Limitless Love
A Lotus House Novel: Book Four
AUDREY CARLAN
Contents
Limitless Love
Copyright
Note To The Reader
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
THE END
Excerpt From Silent Sins - A Lotus House Novel (Book 5)
Also by AUDREY CARLAN
Acknowledgments
About Audrey Carlan
Limitless Love
Limitless Love
Lotus House: Book 4
This book is an original publication of Audrey Carlan.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not assume any responsibility for third-party websites or their content.
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Copyright © 2017 Waterhouse Press, LLC
Cover Design by Waterhouse Press, LLC
Cover Photos: Shutterstock
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All Rights Reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic format without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
Dedication
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To my sister Denise Pasion.
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The woman who taught me…
The love of a good book.
It’s okay to cry during movies.
Sisters are God-given best friends.
To follow your heart in all things.
And so much more.
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My love for you is limitless.
Note To The Reader
In previous Lotus House books, I’ve focused on both yoga and the chakras. Since this couple is driven by the heart chakra—in my opinion one of the most important—I felt it vital to focus on the chakra teachings, versus the practice of yoga. The chakra teachings were part of my official schooling with The Art of Yoga through Village Yoga Center in Northern California. Every chakra fact has been personally written by me and comes from my perspective and personal understanding of the teachings through hours of study and research.
I hope Limitless Love teaches you more about your heart chakra, the best ways to open it and prevent it from being closed, and how to experience each day keeping love and kindness at the forefront of your mind.
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Namaste,
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Audrey
Chapter One
The Heart Chakra is the fourth of the seven primary chakras in the body. It represents our ability to love, the quality of our love, our past loves, and our future loves.
MONET
“There is no love without pain, for we wouldn’t know the beauty of one without the other.” I sat in my quilted leather chair, crossed my legs, and looked over the rim of my glasses at the man seated across from me.
He sighed, eased his broad shoulders back against the couch, and stretched out his arms. A rather open gesture for someone so jaded.
“That’s deep, Doc.”
I half smiled, set my legal pad across my thighs, and shifted forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “There is a natural yin and yang to all things in life. Love, pain, joy, grief. The universe organically seems to balance these things out.”
He huffed. “Oh yeah? And what does it say about my cheating wife?”
“What does it say to you?” I bit the inside of my cheek so I didn’t react the way my heart wanted to. I had been in the same position once. It hurt like hell. As this man’s therapist, though, I needed to sympathize with him, not empathize, or we’d both go down a dark, winding, jagged path of grief.
He scowled. “That she has it coming to her?”
“And you don’t believe that you leaving and walking away without so much as a discussion didn’t hurt her?”
“Not even close. She fucked my best friend.”
His words hit like a thousand tiny icicles across the bare skin of my arms. I swallowed against the dryness that suddenly took over my throat.
This is not your life, Moe. Don’t put too much of your own experiences into your response.
“That’s got to be hard to get past,” I voiced sympathetically.
“You could say that again.” Dave clenched his jaw and glanced over his shoulder. “I don’t even know why I’m here.”
That caught my attention. “Yes, you do.”
He shook his head and placed his fists on his knees. “How could I ever trust her again? My best friend.” Dave rubbed at his chin. The sound of his callused hands rubbing across his prickly jaw triggered an unwanted memory. Kyle used to rub his jaw in that exact same motion when he was hiding something. Turned out he hid a lot—the most unsettling of which was the long affair he had with my baby sister.
Moe, this is not about you. Let it go…
I inhaled and exhaled slowly, giving Dave and myself a minute to calm down.
“I thought maybe if I laid it all out there, you know, told all the gory details to a professional, I’d feel better.” Dave sneered and picked at his fingernail.
“And do you?”
He shook his head. “No. Not at all. I’m still angry. So angry. I’m not sure if I can ever get past her betrayal.” His jaw seemed to tighten when he continued. “Do you think it’s possible? To get over it, I mean?”
No. I didn’t, but I wanted to. I desperately wished my own circumstances were different. That I’d been different. Better somehow. A better wife. Mother. Friend to my husband. Then maybe he wouldn’t have left me high and dry. Perhaps my sister wouldn’t have looked like the perfect escape from a life he didn’t want. A woman he didn’t want. A child he couldn’t even look at.
I pushed down my own secret desires and plastered on a smile. I looked at Dave with as much generosity and compassion as I could muster, and lied. Lied, because in this instance, my job was to be objective. “I think anything is possible.”
Big. Fat. Lie.
