My dramatics were getting me worked up again. I started to move against her body, wanting her again but she couldn’t. I knew that. So, I denied myself, knowing that it would be that much more intense when she touched me next time.
“You should rest,” I told her. “Tomorrow you can show me your stash and you can play with me.” I kissed the top of her head. “If you’re up for it.”
Her hand came up and covered my mouth. “Shhhhh,” she said, quieting. “I'm broken,” she whispered. “I couldn’t even reciprocate right now if you gave me a shot of adrenaline. You've done me in. I'm in pieces.” I heard her breathe me in and nestle into me. “We sleep too much,” she said. Given how tired she was at the beginning of the day it made me laugh.
“I didn’t mean right now.”
My hand went to her hair and I stroked it, enjoying the smoothness. My energy was coming back but I needed to chill. “Hmmm,” I hummed.
“Do you want to do laps?” She asked, a smile tickling her.
“Oh my god, stop reading my mind. I was just thinking about how it would be nice to swim right now.”
“You live here now. You don't have to ask,” she said sweetly. “You should go, I'll go down after and just soak.”
“You sure you’re okay to get out of bed? I thought I wrecked you,” I joked.
“It'd be worse if I let you carry me. Your skin on my skin is the whole issue. Go on,” she said, pushing me away. “I just need to be careful. Every move is like an aftershock. I don't expect you to understand.”
“Mmmhmm. I’m like a cure and a poison. I understand. I shall deign to not touch m’lady until she is well from my illness.”
I couldn’t help but kiss her lips, quickly once more before I rolled away from her and my feet touched the ground. I stood and trotted to the closet to find the suit I’d been wearing earlier. Once I had it on I walked back past the bed where she was laying back and watching me.
“If you’re too tired to come down, stay. I don’t want you to get up just to keep me company.” I gave her a pointed look from the doorway. “Okay?”
“Oh, I’m coming down,” she said. “I could use a good soak after that. I’m pretty sure I’m about to be really sore.”
“Good.” I bit my bottom lip and felt that dreamy high she gave me. “I can also see the marks I left getting pretty dark already even from over here.” I shook my head. “You’re going to need a hell of a concealer for that.”
She groaned and rolled over onto her stomach, flipping her head the other way and stretching her body to try and get moving. From the looks of things it might take her a while.
“Okay, I love you, bye.” I slipped out of the room, closing the door. Made my way down the stairs, not waiting for her goodbye. If I looked at her stretching and moving around I was going to attack her again. I couldn’t. I needed to burn off some energy.
No one was around so I jogged through the house and out the door in the back, stopping to avoid the outdoor furniture and pick my spot. The pool looked so good. It was so huge and inviting and I knew it was just warm enough to take the chill away.
I dove from the end, coming up and swimming, pumping my arms and kicking hard. This was a release, not as good as Olivia’s touch but different for me. It was time to let it out, everything that happened to me. The dinner, my dad attacking Ben, the sex we’d had today. My excitement about moving in and my dread of dealing with the Ben situation.
I didn’t cry into the water this time. I just worked my body, taking care to feel every movement. My muscles moved with fluid motion from memory of doing this a million times. I swam until I could feel myself ready to slow and then I powered the last five hundred meters. I would be as tired as Olivia by the end. That way I could stop myself from touching her. I might break her for real if I did and I needed her together for our next round. So, I forced myself to do more than I felt I could. For both of us.
Chapter Four
Olivia
I’m not really sure what got into her but after the music room, after her father had gone, Avery kicked herself into overdrive.
All of a sudden she wasn’t much interested in words or looks.
She’d taken me down and not gently.
It was good, just…
I don’t think I could’ve stopped her if I wanted to, not even if I tried.
She had such strength and she was so good at everything having to do with her body and mine.
I laid there a long while on the bed, trying to breathe some life back into my limbs.
The way she touched was so right, I ached everywhere.
Eventually I got up feeling shaky and strange.
I dressed in the closet and felt how weak I was from all that she’d done.
I don’t think she exactly knew.
And I don’t think I could tell her.
I felt like a superhero right after a big battle. Dramatic, I know, but there was nothing closer to compare it to.
Sometimes a thing like that can just happen to you and when it’s over you just want to be done for a while.
With what?
I dunno… Breathing? Living?
It’s hard to say.
She was trying to talk to me before and I couldn’t speak, I literally couldn’t.
I walked the stairs, putting my weight on the rail.
As soon as I started to move it all got a lot easier. It was just the starting part that gave me trouble.
