by Maya Banks
Callie wrinkled her nose. “Why?”
Lauren sighed. “I know it sounds stupid.”
“No, no,” Lily rushed to say. “We don’t think you’re stupid at all, Lauren. I’m so proud of you for having the guts to walk away from that jerk. But why would you protect him?”
Lauren shook her head emphatically. “I was never protecting him. I was trying to protect Max. And Noah and Liam. I knew if Max knew the truth, he’d go after Joel. He was furious at the time. And Joel was—is—involved in illegal activities. I doubt I even know the extent of it. He has many people on his payroll, including cops. If Max or Noah and Liam were to threaten him in any way, who’s to say he wouldn’t have them killed? It sounds dramatic and over the top, but you have to understand the kind of man Joel is. I honestly just wanted as far away from him as possible and I want to forget he exists.”
Callie wrapped her arm protectively around Lauren and squeezed fiercely. “Of course you do and I don’t blame you a bit. Besides, who wouldn’t want to be protected by two hunks like Noah and Liam?” she added cheekily.
Lily laughed and Lauren relaxed. She was surrounded by dear friends. Family. Women she cared deeply about and who loved her in return. This was what she loved most about being with the Colters. The freedom to be herself. To confide, discuss, laugh and joke.
No one told her how to act. Hugs were given as freely as breathing. Someone was always touching, showing affection. No one blinked an eye over it.
The ache inside her grew until she rubbed her chest to alleviate the discomfort.
How wonderful would it be if she and Noah and Liam could live right here in these mountains, surrounded by the family who’d made Lauren one of their own?
CHAPTER 11
ON the drive home, Lauren stared out the window as dusk settled over the mountains. She’d enjoyed herself. She always did. Any time she was feeling down, she could count on a visit with the Colters to pick her up.
They made her believe that things would get better. They always did.
But one thought that had passed through her mind, sitting in Holly’s kitchen, haunted her.
She’d wished for a happily ever after with Noah and Liam, right here in these mountains, surrounded by her family and the people she loved.
How realistic was that?
The stark truth was that it wasn’t at all realistic. Noah’s and Liam’s lives were in New York. Their business was in New York. And when they had ascertained that there was no longer a threat to her, whether they remained in a relationship with her or not, they’d move on to another job, guarding other people. Providing personal security. In New York City.
The mere thought of being in the same city as Joel Knight, no matter how huge the city was or how unlikely it was that they’d ever cross paths, sent her into complete panic.
What if he knew, even now, what she’d done? She hadn’t been that careful. She didn’t know enough about computers to know if what she’d done could be discovered. He might have known that she’d been through his files the moment she disappeared.
As much as she’d tried not to focus on him, as much as she’d tried to shove him from her mind and move on with her life, how did she know that he wasn’t looking for her?
She’d made a big deal to the other women that she’d wanted to protect Max and Noah and Liam, and that was true, but she also feared coming into contact with him again in case he knew what she’d stolen.
It was laughable that she’d even done such a stupid thing. Especially when she had no plans to do anything with the information she’d copied from his computer. At the time, in her fragile mind, it had been an insurance policy. So that if he did ever come after her, she could threaten him.
Which made her the biggest idiot in the world. Threaten a man like Joel Knight? He could squash her like a bug and never blink an eye. She was nobody. Certainly not someone strong enough to stand up to him and back him into a corner.
She’d vowed to herself that she’d stop beating herself up over her past mistakes, but it was hard sometimes when she thought back on just how brainwashed she’d been; and then when she’d finally been gutsy enough to get out, she’d all but ensured that if he discovered what she’d taken, he’d never simply let her go and forget about her.
It was something she needed to confide in Noah and Liam. She knew she needed to tell them, but the words simply wouldn’t come. Maybe they were right in that she didn’t fully trust them yet. Maybe in time she’d feel at ease with confessing her stupidity. She just knew that right now wasn’t the time. She had to be more sure of them—of her and them.
“You’re quiet, baby,” Liam said from the backseat.
She started, suddenly aware of just how zoned out she’d been, immersed deeply in her thoughts and recriminations.
Noah reached over from the driver’s seat to take her hand, and he laced their fingers together.
“Everything okay?” Noah asked. “Did you enjoy your visit?”
Lauren smiled. No question there. “I love the Colters. Being with them always makes me happy.”
“I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect,” Liam said. “It sounds pretty incredible when someone explains the kind of relationship the Colter men have with their wives. But then when you see them together, you don’t even question it. It’s so obvious they belong together and that it works for them.”
He broke off for a long moment, and then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the edges of Lauren’s and Noah’s seats.
“I want that for us, Lauren. That sense of rightness. The closeness. I want for people to look at us and say the same things we say about the Colters.”
Lauren turned as much in her seat as the seat belt allowed. Noah was focused on the road, but it was apparent that he was tuned in completely to the conversation.
