“Whatever you say.” I put a hand up, letting her have this one. I really didn’t mind Natalie so much now. We were beyond that or at least I hoped I was.
There were better things to worry about. I trusted Olivia and I knew she was mine, devoted and true.
“Oh! I didn’t tell you. Sarah outed us to the swim team and also informed me that I was so not allowed to have you escort me for prom court.”
“What? That’s crazy,” she scrunched her face but she was smiling. “That girl’s hilarious. I don’t know why you hang out with her. One couldn’t pay me to have the patience.”
“Well, I don’t anymore. I told her to shut up and informed her that I wasn’t even going to be on prom court because I thought it was stupid. I may have gotten a little pissed off.”
“You know, I’ve never been to a school dance… Well,” she said, thinking back. “I did help serve drinks at one in seventh grade but I wasn’t really there with anyone and I had a job there so I didn’t dance. You were right about that whole observer thing.”
“I bet you were so cute,” I said, thinking of her that young. “I need pictures. You’ve seen my album and now I want to see photos of you when you were little.” I bet her mom had some, somewhere.
“Oh, I’ve got pictures,” she said, flaring her eyes and looking at nothing. “There’s a whole bookshelf in the study. There was a period of time when my mom ALWAYS had a camera. I almost wonder if I took up photography just to get her to stop...”
“Yes! Liz comes through.” I chuckled and kissed her. “And by the way, school dances aren’t really that fun. Everyone’s really only interested in the after party.”
“I’m sure it’d be fun if you loved who you were with. I’d love to dance with you. Slow dance…” She said, her eyes slowly blinking at the thought.
I shrugged a shoulder. “You could be right.” I looked at her. “Do you want to go?”
“Where?” She seemed confused. “Oh!” She said realizing. “Eh… You heard all that stuff I said about Huntington… I’d love to go if you want to go but that’d be the only reason. I’ve never needed the normal things other people have.”
“No, not really. I know what it’s going to be like. Not my scene. I’d only go if you wanted to go too so I guess we won’t.”
“Okay, now you’re making me think you want to go,” she laughed.
“No! Here let me give you a run down. Someone will bring in liquor and get drunk. People will dance and gossip. Sarah will get Prom Queen and someone will get their ass kicked in the parking lot.”
“Well, thank you so much for telling me every cliché I already knew about but I’m pretty sure things like prom are meant for groups of people to go out on a date together. Are your friends going?” She asked.
“Yeah, Sarah and Clint. Skylar and whoever she takes. And a few others.”
“You just told me Sarah isn’t your friend,” she laughed.
“And whoa, whoa, whoa, does Skylar have a date?!”
“Old habits die hard! And not that I know of but someone will ask her.”
Olivia sighed and said nothing.
“Maybe you and Skylar should go,” she said, picking at the fabric of the duvet. “Solidarity thing… I don’t really wanna go but if you both want to go and you both think it’s stupid anyway and want to hangout with crazy Sarah it could be cute I guess.”
“Na, I really would rather spend that night with you doing something better than prom.” I took her hand and laced our fingers together, and then kissed her hand.
“We should do something grown-up and trashy,” Olivia joked. “Like go to a strip club and take ridiculous pictures just to rub it in Sarah’s face.”
“Oh my God, that would be hilarious! A pic of both of us stuffing a dollar in some stripper’s G string. She’d die.”
I looked at her, loving her mind not just because of her intelligence but because she thought up things that were like this. Just silly and kind of funny but totally inappropriate.
“We could get married on Prom,” Olivia said. She always sort of held her breath when she said big things. Like she was waiting to see how I would take it- that way she could know how to feel. “Take my car out to Vegas… Your birthday’s soon…”
“You want to elope?” I moved my head back, taking her in. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”
“I’m always serious,” she said, still breathing as little as possible. She was nervous.
“If you want a dream wedding I want that too but I just want to be married to you Avery. I just want that more than anything in my life and I don’t care how or when. I just want it and every second we’re together and not married is a second that’s just one part of a lie. We belong together. We are together. I want you. I already belong to you. I’m already yours. It’s like we’re already married only we’re not… I dunno…” She said, trying to be calmer. “It’s just an idea,” she tacked on, settling. “How do you want to do it?” She finally asked.
We hadn’t talked about it. We’d been too busy.
“My dream wedding is marrying you. I think we should do it. We should go and get married and stay in some crazy awesome hotel suite that overlooks the city.” It was an exciting thought. So fun to just go away and be together. Take that journey.