In the kitchen I pulled some fruit out of the fridge and poured myself a glass of wine.
I leaned on the counter, resting my body as I drank it down.
My head swam, slowing down enough to meet with my sore stomach and sore limbs.
I went out and slipped into the hot tub. Steam encircled me and soothed me to rest.
Avery was swimming so fast. Her arms chopping at the water.
She had so much energy it baffled me.
Meanwhile, I could barely move.
I couldn’t even hold a book right now.
I laid my neck back on the stone and looked up at the stars.
Occasionally I would pull a strawberry out of the container I’d brought out and lazily eat it.
The moon was insane. I almost felt it was overpowering me. Like a light in an interrogation room it just shun down on me without mercy.
Was this going to be life now? Orgasm after orgasm, so intense I can’t even move?
I started to laugh and had to hold at my stomach. Even that simple movement sent reverberations I felt inside.
I guess I wasn’t really ready for her, even now.
I tried to warn her of that the other night but then I was also sick of her treating me like some little doll she couldn’t fully touch.
How to broach the topic now? That was a whole new problem I guess.
I sat in the heat and tried to let it heal me. Problem was? Heat just led to further sensitivity.
Soon Avery would be done exhausting herself. She’d be back and wanting to touch me again.
I sighed a deep sigh, unsure of how to feel.
When I heard her noises stop I opened my eyes and waited, just breathing and hoping she couldn’t ruin me. I couldn’t be that weak, right?
Making love was different than fucking. I was more sensitive to Avery than anyone else. I could let Natalie do a number of atrocious things to me but Avery doing even small things broke me more.
I heard her splashing and then heard the pad of her wet feet on the concrete. “Do you have room for one more?” She held her hands up in surrender. “I promise not to touch.”
“Be careful,” I smiled. I did want her close but I was a little bit scared now. Any touch from her could probably set me off again.
That should be a good thing but right now I sort of hated that I couldn’t control it.
“Okay,” she answered. I watched her slide into the water on the opposite side from me and move her feet close to mine. “I almost killed you, didn’t I?” She was frowning now.
“You did,” I smiled. “I just can’t take anymore right now. Sorry.” Distance was good.
I could tell though she probably didn’t know what I meant. I couldn’t take her touch right now, just her touch would get my body feeling.
I felt like an animal right now, nothing more.
Animals in heat are intense. I had a kitten once that I’d saved as a stray. I didn’t know about nature. I didn’t know what was happening to her when she walked to the door at night and cried and cried to attract any male.
Thinking of that now was really not something I wanted to do.
I shut my eyes and tried to relinquish the connection.
“I can go back to the pool or inside if you want. It’s fine.” Avery offered and I could tell it was sincere and she wasn’t hurt by my inability to handle being close.
“Come here,” I said, tugging her closer to me. I moved in over her and rested on her in a hug. “I love you,” I said.
I hadn’t said it in hours. I hated that. Hours? Had it really been hours or did it just feel…
Her hands came up and touched the back of my thighs. I made sure to hover my body and not press down into her.
“I love you too.” She let go of me and let me control what parts of our bodies touched. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m feeling…” I had to stop and think of the right word. “Responsive,” I said. I leaned back and squinted at her. She had her legs apart just enough that when I sat I didn’t touch her right where it would most cause me anguish.
“What about you?” I asked. She’d just swam several miles no doubt. She was really fast and she never stopped.
“I’m feeling a little tired and my arm is kind of sore. Mostly, I feel complete and full. There’s a little bit of pride mixed in there too.” She shrugged, mirroring my laid back position.
I stared down at her, loving her. “I wanna kiss you but I’m scared I’ll hurt myself.”
I liked being on her. I liked knowing it was fine to be and that she liked it.
“Ya know, I think it’s worth it,” I decided, leaning forward and taking her lips into mine. I let my tongue slide out and taste hers, my warm hand on her cold face as I shut my eyes.
It was a kiss but I felt it everywhere, my entire body felt it and it ached. I remembered reading about Harry Potter and his beast during puberty. Back then I thought it was so dramatic but right now… Unf.
She let me control everything, just responded to me. Her control was insane. She was way too good.
I let out a breath and laid my head down on her shoulder.
“Sorry,” I said. “Guess I can’t do much of that.” It worked me up. Fast.
“You’re always apologizing for things you don’t need to be sorry for. It’s okay. I kind of took you by surprise. I should be the one that’s sorry but I’m only a little sorry.”
“I don’t want you sorry,” I said. What she’d done had meant a lot to me. She finally stopped holding herself back. She did what she wanted with me. I’d been asking for that.
