His fine lips curved into a grin. “You only have to say the word.” He twirled me out and back again in a dizzying spin. “But I don’t mix business with pleasure. I don’t date co-stars.”
“Dagger said there wasn’t a rule about it,” I said with a breathless laugh.
“There isn’t.” Something moved in his gaze. “It’s my own rule.”
Pity for Posey made me bolder than normal. “What if she’s a former co-star?”
Mark twirled me again, catching me around the waist and performing an impressive dip. “My heart’s not ready yet.”
Although I was dying of curiosity, I asked nothing else. Posey would probably kill me if I let her secret out. Besides I wasn’t even sure she wanted Mark. I’d already proven myself a poor judge of character, so what if I was wrong? Better safe than sorry.
At ten minutes to midnight, the countdown began. After dancing with another of the endless line of investors who wanted to meet me, I wriggled free and made my way to the open bar. I selected a glass of champagne, my fourth or fifth of the night, and prepared for the toast. I caught sight of Posey and started forward until I realized she’d cornered Mark. With minutes to go, she’d want to be near him and usher in the New Year with a kiss.
I edged around the dance floor, unsure of where to wait out the countdown. Where was Jase?
The crowd started chanting at one minute. I eased my way to an empty corner and searched the room. Shit, I didn’t see him. What if he’d found someone? My heart couldn’t take the sight of him kissing another woman.
I set down my glass and stumbled out of the ballroom. The door closed behind me as the crowd erupted into cheers and laughter. Auld Lang Sine poured from the speakers.
The door opened, and I stumbled backward. A warm arm encircled my waist, and I stiffened until the familiar scent washed over me. Jase.
I turned to face him. He’d loosened his tie and his cheeks were flushed. Perhaps from alcohol or the excitement of the evening.
“Happy New Year,” he said simply.
I took a step forward and tilted my head back to meet his gaze. “Happy New Year.”
He took a deep breath, almost as if he was preparing to say something I didn’t want to hear.
“No!” I placed my fingers over his lips. “Don’t say anything.”
He tugged my fingers away, slowly, and backed me against the opposite wall. My spine collided with the carpeted wall as he trapped me with his body. His voice lowered to a rasp. “I don’t want to talk.”
It had to be the alcohol. My Jase never would do this. He lowered his head, and I went up on tiptoes, and then his lips were on mine. He thrust his tongue inside my mouth, kissing me as if his life depended on it. He framed my cheeks with his hands, holding me still as he plundered my mouth over and over again.
Faints sounds of the party went on around us, but nothing mattered except Jase and how he made me feel. My heart was like a hot air balloon, filled to bursting with warm energy. I didn’t want the moment to end. When he kissed me, my cares slipped away, replaced by a lust so strong it crippled me.
I lifted my hands and cradled the back of his head. His curls tickled my palms and wound about my fingers. Surprisingly soft, his curls were just one of the many reasons I loved him.
Crap.
I admitted the truth to myself. I loved Jase. No use denying it anymore.
Jase drew back and stared down at me. “Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”
And just like that, my bubble burst. I jerked out of his embrace. “You’re driving me crazy. Either you want me or you don’t. It’s simple, Jase.”
“No, it’s not.” He caught my arm and pulled me back to him. “Nothing about you is ever simple.”
His words pierced my heart, and I ached with the pain of it. “What does that mean?”
He dropped his head and sighed. “Not what you’re probably thinking. God damn it, Cara. I’m trying to be noble here.”
“No one asked you to be.” I poked a finger in the center of his chest. “I certainly didn’t. You kissed me, remember?”
“Yes, I know. And I’d do it again. I’ve waited years to kiss you. Now I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop.”
His words halted me. I stared at him, searching for the words to explain how confused he made me. Instead of begging him to show how much he wanted me, I turned and left him standing there.
The party had reached a fever pitch with couples either making out or dancing like maniacs on the floor. One glance at my face when I returned to the ballroom and Posey seemed to know something was wrong.
