I cleared my throat. “Does anyone want to tell me what’s going on here?”
The teenage girls had the good grace to look embarrassed … and frightened. Aunt Tillie didn’t even turn in our direction. “Shouldn’t you be eating breakfast?”
In the course of my career, I’ve found the most interesting criminals to be those who think they haven’t done anything wrong. In some cases, like protecting a child, their instincts are understandable. In others, like when dealing with a true sociopath, you don’t agree with what they’ve done but you understand they don’t care they’ve hurt others.
Aunt Tillie is her own little bastion of crazy.
“Something came up,” I said. “We were outside when we heard the gunfire. We thought something bad might be happening.”
“Nothing bad is happening,” Aunt Tillie said, placing her hand on Shiloh’s shoulder. “Ignore him. Get ready for another.”
Shiloh didn’t look convinced. “But … .”
“Ignore him,” Aunt Tillie instructed. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”
I strode forward, angry and incredulous. “You’re not doing anything wrong? You’re out here shooting a gun with a bunch of girls who don’t look legal to me.”
“So what?” Aunt Tillie didn’t look bothered in the least. “It’s not as if I’m touching them inappropriately. I’m showing them how to use a gun.”
I looked to Bay for help. “Why?” she asked. “Are you all going hunting or something?”
The girls snickered, and Aunt Tillie rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m starting a hunting club. We’re going to call ourselves Witch Commander. We’re going to sell venison on the side of the road and get rich. These girls are going to retire before they’re twenty.”
I tamped down the urge to strangle her – especially with so many witnesses present.
“Wait, can we really get rich selling venison?” Cherise looked intrigued by the idea. “I think I could shoot a deer … just not a little one.”
“No one is shooting anything,” I said, grabbing the rifle from Shiloh’s hands. I looked it over, scowling when I realized I was looking at a new weapon and not some relic Aunt Tillie managed to scrounge up on the property. “Where did this come from?”
“The gun fairy,” Aunt Tillie replied, not missing a beat. “I left my dentures under my pillow and I woke up to find a rifle. It’s just what I always wanted.”
Instead of fixating on her aunt, Bay was more interested in studying the teenagers. “Why are you guys really out here?”
The girls shifted uncomfortably, keeping their eyes cast toward the ground.
“We’re starting a hunting club,” one of them said.
“Yeah, a hunting club,” another echoed.
“Do you guys know that I’m an FBI agent?” I asked. “That means you have to tell me the truth or I’ll put you in jail.”
Audible gulps filled the air, and someone whispered “No way.”
“He’s lying,” Aunt Tillie said. “He’s not with the FBI. He’s a janitor at the tampon factory over in Pinconning.”
“There’s no tampon factory in Pinconning,” I said, annoyed. “Stop telling them lies.”
The girls’ gazes bounced between Aunt Tillie and me, unsure. They obviously didn’t want to land on the wrong side of law enforcement, but the terror of Aunt Tillie had them rooted to their spots.
“If he’s with the FBI, where is his badge?” Aunt Tillie asked.
That seemed to bolster some of the girls.
“Yeah,” Madison said, hands on hips. “Where’s your badge?”
I knew exactly where my badge was: on Bay’s nightstand. “I don’t have it with me,” I said. “It’s very close, though.”
“I think he’s lying,” Aunt Tillie said. “I saw a story on Dateline where men pretend to be law enforcement officials, and then they kidnap and rape women. Some of them keep the women as slaves and make them clean toilets all day. I’ll bet he would do something like that.”
“I’m going to throttle you,” I warned, extending a finger in Aunt Tillie’s direction. “You’re in so much trouble you’re going to need a tractor to dig yourself out.”
Aunt Tillie tapped her chin, thoughtful. “I could really use a tractor,” she said. “I like to dig for things. How much do you think a tractor costs?”
“More money than you have,” I snapped.
“I’ll have you know I’m an entrepreneur,” Aunt Tillie replied. “I’m going to be rich by the time I retire.”