I turned my eyes into her neck and pulled my body closer to hers, feeling it ache and cry out for her, sore but wanting more.
“Fine, then I’m not sorry and I can’t say you’re safe from me doing that again sometime. Was it worth the pain?”
“Worth the pain?” I asked, leaning back so I could look at her. I wasn’t sure what she meant. Was what worth what pain?
“Of now, not being able to touch me that much. I guess pain is the wrong word. Was it worth the sensitivity?” She revised.
“Yes,” I said, decidedly. I didn’t like those questions though. Those weren’t questions she should be thinking. I scanned her face and realized I probably looked upset so I tried to relax. “It wasn’t painful. It was perfect. Between.” I leaned forward and hugged her again. I wanted her to understand.
“You know I’m kidding, right?” She cracked a smile. “Sorry, I was just being dramatic and silly but I guess my serious face was too serious.”
“Your serious face sometimes scares me,” I said.
“Aww, no,” she frowned. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t play with you at times like these.” She leaned in, almost kissing me, but stopped, looking at me to see if it was okay. In the end she planted a quick, soft kiss on my cheek and pulled back. “I promise I will be good.”
“Baby,” I said, my eyebrows twitching together because I needed her to know. “You make me feel reeeally good,” I said, pulling her into me and kissing her harder. I didn’t care if I would ache. It was dangerous, yes, but only in the way that having sex led to wanting more sex and bodies could be breakable and bodies could need rest but I wanted her so…
“You are good,” I whispered, feeling her everywhere and shuddering some.
“Well, I guess I am if you’re still reacting. Too good maybe.”
“Yes,” I laughed, a weight lifted. “I think I’ve been asking you to break me since we first met.” Now that was true.
“I’m afraid to tell you this but that wasn’t me at full wrecking ball strength. I was being a little on the gentle side but I knew you would tell me if you were feeling bad or needed a break.”
“I couldn’t exactly speak,” I confessed.
Full, wrecking-ball strength? Avery could murder me quick.
“Shit. We’re going to have to come up with some kind of signal.” Her brow furrowed and she looked up to the sky. “Maybe you should tap somewhere on my body three times or something.”
“And risk having you stop?” I smiled. “Yeah no… Rather be broken.” She’d probably never understand.
“Ugh,” she groaned, sinking down into the water up to her neck. “I’m just trying not to break you beyond recovery because you are essential. Also, I want to do that more times in a row so I need to preserve your energy.”
“Maybe I just need to get stronger,” I posed.
“Stronger?” She started drawing constellations in the sky with her finger, following the stars in patterns. “How do you mean?”
“Before, when you told me you wanted to do that thing to me… That thing I did to you?”
I waited to see some recognition in her eyes.
“I told you I needed time, remember?”
“Oh, yeah,” she focused on me, eyes rapt.
“Right now I’m not used to you touching me yet. You feel too good.”
“So, we just need to have a lot more sex?”
“Who knows,” I sighed. “I might never get used to you. You might always break me with ease.”
“Well, if that’s how we’re going to try to desensitize you a little I’m all for it,” she said, giving me a grin and raising her eyebrows.
“Are you not sensitive?” I asked, worried. What did it mean?
“I am. You kill me but I just crave more. There’s a point that I get to where I can’t take it anymore but I guess maybe…. I’m more used to being tortured.”
Oh God…
I didn’t like that.
My stomach hurt.
It was like being punched.
I laid my head back down on hers and let my arms hug her.
I didn’t know what to say.
“You have to understand though. It’s not bad with you. I need it. I want you to take me somewhere I don’t think I can come back from. It’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt, ever. It’s like a weird form of euphoria.”
“But I haven’t done that?” I wondered, to sad to speak more.
“You have but there’s more I want you to do. I can go farther. You can take me farther. I’ll show you and hopefully you’ll be okay with it. It’s not bad. At least I don’t think it is. You are all I need. If we never changed anything I’d be happy. You have given me the best sex I have ever imagined and more.”
“You sound like an ad, Avery… I don’t like it.” Was she lying?
“What do you mean?”
“There’s more you want but I haven’t taken you there?! I haven’t…” I had to stop.
I didn’t like it though. I didn’t like knowing that. She’d taken me everywhere. She always took me somewhere, always made me feel something good. Just being with her was being somewhere else, somewhere like she meant.
“Baby, don’t doubt right now. You’re not hearing me. You’re hearing that voice in your head telling you that you’re not enough and that’s not true. You’re always enough.”
Paper Dolls [Book Three] Page 8
