by Carys Weldon
He was swallowing me up, taking me into him, and we were fully dressed, right there on the street. But I didn’t want to be let go. I felt desperate to convey that to him.
And you know what? I wouldn’t have given one shit if he’d backed me up to that brick wall behind us, in broad daylight, and made love to me.
Right then and there, I thought just take what you can get. Whatever happiness he’s offering you, love it while he lets you.
He must’ve liked my train of thought. I felt him growl down deep in his chest. And I think I answered with a replying moan from deep in, too.
Nothing mattered at that moment, but that desire to just grab a little...I wouldn’t call it happiness. Maybe...snatching a little soul-feed?
I won’t say I loved him, then. At least, I didn’t admit anything to myself at the time, for fear of him horning in on my thoughts. But I needed him. And he wanted me. And Gaia knows I needed the protection of his arms around me, that feeling of being safe. I didn’t try to decipher my emotions.
Eventually, we came up for air. And he realized before I did that we were getting soaked. “Let’s get something to eat.”
Again, tugging me by the hand, he pulled me along. It felt good, like I belonged. You know, most people don’t realize how much they want to belong until they do. I was like that. Always thought I was a bit of a loner, ya know?
Not that I ever liked being lonely. Or ever dwelt on that much. When those feelings came in, I went looking for company. Sisters. Brothers. I didn’t care. Just so I didn’t have to think too hard on what was really going on inside me. Sometimes you don’t really wanna get that deep, even with yourself.
Facing your shortcomings is just too much, ya know?
We were in his backyard, so to speak, and he knew just the place to take me to, a cellar dive by the look of it. A stranger to the neighborhood never would’ve noticed the place. There was no sign above the stairwell, and no window in the door, and it wasn’t too far from the warehouse.
He tapped twice, waited a second, then tapped once. The door opened to show a flat faced, no nonsense thug. Without any expression whatsoever, he looked from Chaos to me and then backed up, letting us in.
The place had the feel of an underground booze club from the prohibition days. What were they called? Speakeasies? Real light background music, though, no stage or anything.
The lighting was yellow and low, leaving lots of room for shadows to play on the walls. Men leaned together, in twos and threes, plotting murder--I know because I could hear them. Damn ears. I reached up, covered my outside ear and ducked my head. I didn’t wanna know what they were up to. I didn’t wanna get eye contact with them.
And I cursed my snowy white hair. Evading glances by turning into Chaos, letting him wrap his arm around me, and steer me to a booth in the back, I asked, in my mind, holy shit, what kind’ve place did you bring me to?
“Relax,” he whispered, kissing the top of my head, gesturing for me to slip into the seat. He slid in beside me and a second later, a waiter appeared. Italian mafia looking guy.
I watched him, wondering when the fuck we’d gotten Italian garous in our neck of the woods. I could smell him well enough. Definitely a werewolf in human clothing. The whole place was filled with ‘em.
“What can I get ya?” He never looked right at us, but his voice had that New Yorker Hell’s Kitchen thing going on in it.
Chaos asked me, “Same as last night?”
What had I been drinking the night before? I bit my lower lip and shook my head. Whatever it was, it had stolen my memory.
Chaos looked up at the guy and said, “Why don’t you bring us a bottle of something that’ll work well with steaks. And then bring us the biggest, rarest you’ve got.”
In a zip, we were alone, and Chaos set an elbow on the table, turning to look at me, and said, “It wasn’t the booze that did that to you.”
“What? You drugged me?” It was supposed to be a joke.
He grinned. “Hardly, honey. That mug at the bar did, though.”
I wrinkled my nose over his word mug. My word, actually, when I’d laid eyes on the thug at the door. I’d thought, geez, talk about an ugly mug.
Thinking back to the club I’d been at the night before, and the bartender, I asked, “Really?” All I could remember was coming in alone, taking a seat at the bar, ordering and nursing a couple of drinks, while watching the crowd. They had a dance floor. There was a packed house. Plenty to scam on. Nothing catching my eye in particular, ya know?