“You’re already technically retired,” Bay said.
“How do you figure?”
“What work do you do?”
“You take that back,” Aunt Tillie said. “I work very hard. I own an inn, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“You don’t work at it, though,” Bay said. “Mom, Marnie and Twila do all the work.”
“You’re dead to me,” Aunt Tillie said, narrowing her eyes. “You’re officially out of the will.”
I love the Winchesters. I really do. Times like this, though … . I sucked in a calming breath. “Girls, I need to know what you’re doing here,” I said, keeping my voice purposely light. “I am with the FBI. If you don’t believe me, ask Bay. You all know her, right?”
They nodded.
“Ask her,” I prodded.
“She doesn’t tell the truth, though,” Shiloh said. “Ms. Tillie told us that all her family is afflicted with Lyingitis.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose to keep from exploding. “I’m sorry. What is Lyingitis?”
“It’s when you can’t tell the truth,” Madison supplied helpfully. “Ms. Tillie told us she was saved from the disease because of her superior intellect. I said that correctly, didn’t I?”
Aunt Tillie patted her head fondly. “Perfectly.”
“I see,” I said, grinding my molars together. “If I’m understanding this correctly, you believe that … Ms. Tillie … is the only one in the family who tells the truth. Is that right?”
More nods.
“Don’t you think it’s far more likely that she’s the liar and you’re somehow … I don’t know … falling under her spell?”
Aunt Tillie balked at the word “spell,” fluttering her hands angrily. “Just what are you insinuating?”
I couldn’t believe I was missing out on the world’s best bacon and eggs for this. I tried to remain calm, and failed miserably. “I’ve had it,” I said. “I want to know what’s going on out here, and I want to know right now!”
The teenagers took an involuntary step back while Aunt Tillie held her ground.
“Aunt Tillie, you need to tell him,” Bay said. “We’ve had a development since we saw you this morning. We don’t have time for this. You’re going to give him an aneurism if you don’t tell him. Please.”
Aunt Tillie scowled. “Fine.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “These girls want to learn the fine art of shooting because they want to protect their virtue.”
“Their virtue?”
“Teenage boys are horny beasts,” Aunt Tillie said. “These girls have the right and the might to protect their virtue.”
“So mote it be!” All the teenage girls raised their fists into the air in unison.
I rolled my eyes until they landed on Bay. “I’m going to have to kill her. You know that, right?”
Bay held up her hand to still me. “I don’t understand,” she said. “Can’t you just tell the teenage boys you’re not interested?”
“They don’t know how to stop themselves,” Shiloh said. “Words aren’t enough.”
“That’s why we need guns,” Cherise said.
“Their hormones are like angry invaders,” Madison added. “They’re like the aliens in the Alien movie, although I’ve never seen that so I don’t know what that means. I don’t watch black-and-white movies. Ms. Tillie told us, though.”
Well, now I was really ticked off. “First, Alien is not a black-and-white movie,” I said. “It’s in colo
r, and it’s a classic. You should watch it the second you get home.”
“I’d rather watch The Vampire Diaries,” Madison replied, unruffled. “I don’t like old stuff.”
“Then why are you hanging around with Aunt Tillie?” I asked.
“Hey! I am not old.” Now Aunt Tillie was getting angry. That was good. That was exactly how I wanted her. She would be more likely to spill her intentions if she couldn’t control her emotions. “You’re at the top of my list, mister.”
“Great,” I said. “Now tell me what you’re really doing out here.”
“That is what we’re really doing out here,” Cherise said, whimpering. “We wanted to be able to protect ourselves from the horny beasts, and we thought Ms. Tillie was the best way to go. She decided to teach us how to shoot a gun.”
Bay moved next to Aunt Tillie, studying the ground. “Are these Twila’s pots?”
“I told her not to put that kiln in my greenhouse,” Aunt Tillie said. “She deserves what she gets.”
