He ambled in and took the other chair, setting the packet of papers on the table between them. “If you are feeling up to some work, I believe Natalie needs those filled out.”
She glanced down but didn’t reach for them.
“You have plenty of time,” he said. “The team won’t arrive for three weeks. Even then, they’ll be here a whole week, so these can wait.”
She kept her focus on the water. He wanted inside her head with a ferocity he rarely experienced.
“How was your session?”
“Good.” She took a sip of the tea. “Emma is a lovely girl. Very sweet.”
He snorted. “She is at least five years older than you.”
“Sometimes I feel a lot older. Dorian…do you know any, um, therapists or psychologists?”
His heart pounded. Finally, something he could do to help. When she’d mentioned the tests, he’d called a friend who explained how intense the procedures could be. Some women had a difficult time finding arousal for a while because of the invasion. Perhaps her mind led the problem.
“Yes. I know many at the health center. We can go today.”
She shook her head. “No. I’d like someone to come here, if it’s okay with you. If I never step inside in another hospital, it will be too soon.”
“I will make a few calls.”
She reached out and snagged his hand. “Not right now.” She smiled. “Later. Would you like to go down to the beach?”
He wanted to see to her health, but he couldn’t deny the request, not when she finally wanted to spend time with him. “I think a trip to the pool may be easier on you.”
“Oh, yes, of course.” She set down her tea and stood without even a wince. “I feel so good, I forgot about my knee. Will you be my crutch?”
He wrapped his arm around her middle, and his heart soared when she didn’t flinch away. Instead, she encircled his waist and held on, allowing him to take part of her weight, though she stood well.
“Getting better.”
Sometimes he wished for a bit more height, but her gaze made him feel ten feet tall. He shortened his steps as they walked through the halls. Her warmth, combined with the scent of the oils from her massage, took him back to the nights when he’d rubbed her down after basketball tournaments. She moved with such playfulness on the court, but with complete sensuality in bed, though her laughter often filled the act and his heart as well.
“I love how it’s never quiet here,” she said when the sound of crashing waves flowed through a window they passed.
“There is no lullaby like it anywhere else.”
He held open the glass door and took his place beside her once more.
“Will you need help with your suit?”
Her eyes sparkled. “Would you be scandalized if I went in naked?”
From not letting him touch her the day before to wanting to swim in the nude. Dorian wasn’t sure what it all meant, but he hoped she’d come through her darkness, at least a little. He locked the doors and was glad the gardener wasn’t scheduled for the day. He didn’t have much use for modesty, but she did.
“You are the guest. Please, be comfortable.”
She left on her panties, plain and unlike the ones he’d seen in the past, but nothing else. Her milky body needed the sun’s kiss, but he would see to that soon enough. She beckoned him with the crook of her finger.
“Forgive me for staring.” He wished he’d already removed his shirt so he could feel her soft breasts against his bare skin.
“I’d be worried if you didn’t.”
Like the day before, he helped her slide in and gave her space. He stripped off his shirt and slacks, but left his briefs in place. He’d waited years for Jenn. He wanted to encourage her to stay, not send her running again.
He dove into the deep end. When he emerged, he reveled in the happiness he always experienced in the water. She clung to the other side, watching. Her sensual expression along with her breasts bobbing on the slight wave sent him a very clear, sexy message.
He swam in long strokes, but stopped short of reaching for her. He might want to believe she’d broken through her issues, but he wouldn’t push her. She ran her hand up his arm, warming his skin.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off by pressing her lips to his. She’d never shied from expressing her desires, and when she snaked her arms around his shoulders and lifted up, even wrapping her leg around his middle, he recognized her urgency.
He broke their kiss and pressed his lips down the long line of her neck. Sinking her fingers in his hair, Jenn wiggled her hips, brushing her softness against his cock. He planted his feet on the concrete bottom to ground himself.
Dorian sucked on her collarbone until she gasped then he moved to her breasts. He wished her to be with him every moment, engaged and aroused—loving him as much as he loved her. He took her nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the tip while he massaged her other breast. She smelled like sunshine and tasted like ambrosia. The last year had dragged on forever. Having her now eased his worry she’d moved on and reminded him why she was worth the wait.
She tugged his hair, bringing his face down. Her lips crushed to his and she pulled him tight, her impatience catchy. All the things he yearned to do sped through his mind as she grasped his cock and stroked it twice, the cool water and her warm hand bringing him to attention. She positioned him between her legs and swiveled her hips down, drawing him close. She’d always seen to birth control, so he slipped in without hesitation. The familiar combination of her welcoming body and the water brought back the pleasure of past couplings, giving double satisfaction.
She nipped at his mouth and tugged on his bottom lip with her teeth. Joy, real and bright, rose in his heart as he followed her nonverbal commands. He didn’t increase his rhythm too much, just enough to make her pant and moan the way he liked. She dug her fingers into his shoulders and her tongue dove into his throat.