Shrugging, Chaos looked around. “I took care of it, though.”
That had me tipping my head forward, trying to look at his expression. “What do you mean...you took care of it?”
“Just what I said.” Real tightly, it crawled out of his lips.
I noticed that he had put one hand along the seat behind me, had his fingers in my hair--absent-like. But he squinted in the opposite direction of me, as the door opened.
Then he stiffened.
Of course, I looked. It was Leer, his brother. And looking too hot, too. Wearing black leather pants, a silk shirt and a black leather jacket. I didn’t dwell on the thought, but I’m not blind. And the smell of the guy was something to note, too.
It’s like some guys have the greatest chemistry with their aftershave. Or maybe, like Chaos, he didn’t need any extra enhancement. Whatever, he commanded attention too.
He was in the door by a step when his head jerked, his nostrils flared, and he skewered our booth with his gaze. Penetrating gold gleaming eyes.
Chaos didn’t move. Not one flinch. Not one inch.
Sure enough, Leer made a beeline for us. Stopped a foot from the table, propped a hand on his front pocket, real casual--too casual.
I couldn’t help but look up at him. He was standing right over us, exuding every bit of sex appeal that Chaos had--just a different picture. I was actually afraid to move.
Too many times, these brothers had got into scrapes--okay, brawls--that ended up with a whole place cleared out and dead. How they kept from killing each other, I dunno. And I damn sure didn’t wanna find out.
Leer smiled. Definitely a wolfish grin. And the feral gleam in his eye as it looked over my face--and what else he could see above the table--got nothing but stronger. Predatory.
He asked, almost idly, “Order yet?”
Chaos watched him like he wanted to kill him, like he definitely didn’t trust him.
Sure enough, Leer slid into the booth, on the other side of me, saying, “You won’t mind if I join you, then, will you?”
He didn’t wait for an answer. He turned directly to me and said, “Tee, isn’t it?”
That kind’ve floored me. I mean, I never would’ve guessed that he knew my name. Or maybe he’d been listening in? I turned a little red, thinking that he might’ve honed in on our little bathroom scene earlier.
I blanked my brain as much as possible, wondering if he knew what I thought of him. Hell, I didn’t know what I thought of him. To say I was feeling a bit confused sitting there between them is an understatement. I wasn’t sure if I was a pawn in a game or what. But it was like sitting between two sides of a mirror. One reflecting all the light in the room, and the other, Chaos, absorbing every shadow, drawing darkness in a tangible, tight-fisted, tight-lipped way.
I nodded, though, out of reflex. “Yeah.” I flashed him a bit of my teeth.
The fingers in my hair had gone still. Don’t know exactly when.
Leer snapped his fingers, the waiter appeared again, and he gave an order for a big, raw steak, too. It’s a garou thing. He also ordered a beer.
Stretching out beside me like he owned the place, Leer let his leg rub against mine, and I took it for what it was. Interest, an offer. So, I had a choice there. I knew it sure as shit. But I never thought twice on it. I put my hands under the table, slid one to Chaos’s thigh, then squeezed. My pinky reached to rub lightly against the manhood contained there. Just a tickle, but enough to let
him know how I felt about the intrusion. That’s what I thought of it. You know, awkward. Bad timing.
“I heard you two hooked up last night.” Leer seemed to think something about that was funny, but that was explained a second later when he added, “I was a few minutes behind you, I guess.”
That got a grin out of Chaos, and I felt him relax beneath my hand. His fingers slipped through my hair again, and he pulled me close, whispered in my ear, “Don’t believe any of his shit.” But he thought it was funny, I could tell that.
“Is he being modest?” Leer took the beer that was set before him as Chaos nodded for the red wine to be poured.
I didn’t want to sound stupid, so I just waited for one of them to elaborate. It didn’t take long. Leer shrugged, took a draw on his beer and commented while he looked around, “I don’t think they’ll open up again for awhile. You pretty much cleaned the place out.”
So I turned to look at Chaos, and asked in my head, what did you do?
