Seth talked quietly in the warm room, pointing and describing the cavern. Callie asked good questions, and soon a clear map took shape on the page. Going back over details, Seth helped her make it realistic looking. Then a yawn broke off his description of the tower room.
It drew her attention and their eyes met. The crackling fire was the only sound in the room.
Which shouldn’t be true. Connor was never quiet. Just as Seth thought that, Callie looked away while at the same time nudged him. A smile bloomed beautifully on her face and he almost couldn’t look away.
But he did, and saw Heath and Connor sound asleep. “Guess we wore ’em out. Let’s get them into bed.”
Callie set the drawing aside and picked up Connor. Seth shook Heath awake, gently, remembering the times he’d run so hard all day with his brothers, he’d fallen asleep the second he quit moving.
Before long the house was settled for the night, Heath in a bedroom by himself, and Connor in a drawer in Seth’s room, which was padded with a thick blanket. Seth was eager to build a cradle for the boy. Put a cradle in the room he shared with his wife—he liked the sound of that.
Seth and Callie went back to the main room and sat together by the fireplace.
“I’ll work on this picture more tomorrow.” Callie picked up the sheets of paper she’d left on her chair.
“Just give it a few more minutes.” Seth was thinking fast. Trying to come up with an excuse to keep her with him. “Tell me what happened to your pa. I never met him, right?”
Callie’s eyes narrowed, and Seth wished he’d’ve picked something to talk about that didn’t remind her of the missing chunks of his memory. Hurrying on, he said, “I’m sorry he died. What happened?”
The anger then went out of Callie’s expression. “Things didn’t go like they should’ve when Pa got Luke home.”
Seth had no idea if he’d heard of Luke before or not, but he didn’t admit as much. Instead, to keep her talking he said, “What do you mean?”
“Luke always loved the ranch when growing up. There was never any question that he’d stay on the ranch with Pa. But then Luke went off to war and fought for the North against Pa’s wishes. Pa was firmly for the South.”
“Texas was with the Confederacy, wasn’t it?”
“Yep, but we had neighbors, free black men, two brothers, who owned a nice ranch. Luke grew up being best friends with one of their sons. Pa got on with them, too. And one of them had a real nice wife who came over and helped a lot after Ma died and I loved her, we all did. They were good folks.”
“So Luke couldn’t see backing slavery?”
Nodding, Callie went on, “It’s hard to put it into words because there was so much ugliness with the war, but our whole family just knew those folks were regular human beings. They weren’t a color; they were people. It never made sense to any of us that there was slavery.”
“So why did your pa get upset about Luke?”
“To Pa that war wasn’t about slavery. I heard him explain it to Luke, and Pa never flinched from admitting it to our neighbors, either. It wasn’t about slavery. It was about government thinking it ruled over the people instead of serving the people. And he didn’t think the president in far-off Washington, D.C., had the right to make decisions for the states. He thought the South was being true to the Constitution more than the North.”
“And he wouldn’t forgive Luke after the North won?”
“Pa welcomed Luke home and there was no talk of anyone needing forgiveness. Pa knew Luke had done what he thought was right. It was Luke who couldn’t get over Pa picking the South over the North. Luke was in Andersonville same as you. And it changed him. He didn’t have nightmares like you do, but he was mixed up in his head, angry all the time—even in the hospital. We thought we’d lose him for a long time, which is why I ended up working in that hospital, because Luke was too sick to take home. He was starved near to death and he’d had a job at the prison camp working in the infirmary because there was trouble in the camp and the warden knew Luke would be killed if he didn’t get out of the prison yard. Luke had seen so many awful things. Watched so many men die. He was like a stranger to us.
“As soon as he was able to travel, Pa took him home, just to get him away from all the ugly memories. Pa didn’t even think it was a good idea for me to travel with them because Luke was unpredictable and sometimes violent. Since the doctors asked me to stay at the hospital, we agreed Pa and Luke would go and I’d come home later. It wasn’t a hard choice to stay; the need was so great.
