Limitless Love: A Lotus House Novel: Book Four

by Audrey Carlan

  “Makes sense.” He scooted his chair a bit closer to my side of the table so he could put a hand on my knee. The warmth from his palm seeped into my muscles, instantly giving me a serenity I hadn’t anticipated feeling. His touches did that. Warmed me. Gifted the sensation of being safe. Coveted.

  “I’m going to work tomorrow,” I announced firmly.

  Clayton’s gaze slashed to mine. I could easily see concern etched into the fine lines around his sky-blue eyes.

  I placed my hand over his where it rested on my knee. “I can’t hide in my house forever. Who knows when they are going to catch Kyle, if ever. He could be long gone…”

  “You don’t know that,” he growled angrily.

  Licking my lips, I thought about how to best address what I wanted to say. He needed some semblance of security. “Look, I cannot allow my ex to control my life any more than he already has. I did it for too long when I was married to him. Now I’ve done it for over two weeks. The stitches are removed and I have clients to tend to. People who need me. Count on me.”

  Clayton’s jaw hardened, and a muscle ticked in his cheek. “I need you. Lily needs you. Alive.”

  His words arrowed into my heart. I closed my eyes against the pain, the concern I knew was leading his fear. “The building has security. I’ll leave before it gets dark. Whatever it takes.”

  “Whatever it takes?” He cleared his throat and squeezed my knee.

  I nodded. “Yes. Whatever it takes.”

  “Then I’ll be with you. And if it’s not me there it will be Atlas, Dash, Trent, Nicholas, or a hired guard.”

  “Seriously, Clay…”

  He lifted his hand and curled it around my nape. His hand chakras were fire-hot against my skin. “No way in hell I’m taking a chance with your safety. Not now. Not ever. You mean too much.”

  I pressed forward until our foreheads met. “For now, I’ll accept your terms. In the meantime, I’ll pray that they catch Kyle quickly so we can all move on with our lives.”

  “God willing,” he growled in a surly timber.

  Coree, the strawberry-blond owner, popped over and delivered our food. A hot cup of minestrone soup and a turkey on rye for me, a full turkey cranberry chock-full of sprouts and a side salad for the big guy. My mouth watered as the steam from the soup reached my nose.

  “Let me know if you need anything else.” Coree put a hand to my shoulder. “Glad to see you’re doing well, Moe. We were all worried.”

  “I’m good. Thank you. Tell your sister I said hello.”

  She smiled and left us alone with our food.

  Clayton tucked in right away, taking a huge monster bite. I snickered and blew on my soup.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You.”

  “Me?” He grinned and took another bite.

  “Yeah you. It’s always interesting to watch you eat.” I sampled the first bite of my soup. The veggies were perfectly cooked and the broth a pure delight. The addition of Parmesan on top of the soup gave it an earthy, rich quality I adored.

  Clay finished his mouthful and wiped his lips with a napkin. “Why’s that?”

  I twisted and then winced. The stitches were no longer there, but the subtle move still tugged on the butterflies that now secured my wound.

  “You okay?” He placed his hand on my forearm.

  “Fine. Anyway, what I was saying was that you’re fun to watch when you eat because you eat like it could disappear at any moment.”

  He chuckled, and the sound banged around in my chest happily. His laugh was deep and full. A real manly man laugh.

  “Growing up, we didn’t have much in the way of money. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t get seconds.” His eyes gleamed with a hint of mirth. “Survival of the fittest and all.”

  “Everything good now?” I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich. It tasted like heaven on a plate. The turkey, mayo, mustard, and rye combination with the fresh thick lettuce chunks and tomato coalesced together to hit the spot. So good.

  He swatted at the air. “Water under the bridge. With school I scored scholarships and paid my own way. When I made it big in sports medicine and fitness, I started making a mint. Took care of paying off my parents’ home, and now my mom putters around reading and volunteering while my dad is an accountant working from home. They have money in their retirement plans and a stable, good life. No complaints.”