“She spent a lot of time on these,” Bay protested. “She’s really getting good.”
“Those things are ugly,” Aunt Tillie said. “They’re also possessed. I think they’re haunted with the souls of former horny beasts.”
“Whatever,” I said, checking the chamber of the rifle. “Girls, you need to go home. You’re not to come back out here for shooting lessons. If you have problems with the … horny beasts … just kick them in the nuts.”
“You can’t tell them that,” Bay hissed.
“Why not? Aunt Tillie has already filled their heads with nonsense.”
Bay tilted her head to the side, considering my reply. Her tactic when she turned to the teenagers was much more reasonable. “Girls, teenage boys are horny beasts,” she said. “That doesn’t mean your virtue is in danger … unless you want it to be.”
“Who would want it to be?” Shiloh asked, confused.
Aunt Tillie pointed at Bay. “She and her cousins spread their virtue all over the town when they were your age,” she said. “They’re still spreading their virtue around. You don’t want to end up like her. She’s … virtue-less.”
I’d heard enough. “Girls, go home,” I said. “Your shooting lessons are over. If I catch you out here again, I’m going to arrest you all.”
“How can a janitor arrest us?” Madison asked.
“Go!”
“What about our money?” Shiloh asked.
My heart sank. “What money?”
“The money we paid for our shooting lessons,” Cherise supplied. “We were supposed to get three of them. We barely got one. I want my money back.”
“Me, too,” another voice chimed in.
“I want my money back, too.”
Aunt Tillie scowled. “I told you when you signed the contract,” she said, “no refunds!”
“But … ?”
“Everyone get out of here,” I said, pointing toward The Overlook and gesturing emphatically. “Go now.”
The girls grumbled, but left. When Aunt Tillie tried to slip by me, I snagged her by the back of her shirt and pulled her back. “You and I need to have a talk.”
“Sure,” Aunt Tillie said. “I need breakfast first, and I believe you have some bathroom stalls to clean. I’ll meet up with you once your cleaning duties are done for the day.”
Aunt Tillie tore her shirt from my grasp and headed toward the inn. “You’re still on my list,” she said by way of a parting shot.
Bay moved to my side. “I know you’re angry,” she said. “In the grand scheme of things, she wasn’t doing anything really bad – except for ruining Twila’s pottery. I can’t wait until Twila finds out about that, by the way.”
“I’m still going to have to kill her,” I said, linking my fingers with Bay’s and tugging her down the hill. “Do you think there’s any bacon left?”
“If not, I’ll take you into town and buy you breakfast.”
“That’s good,” I said. “After that, I’d like to take another shot at making sure you’re still without virtue.”
“Only if you give me a massage later,” she replied. “My back is killing me.”
“Sold.”
Bacon, eggs and missing virtue – what’s not to love? This is the best way to spend a weekend.
Nine
“We saved you some bacon,” Winnie said, pushing a warm plate in front of me as I slumped in my usual spot at the dining room table. The guests were gone, their meals ingested and digested. I was glad for that, because I was about to go nuclear on Aunt Tillie – as soon as I had some breakfast.
“Thank you,” I said. “I’m starving.” I glanced around the table. “Where did Bay go?”
“She’s washing up in the bathroom,” Winnie said, patting my shoulder. “Don’t worry. She didn’t go back outside. I checked. She said that Peg disappeared while you guys were dealing with Aunt Tillie.”
“We need to find Peg,” I said, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Bay wasn’t loitering in the shadows. “She’s going to be really upset if we don’t make sure that Peg is returned to wherever she was.”
Winnie seemed surprised. “What do you mean?”
“Bay is worried that we ripped Peg from … a good place … when we did the séance,” I explained. “I don’t want her feeling guilty about this.”
“Because she did it for you,” Winnie said.
Was that why? “Yes,” I said. “I asked her to do it. I don’t want her upset. I don’t like it when she’s trapped in her own head.”