“When I got back home, Luke had already left. Pa had no idea where he’d gone, and it took the heart out of him. Then there was a lot of trouble with renegade soldiers and carpetbaggers. Just a new kind of trouble every time we turned around. Pa was killed in a shootout. There were witnesses who called it a fair fight. I know Pa was goaded into that shootout, but the sheriff wouldn’t act. And the gunman vanished and had no known connection to the land-grabber.”
“When you needed a husband, I wasn’t there. I could have backed your pa and held the ranch, maybe saved his life. Maybe kept Luke on the ranch.” Instead he’d run off and left Callie on her own.
Callie said nothing that would ease Seth’s guilt. “Within hours of Pa dying, a man who wanted to buy our land came out to the ranch and told me he’d bought up the mortgage at the bank and owned every acre, every cow, every building free and clear. I couldn’t fight him. I knew if I did, I’d end up dead and leave Connor alone in the world. All I could think of was you talking about Rawhide, Colorado. I hoped maybe you’d gone home. And if you weren’t there, I hoped Rafe and Ethan would take in their brother’s widow and his child.”
“How long ago did your pa die?” Seth asked.
“Been about four months now. I knew I had to get away. I couldn’t hold the ranch or protect Connor, so I wrote those letters to you and Rafe. I took what little cash money we had in the house and set out on horseback. When I got to a town with a train, I sold my horse and bought a train ticket. I walked away from everything because I knew I wouldn’t live to turn it into cash.”
“I’m sorry, Callie. I’m so sorry.” Seth stood from his chair and pulled her into his arms. Wishing he could take away all her pain. She held him so close it hurt. When she finally let go, it seemed like her eyes were a little brighter and her chin a bit higher.
“We’ve talked enough for one night. Let’s get some sleep.”
Callie gave him a sweet, tired smile. He saw the scratch on her forehead and knew she still had some stitches to cut out. But she was beautiful. Perfect.
He hoped he wasn’t seconds away from finding out he was sleeping out here in front of the fire.
“Go on in and get ready for bed,” she said. Her cheeks might’ve been red from the fire, but Seth thought she was blushing. “I’ll wait here while you change.”
Her blush made him hope he wasn’t the only one thinking on marital happenstances. It was past time to see just how hard his wife was going to make him work to earn her trust.
With a nod he stepped past her into their room, then stripped off his clothes and quickly pulled on a set of clean long underwear. He went to the door, opened it and said, “Ready.”
Though she was much slower going about it, Callie was soon ready for bed, too. Connor remained asleep in the drawer. Seth went over, lifted the baby, drawer and all, and carried him out of the room.
“What are you doing?” Callie asked.
After setting Connor down just outside the bedroom door, he turned back. “I want to talk to you and I don’t want to disturb the baby.” Yep, this was all about not disturbing the baby.
“Oh . . . well, all right. But we need to bring him in here when we’re done talking. He can crawl out of that drawer. He could get into the fireplace and get burned. We have to get him a better crib.”
“I’ll build one tomorrow.” Seth wondered if they didn’t need another bedroom, as well. Or maybe he could move Connor into Heath’s room.
Seth went to Callie and took both of her hands in his.
“Now, Seth, I told you . . .”
He didn’t want to hear what Callie had to say, so he kissed her.
Seemed likely that she didn’t have much interest in what she had to say either, because she kissed him right back.
Sliding both arms around her waist, he pulled her closer, enjoying the touch of her lips against his. He angled his head to deepen the kiss just as her arms slid up to encircle his neck. A shudder of relief went through him. She wasn’t going to push him away. The tug of attraction between them was so powerful that Seth knew it was why they’d ended up married so quick. It ignited with such force that he hooked an arm behind her knees, swept her into his arms, and carried her over to the bed. He lowered her and followed her down.
Pressing both hands flat on his chest, she said, “Seth, I don’t think—”
“Thinking can wait.” Somewhere Seth realized he’d lost his shirt. Now if he could just get Callie to do the same.
