Seated on a chair in the hospital waiting room, waiting for Rox and Scarlett to get out of school, and for Dad to drop them off here, I pull back the edge of the gray Moby Wrap secured around my body to peek at the tiny, dark-haired, five pound four ounce bundle sleeping with his cheek on my breast. His teeny fingers are balled into a fist as he attempts to suck that thing into his mouth, failing adorably. My heart beats a little faster, my insides warming as I run a finger through the angel’s downy soft hair. He might have been born in a car, cut from his mother’s womb, but he’s healthy in all ways. Sweet, calm, barely cries and sleeps a good three hours straight before needing to be fed again. He’s the reason I won’t speak to Kade.
The day of the baby boy’s birth, after I’d heard of his existence, I helped Rosie clean up the cabin for an hour or two as we awaited word about Ryker’s condition. He was in surgery for a long while. There was nothing I could do at the hospital but worry, so I focused my attention on something useful—putting shit back together. Time ticked by, so when Rosie got a call from Kade that the boy had been cleared with a clean bill of health, and Ryker was still not doing well, I decided to go to the hospital to see the child for the first time. Part of me expected to be angry or jealous that my ex had a son in the world. Something I could never give him. But the first time I saw the sleeping angel inside his plastic bassinet with a blue knitted hat on his head, I swear my insides filled with so much joy I thought I might burst.
Tapping on the glass window of the nursery to get the nurse’s attention as Rosie stood beside me, I pointed to the Knox bundle. The nurse gave me a once over, frowned, then spent the next however long contacting someone on the phone before exiting the nursery sans baby. I wasn’t pleased.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot hold that baby unless you’re family and have permission from his parents.” I could tell by the nurse's foot to foot shifting that she was well aware of Vanessa’s death and Ryker’s unstable condition. Though she couldn’t disclose that with HIPAA laws preventing her.
Beside me, Rosie grumbled something under breath, arms folded defiantly across her chest, stance combative, as I turned on the charm. “I understand why you’re protective of him considering all that’s going on right now in our family. But that little boy is my children’s baby broth—”
“You don’t know that, Kat,” Kade boomed as he walked toward us in a pair of blue scrubs. He looked like hell and probably felt worse than he appeared. For a split second, I stepped forward, ready to throw my arms around his neck. To feel his warmth surround me. To know that he was okay and everything was gonna be alright. That we had each other no matter what. Dickcheese and Watermelon Tits against the world. Only, the next words to leave his lips severed every ounce of warmth and need I felt for him in an instant. “She’s not allowed to hold the baby,” he explained to the nurse coming to a stop a few feet away. “She ain’t his family. We don’t even know if that baby is my brother’s or not. Take care of him. Keep him alive. Sort shit out. But nobody’s allowed to hold him ‘til we know if he’s blood or not.”
Kade turned to me, eyes filled with unshed tears. “You’re not allowed to hold him. You’ll get too attached. He ain’t yours, Kat. The nurses will take care of him just fine. If Ryker dies, we’ll still get the paternity test, and if he’s blood, I’ll raise him myself. But if he ain’t, we gotta ship him off.”
I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the floor at the same time steam billowed from my ears, and an argument to rival all arguments arose. A light switch flipped inside my brain, and I lost my shit. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I laid him out for being an insensitive prick. Pretty sure I punched him a time or two. Denounced our friendship, and told him he was dead to me. Can’t say it was my finest moment. There were way too many emotions to deal with, and his assholishness merely broke the dam. Kade got a firsthand taste of Katrina Remington’s wrath.