“I dunno,” she said. “I dunno if that’s wrong. I mean, I know our families would want to come, right? And you talked about those cheesy magazines and planning and we can, we really can have the perfect wedding if you want that. I just hate this feeling like you’re not really mine like I haven’t really done all I can to promise you. I dunno.”
“I just like planning things like that. I wouldn’t mind eloping but you’re right about our families. My mom might kill me. We could always go to Vegas and get married and then come back and have a ceremony. Then they couldn’t really be mad at us.”
“Would that be mean though? It’s hard because I know what I want but I feel like I’m pushing you. I’m always the one suggesting this stuff. I feel like a bully sometimes. I don’t want to rush you. I don’t want to bully you into this. I just want you to know that I’m yours. I want you to know it and I don’t want there to be doubt.”
I couldn’t help but smile. She was always so worried about pushing me. “You’re not bullying me into anything. You came up with an idea and I loved it so I said yes. I really hadn’t thought about how we would do things beyond being excited about it. I have no doubt that you’re mine and I’m yours. I feel it.”
“I mean how predictable is it that you suggest prom and I suggest a wedding?! God, I’m embarrassing,” she was red with it.
“No, that’s romantic. Stop,” I kissed her cheeks where she blushed. “I want to be married to you and I really did like the idea of it being just us. We don’t need people and I hate how much money people spend on weddings when they can be just as awesome without that but will your mom be upset?”
“You always bring up money,” Olivia said, seeming upset. “Money doesn’t matter. If you want me to pamper you I will. If you want the most expensive wedding you’ve ever seen, I will find a way, but for me it’s just so not about that, Avery. I’m just sick of feeling like you don’t know that I’m not about to leave you. To me marriage is a big deal. I haven’t really talked about that. I haven’t really gone into it. My parents have been married for decades and I’m pretty sure that’s how they’ve gotten through all their own tough times. I mean, I obviously have my own problems with them but they’re committed and they always have been and they’re oddly happy with one another and I want that… I’ve never found someone before, someone I wanted to give my whole self to all the time. Someone I wanted to be with all the time and love forever. This isn’t something light for me and it’s not about dresses or status or a performance or getting pictures,” she was starting to freak out. “It’s about earlier today when you randomly thought I was going to leave you forever. It’s about that panic you get. It’s about me not wanting you to feel l
ike that or think like that. That’s why I asked you in the first place. It’s not about anything else. It’s just about that. That panic?! That breaks me. I just want you to know it. I want you to know, no matter what, you’re not fucking alone. Not anymore.”
I nodded as she spoke, hearing her but knowing that even if we’d been married hours ago I would have still panicked. It wasn’t something that was logical or bound in by the rules of matrimonial bonds but being married did lend me a certain comfort.
“I don’t want a big wedding. I never did. I just like the excitement of looking and planning in my head. The actual marriage isn’t about that for me. It’s about us. I don’t care where or how we get married as long as we do. You’re right. This isn’t light. This isn’t something either of us thinks of in that way. This is the biggest commitment of our lives. We will be stronger after but we’re strong now too so I could think of a thousand different ways and places for us to get married and all of them are perfect. The important part is us promising forever.”
“I already promised you,” she said, sort of exhausted. “We should go to the store or something. We should get those dumb magazines.”
I’d made her grumpy.
She sighed and moved off of me. I watched her wiggle about and pull a laptop out from under the couch. She fixed herself on her stomach to open it up.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to stress out.”
As soon as her WiFi kicked in I watched her fiddle and click on some link. She was on some page with all sorts of wedding stuff.
“Babe, I know you already promised. I did too. I was just telling you that I take this as seriously as you do and that I don’t need anything more than you to have my dream wedding.”
I slid next to her and sat, watching her. We were back to misunderstandings. This one really didn’t seem obvious to me. I had no idea how I’d really set her off.
“I made a page,” she said.
“A page? When?” I waited for her to show me.
“Yeah…” She sighed. “I know it’s stupid…” She seemed upset with herself.
She turned the screen to face me. It was either a blog or a website with seemingly unending pictures of wedding related things. At the top it just said: With Avery. Nothing more.
She pushed the laptop over to me and crossed her arms in front of her to lay her head down and just rest.
The page had all sorts of things… Dresses, rooms, rings, decorations, potential destinations...
“Vi, wha-” I scrolled through the pages. “Why didn’t you tell me? These are beautiful.” I turned to her and pinned her down with my eyes. “You want this, don’t you. Or was this just for me?”