Chapter Seven
I knew what he’d done. He’d gone crinos. Him and his posse had done some house cleaning. And then he’d hauled me home, put me in his bed. Probably expected me to be grateful.
All that went through my mind.
He shook his head. His lip curled a bit and he said, “Not grateful, Tee,” but he wasn’t looking me in the eye.
Leer asked, “What was that he’d given her? Rohypnol?” It was completely a ruse, like he couldn’t remember. Leer’s too astute. He knew the story. He was just digging into our business.
But I was stunned. Rohypnol? The date rape drug. Fuck. No wonder I’d been fuzzy when I woke up. I hoped to hell that Chaos tore that guy a new asshole. What kind of a sick shit mickeys a girl without her permission? That’s total bullshit.
It didn’t take a brain surgeon to know that Chaos was annoyed with Leer. Yeah, he’d been listening in on everything. He knew that Chaos hadn’t talked to me about it yet. And he was taking advantage of the politics.
I felt hurt. I’m sure it showed in my eyes. So, that’s how he’d gotten me to his lair. No smooth talking required. I could just imagine how willing I’d been. Or completely out of it.
Chaos put something on the line there, to keep me, I think. He apologized. “I was going to talk to you about it here.” He spared an ‘I could kill you’ look toward his brother. But really, his attention was on me.
I went to move my hand off his leg, but his other hand dropped and held it there.
Leer didn’t seem to mind the tension at all. In fact, he watched it with total amusement.
We were on center stage with an avid audience, and I hated it. But it was amazing how Chaos blocked his brother out, and made me feel like all his focus was on me--which I know it couldn’t have been--but that’s how I felt at the time.
“I don’t clear clubs for just any zoned-out bitch.” Frustrated, he groaned, “I told you...I’ve been watching you for a long time.”
Maybe that explains my lack of success on the night scene for months. And my increasing number of suicide days that didn’t go anywhere. He’d put the word out? I wonder now if he had any idea how messed up I’d gotten in that time frame.
Leer chuckled.
Don’t get the impression that Leer was being a total butthead, because he wasn’t. I think in a way that he thought he was helping Chaos. You know, pushing him to make the hook up or move on. In fact, I think he was the moving force behind Chaos all along--in everything. I mean, he propelled Chaos on the path up to alpha--always gave him a reason to push the envelope. And he really seemed content, back then, to let Chaos be the big dog, pun intended. But, to everything there is a season. I knew that. They knew that. That’s just how it is with garou. You gotta get out to live happily ever after.
So, to help matters, Leer drawled, “He’s been thinking you’re real fine for a long time, Tee, but he’s been having a little trouble stepping up to the plate.”
Funny, really, since Chaos had pretty much been bellying up to every plate--and crotch--in the city. Guess this just goes to show you; if it ain’t what you’re craving, it ain’t gonna satisfy.
“Don’t you have something else to do?” Chaos growled at his brother, eyeing him down.
But Leer just shrugged, smirked some more and swigged his beer.
The steaks arrived. We dug in, ate in silence. And finally, somewhere near the end of the meal, Leer said, “There’s another turnover rising in Pack City. You may wanna watch your back, brother.”
The neutral zone, a back to nature wolf reserve, secured by paperwork and Lobos International treaty. I grew up there. That’s really how I knew about Leer and Chaos. I hadn’t been back for a while. A lot of politics going on there, for a neutral zone. I’d heard the rumors that something was up, but then, something was always up there.
Chaos had taken the place over, but stepped out for breathers every so often--or so the grapevine said. I think he knew that the high profile, with his homeys in tow, was the best way to keep peace. I only went back when I needed to run a kill, go with the urges, that sort of thing. I was way overdue, judging from my pent-up issues.
The turnovers happened, actually, out of city, in the regular city--where we were. No fighting in P.C.
Chaos didn’t seem concerned. “I’d heard.” He’s such a fraud. Fronting the tough guy.
“Just thought you should know. You should probably make a move.”
“Or you could make yours.”
They were talking in tongues. Talking about takeovers? Was Leer barking up the alpha tree?