As much as he wanted to stretch the moment and make it last, it wasn’t in the cards, not when she threw her head back and shook with pleasure. He planted his palms on the cement edges and increased his thrusts until he finished in the hot satisfaction he’d denied himself much too long.
Dorian rested his head on her chest and for an instant Jenn was transported back to their first night together. After so much teasing, they’d come together in gentle fireworks of affection and lust. He’d been her second lover, but blew the first out of the water. She’d gone on to date over the years, but she compared everyone to him. None measured up.
He stroked her ribcage, and she fought the urge to tighten up. Her jaw began to throb from clenching her teeth. Tears burned when her good intentions slammed into the ball of irritation she’d fought so hard to deny. They’d made love, she’d achieved her first orgasm since the last time she’d been in his arms, and she’d laughed. She didn’t want to end their closeness, but she couldn’t stand to be touched any more.
“You’re tensing up again,” he murmured, his accent thicker.
A tear fell down her cheek, but with his head still pressed to her chest, he couldn’t see it. “Yep.”
“Tell me what you feel.”
“Well, it starts as mild annoyance, like a fly crawling on me sort of feeling. But then it gets to the point where I want to push you away from me and smack you so you don’t try it again.”
He whistled and eased to the concrete pool wall beside her, just out of reach. Her body relaxed, but her heart broke. She wiped the tears on her shoulder.
“It hurts me to see you upset and know holding you won’t help,” he said.
“Yep, hurts me too.” She rested the back of her head against the wall and stared at the billowing screens above. “I don’t often let people close. Then all of this started. It’s one thing to go in once a year and have stuff checked out, but so many people messed with me. I had half a dozen people work with me.” She closed her eyes. “But they were professionals doing their jobs. They we
re trying to save my life, and I am being crazy.”
“Your privacy was sorely tested. There is nothing to apologize for. Finding balance after such an invasion is difficult.”
“I’m not getting over it.”
He’d exuded youth and happiness during sex. His thoughtfulness now made her hate her fears even more.
“I will talk to my colleagues and find someone who can come here. The moment before I moved away, you looked haunted, and I don’t like it. You seemed happy after your massage.”
“I felt good,” she admitted. “And the sex was so sweet. I’ve missed you.”
Her throat tightened until she couldn’t talk. All the good of the day fled, and she wanted to go to bed alone and cry. Water splashed against the side of the pool as Dorian got out.
He wrapped a towel around his hips and held open a second one. “I think it is time for a rest.”
She wiped her eyes again, her wet hands only smearing her tears. “Your age must be catching up if you need a nap.”
He chuckled and bent low with the towel. She climbed out, and he settled it over her shoulders.
“Do you suppose if I carry you to bed, wrapped up and warm, and settle you in, you might not be uncomfortable?”
She sighed. “We can try.”
“That’s what I like to hear.”
He lifted her with ease. She rested her head on his shoulder. A massage, sex, and now a cuddle that didn’t rouse her anger—all in one day. Maybe she was closer to normal than she’d thought, even though she still felt so far away.
Chapter Six
The therapist could have appeared more forbidding, had the emaciated older man donned a black top hat, cape, and given a maniacal cackle. But Dorian said the guy came highly recommended, so Jenn set aside her first impression. She’d woken with a renewed sense of determination.
Dr. Arogos opened a small binder. “Tell me about your medical procedures.”
“Basic cancer screenings. Blood tests, biopsies, Pap smears.” She shivered at only the thought of the exams and needles.
“Much more than is customary, yes?”
“For sure. I’m used to girl maintenance, but this was different.”
“To have this come up. And how is it you came to have a clean bill of health?”
She sighed. “Another woman with my name had a provider at the clinic I use. At one of my appointments after the diagnosis, the radiologists mentioned that it was good I already had a child because in a lot of cases the treatment damages fertility.”
“But you have no children?”
“Bingo. From there, the whirlwind of finding out what happened and who had what took over, and when it all blew down, I was cancer-free with a picture-perfect cervix. The other Jennifer got a pretty rough surprise. I met her once—totally by coincidence at the clinic after everything came to light. We talked about what happened. She’s very nice.”
“And that is what bothers you.” The doctor set down his notepad. “Would you like some tea?”
He poured before she answered. Jenn reached for the cup to find her hand shaking. She tucked them both under her thighs.
“You have survivor’s remorse. It is unexpected for you, I imagine, and it is why you are clinging so hard to the physical manifestations of your issues—a situational haphephobia I would call it. You are punishing yourself.”
“Do you think?” Could there be such a practical, straightforward explanation for her problems?
“Absolutely. You lost your mother last year, and then were challenged again with your own health. Your guilt and unhappiness, which you did not face, came out in your touch phobia. Consider the alternatives. If you had turned to drugs or food for comfort, you might have been able to ignore the problem for some time. Because you crave intimacy, you sought a solution.”
“Do you happen to have one in your briefcase?”
He smirked, the expression not doing much to soften his face. Though she appreciated his no-nonsense approach, she preferred Emma the massage therapist’s sweet beating around the bush.
