks stung something awful. “I don’t blame you for not wanting me around.”
She squared her shoulders and sat up straighter, determined not to cry. “But I decide where I’ll go. Not you. I do have other options besides just you and Cochise. I can go to my own ranch. I won’t go back to Cochise.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” Travis said. “I haven’t changed my mind. I’ve never changed my mind about wanting you. But you’ll never make it, Dani. You collapsed after just one day. You’ll never last another four or five days on the trail. I have to take you back, for your sake. You’ve pushed yourself too hard for too long. You’re not up to a trip like this.”
Daniella looked deep into his eyes and was warmed by the genuine concern she saw there. He could just be using this as an excuse, but she didn’t really believe that. She didn’t want to believe it.
“If I jumped to conclusions and misunderstood, then I’m sorry, Travis. But I won’t go back to Cochise. Yes, I was tired last night.” She ignored his snort of disgust at her obvious understatement. “And I’ll probably be just as tired when we stop tonight. But I’d rather spend the next few days being tired and end up at home, yours or mine, than be left with Cochise. That is what you were planning, wasn’t it? To leave me there?”
Travis sighed and looked away. “Only until you were rested and I could come back for you.”
“And how long would that be? A week? A month? Or would you change your mind again and just leave me there?”
“No!” he objected. “You’re my wife now—”
Her heart thudded. He still wanted her? Even after—
“You belong in my home,” he said firmly. “But if you try to make it all the way back now, you’ll either lose the babies or kill yourself, and I won’t let you do that.”
“I won’t go back to Cochise, and you can’t make me.”
She might as well have thrown a glove in his face as a formal challenge, for that was the effect of her declaration. Travis worried his horse around until he was beside her. Before she could prevent it, he pulled her from her saddle and planted her in front of him on his own mount. “Can’t I?”
Daniella wiggled and kicked her feet to get loose, but the buckskin was unaccustomed to such activity and reared in protest, nearly unseating both riders. Butch and Ben joined in the fray and jostled each other and tugged on the lead line, further upsetting Buck. Daniella threw her arms fearfully around Travis and hung on tightly.
Travis held her to him with one hand and tugged the reins with the other, trying to control the horse. He wanted to concentrate on the fact that Dani had just voluntarily put her arms around him, albeit in fear, but was instead forced to pay close attention to his struggle with his mount.
“Do that again,” he said harshly, “and you might break both our necks.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, properly chastised. Then something flickered across her eyes. She tossed her head and glared at him. “Do you plan to carry me all the way there?” she asked peevishly.
Travis forced himself not to grin at such a welcome thought.
It would satisfy his own craving to hold her, and if he behaved himself, might help her get used to his touch. He gave a decisive nod. “That’s exactly what I intend to do.”
“Please don’t take me back there, Travis,” Dani pleaded.
Travis thought he detected a note of fear in her voice. He studied her closely. “Are you worried that something like what happened with Loco will happen again? Are you afrai
d to go back?”
“And if I am?” Daniella looked down at her hands and twisted her fingers in agitation. The truth was, she was more afraid that Travis would not come back for her, but she couldn’t tell him that. After the way she had behaved on their wedding night, he wouldn’t understand. She should try to explain—just as soon as she figured it out for herself.
“If you’re afraid,” Travis said, “I’d tell you not to worry. Cochise won’t let you out of his sight. Nothing like that could ever happen again. No one there would dare try to hurt you.”
Daniella realized they were moving, and they were still headed east. She couldn’t let him take her back. “I feel it’s only fair to warn you,” she stated with a calm she didn’t feel, “that as soon as you start for home, I’ll follow. Don’t worry, though,” she added. “I won’t force my company on you. I’ll go to El Valle and we can do like I suggested, we can pretend none of this ever happened. But I won’t stay with Cochise.”
Travis halted his horse again, this time in defeat. She was just stubborn enough to pull such a stunt. “Dani, be reasonable,” he tried one last time. “The trip all the way home would be too hard on you right now. I know you don’t believe me, but I really am only thinking of you.”
“You be reasonable,” she stated stubbornly. “The trip won’t be any easier on me the fatter I get. Unless, of course, you were planning on leaving me there until after I shed this burden, in which case I must remind you that then there will be two squalling babies to worry about. If that’s what you’re planning, then I can only assume you don’t intend to come for me at all. I can’t really say I blame you, though,” she said quietly. “I did warn you this would happen, that you’d regret our marriage. But in any case, I’d rather be in my own home, with Tucker and Simon, than in the mountains with Cochise. Please, Travis.”
Travis closed his eyes in frustration. She had voiced his own fears that their separation might be a long one if he took her back to Cochise. But she thought he was using her health as an excuse to be rid of her. She had no idea how wrong she was.
“All right,” he sighed. “I’ll take you home, but only under one condition.”
Apache-Colton Series Page 27