Am I proud of myself? No. Did I make him cry? Maybe. Was I a jerk? Without a doubt. But he was just as bad. Just as vile. Just as insufferable. Saying the kid didn’t deserve the Knox name. That Vanessa, God rest her soul, was a slutbag, a whore, a disgusting piece of trash. That there needed to be a paternity test to prove to everyone he was right. That he’d always been right. That Ryker was stupid and shouldn’t have married that bitch to begin with. As I said, it was a knock-down, drag-out, fight. In the end, security was called, and we were escorted from the building to cool down. Which only added fuel to our out of control fire. We carried on and on, shouting in each other’s faces, spittle flying. I’d never been so wound up in my entire life. All I saw was red, red, and more red. What did Kade do? He wound me up tighter. Talked more shit. Told me he wished Rosie would’ve let the baby die. Do I regret standing up for that poor defenseless child? Nope. I don’t. Not one bit. How in the hell do you think I got my hands on the tiny bundle in the first place? It was all Bear’s doing. Twenty-four hours after our epic fight, the hospital signed the baby’s release papers and boom, he’s been in my care ever since. Yep, Kade, you can go eat a big bag of wrinkly dicks. I still won. That’s the beauty of next of kin. Since Vanessa had passed, Bear was the next in line to control his son’s medical decisions, including what happened with his newborn son. Damn, just thinking about that day has my blood pressure spiking. Fuck Kade and the purple dildo he rode in on. Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to that jerk since our fight. Nor do I plan to anytime soon. The only reason I’m sitting here in the hospital, to begin with, is because Ryker’s awake. Bear informed me this morning.
Let’s just hope another throw down doesn’t occur in Ryker’s room, because I’m gonna murder Kade with my bare hands if it does.
Ryker
Scrubbin’ both palms down my face, I swallow the thick lump in my throat. I can’t believe this is fuckin’ happening. I just… fuuuck. Vanessa’s dead, truly dead, and my beautiful, wonderful, unbelievably amazing Kat has been carin’ for a baby that we’re not even sure is mine. This can’t be real. God can’t hate me any more than he already does.
“You gotta get that baby away from her, man,” Kade presses, pacin’ from one wall to the other in my step down hospital room. They got me outta the ICU this morning. Which means I get to see my kids today. Younger children aren’t permitted to visit the ICU here. Not that I’d let that stop me from seein’ ‘em anyhow.
“Why?” I arch a brow.
“’Cause that kid ain’t yours, and she’s gonna get too attached.” His shoulders hunch as he strides with a purpose, chin on chest, hands down at his sides curled into fists.
Yeah, I’m not buyin’ it. There’s more to this story than that. He wouldn’t be on the verge of sweatin’ bullets if there wasn’t somethin’ else goin’ down. He’s hidin’ it from me.
“Bullshit. Spill it now, Kade. What the fuck’s goin’ on?” I might be in pain, the narcotics they’re givin’ me are toyin’ with my head, makin’ shit a little foggy. But I know my brother when he’s holdin’ back.
Fast walkin’ over to the couch where his crap’s at, Kade finds a small knife inside his duffle and starts runnin’ the thin blade up and down his forearm. He heaves a sigh of relief as if that piece of metal fixes everything. For him, it helps. I get it.
“Well?” I’m not lettin’ this go.
He won’t look at me as he scrubs the back of his neck like he’s guilty as fuck.
“What the hell did you do?” I grumble.
“Saved your life,” he snaps.
Yes, I know this and I’m never gonna be able to repay him for that gift. I would’ve done the exact same thing if roles were reversed. He knows it.
“And?” I dig a little harder as I readjust the pillow behind my head. It’s nice finally bein’ able to sit upright.
“Fuck! Get off my back already. You’ve been awake for what?” He glances at the clock on the wall next to the TV. “Six hours. And you’re already up my ass.”
Fine. If he wants to act infantile, then I’m gonna treat him that way. “Awe
, you poor, poor baby, do you need a pacifier to go with that prissy bitch whine?”
“Fuck you.”
I snort, unamused. “Tell me.”
“Fine.” Kade throws his hands up in defeat. “Kat and I got into a huge argument, alright?” He sulks, taking a seat on the rockin’ chair in the corner. Christ, for being such a sadistic sonofabitch he sure has one helluva soft spot for my old lady.
“What’d you do?”
Head snappin’ up, he scowls at me, upper lip curled, eyes blazing. “Why do you assume it’s me who started it?”
“’Cause you wouldn’t be feelin’ like this if you didn’t do somethin’ wrong.”
“I didn’t do anythin’ wrong.”
“Right. So you’re nervous and over emotional for nothin’,” I deadpan.
“You almost died! Isn’t that understanding enough?”
“Nope. ‘Cause I ain’t dead. So tell me what happened.”
Slumpin’ back in the chair, gaze cast heavenward, Kade sighs. “I wouldn’t let her hold the baby. Told her that we needed to get a paternity test first. That she didn’t need to get too fuckin’ attached to someone who might not be blood. Plus a bunch of other mean shit that I shouldn’t have said. ‘Cause now she won’t talk to me.”