She sighed, allowing her earlier unhappiness to escape. It was impossible to keep her mouth from turning down.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Liam asked, concern in his voice. “Are you having second thoughts? Did someone say anything to you today to change your mind?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. Holly was extremely supportive. I didn’t talk to Callie or Lily about you. Not for any other reason than this is still new and I’m not one to air my private life to everyone.”
“Then what’s made you unhappy?” Noah asked. “You’ve been in another world ever since we left, and it’s obvious you have something on your mind you’re not telling us about.”
She glanced nervously between them, not because she feared a physical response. She feared the confirmation of her realization and the bursting of her created fantasy. The intrusion of reality was not always welcome. The problem was, she’d lived outside the realm of reality for too long.
Denial didn’t change the outcome of anything.
“I was sitting at the bar with the other women, and we were all talking and I was reminded, as I always am, how much I love the Colters. And then I was struck by the thought of how wonderful it would be to live here . . . with you . . . to be with both of you and be so close to my family.”
She sucked in another breath while Liam and Noah both waited expectantly for her to continue.
“And as we drove away, I realized how impossible that is. Your lives are in New York. I realize you have feelings for me that go above and beyond me being a job to you, but once whatever threat is determined and eliminated, you’ll go on to another job. In New York. And whatever relationship we attempt would also have to be in New York. I realized how afraid I still am to be in the same city, no matter how vast, that Joel’s in. This has become home to me, and I hate the thought of having to leave it.”
There, she’d said it. She held her breath, not wanting to hear what they would say. She hated having reality intrude when things were new and exciting and hope had sprung.
“I don’t know that we’ve even given that a thought,” Noah said honestly.
“It’s certainly something we would need
to discuss and work out between us,” Liam said in a careful tone. “My primary focus was you. And somehow getting you to accept what we proposed. Beyond that hurdle, I’ve given little thought to anything else, except to realize that we have to take it as it comes, one day at a time.”
She nodded her understanding, but the issue was still there, like a giant roadblock, and it was one she didn’t see a way around.
She couldn’t expect them to sacrifice everything they’d worked to achieve for her. What did she have to offer them here anyway? She was a waitress. In a diner. She made barely enough to pay her rent and get by on. And there wasn’t a high demand for personal protection in Clyde.
For that matter what could she offer them in New York? She’d quit her job at Joel’s demand. He’d wanted her available to him at all times and he wanted nothing to interfere in his schedule.
Stupidly—God, she used that word a lot to describe her actions—she’d thought it romantic that he’d wanted her to quit so he could take care of her. She’d been too naïve to realize it was the first step in putting her squarely under his complete control.
A year without work didn’t do wonders for the resume. When asked by employers to explain the gap in employment, what could she say? Oh, I was a naïve twit who quit my job to allow a man to take over my life, but hey, I’ve got my crap together now so you should feel absolutely comfortable in giving me a job.
Yeah. Not happening.
Her degree was useless in Clyde. There was about as much need for someone with marketing experience as there was for personal protection.
“Lauren?” Liam called softly.
She turned in the direction of his voice and met the vivid blue of his gaze.
“We’ll work it out, okay?”
She nodded again, not trusting herself to speak.
Noah pulled her hand onto his lap, almost as if he were sending her the message that he wasn’t letting go and he wasn’t giving up.
Maybe she was being too fatalistic. It wasn’t as if their only two choices were Clyde or New York. While she’d grown very attached to where she lived and to the Colters, there was nothing to say that she couldn’t be happy somewhere else.
She hadn’t planned to live here forever before, had she?
Or maybe that’s precisely what she’d planned. To spend the rest of her life hiding, never really living. Just existing.
Noah and Liam were giving her the opportunity to live a full, rich life filled with love. They wanted to make her happy, had sworn to do everything in their power to make her happy.
Maybe they could even live out of the city and they could commute. She doubted they’d ever travel in the same circles that Joel did. They’d probably never encounter him in their lifetime.
You have the power to put him away.
The insidious whisper stole through her mind.
With the information she’d copied from Joel’s computer, she had the power to make Joel a nonissue for a very long time. But in order to do that, she had to have courage she didn’t currently possess.
And more importantly, she’d have to be willing to face Joel Knight again.
CHAPTER 12
LAUREN dressed for bed in the tiny bathroom and took longer than normal to brush out her hair and clean her teeth. Noah was in her bedroom, also undressing for bed, while Liam was settling into the living room.
There was no way this arrangement could last long term. Not that she’d minded sleeping in Liam’s arms last night, but he couldn’t have been comfortable on the bed. They’d been forced to remain on their sides, locked together the entire night. Even she’d woken up stiff and with a crick in her neck. She couldn’t imagine how Liam must have felt.
Should she extend the same invitation to Noah to sleep with her? She’d needed comfort the evening before. The day had exhausted her and left her feeling uncertain. Or at least that was the excuse she’d used to whisper the shy request to Liam.
