by Cindi Madsen
He glanced around at the bare room. It wasn’t nearly as nice as his place, and I didn’t have much in the way of furniture yet, but after everything that’d happened, there was no way I could stay with him, and moving back home with my parents would make me feel even more pathetic than I already did.
“Look, bro…” Evan ran a hand over his jaw, then seemed to decide to just spit it out already. “I never should’ve asked you to take Gwen to that wedding for me.”
I wanted to say no, you shouldn’t have, but going back in time and undoing it would mean erasing the memories she and I had together, and everything in me revolted at that as well.
“I thought a lot about what you said—about how you always got the raw end of the deal whenever we switched places.”
“Except with Gwen,” I said. “That’s the only time I got the better end of the bargain, because I got to spend all that time with her.” My heart knotted, and I rubbed at my chest. “Even though, no, you shouldn’t have asked, and I shouldn’t have gone along with it.”
Evan’s eyebrows arched as the rest of his features slackened—I wasn’t sure which part he found so shocking. “Damn. You’ve got it bad for her.”
I clenched my jaw against the tide of misery that constantly flowed and ebbed, one that I feared might never go away. “What do you want?”
He nodded. “That’s fair, I guess. Usually I do show up when I want something. But this time, I really just came over to say I was sorry. I don’t want some girl to tear us apart.” His gaze dipped to the way I’d automatically clenched my fists, and he held up his hands. “Sorry. Not just some girl. But the sentiment’s the same.”
I worked on releasing my tight muscles and the headache throbbing to life at my temples lessened. “I don’t want things to be strained between us, either.”
“I can’t make up for all the years that I pulled you into my messes,” Evan said. “But I’m sorry that you had to clean up so many of them, and I promise that from now on, I’ll clean them up myself.” One corner of his mouth kicked up. “Except if I land in jail and or need a lawyer for something—you’re crazy if you think I’d go to dad.”
I chuckled at that.
“So we good?” he asked.
“We’re good.”
Evan clapped me on the shoulder. Then his eyes met mine. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like shit.”
“Well, since there’re so many right ways to take that, I’ll choose one of them.”
My brother laughed, but the humor faded as quickly as it came, his expression growing serious. “You know, I was so pissed that you’d try to take Gwen from me. That you’d cross that line…”
“Hey, you were the one who—”
“I know, I know.” Evan held up two fingers. “Peace, remember? I came to declare peace. What I’m saying is, now that I see you and how miserable you clearly are without her, I realize I never cared about her the way you do.”
I clenched my jaw, working to keep a lid on those damn mushy emotions that refused to stay down. “I tried to tell myself it was messed up to even think about crossing that line with her because you two had dated, but…”
“But I forced you on that road trip, and she’s super-hot.”
“Among a lot of other things. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’ve never connected with anyone like that.”
“Yeah, you’ve definitely got it bad.”
“I’d like to say something noble, like if you’re not okay with it, I won’t pursue her. But I can’t do that.” Earlier I’d deluded myself into thinking maybe I could cut my losses, but talking about Gwen, thinking about her… It sent resolve coursing through me once again. “Not that I know how to get her to forgive me, or to even fucking talk to me, but if she ever does, nothing will hold me back.”
“Well, if you want the advice she gave me when she thought I was just some random drunk dude with the wrong number, she said to show the girl how much you care, and to be there for her.”
I thought I’d told her how much I cared, and I wanted to be there for her, but it was hard when she wouldn’t let me.
Maybe she needed more than that. Maybe she needed proof that we were supposed to be together, and I just so happened to have experience with proof and beyond reasonable doubts. In fact, getting rid of reasonable doubts was in my job description.
Gwen and I might not have months of history, but that didn’t mean shit when it came to love.
Love. The word echoed through me. I hadn’t let myself dare think the word these past two weeks, but it’d popped in there before I could stop it, and the knowledge of how much I loved her washed over me, no way I could deny it, and I found I didn’t want to.
And after I proved to her that I knew the real her—the one she didn’t let everyone see—I intended to tell her. If I could get her to believe that, hopefully I could get her to believe in the rest. To believe in us.
An idea started forming. One I really hoped wouldn’t end with her filing a restraining order against me. If anyone could appreciate going after what you wanted, surely it’d be a girl who ignored signs about pools being closed.
“I’d recognize that look anywhere,” Evan said. “You’ve got the Haynes scheming face on.”
If my scheming was less tricking and more winning over, surely that made it okay. “Go big or go home, right?”
Proving that even after all the shit that’d happened the past few weeks, when it came down to it, my brother was a good guy, he said, “What can I do to help?”
32 Gwen
My eyes fought to stay open, and I covered my yawn with a hand as I pushed inside Doc Lovejoy’s Vet Clinic and Grooming Center. Lately, I hadn’t been sleeping much. Too many thoughts of a certain guy, which left me irritated about the fact that I couldn’t just forget about said guy.
He’d stopped calling five days ago. Which was what I wanted?
Shoot, even in my head I put a question mark on that. While theoretically it would help me try to get over and move past everything that’d happened, I hated how much disappointment I experienced over him giving up already. He doesn’t think I’m worth fighting for.