“No, Seth.” Callie ducked her head when he came in to kiss her again. “We passed over thinking before, and I ended up with a baby to raise alone.”
“You’re not alone anymore, Callie.” Seth caught her by the waist and pulled her back. “Surely you’re noticing that I’m here.”
“Stop!” She slapped him on the chest, hard. “Stop or I’m throwing you out of this room.”
He fought with his self-control, which awakened in him the memory of fighting for survival during the Civil War. The thought helped him to relax his grip and step away from her. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
She was so wrong.
“I don’t want you sleeping on the floor, Seth.” She moved closer to him then. Under the circumstances he’d’ve preferred she stay far away. “But if you don’t behave, that’s exactly where you’re going to end up.”
The woman had a bossy way with words. Seth pondered for a moment the notion that he’d married someone like his big brother. He looked at her black hair, escaped again from its braid. Her lips swollen from his kisses. Her slender figure swathed in white cotton. Her black eyes flashing in the lantern light.
Well, not a lot like his big brother.
“Now turn down the lantern and go to sleep before I decide to throw you out of here.”
It was an order Seth was glad to obey. The bed was set so a window was behind Seth’s back when he faced her. The moon shone blue on her raven-black hair. She lay on her side, her head propped up on her right fist, her left hand resting on him. Her black eyes studied him.
“Go to sleep, husband.” She lifted her hand from his chest and caressed his chin with her fingertips. “We’ve found each other again. You clearly like the notion of being married. So do I. But give me some time. We got married too fast. I realized after you left I knew almost nothing about you. I didn’t know you weren’t thinking right. I didn’t understand how upset you were by the war, or how sick you still were. I barely knew enough to begin hunting for you. Now we are going to take some time and get to know each other. I don’t think I can honestly trust a man I don’t even know. So let’s go about this marriage business in the right way.”
Seth nodded, but mainly because he was afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he unclenched his teeth. He had his own ideas about what was right. And nothing felt so right as holding Callie, his wife, in his arms.
She pulled up the blanket to cover his chest, as if she were tucking in a child, then went and fetched Connor and his drawer, rebraided her hair—which Seth regretted fiercely—climbed back into bed, rolled onto her side so she faced away from him, and fell asleep.
Seth was mighty slow following her lead.
Chapter
25
Callie ripped out of a deep sleep.
She grabbed for her rifle. It wasn’t there.
Before she’d finished fumbling for it or figured out what the danger was, she was on her feet, escaping.
“Fire! Rafe, help. Ethan.”
Her muddled thoughts cleared enough to know her husband was having one of his stupid nightmares.
“I’m burning!”
The poor tormented lunatic.
Help came in a rush and she hurried to the door and opened it before it could be knocked down. Heath stood outside. Connor was fussing in his makeshift crib, sitting up, rubbing his eyes while Seth screamed.
Callie picked Connor up. “I can wake him up.”
“Rafe, help.” The screams from Seth were bloodcurdling. “Ethan!”
“He’s been in the war.” Callie knew just how shocking it was to be awakened by screaming. Oh, did she ever know. “A lot of men who went through war are bothered by it.”
“Hasn’t the war been over for a long time?” Heath tried to give Callie his usual sullen look, but Seth’s shouting was too upsetting.
“Ethan! I’m burning!”
“Not long enough, I reckon.” She watched Seth slap at his horribly scarred arm and the back of his head. The full moonlight pouring in lit up the room nearly as bright as day. “I can wake him.”
“You need help?” Heath had seen her wake Seth before.
Callie hesitated. Then she had a real bright idea. “Can you take Connor and get him back to sleep?”
Heath reached for the baby, then looked at Seth and flinched. “The war did that to him? Is that where his scars came from?”
“The worst of the scars are older than the war, though he got some new ones during the fighting. But what happened to give him the old scars is part of his nightmare.”