But if she didn’t, would Noah think she preferred Liam over him?
Pain throbbed at her temples and she reached up to massage them, closing her eyes as she took deep, steadying breaths.
To her surprise the bathroom door opened. Her eyes flew open to see Noah standing in the doorway, worry reflected in his gaze.
Before she could speak, he moved in, carefully lowering her wrists so that her fingers no longer dug into her temples.
“Head hurt?” he asked.
She was still trying to find words. His sudden appearance had taken her completely off guard.
“Sorry to barge in on you like that, but you had me worried. I called your name three times and I couldn’t hear a damn thing going on behind the door. I was worried you’d fallen or passed out.”
She grimaced. “Sorry. I was just lost in thoughts. So much going on and it’s still kind of hard to take in.”
He gently pulled her into his arms, pressing his lips to her forehead.
“Come to bed. Want me to get you something for the headache?”
“No. I’ll be fine. Really.”
He laced his fingers with hers and pulled her into the bedroom. His bedroll was carefully made on the floor, but he directed her to the bed.
To her surprise, he crawled onto the mattress, positioned himself so his back rested against the rail at the head of the bed, and then he spread his legs and patted the space between them.
“Come here and I’ll rub your head and neck.”
Relieved that she didn’t have to tackle the issue of whether she should invite him to the bed or not, she put her knee up on the bed and scooted toward him.
When she turned, he immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him so she was flush against his chest.
For a moment she let her head fall back against his shoulder and turned her face into his neck, savoring the intimacy of the position.
His hands glided up her bare arms and then over the thin spaghetti straps of her cami pajama top. Then he slid his fingers into her hair from her nape, traveling upward to the top of her head. He was careful not to pull her hair, and he worked his fingers gently over her scalp, exerting subtle pressure at various intervals.
“That’s nice,” she breathed.
He let one hand fall briefly and leaned down to press his lips against the side of her neck just below her ear. It sent a cascade of chills over her bare arms until she shivered in reaction.
Her breasts tingled and swelled, her nipples tightening against the thin material. It was instinctive to raise her arms to shield the obvious reaction her body had to the simple kiss.
“Don’t hide from me, sweetheart,” Noah whispered.
He reached around and took her arms, lowering them back to her lap.
“I like seeing how you react to me, that you want me. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
He kissed her again, grazing his teeth lightly over her skin, and then he let his mouth wander lower to the curve of her neck.
Then he went back to rubbing her head, massaging her temples and then down to her shoulders, those big hands working their magic. Tension leaked from her, leaving her limp in his arms.
“Can I ask you something?” she said in a low voice.
“Of course.”
She shifted and attempted to turn around so she could face him. After awkwardly maneuvering her legs and body, she knelt between his legs, sitting back on her heels so she was at eye level with him.
Maybe it would have been better to ask him when she was facing away, because now as he stared intently back at her, courage fled and her tongue felt tied in a dozen knots.
He reached up, tracing her mouth with his thumb. “What’s on your mind, sweetheart?”
“This is kind of awkward,” she mumbled.
He didn’t say anything. He simply waited, patient, as she gathered her thoughts.
“Will you and Liam want . . .”
Heat suffused her cheeks and she couldn’t get the words past her lips. She felt like a comple
te moron. How on earth were they going to be able to have an honest and open relationship between the three of them if she couldn’t even broach the subject of sex without breaking out into hives?
“Will Liam and I want what?” he prompted.
“To have sex with me . . . at the same time,” she finally blurted out. “You know, like a threesome.”
Noah blinked in surprise, but then his eyes went dark, smoldering with enough heat to cause an odd flutter deep in her chest.
He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her, crushing her to his chest until their noses touched and she could feel the warmth of his breath on her chin.
“To be perfectly honest, it’s not something we’ve discussed. You’re what’s important to us. Not sex. Don’t get me wrong, honey. I want you in my bed, you wrapped around me so tight and me deep inside you. But I want to give you the time you need to adjust to the idea. As for a threesome, I’ve never had one, but the idea is hot as hell and I’d love to try it. But first? I want you. Just you. Not an audience. Not someone else in the picture. Just your mouth wrapped around my dick. My tongue between your legs. I want to taste you so badly that I ache. I want to touch you, learn you. I want to discover what excites you and how to please you. But yeah, a threesome would be pretty damn cool.”
“Oh,” she breathed out, her entire body tingling and hyperaware as he whispered the blunt words.
“Does that excite you?” he murmured. “The idea of me and Liam taking you at the same time? Do you like the idea of us both touching you and filling you, kissing you, making you mindless with pleasure?”
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
Then she swallowed and asked the other question burning a hole in her brain.
“Will you make love to me? Tonight?”
His entire body tightened against her. His breathing changed and his eyes darkened, making him so damn dangerous looking. And sexy as hell.