Which was an unfair thought since I’d been the one not returning his calls, and I still didn’t know if I could ever forgive him, and yeah… Long story short, I hadn’t been sleeping and my mood tipped toward the constantly-discontent side of the spectrum, which made me feel not like myself. To make matters worse, I didn’t have time to stop for coffee this morning, so I didn’t even have the caffeine I needed to fake being my bubbly self.
“Morning, Gwen,” Dr. Lovejoy sing-songed, and I pulled out the plastic smile. Usually she was the tired one who took an hour or so to fully wake up and I was the one giving out chipper greetings first thing.
“Morning. I’ll get you those reports—I did them last night, I just wanted to doublecheck them when my brain was fully awake and functional before I emailed them to you.”
My boss was giving me this weird smile I didn’t think I’d seen on her before. “No worries. Er, I mean, yeah. Get right to your computer so you can do that.”
Oh-kay, then.
I rounded my desk, and warmth somersaulted through me. My boss had gotten me coffee from Sacred Grounds. I didn’t even know she’d been paying attention to where I bought my coffee. A brown bag sat next to it, too, and I opened it up, my mouth watering when I spotted the chocolate muffin inside.
As I dug it out, a folded yellow paper came along for the ride.
Since I had my priorities, I took a bite of the muffin and then lifted the note.
Gwen,
While I love your caffeinated hurricane mode, I also love those few minutes in the morning where you’re just a pinch grumpy and words don’t come as easily. I figured that I’m probably responsible for you being anything less than happy, which kills me, but I was hoping that coffee and a muffin would help.
I’m not asking you to call me or text me yet. I’m asking you to give me today to show
you how well I know you.
Also, I figured that I should share a few things you might not know about me.
I HATE blueberries. The reason why involves a puking story, and since I don’t want to ruin your breakfast, I won’t go into any more detail than that. I will say that if you’d agree to have breakfast with me, I’d eat every blueberry muffin Sacred Grounds has.
(Just give me a heads up if you’re going to take me up on the offer, because I might have to go in early, buy up most of their blueberry muffins, and force them upon random passersby.)
*side note: did you see how I used the correct plural form of passersby? That’s what a ridiculously expensive education does for you. Teaches you how to be a lawyer, and how to sound pretentious all in one!
Ethan “Not Evan” Haynes
I accidentally laughed out loud at the pretentious part. Imagining him buying up all the muffins also made me smile, even as that gaping hole in my heart pulsed to life, reminding me of how Evan and Ethan’s lies had put it there.
“The guy who brought that in was very handsome,” Dr. Lovejoy said, leaning against my desk and reminding me that she was there. “Is he your boyfriend? The one you’ve clearly been holding back details about?”
How did I even go about answering those questions? Oh, no, he’s totes not my boyfriend. He’s actually my ex-boyfriend’s twin brother, and I might be in love with him, but because I can’t just let people lie to me, I also can’t be with him.
I don’t think.
I re-folded the note and ran my fingers over the crease. “If I open that can of worms, then there’d be early birds in here trying to catch them, then the cats and dogs would go crazy, and isn’t this place enough of a madhouse?”
My boss blinked at me, wearing the confused expression a lot of people did when my random rambling kicked into hyperdrive.
“Looks like the caffeine’s kicking in.” I lifted my coffee in a sort of salute, then took a gulp that was hot enough to burn my tongue and make me wonder how close I’d been to catching Ethan at my desk.
I’m asking you to give me today to show you how well I know you.
I didn’t know whether to be excited or afraid. Honestly, both emotions bubbled up inside me, and I found myself glancing at my phone.
Then a customer came in, saving me from doing something I might later regret. It was crazy how strong the urge to talk to Ethan had been, not fading with each passing day, but growing. Hearing his words in the letter brought the temptation to call screeching to the surface.
Luckily, one customer after another came in, and then all I could think about was keeping up.
My caffeine buzz was long gone by the time the end of the work day finally came around. As I neared my car, I noticed something on the windshield, and as I walked closer, details started standing out.
White horse with a horn, fluffy white tail and mane, and a bright rainbow underneath.
I glanced around, then picked up the unicorn and hugged it to my chest. I’d never confessed to Ethan that while I was right about the game totally being rigged, the way I’d won the stuffed toy had also been rigged.
The yellow note pinned under my windshield wiper caught my attention, and I slid it out and unfolded it. The paper matched the one that’d been in the bag with my muffin, and it hit me that they were from a legal pad. I wasn’t sure if he preferred that type of notebook or he was doing some kind of lawyer symbolism.
I bet he’s an amazing lawyer. Kind and protective, yet fair. Smart. Probably even quotes the Gettysburg Address to impress clients.
I bet most of them fail to see how cool that is, which is a damn shame.
Says the girl who’s failing to see how cool he is.
Not that I failed. I was trying to keep my dignity. Reading this note would undoubtedly make it harder to do that, but it’s not like I couldn’t not read it. Just like I’d listened to every single one of his voicemails.