“I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. And I didn’t want you to think I was crazy. And I didn’t want to push you. I don’t care about that. I really don’t. I just want it to happen so I daydream about it and imagine it and it’s stupid and I’m weird. The only reason I wanted to propose to you was because I wanted you to believe me Avery and I knew you didn’t. You doubt. You doubt me. You still do. We have any little problem and you think I’m gonna leave. But I love you… I’m in love with you. I don’t ever want you to be alone again. We’ve talked about this.”
She turned her head away from me and laid her face on her arms so she wouldn’t have to see.
“Playing with that page and thinking about our wedding is a way for me to believe that maybe one day you won’t doubt…”
I listened to it all, every word hitting me. “I’m so sorry you’ve been feeling like that.” I pulled her around to face me again. “I know I’ve had a lot of issues with this. I’m just so used to feeling like I can’t count on people and I do know that I can with you. I just still got weird when we had that fight about Ben. Ever since then I’ve felt… different. Like I know beyond everything that you’re not going to do that to me. That’s why I was able to talk to you and be normal, understand what you were saying. I don’t doubt you. Not anymore. I never doubted you really. I doubted my ability to hold anyone but I… I just feel it and it’s so strange.”
My face was about to burst with happiness. “I feel certain and secure. For the first time since I was little. Do you know what that means to me? It’s the world. Even my family couldn’t make me feel that way. You did, you are. Right now. Everything you do says it but I was too blinded by my stupid past to see.”
She moved her hand into mine and played with my fingers, staring. “I guess I’m just selfish and I want to rush you into feeling safe… I want to be magic and protect you… I want to fix everything... I just want to be yours…”
“You are mine and I know no one can change that.”
She smiled at that and pursed her lips before sighing a content sort of sigh and staring at me sleepily.
“You know the same goes for me, right?” I said, nudging her. “I should probably just get your name tattooed on my forehead. Oh, or hey, I’d just get VI on my chest.” I smiled, happy that she’d made the site, happy that she was who she was.
“Don’t do that. I’ll divorce you.”
“Hey, you’re stuck with me for life. My family is lapsed Catholic but even we don’t divorce.”
“You’ve only been sure for a few hours. Please don’t. A tattoo of a name is like the kiss of death. We don’t need that bad juju.”
“Technically, it’s the Roman numeral six, thank you very much,” I sassed. She sat up.
“Uck.” She said. “If you do that I will take a sharpie and draw all over it often so that it never looks normal.”
I fell back on the couch laughing. “I believe you.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, are you trying to talk to a number? Numbers don’t talk.”
I tackled her, pushing her to the couch. “I beg to differ. You talk a lot. Sometimes I even listen.” I wiggled my eyebrows.
“You are such an asshole,” she said judging me.
“Yep. A cocky, hotshot, asshole who loves you.” I kissed her, taking her bottom lip between my teeth and biting her, not too hard. She whimpered and I felt her chest rise up a bit like she was pushing her shoulders back to try and handle me.
“Hey, this is dumb but what are we going to do about our names.”
I was forever interrupting us.
“What?” She didn’t seem quite ready to let go of my kiss. Her eyes took extra-long to open.
“Nothing.” I kissed her again instead.
She got caught up in me, easily sinking back into oblivion.
“Mmmm,” she savored me, lovingly. “We can just hyphen,” she said, pulling away and licking her lips slowly. “Or we can merge and become Holhart, become the extra cheese that we are.”
“HA!” I laid down on her, stretching my body against hers. “Or I could just take yours.”
“You want mine?” She asked. It surprised her I think.
“Yes. I want yours.” She smiled when I dotted her face with little kisses ending with the tip of her nose. “It just makes me happy. I know I’m yours but it’s just that extra... I dunno. It’s silly, isn’t it? It’s just what I want.”
Olivia leaned up, sliding her hand on the side of my neck and kissing me. It wasn’t light at all, I felt her breathing life into me and loving me fiercely.
She was taking me over. I was pushed back into the back of the couch and she climbed to top me. I took in a breath when she let up and groaned as she moved to my neck. I was already Avery Holbrook in my heart. Someday I would be officially as well.
To Be Continued…
Author’s Note
Thank you again for coming on this journey with us. If you like what we write and would like to see more of it faster please consider donating to us via Paperdollsbooks.com.
We have another book out that is not in the Paper Dolls series. You should be able to find After Reed in kindle form or paperback on Amazon.com.
The fact of the matter is, we have a lot of projects in the works and very little free time with which to pursue th
em. Paper Dolls is our main project right now. All other content is having to take a backseat.
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Paper Dolls [Book Three] Page 33