She drew me to the side. “What is it?”
I sniffed, unable to hold back the tears. “Can you take me home?”
“Of course.” She looked around for Mark, who’d brought her to the party. “Do you mind if Mark takes us? I’ve had too much to drink. We can take a cab by ourselves if you prefer?”
“Riding with Mark is fine.” I didn’t want to ruin her night too.
Thankfully neither of them probed into my sudden distress. Mark kept up a lively banter, alternately teasing Posey and me, as he navigated the short distance to Jase’s apartment.
After they dropped me off, I stripped off the dress and climbed into bed in nothing but my bra and panties. I turned onto my side, holding the pillow to my chest, and ached for what would never be. I loved Jase, but he couldn’t love me back.
Not the way I needed him to.
I’d thought it would be different, easier somehow, falling in love with a friend. I was wrong, completely and totally mistaken. It was ten times worse knowing Jase cared about me, but not enough to risk our friendship.
He was right. Of course he was. I didn’t want to lose him anymore than he wanted to lose me.
Then how come I couldn’t stop crying?
The sound of shattered glass ricocheted through the apartment.
I bolted upright and blearily studied the clock. Three a.m. Was Jase just getting home?
Terrified I’d stumble upon him and another woman; I pulled on a T-shirt and crept into the hall. A light was on in the kitchen, so I headed in its direction, pulling up short when I heard his voice.
I paused and listened, but no one answered. Reassured he was alone, I continued on my way.
Jase sat in front of the fridge with a beer clutched in his hand. Another bottle lay broken on the floor, its frothy contents soaking into the rug before the dishwasher.
“Jase?”
He looked up when I spoke. His tie was missing and his eyes appeared vacant. Hollow. “Yes?” He lifted the beer to his lips.
I crouched in front of him. “Are you drunk?”
“Not nearly enough.” He saluted me with the bottle.
I narrowed my eyes and reached for the bottle. “Give me the beer.”
He resisted, draining the bottle and tossing it at the trashcan, somehow ringing it even in his inebriated state.
“Impressive,” I muttered. “Come on. You need to go to bed.”
“Do I?” He refused to stand, even when I tugged on his arms. “My bed’s empty, thanks to you. You’re killing my sex life. I can’t fuck anyone else because I only see your face.”
“Shut up. You’re drunk and being obnoxious.”
He got to his feet, graceful despite the amount of alcohol he must’ve consumed since I’d left the party. “If you were mine, I’d spank you.”
Despite the curious warmth his words gave me, I rolled my eyes. “You’re in no shape to spank anyone. The only person you’ll hurt is yourself. Come on, let’s sleep it off. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“No, we won’t.” He headed down the hall. “You won’t talk. I’ve tried, Cara. God damn it, I try to talk to you, but you keep yourself locked tight no matter how much I try.”
He stumbled, and I rushed forward to steady him. His weight pressed against me and I buckled, but I tightened my knees and hauled him upright. “Come on. Just a few more steps.”
In his room,
I tried to draw back the covers, but he fell face first onto the mattress before I finished. I sighed and bent down to remove his shoes and socks. It was more difficult to help him out of his jacket and by the time it slipped free of his arms, I was out of breath.
“Cara,” Jase murmured and wrapped his arms around my waist. He hauled me close, tucking me against his side and half-trapping me beneath his body. It was done so easily, I had trouble remembering he was drunk.
“Let me up.” I tapped his shoulder and attempted to wriggle free.
“Mmm,” Jase answered and sighed against my neck.
I shivered despite my firm avowal to remain unaffected. “I need to go.”
Jase snuggled closer. “Stay with me. Please. Just for the night.”
I closed my eyes and prayed for the strength to resist. “You’re drunk.”
“So?” Alcohol-tinged fumes disguised his typical scent. He reached for my hand and threaded his fingers through mine. “Stay.”
Cursing myself for the weakness, I nodded. “Okay.”