“You did not say that to her,” I growl, ready to bash in his skull.
“I did.”
“What the fuck’s wrong with you? You can’t talk to my pregnant woman like that.” What the hell was he thinking?
Shakin’ his head, Kade grips the arm of the chair like it’s a lifeline. “She was gonna fall in love with him, Ryker. What was I supposed to do? Tell her to hold him and fall in love with his cute, squishy face, then rip him from her arms when he turns out not to be yours? ‘Cause let’s face it, your wife was a club whore who got knocked up by someone in our club, and that doesn’t mean it was you. It could’ve been Hammer or any number of the brothers. There’s no reason you should be saddled with a baby that ain’t blood. Not when you’ve already got a pregnant woman and two daughters to take care of. Kat has gone through enough. Takin’ care of a newborn that ain’t blood, while about ready to pop herself ain’t somethin’ she should be dealin’ with.”
Dammit. He’s right. I hate to admit it, but he is.
“Then why didn’t you explain it to her that way? You’d still be talkin’ to her if ya had.” Kat’s understanding. She’d see his point. Not sayin’ she would’ve agreed or sided with him considering it’s a baby we’re talkin’ about here. But she wouldn’t have written him off.
“You don’t think I know that? I barely got a chance to tell her she couldn’t hold him before she went crazy. Started screamin’ at me. I’ve never seen her so angry, bro. Ever. And havin’ it directed at me, after the week we’ve all had, I just… well… I yelled back.”
Exhaling, Kade massages the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. “We had to be escorted outside. Which made things worse. She almost kneed me in the nuts four times. Punched me in the chest twice. She was so pissed. Callin’ me selfish. Sayin’ I didn’t love her, and if I did, I wouldn’t do this. That the baby needed someone to hold him. To show him somebody cared. What did I do? I kept thinkin’ about her raisin’ a baby that ain’t hers. Takin’ care of somethin’ she shouldn’t have to. You and Ghost have put her through enough. All I’m tryin’ to do is shield her heart. I love her so fuckin’ much. All I wanna do is protect her and my nieces… Fuck.” Kade swipes a finger under his eyes, staring at the ceiling, swallowin’ hard to keep from burstin’ into tears.
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Buck up? Stop bein’ a bitch? Nope. I can’t do any of that. This man kept my family safe alongside Rosie and saved my life, plus a baby’s. In my book, he’s a goddamn hero.
My tone goes soft to calm the war wagin’ in my brother’s head. “It’s gonna work itself out. Kat’s not gonna stay mad at you forever. You’re her best friend.”
“I hope so. Pops said she’s comin’ up to see you soon. So expect her to give me the cold shoulder. You need to worry about gettin’ better, not this. I’ll figure out a way to get back in Kat’s good graces. If you could do it after all the shit you’ve pulled, I’m sure it won’t take me long.” The bastard smirks, a flash of white teeth showin’. Sadly, I can’t argue his logic. I’ve done far worse to my love, and yet we’re still on speaking terms.
Dramatically layin’ a hand over my heart, I fake groan to lighten the mood. “You wound me.”
Kade chuckles. “You’re wounded enough, dumbass.”
That I am.
Starin’ down at my blanket covered legs, I sweep my gaze up to my bandaged arm. Three bullets went straight through my bicep. One nicked an artery. Another, the bone. The bullet they think ricocheted off the car into my good thigh, didn’t do much more than tear a hole through part of the meat makin’ me bleed like a stuck pig. The one in my shoulder they said also went clean through. All in all, I’m damn lucky to be alive. Not many people can say they survived bein’ shot five times, in a car wreck, lost so much blood they went into cardiac arrest twice and lived to tell the tale. Let’s just pray I survive seein’ Kat for the first time since everything happened. It could go either way. I’ve got one helluva feisty woman on my hands, and I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world. Even if that means she wants my balls in a vice. For her, I’d consider it the highest honor.