“Relief will come when you see you did nothing to cause these things and could have done nothing to prevent them.” He lifted his teacup, but instead of drinking, pursed his lips. “I don’t embrace the notion we all deserve happiness. Some people…happiness doesn’t suit them, and others build worlds that do not facilitate happiness. Do you want to be past this, or do you prefer the sadness?”
“I’m not some drama queen,” she said, sharper than she would have the day before. Her emotions bubbled closer to the surface than they had for longer than she could remember, the good and bad.
“Good. You do seem very practical, but it is so hard to tell. Rather than be honest with your emotions, you tucked them away and tried to ignore them. How do you feel about facing these things now?”
“What things in particular?”
“The death of your mother. The unnecessary tests. The woman who, through no fault of yours, is going through cancer treatment. Once you can accept you have no accountability, you will be happier.”
“Admitting I’m helpless will magically make this anxiety stop?”
He shook his head. “No, it won’t be that simple. Letting go is a daunting task. Ask my wife. I understand this concept, yet do like to feel in charge of my life. However, you must find a balance.”
She’d never be able to let go of everything, but she couldn’t continue as she had. Maybe learning coping strategies from an admitted controlling personality would help.
“How do we get there?”
He lifted his notebook again and clicked his pen, the move to action more reassuring than all the kind words in the world.
“Now’s as good as any time to get started. Prop your feet up, miss. Settle in and tell me about your last year.”
***
Dorian paced the hall outside Jenn’s sitting room. He’d promised he wouldn’t push for answers, intending to be on a conference call during the therapist’s appointment. When his meeting canceled, Adrian offered to move up other calls, but Dorian had refused, too distracted to work anyway.
The knob shimmied and he stopped, ready to be caught snooping. He was a Greek man who loved the woman inside the room and refused to apologize for worrying. He needed to see to her.
Dr. Arogos stepped out and closed the door behind him. He raised an eyebrow. Dorian matched the expression.
“Well,” the older man said. “What would you like to know, Mr. Logos?”
“Is she all right? Does she need anything?”
“She is healing. If you’re expecting an overnight miracle, you will be disappointed. I will be back in three days.”
“Why not tomorrow?”
“Because she needs time to think about what we discussed. You are very impatient. Do you wish to schedule an appointment to learn time management skills?”
Dorian scowled. He didn’t like having nothing to do. He wanted Jenn back. Until this trip, he hadn’t realized how much he needed her goodness, yet to walk her back to the light, he needed to pull her from the darkness.
Dr. Arogos sighed. “Keep her at ease and stay positive. She is more fragile than even she knows, but she is a fighter. Spoil her, but don’t be surprised when she has difficulty accepting your kindness. Listen, but don’t be surprised when she doesn’t share all. Tempt her, but be man enough to be rejected.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the screen. “I have my next appointment in twenty minutes.”
“I will show you out.”
Dorian used the long stroll back to think. Dr. Arogos, for all his infuriating advice, gave him direction. Would he have preferred a pill or quick fix? Perhaps, but if therapy helped her in the long run, then he would be patient.
Jenn sat at the desk, files stacked to her left and right. He blew out a relieved sigh. He’d worried she might be abed or in tears, some sort of distress.
She looked up and wiped the back of her hand across her cheek, but no new tears filled her eyes.
“Hi. Finished early today?”
He took the chair across from her. “I wish I could claim such a noble reason for my presence, but I fear I’ve been pacing the halls waiting to hear from you.”
“I’m okay. The doctor had some good things to say. Now I need to think on them, you know?”
He nodded, though he did not know.
“He says I have survivor’s guilt,” she continued. “My mother died so quickly and so full of pain—since he’s pointed it out, I realize how much it eats at me. I always felt I should have been able to do something more for her. Then with the cancer stuff…there’s another woman with my name, but a different life, who is going through something horrible, something she might not survive…and I’m in Greece, doing the job I love with the man I lo—”
She bit off her words and gazed away. His heart flipped in his chest, a near painful experience. She’d never been at a point before to acknowledge the binds between them, and he’d respected her need for growth before commitment. He could hope for the words now, even if they came from a fragile state.
“So, I have all these wonderful things in my life and she’s struggling,” Jenn continued, as if she hadn’t said anything extraordinary. “I think I’m going to have a hard time with this for a while, but I plan, to get better.”
“The intimacy issue?” he asked, willing to allow the feelings to drop.
“I guess grief manifests in different ways. I could have sunk into cupcakes instead, but this way I’m forced to face the problems.”
“But because you can’t touch and want to?”
“Exactly. I want to have normal interactions with the people I care about. It’s important to me.” Her eyes narrowed then she nodded. “I can grieve for the other people and feel empathy for them while still being grateful for my life.”
Warmth filled him. “Yes, darling. You can. How much work do you have left here?”
“Oh.” She looked down at the stack. “Way more than I’m going to get done today. Was there something you needed me to do?”
He stood. “I would like to go to the market today and find you something splendid.”
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