Just one night. One chance to lie in his arms, and then I would let him go.
Chapter Fourteen
A shrill alarm pierced the silence. I groaned and reached for the phone, but my fingers met empty air.
Sitting up, I realized I wasn’t in my room but in Jase’s bed. The bedside table was on the left, the opposite side from mine. I reached over him and slapped the snooze button on the alarm.
He must’ve forgotten it was New Year’s Day. No need to get up early. Dagger Productions had closed for the day. The Birmingham office, at least. Too many people recovering from the previous night’s excesses.
A faint headache rested in my temples, probably from too much champagne. Jase shifted and I glanced down, surprised to see him awake.
“Good morning,” I murmured. “How do you feel?”
He cupped his forehead and groaned. “Like shit. You?”
“I’m okay. Want me to get the aspirin? I can go for a couple too.” And a glass of water.
Before I eased off the bed, he grabbed my wrist. “Cara, wait.”
I sat cross-legged and tucked the sheet around my waist. “Yes?”
He sat up and propped his shoulders against the headboard. “I owe you another apology.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes.” He held my gaze. “I do.”
I snorted. “Ridiculous. Do you even remember last night?”
His lips tilted. “Most of it. I fucked up.”
“You did nothing you have to apologize for. All right?” I snatched the sheet away, intending to leave, but his harsh, indrawn breath stopped me. I saw his gaze drop, noticed his expression, and my blood turned to ice.
Oh, no.
Fuck.
“What in the hell happened to you?” He motioned to my thighs, swollen from the new scabs.
“I cut myself shaving.” I fell back on the excuse I used whenever my mother had seen my cuts. She’d accepted my pathetic lies, but Jase wouldn’t be so easy to fool. “It happens.”
“These aren’t nicks, Cara.” He touched my knee and studied the worst of my wounds. “You did it to yourself.”
I swung my legs over the bed and stood. “What? Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I?”
Jase lunged across the bed and caught my arm. “You’re not leaving until you answer me. Tell me. Did you cut yourself?”
Tears pricked my eyes, making my voice quiver with emotion. “What does it matter to you if I do?”
“It fucking matters, Cara!” he exploded and tightened his grip on my flesh. “How long has this been going on?”
I hated the disappointment, the concern, and worst of all, the horror. “A few years.”
His chest lifted as he sucked in a breath. “Jesus.”
“It’s nothing, Jase.”
He stood, keeping my arm in his grip. “It’s an illness.”
I rolled my eyes. “Like you understand anything about it.”
“I know enough,” he muttered. “Christ, Cara. What if they became infected?”
“Then I’d treat them with antibiotic cream,” I explained. “I know the drill.”
“You need to talk to someone about this.”
“Fuck you, Jase!” I tugged on my arm to no avail. “Is talking your only advice? My parents. School. My uncle. That fucking picture. Contrary to what you may think, talking doesn’t do a damned thing but bring up memories best left forgotten.”
“What picture?”
I’d forgotten Jase hadn’t seen the picture. He didn’t use social media, so he hadn’t seen the viral image of me. “It’s nothing.”
“Tell me.” The command in his voice was designed to force compliance.
I hardened my resolve. “Let me go.”
“Not until you tell me why you’re cutting.”
“It’s none of your business.”
His expression hardened, unbreakable and cool as stone. “The fuck it isn’t. I’m not releasing you until you tell me.”
I placed my free hand on my hip and stuck out my chin. I could be stubborn too.
He narrowed his eyes. “Don’t play games with me, Cara. You can’t win.”
I zipped my lips and stared at him mutinously. Stubborn as an ox. It had been my father’s favorite expression, and I planned to live up to the description.
Jase softly cursed. “I’m warning you. You won’t like the repercussions.”
I lifted an eyebrow, prepared to wait him out. What I didn’t expect was for him to toss me over his shoulder and carry me down the hall.
“Jase! Let me down.”