Kat
“Can I see him again, Mom, before we go in?” Scarlett gushes right outside Ryker’s door. She’s talking about Mr. Sleepyhead who’s drooling all over my breast. The girls just got to the hospital. Not wanting to waste any time I ushered them to the second floor where Dad said Ryker’s now staying. My stomach’s in knots. Hands clammy. Seeing him awake for the first time since the accident is overwhelming. But I can’t tell Scarlett no about seeing her baby brother. Even if she doesn’t know they’re related. Not that that matters much to them. Each morning before the girls leave for school they help me feed him. Rox changed her first diaper yesterday. I might’ve bawled like a giant baby in the bathroom after they left for school because of it. We’ll blame it on pregnancy hormones. Sound good to you?
Drawing back the gray fabric I expose baby boy’s smooth cheek and fuzzy head of hair. Both of my daughters step forward, giant smiles lighting their faces as they watch him sleep soundly.
“Awe, he’s so cute, Mom,” Rox whispers, leaning in to kiss his head. Upon stimulation, he nuzzles deeper into my breast making an adorable noise. All three of us stare at him in rhapsody. He’s just… he fills my heart up so much. I never thought I could say that about a baby I didn’t birth. Every day when I hold him, I consider it a blessing that he’s alive, and that I’m the one to care for him. I wish I could say I don’t hog him, but I do. However, don’t you worry, Dad and Bear have both held him numerous times. Even though I can tell Bear’s more leery about cuddling with the newborn than my dad is—who’s gushing Grandpa Ghost, always bearing gifts from the moment he walks in the door. Bear reserves most of his affection for Scarlett and Rox. Part of me wonders if it’s a loyalty thing that holds him back. Like Kade’s discontent makes him pause? Or he’s waiting for Ryker’s blessing? Either way, I’ve made sure the little guy doesn’t go without lots of love, food, sleep, and a clean tushie.
“You wanna give him a kiss, too, Scarlett, before we go in?” I prompt. She nods happily before leaning in to drop a smooch. “Ready?” I add, patting both of their shoulders in support. Seeing Ryker alive and well is going to be a huge relief to all of us, as well as emotional. At least for me, it is. My nose is already starting to burn with the urge to cry, and I haven’t even seen him yet.
Keep it together, Kat.
“He might be sleeping when we go in. So be quiet. He needs his rest. Okay?” I need to quit talking and get this over with. Stop dawdling. Rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.
“Yes, Mom,” they reply in unison.
Here goes nothing.
Pushing
the lever to Ryker’s door, I shoo the girls in first like a damn coward. Head tipped down, afraid to make direct eye contact with my… whoever he is to me, or his jackwagon brother, I shuffle my Chucks quietly into the space. The hairs on the back of my neck stand attention. Feeling multiple sets of eyes ghost across my skin, my hands begin to tremble. To keep them busy, I absentmindedly rub my belly. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.
Forcing myself to chill, I swallow my nerves down like a shot of whiskey.
There’s a gasp, and just as I dare to look up, Scarlett screeches an emotionally charged, “Daddy” as she and Rox throw themselves at an awake, teary-eyed Ryker, who’s staring right at me. His mouth drops open in surprise as he hugs our children despite the pain he must be experiencing.
Wait a second…
Daddy?
D-a-d-d-y… what the?!
How did they find out? Who told them?
Oh. My. Shiit… Th-this can’t be happening.
Tears prick the corners of my eyes.
Exhaling a shuddery breath, I massage my tongue against the roof of my mouth to do what… I… I don’t know. I’m… this…
Taking a step back, ready to bolt, my wide eyes soak in the space. One, one thousand; two, one thousand; three, one thousand. My heart pounds faster. I retreat another step, hand poised to yank the door open and go. To where, I don’t fuckin’ know.
As if I’m invisible, and my world hasn’t just disintegrated beneath my feet, Rox and Scarlett pepper warm kisses along Ryker’s cheeks from either side of the bed. His blue penetrating gaze still locked on me, he endeavors to return the sentiment by kissing them back in an adorable haphazard fashion. In my peripheral, a body moves, and I back up against the door, ass molded to the fake wood. Swiveling my attention away from Ryker’s hospital bed and our kids, I find Kade seated in a rocking chair in the corner, his tired eyes fixed on me. Not on my daughters who announced… that his brother’s their dad. Wowza… how’s this possible? Instead, Kade’s staring in my direction as if he expects me to do or say something. That’s impossible, when I’m at a loss for words.
Hopelessly Devoted: (Sacred Sinners MC - Texas Chapter #3) Page 2