  “Sounds fantastic. It’s really good that you could do that for your parents.”

  He focused all his attention on me. “I take care of my own.”

  I felt my cheeks heat as his eyes zeroed in on my mouth followed by the rest of my face. He lifted a hand and stroked the apple of my cheek with his thumb. “You blush so pretty, Monet. You’re like living art.”

  I rolled my eyes and let my hair fall in front of my face and focused on my soup. He took the hint to leave it alone and continued our conversation by asking some questions of his own.

  “Where are your parents and grandparents? All you’ve mentioned is Kyle and your sister, Matisse.”

  Talking about my family was never easy, but if we were going to continue down a more serious path—and Clayton gave me every indication we were—I needed to lay out all my demons.

  I took a heavy breath and put my elbows on the table so I could rest my head in my hand. “You know my father cheated on my mother and kept another family on the side.”

  He nodded.

  “Well, eventually my mother found out that not only did he keep Matisse’s mother a secret, he was having extramarital relations with anything in a skirt all across the globe. He worked for my grandparents’ import-export business. Ran the customer development and business relationships department. That had him going all over the world. Apparently, he didn’t keep his indiscretions secret.” I fiddled with my napkin, forcing myself to stay the course. “On one trip, my mother followed him. First to Paris, then Italy, and last to New York. He had a different woman on his arm and in his hotel room in each city. She was devastated.”

  Clayton completely stopped eating. He put down his sandwich as if he was disgusted with it. “How could he do that?”

  A choking sound left my throat on instinct. “Why would my husband cheat on me with my sister?”

  Because men couldn’t be trusted. At least that’s what my mother always told me. I pursed my lips, glanced down at my soup, and took a few slow breaths. Clayton wasn’t like Kyle or my father. He was the exact opposite.

  Don’t compare them, Moe.

  “I’m sorry, beautiful.” He cleared his throat and took a sip of his water. “What happened after she found out?”

  Bolstering my courage to finish the story, I kept going. “Left his sorry ass. I’m not even sure where he is now. He’d always cared more for himself than either of his daughters, and he definitely didn’t respect his wife.” I pushed a kidney bean around in my soup with my spoon. “My grandfather fired him from the company, but he’d made so many contacts he had the pick of where he wanted to go. He was always a stellar businessman. Just a crappy husband and father.”

  “Jesus, Monet.”

  “It gets worse, I’m afraid.”

  He closed his eyes, took a fortifying breath, and released it. “Lay it on me, beautiful. This is your life, your past, and I need to know it. All of it.”

  He did have a right to know, but that didn’t change how hard it was for me to talk about it. Sweat tickled at my nape as I swallowed down the sour taste in my mouth. “Mom couldn’t take the blatant betrayal. She believed it was her fault somehow. Through my early teenage years, she was severely depressed, so much so that she took a lot of medication for it. One day she took too much.”

  His hand flew to mine, and he clasped our fingers. “She took her own life?” He gasped.

  I nodded, allowing the hurt to swirl around me but not pierce the armor I’d built around myself. “Technically an overdose. The doctors didn’t say it was intentional because it’s not like she purposely s
wallowed a bottle of pills. She just took some, probably forgot, took some more, and then followed it with a half gallon of vodka.”

  “Monet…”

  I shook my head and pressed a hand out to show my appreciation for his concern but also made known my desire to not be touched right now. “I’ve had a lot of time to deal with it. I’m okay.”

  And I was. Okay. My mother had been weakened by the love of her life. I understood that better than most. I just didn’t want to follow in her footsteps by letting that same decision control my life.

  “And your grandparents?” he asked.

  “My mother’s parents raised me in my late teens and took in Matisse, even though they never treated her like part of the family. Mostly because she wasn’t blood. They didn’t blame her and never treated her poorly, but we both knew they did it for me out of obligation. Regardless of what my father did, she was my sister. They gave her every opportunity they gave me, even willingly paid for her schooling.”