Seth’s cries got louder and wilder. Connor broke into a full-throated howl. He sounded a little too much like his pa, confound it.
“Go now,” Callie said.
“If you need help, just holler.” Heath looked past Callie as Seth screamed for his brothers.
Shaking his head, Heath took the baby and left. Callie swung the door shut and turned to her husband, her heart breaking for him.
She’d been strong in denying him earlier, but this tore at her and weakened her good intentions. She knew how it always ended when she woke him.
Thrashing, casting the covers aside, he shouted as if he were in agony.
Callie approached him with caution. “Seth, wake up!” She said it over and over again. One of these days maybe he’d hear her.
Then she thought of his brothers throwing water on him. They claimed it was fast and there was truth in that. A lot of truth. But it was downright mean.
Seth threw himself onto his stomach, and in the moonlit night Callie saw the terrible scars and couldn’t stand to be unkind. She really had to insist he wear a nightshirt to bed so she could be stern with him.
Flinging himself over again, she knew she had to stop the shouting for the sake of the rest of the household, as well as to bring the nightmares to an end.
With a careful eye she ducked inside his flying fists and landed flat on top of him, locking her arms around his neck. “Seth, Seth, wake up.”
She kissed him.
The shouting cut off instantly.
Clinging to his thrashing body, it was more a wrestling match than an embrace. Suddenly Seth’s arms came around her so hard it was almost a blow. But it felt wonderful.
He held her tight and returned the kiss. The fight went out of him and he whispered against her lips, “Callie, Callie, I found you.”
The affection she heard in his voice was impossible to resist. He rolled with her and tucked her beneath him just as his eyes opened fully.
He was with her again, awake and rational. Though his face was shadowed by the night, she felt the wildness in his burning blue gaze, the rigidity in his muscles as he realized he wasn’t fully sure how he’d come to be lying in her arms.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” His voice broke. He rested his forehead against hers. He always asked her that.
And she always answered, “No, you didn’t hurt me at all. You were having a bad dream. I woke you up.”
Hi
s strong hands slid into her hair, caressing as if the touch gave him intense pleasure. And there went her braid again.
“I’ve missed you so much.” He went to kiss her again.
“No, Seth.” Her last ounce of common sense stepped forward and she slapped both hands flat on his chest.
Common sense, which she had in good supply, had told her even back in the hospital that she shouldn’t put much stock in a man so riddled with nightmares, not even if everything about him spoke to the deepest, most vulnerable place in her heart. She hadn’t listened then, and she’d paid a high price for it.
He froze. She could feel him gather himself, and nearly a minute passed when finally, slowly, he moved away. Lying on his back beside her, he said, “Well, at least come here and let me hold you.” He pulled her against him, and she couldn’t resist resting her head on his shoulder.
“I’m glad you’re here, Callie Kincaid. And I’m going to prove to you that I’m a man to be trusted.”
Callie didn’t say it out loud, but inside she was fervently hoping it didn’t take him too long.
She rested her head on her husband’s chest, listening to his heart pound. She wanted to cling to him. She wanted to show him how much she loved him. But she couldn’t risk another baby until she was sure of him. She hadn’t begun to let him know how harsh her father had been when she’d turned out to be with child. Or how many nights she’d cried from the loneliness. She was terrified of going through that again.
After their marriage, the nightmares hadn’t appeared at first. Callie remembered her foolish belief that her love had healed him. Then he’d had another terrible nightmare. There’d been passion after she awakened him. But when the morning came, she found herself alone.
She thought of that now as they lay together in each other’s arms. “Seth?”
“What, honey?” Seth caressed her arm as she rested against him.
“When we were in the hospital, I thought your nightmares were about the war. And they were, at least partly. You talked about cannons and battles, but you also talked about fire and called out for your brothers.”
Seth rubbed his face with his free hand. “I had bad dreams right after the accident in the cavern for a long time, but they faded—mostly. The war started them up again.”
Mary Connealy - [Kincaid Brides 03] Page 19