So, okay, I was definitely getting bad vibes between them. That was some dangerous ground to be in the middle of. So, they both wanted to control Pack City? I glanced around the room, listened up a bit. Yeah. Everybody was plotting, all right. I rubbed a hand through my hair, felt the frisson of nerve climbing my back.
I let Chaos refill my glass. No. I didn’t want to know what they were up to, but I knew--I knew it was too late, that I was already on the playing field. I drank half that bottle between their grunts, and I thought Live Tee, while you can.
Somewhere in the middle of that meal, I let my mind slip. Now, I didn’t really want to sleep with Leer. I knew that would end up in one of them dead, and probably me, too. But I had that creeping who gives a shit feeling. My days were numbered. I could see that by where I was eating. So, I let a fantasy fill my brain.
What if I ended up in bed with the two of them? At the same time?
Stupor? Or just stupid smile?
It didn’t last long. A quick vision of both of them, naked on either side of me, suckling my breasts, rubbing their cocks along my thighs. I felt--yes, felt--Chaos’s finger sliding inside of me, and a total wetness slicking my cunt.
Wait. That was real.
And it was intrusive, truly, when he snapped my eyes open by thinking I’d kill, remember?
Guilty, I couldn’t look at either of them. I pulled his hand from between my legs, tried to smooth my skirt down. Worse, I knew that Leer and Chaos both had been in my head, experienced the whole sensation.
I muttered, “Fuck you both.” One of them had to have put it in my head.
Leer, of course, thought it was funny as hell. And Chaos... I think if I hadn’t been between them, would have climbed across the table and ripped his brother’s throat out.
Turning at the waist, toward Leer, I said, “You know what? I’m about as fucked up as I can be. I don’t need your bullshit.”
His gaze slipped past me. “But you want his?”
I didn’t know what I wanted. No. That’s not true. Right then and there, I made up my mind. I wanted Chaos. Not Leer. Not anybody else. I didn’t care if it was a short ride, or if he dumped me at sundown, or if I was dead by the next dawn.
Of course, I had to work through all that, while staring at Leer’s profile, watching him watch Chaos. And Chaos--he was waiting patiently, not even breathing.
I guess they’d been at that impasse many a time before, bu
t it was a first for me. And a last. Remember how I said that I’d made up my mind that morning...one true love before I died? Well, this was my moment of truth. I knew without a doubt that I’d put myself in the hands of a madman, a man that had the world by the balls, and me by the--you know. Tit? Crotch?
No. He had me by the heart, in a strangling little chokehold that made it hard to breathe.
That’s why my answer came out real breathy. “Yeah. I do.”
Now, I can honestly say, it never appeared like Leer really wanted me. He was just there to push buttons between me and Chaos. Oh, I’m sure I could’ve walked out on his arm. Well, climbed out of the booth to do it. But that would’ve sparked a fight. Something I think Leer halfway wanted.
He freaking smiled then. And still his gaze was steady on Chaos. Too much delight, if you ask me.
So now Chaos was stuck with me. At least until Leer got up and walked out. But I hadn’t kicked his pride. I wondered what he’d do to mine.
Funny, but Leer didn’t seem to be feeling any kick in the butt. That’s how I knew that he was there to help us progress in our relationship. I’m thinking back, though, and wondering...was the plan laid out to weaken Chaos in the long run? I mean, a man’s tough until he has something to lose. Right?
Chapter Eight
Leer waited for Chaos to say something. So did I, I guess, but I wasn’t looking at him. I kept my eyes on Leer. Felt safer than turning toward a possible heartache.
Chaos cracked as he leaned back in a feigned relaxed pose, “I guess you helped her change her mind.”
Déjà vu to the conversation before I tried to walk out. Did I want his shit or not?
To Leer, I said, “You should get a life of your own, you son-of-a-bitch.”
He laughed. It sounded hoarse, quiet, under his breath. He was sure as shit amused with himself. I wanted to hit him. “Nah. I’m living vicariously through Chaos. He’s got enough going on for two of us, at the moment.”