Steeling myself for a tornado of emotions, I opened up the paper.
Guinevere,
Have I mentioned how much I love using your full name? Remember when I said names were important? Well, trust me, if anyone understands just how important they are, it’s me.
A memory from the night at the carnival came back to me, about how he’d said that very thing, which made much more sense now that I knew he’d been going by the wrong name.
Anyway, Horny’s getting out of control, humping his way across my apartment, and I thought that he should channel some of that energy to help you offload some product.
But let’s be honest, he’ll probably just keep on humping his rainbow.
Fun fact: my favorite animal is a turtle. I used to have a couple of red-eared sliders as a kid. I got so into my turtles that Evan staged an intervention because he said it’d damage his rep if his twin brother was known as the amphibian kid. I, of course, told him that technically, I’d be the reptile kid. It felt like a pretty good comeback until saying it aloud made me realize I was THIS CLOSE to becoming a social pariah.
(I wondered if I should leave Evan out of my stories, but I’m trying to be completely honest with you, and the truth is that while he’s sometimes a pain in my ass, he’s my pain in the ass.)
Another fun fact for you because I’m generous like that. I used to think Merry-Go-Rounds were the lamest ride. Now, thanks to a beautiful girl who showed me how much fun I could have on one, they’re my favorite. I’d even rank them higher than the Zipper, although since the one we rode made you cling to me like you were never letting go, it’s a close second.
Ethan the Reptile Kid Man
(Not as cool as some of the superheroes you guessed, I know)
My heart felt like it might burst. Remember that thing about not liking rollercoasters? Well, it felt like I was on one. The ups were amazing, but I’d experienced that hard and fast down, and I still wasn’t sure I liked it. Although no one had ever hand written me notes and poured out his heart like this before, and it definitely nudged me closer to the forgiving him line.
The forgiving and forgetting and going all in one…?
Undecided.
“I think I need to get home and talk to Tori about this,” I told Horny the Unicorn, because I figured I might as well embrace the crazy that a certain handsome, charming lawyer had driven me to.
33 Gwen
“Tori?” I burst into the apartment, a stuffed unicorn tucked under my arm. “You’ll never guess—” I froze as I took in the enormous bouquet of red tulips on the counter.
“I bet I can guess,” she said, coming out from the hallway.
“Was he here?” I asked, my throat going dry.
“Just the delivery man.” She leaned her elbows on the counter. “But… Well, don’t be mad, but I might’ve provided him with your schedule. Since it was to leave you notes and not to ambush you, I figured it was okay, and you’ve been so miserable, and really, someone needed to do something.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “So you told him to do this?”
Tori adamantly shook her head. “This was all him. He got in touch with me—evidently Evan had my info—and asked if I’d help. I told him I would, and that if he made it impressive enough, maybe I wouldn’t follow through on the threat to take out a restraining order against him—”
“Tori!”
She held up her hands. “Just a bluff. Had to see what he was made of. Admittedly, he’s pretty damned determined. I think the boy might be a wee bit crazy over you.” She jerked her chin at the flowers. “Did you read the note yet?”
“Not this one.” I reached for it, the big yellow square on the plastic holder that usually held fancier, tinier cards. He’d folded the paper several extra times to get it to fit and my impatience grew as I struggled to unfurl it.
Using my palm, I smoothed out the creases.
Gwen,
I love that you prefer tulips over roses, and I like that you have a squirrel charm on your ankle bracelet. Your friends were right, but
I’m not sure I feel quite right saying I never thought I’d find a squirrel so damn sexy. I love how excited you get about things, and how you’re equally excited about the next thing that pops up. I love how you know a ton about lighthouses. How you make superhero jokes. And don’t even get me started on your laugh. It’s seriously my favorite. Plus your dimples.
And the way you stretch your legs up on the dash.
I could leave or take your music, but if it meant having you next to me, I’d let you play how much ever awful music you wanted.
I have a picture that proves I’m also pretty fond of your ass, but until you decide to give me another chance, I’m keeping it. (Notice how I said the thing about giving me another chance like it’s an inevitability. Hint, hint).
I also want to make a cheesy pun about your two lips, but I’m afraid I’ll undo everything else I’ve said today. Shit, I probably undid it by just saying that, didn’t I? I’d start a new piece of paper, but I’m trying to lay it all out there, so…
I promised myself I’d give everything I had to showing you how much I care, and that I know you better than anyone else. If you don’t want me to contact you after today, well, it’ll kill me, but I won’t keep bugging you. That’s not me giving up, it’s me letting you choose and giving you your freedom.
I do, however, have a few more hours till the clock strikes midnight…
He didn’t sign it, and I wasn’t sure what exactly the clock-striking-midnight statement meant. It was seven o’ clock and if I had to wait till midnight for the conclusion, I might explode.
“Why are you frowning like that? Was the note bad?” Tori asked.
“No. It was just as sweet and funny as the other two notes. It’s just that the other notes told me facts about who he is.” His words were amazing, and they made my heart soar, but I found I missed those details he’d included about himself. I wanted to dive deeper into who Ethan was. I wanted to see if we could make things work.