He ignored me and entered the living room. My world spun as he set me on my feet before placing me across his lap.
“What are you doing?”
He tugged my panties down, exposing my bare ass. I tried to yank my underwear up, but he slapped my hands away.
“Jase! Oh my God. What are you doing?”
“You like pain?” His voice was calm.
Too calm.
I realized his intention, and I struggled to free myself. “Let me go!”
The first spank, although expected, wrenched a cry of surprise from me. It stung a little, enough to tell me he was serious, but wouldn’t hurt me.
I bit my lip to hold back any noises. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d humiliated me.
The second smack landed on my right cheek. My flesh jiggled, and I winced in embarrassment.
The third and fourth slap landed in rapid succession. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, surprised I didn’t draw blood. By the fifth spank, I blinked rapidly to hold the tears at bay.
“Damn it, Cara. Stop being stubborn.”
“I’ll stop when you do,” I muttered beneath my breath. Pain was release for me. I reveled in it. But never before had it turned me on…and angered me.
He pulled up my underwear and released me.
I scrambled to my feet. “Did you like that?” I swung my arm around, nearly catching him on the jaw with my fist. “Huh? Answer me.”
“Of course I didn’t.” He got to his feet, towering over me in anger. “I enjoy giving pain with pleasure. This demonstration was to remind you you’re not unbreakable.”
I saw red. “Your little demonstration, as you call it, didn’t work. All it proved was you’re a sadist who revels in other people’s pain. Did it turn you on to see my cuts? To know I get off on the pain? You’re as fucked up as I am, Jase. At least I have the courage to admit it.”
He moved lightning-quick, grabbing me in an embrace so tight it nearly cut off my air. His face was dark with anger and his jagged breath ruffled my hair. “I hated what I just did to you. Nothing like what I give my lovers. It was punishment, pure and simple. You want to hurt yourself? Remember this moment and know I’ll take you over my knee again. If I ever see you purposefully harm your beautiful body again, I won’t stop at spanking. I’ll use my belt, and I promise you it’ll hurt more than you ever thought pos
sible.”
Excitement leaped in my veins. I truly was the fucked up creature I believed myself to be.
Jase’s fingers trembled as he caressed my face. “Go. Run away before I do something I regret.”
I held still. “Like what?”
“Like this.” He covered my lips with his, stealing the air from my lungs and replacing it with giddy exhilaration.
Yes, it was wrong of me, but I craved more. I had to have whatever crumbs he doled out. He’d leave me unfulfilled, wanting more than he could give me, but I wouldn’t leave if my life depended on it. Every moment had led to this point. Every choice I’d made, everything that had happened to me, shaped me into the person I was. Screwed up in the head, damaged, but capable of loving someone so much it hurt.
Jase increased the pressure of the kiss. His tongue slid expertly against mine, driving me crazy with need. I pressed closer, reveling in his firm body and warm skin. He was so hard where I was soft. He tangled his hands in my hair and held my head in place, kissing me until my senses spun.
How could he think of this as a mistake? It was perfect.
Jase swept me off my feet. I locked my legs around his waist and held on, determined to never let go. He carried me to his room and laid me on the bed, following me down and covering my body with his. Every inch of me pressed into him. Sparks exploded in my belly and spiraled outward.
This must be it, the fantasy romance books described. I was living a real-life dream, one like those stupid teen movies where the ugly duckling wins the heart of the star quarterback. Only we weren’t in school anymore, and I was destined to become a porn star. Not the road to happily ever after, but I was content to go along for the ride.
“I don’t do this,” Jase murmured against the sensitive skin of my neck.
“Do what?” I arched my head to the side to grant him access.
“This.” He shaped my hips with his hands and nipped my clavicle. He tugged on the neckline of my T-shirt and licked a path across my collarbone. “I’ll break your heart and I don’t want to.”
I touched his cheek and waited for his gaze to meet mine. “Then don’t.”
Coming Soon Page 12