  I ran my finger around the rim of my water glass, watching the condensation from the ice drip down the glass in mesmerizing rivulets. “Matisse got a liberal arts degree and promptly disappeared from my life for the better part of a decade. Only popping up now and then—for my wedding, again when I had Lily. Brief encounters where she’d stay with us for a few days and then be gone at sunup, not to be heard from again for another year or so.”

  “Except she came back when your grandparents died.”

  I snorted unbecomingly. “Yep. Out of the blue, she walks into the attorney’s office holding my ex-husband’s hand, attempting to contest the will.”

  “I can’t imagine what that kind of betrayal feels like.” Clayton’s arms were lined with muscles, the veins standing out as if he was holding back his own strength. His hands were fisted where they rested on the table.

  I let out a fast breath, the image searing through my mind. “It feels like blinding white-hot fire courses from the tips of your toes and out the ends of your hair. Nothing hurt more than that moment. Not even when Kyle left me originally. At least then I believed it was because we just weren’t happy with one another, not that he had a piece on the side. Turns out he’d been seeing my sister all along.”

  “Fuck,” he grated through clenched teeth. “I’d love to have five minutes in a room alone with your ex. Just five freakin’ minutes is all I’d need. Hell, I’d stand for two.”

  That had me chuckling. An overall sensation of relief settled over the moment. Right then and there I realized for the first time in a long time I wasn’t alone. I reached for Clayton’s fisted hand and peeled his fingers open.

  “It’s okay. Everything happens for a reason, right? My marriage failed, and Kyle wants me dead, but at least I have Lily and now you.” No truer words had ever left my mouth. The concept seeped deep into my subconscious.

  Clayton’s eyes twinkled with mirth before he tipped his head back and started laughing. Hard. “Only you, beautiful, would find a silver lining to this shit. Come here.” He curled his hand around my neck and eased me forward so our lips could meet. He kissed me slow but with meaning.

  “You’re not alone in this. Not anymore.” The words were whispered against my neck before he pulled back.

  “See… You’re my silver lining.” I gave him my happiest smile.

  He shook his head and grinned. “Fuckin’ stunning woman. And all mine. You done? Ready for some sweetness?”

  I wanted to tell him he was all the sweet I could ever need, but I figured that was going overboard on the cheesy romance. Instead, I eased up and grabbed his hand while connecting with his side, our half-eaten lunch forgotten.

  “Lead the way.”

  * * *

  As usual, Sunflower Bakery was absolutely hopping with people when we entered.

  “Sweet Mother Nature and all things living. Moe!” I heard the sweet voice of none other than Crystal Nightingale, one of the owners of Lotus House.

  I smiled and headed for her table back in the corner. She was sitting with Jewel Marigold, the other owner. The two of them were the same in morals, values, and spiritual thought processes but couldn’t be more different physically. Crystal looked like an angel, with golden-blond hair, sky-blue eyes, and knockout curves. For a sixty-year-old woman, she had it going on. Jewel was a slip of a woman and reminded me of a fairy. Curly fire-red hair, a pair of tortoiseshell glasses perched on her button nose, and a welcoming smile.

  Crystal’s arms wrapped around me tight, and I stiffened as pain rippled down my spine. Her eyes widened, and she released me as if I’d burned her. “Oh my, I knew you’d gotten hurt, but I had not been informed of the extent. Are you okay?”

  I squeezed her hand and held on. “I’m fine. I just had the stitches removed today. My injury runs along most of my back.”

  Both women’s mouths opened then tightened into firm white lines. Crystal’s hold on my hand eased and she lifted it between both of hers at her heart center. “I’m going to pray very hard that you heal quickly. We miss your presence at the studio.”

  “Me too. And as soon as I’m able, I’ll be back taking classes. Right now, I need to be careful not to tweak anything.”

  “If there is anything we can do to help you heal, you must let us know. Perhaps I can do a chakra realignment using the singing bowls or crystals?” Jewel pressed her glasses farther up her nose and focused on my face.