“That doesn’t happen as often as it used to,” Winnie said. “When she was a child, she was always trapped in her own head. It worried me.”
“And now?”
“And now you and Thistle won’t let her live her life that way. You’re both good for her that way.”
“Then why don’t you want her to come back to Traverse City with me?” It was a pointed question, but I really wanted to know.
Winnie pursed her lips and pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “She’s my daughter.”
“And you think I’m going to hurt her?”
“I think you’re going to make her happy,” Winnie said. “I also think I don’t want her moving away from Hemlock Cove. Not again.”
That seemed reasonable, which was a foreign concept in this house. “She’s going to be an hour away,” I said. “She’ll be back for the weekend.”
“I know,” Winnie said, “but … Bay needs this family.”
“I know Bay needs this family,” I said. “If you want to know the truth, I need this family, too. I would never try to take her away.”
Winnie sighed, her emotions weighing heavily on her face. “I’m very fond of you, Landon,” she said. “You make Bay smile more than anyone ever has. What about your job, though?”
“What about it?”
“You’re with the FBI,” Winnie said. “What if you get transferred?”
I opened my mouth, ready to tell her that wouldn’t happen. I was good at my job, and I liked my location. Most people were transferred for failing to accomplish their goals. That wasn’t me. I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t be transferred, though. I could put up a fight but, in the end, I might not have the final say. I decided to tell her the truth. “I would fight that.”
“What if you couldn’t stop it?”
I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know.”
“Would you take Bay with you?”
Would I take Bay away from her family? Could I? I knew I didn’t want to be away from her, but I didn’t think I had it in me to make her miserable. “I can’t answer that question,” I said. “I’m happy where I am. My boss is happy with my work. I can’t worry about hypotheticals. I can only worry about what’s in front of me.
“Right now, I’m staying here,” I continued. “If a transfer comes up, I’ll tackle it then.”
“Will you let Bay make the decision with you?” Winnie wanted an answer, but she was also fearful about w
hat it would be. Her conflicted face made that much obvious.
“I wouldn’t make a decision like that without Bay,” I said. “I love her.”
“Are you going to marry her?”
That was an uncomfortable question … and then some. “We’re not there yet.”
“Do you think you’ll get there?”
Are all mothers like this? I pictured my mother, relaxing slightly when I realized they were. This wasn’t only about Bay. It was a mother trying to get a handle on her daughter’s future. “Probably.”
Winnie seemed happy with my answer. “You’re still a good boy, Landon,” she said, patting my shoulder. “I’m going to make you bacon every day for a month.”
I smiled. “You’re definitely my favorite Winchester right now,” I said.
“What about Bay?”
“She has her own level.”
“You’re a charmer,” Winnie said, moving toward the kitchen. “You know you’re golden when even Aunt Tillie likes you.”
Speaking of Aunt Tillie … . “By the way, where is she?”
“I’M not talking about this,” Aunt Tillie said, leaning forward so she could show Annie Martin how to plant a petunia correctly.
After eating breakfast and returning to the guesthouse long enough to shower, we were back at the inn – and I was ready to take on Aunt Tillie. I didn’t give a fig about her list. “Oh, you’re talking about it.”
For her part, Annie seemed interested in the conversation. A few weeks before, an injured Annie stumbled upon Thistle, Bay and Aunt Tillie at the end of the driveway. She’d been in a car accident, and her mother Belinda was missing. Thanks to hard work, diligence, and a little witchy intervention, Belinda was found alive and saved. Now she worked at The Overlook full time, and Annie spent quite a few afternoons with Aunt Tillie so Belinda didn’t have to hire a babysitter. I couldn’t decide whether spending time with Aunt Tillie was good or bad for Annie. Aunt Tillie seemed to dote on the girl, but Annie was picking up a few bad habits.
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Aunt Tillie said. “I was teaching those girls a valuable skill.”
Annie nodded solemnly. “There are horny beasts around every corner.”
A Witch of a Time Page 23