After years in this line of work, I’d seen many cases of betrayal. Having gone through it myself made me feel like an expert on the subject. In my experiences, I’ve come to realize a person may forgive a transgression because of the love they have for the individual, but they never ever forget. I most certainly have not. Kyle leaving me the way he did still plagued my dreams. Sometimes I thought he might have taken a piece of my heart and destroyed it forever. If that was the case, I had a hole in my heart—one I wasn’t sure could ever allow me to truly love again.
My phone chimed, reminding me that our hour was up. Instead of a buzzer, I used soft tinkling bells. It wasn’t as jarring and didn’t have the same rushed effect for the client.
“Our time is up, Dave. I know this was your first session, but if you’d like to continue with me, I’d be happy to take you on as a client.”
“Do you think you can help me?�
� He stood up and clasped his hands in front of him.
I reached out a hand for him to shake. He took hold.
With truth in my statement and honor in my commitment, I responded, “Yes, I believe I can.”
Dave nodded, sighed, and ran his fingers through his brown hair. “Okay, so what’s next?”
At least he was eager to seek help. Who knew? Once we got into the reasons why his wife cheated and his feelings around it, perhaps there would be the option for reconciliation. For the first six months after Kyle left me, I held on to hope. Every situation is different. I still believed in love; I just wasn’t sure it would ever happen for me again.
“Just schedule your next appointment with my receptionist in the lobby. She’ll take care of you. And Dave?”
He stopped just as he grasped the doorknob.
“It gets easier over time. I promise.” And it did. Every day I found new ways to be happy. My daughter. Mila, my best friend and confidant, was another. And last, the yoga she introduced me to. My hobby. I had things in my life that gave me joy.
He closed his eyes in what looked like relief. “Thanks, Doc. See you in a week or two?”
I nodded. “Whatever you need. I’ll be here.”
Dave left and I gathered my things. My phone buzzed on top of my planner.
“Hey, crazy, we still on for dinner?” I asked.
“Of course. Dinner doesn’t make itself in my world,” Mila scoffed dramatically.
I laughed and held the phone closer to my ear while I put my legal pad and laptop into my briefcase. “Atlas coming? Lily wants to see PowPow.” I used the cutest of many nicknames my daughter had come up with for my best friend’s boyfriend. Just thinking of my love bug made me smile.
“Yep. Lily told me if PowPow didn’t come to dinner he could no longer be the Prince of Secret Garden Land. I reiterated this to Atlas, and the man practically teared up. Wuss.” Her voice was playful, and I loved the sound of it.
Ever since Mila and Atlas became an item last year, my best friend had been happier than I’d ever seen her. They still bickered like an old married couple, but it worked for them. Two feisty personalities could manage if there was mutual love and respect. One day, I had hoped for that for myself. Of course, that would mean I’d have to do more than work, take care of Lily, and go to yoga. I sighed knowing how unlikely it was I would put myself out there again.
Without a beat, I changed my focus back to my friend. “I’ll have to talk to Lily about empty threats.”
Mila chuckled. “I don’t know. She seems pretty serious. Aren’t you, honey?”
My girl hollered through the phone. “Hi, Mommy!”
I grinned, thinking about my daughter’s happy face. “Did Auntie surprise you and pick you up from daycare today?”
“Uh-huh, and she has a prize for me!”
“A surprise?” I added more inflection on the “sur” part so she’d hear the difference.
“’S’wat I said! A prize.”
I laughed and waved to my receptionist and Dave, who was still making his next appointment. The elevator dinged, and I hopped on. Luck was on my side tonight. Having an office on the twentieth floor of a building in downtown San Francisco usually meant waiting for an elevator.
“Yeah, well, she can’t have her sur-prize until after dinner,” Mila confirmed.
“Ah, Auntie bought you some sweet treats, I think.”
“Yay!” I heard Lily clapping wildly.
“See you at home. You have a key still, right?”
Mila made a gurgling sound through the line. “I only moved out last month, Moe. And I’m never giving my key back. Though I do have one for you for our pad,” Mila said with more happiness in her tone than I’d heard in a long time. It had taken the better part of a year for Atlas to get Mila to move in with him after their big blowup last year. Since she took over half ownership of the Second Chances Gallery his father and grandfather had owned before him and he went to work for the music label, life had been coming up roses for the two artists.
“Okay, well, make yourself at home. There’s white wine chilling in the fridge. It will go best with the chicken dish I’m making.”
“Oh, and I have a pretty exciting surprise for you too!” Mila taunted.
“Really?” I asked while stepping off the elevator and into the underground parking garage.
“Yep, and it’s going to blow your saccharine-sweet mind.”