  Singing bowls. I grinned. “That’s very kind. Maybe I’ll take you up on that, if the need arises.” Of course I wouldn’t be taking her up on that because I didn’t think my chakras were out of alignment. Not that I really knew one way or the other.

  Jewel clicked her tongue and put her hands out in front of me. “Give me your hands, my darling.”

  I smiled and placed both of mine into hers. A sizzle of magnetism shot through my palms from hers. She closed her eyes, right in the middle of the bakery, not caring who might be watching. Crystal followed her lead and came around behind me and placed her hands next to the spot where my shoulder and neck met. Clayton’s spot.

  “Close your eyes,” Crystal whispered into my ear.

  “Right here?” I glanced around but couldn’t really see much of anything but Jewel standing in front of me, holding me in place.

  “Yes. We’re off to the side. No one’s paying any attention anyway. Just let everything slip away for a single minute.”

  Not wanting to hurt their feelings, I played along and closed my eyes. I had no idea where Clayton was or what he thought might be taking place, but I imagined he’d ask about it later.

  “Breathe in through your nose and let it out your mouth,” Crystal instructed.

  Following her orders, I inhaled fully, closed my eyes, and exhaled until all the air had left my lungs. I did it a few more times until everything around me completely faded away.

  The sounds of the bakery, gone.

  People moving around me, gone.

  Jewel’s presence, gone.

  Crystal behind me, gone.

  For one single minute I connected with my true self. Relief. Stress. Anxiety. Fear. All those things left me while I breathed, grounded by two women I truly believed must have a direct line to the Man Upstairs.

  A simmering wave of love and solidarity speared through my body, welcoming me, tethering my spirit to the moment, and filling me with a love so intense I thought it might burst from my chest in a rocket of blinding green light. I opened my eyes. “Whoa!” I gripped Jewel’s hands to keep upright.

  Jewel’s serene smile greeted me. Crystal chuckled from behind, gave my neck a little squeeze, and then let me go.

  “Feel better?” Jewel grinned.

  I blinked a few times, realizing I actually did feel a ton better—lighter somehow. Either it was the power of suggestion or these women were spiritual healers of the highest degree.

  “I actually do. I’m not sure what you did, but I don’t know”—I ran my hand through my hair and looked down—“somehow I’m lighter.”

/>   Crystal grinned. “We helped ground you. Sometimes when we’re stressed and situations are controlling our every thought, we lose our footing.”

  Made complete and perfect sense. Only, in the medical and psychiatric community, “grounding” had a different description. In my world, grounding was a coping strategy that helped the patient immediately connect to the present. I personally used it a lot when dealing with my post-traumatic stress patients. Some of my veterans needed grounding therapy to help with flashbacks and dissociation.

  “And your heart chakra is hurting right now.” Jewel frowned and ran a finger from my temple to my chin. “I sense that you’re working on it, but there’s still much more to be done.”

  “My heart chakra? How so?”

  Jewel smiled. “In order to have a healthy heart chakra, darling, you must love yourself and be able to forgive yourself and others. I’m sensing there are some things you are not letting go of. Perhaps a person who wronged you. One you allowed in your life. Someone who continues to hurt you? Could be a variety of things piling up.”

  Nail on head, anyone?

  I opened my mouth to speak but the anvil pressing down on my chest wouldn’t allow for it.

  She patted my hand the way my mother used to. Another brick added to the emotional baggage weighing me down.

  “No worries, darling. You’re going to find the way. I suggest you attend Dara’s meditation classes for a bit. Become more in tune with your inner self. Hmm?”

  I nodded numbly, not sure how to respond. Thank God I didn’t have to or I might have burst into tears. Clayton picked that moment to curl his hand around my neck in the possessive way I’d become obsessed with. “You good, beautiful?” He had eyes only for me, and they were an assessing darker blue.

  “Uh, yeah. Perfect as a peach,” I stuttered, and he frowned.

  “We were just suggesting that our Monet work on clearing her heart chakra and spend a little quality time with Dara, our meditation expert.” Jewel looked over my shoulder to where Dara was serving the myriad customers lined up.