“Please tell me Atlas proposed!” I squealed, wanting so much for my friend to take the ultimate plunge and put that man out of his misery.
“He does that almost every day since I moved in with him. I have a feeling a certain recent development is going to make it a lot harder for me to keep saying no.”
“No way! Seriously?” My heart started thumping a mile a minute. Last I heard, Mila would only marry Atlas once he knocked her up. From what I understood, they were technically not trying to get pregnant, but not preventing it either. Oh my God. My insides were jumping for joy in anticipation. I crossed my fingers.
“Are you?” Tears pricked the back of my eyes. “Mila…” I gasped and swallowed down the emotions clogging my throat.
“Just come home. We want to tell you together.” Her voice was loud and jovial, which meant I was probably right.
Chills raced up and down my spine, and a lightness filled me with such excitement I could hardly breathe. I wanted this for my friend. “Okay. Home. Thirty minutes if traffic is light.”
“See you then. And Moe, be safe.”
“I always am.” I clicked off the phone and walked in a daze to my car.
If my assumption was correct, Mila was about to tell me that she was pregnant with Atlas’s baby and they were getting married. Everything I could have ever hoped for my best friend was about to happen. Life could not get any better than this. For her.
“Stuck-up fucking cunt,” a voice growled from a dark corner behind my car.
I spun around and came face-to-face with a masked man. I could only make out two holes for his eyes and one for his mouth. My hands shook, and I dropped my keys as I backed up toward the center of the garage, closer to the light. That’s when I saw the knife. A small blade, about four or five inches. The man walked toward me as I scrambled back on too-high heels. Each step sounded louder than the last.
“What do you want?” I pointed to my purse that I’d also dropped when I saw the man. “I’ve got money and credit cards in my purse. A couple hundred dollars. And my keys. Take my car. Just leave me alone.” I put my hands up in front of me to show I wasn’t going to be stupid.
“You think you’re so smart. Rich and powerful. You’re nothing but a filthy, greedy bitch.”
“Wh-Wh-What do you want?” I backed up as he moved closer. The lights were directly overhead, and if anyone came down or drove up, they’d see me. Someone had to come. They just had to.
I stayed as calm as I could. “Please, just take whatever you want.”
“Oh, I will. I’m going to take your life. Then all that money will go to the right person. Not you and that little fucking beaker baby.”
Tears fell down my cheeks as the man advanced. His voice was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it through the roar of fear. He growled his words as if to mask them the way he did his face.
The man lifted up the knife in all its heinous glory. “Time to die, bitch!”
At those words, I screamed, turned, and ran as fast as I could. My pencil skirt was tight around my legs. I pulled it up a few inches to gain more speed. It wasn’t enough.
With every step, he gained on me. “Run for your life. That’s right. Run, bitch, run. There’s nowhere you can go I won’t find you!” he roared before getting so close I heard the heavy gusts of air bursting past his lips.
I tried to zigzag, but it was too late. A searing pain ripped through me as the knife pierced just above my hip. He yanked upward, the blade slicing up my back and knocking against my upper shoulder blade. The entire right
side of my body had caught the blade, and I roared out as I crumbled to the ground in a ball of agony. The wound felt like an intense fire licking along the entire side of my back. Before I could react, my attacker was on top of me, straddling my sides and crushing my hips into the pavement.
He dug a forceful hand into my hair and tugged my head back hard. As I tried to push myself up, blood poured down my back and onto my hand. I screamed, kicked, and pushed off the concrete, but nothing would get him off me.
That’s when I heard it. Laughter. He was laughing as he held me down. “Not so all-powerful now, are you, Monet…”
When he said my name, I knew who was hurting me.
Jesus. Lord no. Why?
“Kyle! Why are you doing this to me?” I pressed back, attempting to look at him and make eye contact, but my vision flickered in and out. Everything around me got darker around the edges.
He put the knife to my throat and dug the tip in. I cried out when I felt blood trickling down my neck.
My thoughts scattered. Lily. Kyle. Getting him off me. “Kyle, please, we have a daughter. Lily…”
“That beaker baby is not my daughter. Never was, never will be.” His voice was angry, violence seeping off his tongue with each word.
“You’re listed as the father on her birth certificate!” I groaned in pain, trying to remind him. We’d made that decision together. The two of us. I thought we’d wanted the same things, but no. He didn’t. He’d wanted a child of his own. One I wasn’t able to give him. But I wasn’t the problem. It was his ineffective sperm that weren’t capable of doing the job. I thought choosing donor sperm would settle the problem and bring us closer together. I had never been more wrong. It tore us apart beyond repair.
Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four Page 1
