by Amanda Egan
‘Let us out, will you?’ one of them shouted as she kicked and clawed at the door. ‘It’s really kicking off in there. I reckon you need to ring the cops.’
My first reaction was to panic. I’d never considered the possibility of any kind of trouble and no one had ever warned me of any in the past.
After a quick flap and ridiculous running around on the spot, I managed to unlock the door to let the hen party free and then kicked off my heels and ran through to the performance area to see exactly what was going on.
Squinting in the dimmed light, I could see that Tarquin had abandoned the bar area and appeared to be holding an ice pack to Lubov’s eye. I spotted a thickset, thuggish looking man about to crack a broken bottle down onto the back of his head and I knew I needed to take immediate action.
Not even thinking, I ran behind him, grabbed the bottle from his hand and threw it to the floor. Somebody finally thought to turn off Lubov’s backing track and to turn the house lights on fully.
Everywhere I looked there was mess - shattered glasses, broken chairs and upturned tables. My first instinct was to drop to the floor and cry. This had all happened on my first night in charge and I was devastated.
But there was no time for dramatics, the situation was getting out of control and had to be dealt with. Vi and Lady were cowering in the corner, Ma was standing on a chair screaming at everyone to stop and Betty had thrown off his wig and heels and seemed to be trying to deal with the trouble makers single-handedly.
That was until I saw another familiar figure, grabbing the rowdy stag party one by one and chucking them out onto the street as if they were as light as feathers - my knight in shining armour - Luke.
*****
With the club finally empty and the doors firmly locked, I eventually sat on the edge of the stage and let the tears fall. Why? Why did this have to happen on the weekend I’d been left at the wheel? It was just bloody typical of my luck and I’d probably end up losing the job I loved in the only place that made me feel good about myself.
Vi, Lady and Ma were faffing about doing nothing except making me feel worse. One of them would pick up a chair leg and then drop it on the floor with a tut and then another would kick through some broken glass with a defeated sigh. Lubov was still holding the ice to his head and muttering under his breath in Polish.
I felt the lightest of touches on my shoulder and I looked up to see Luke offering me a large glass of brandy. ‘Here, I thought you could use this,’ he said with a hint of a smile.
I took the glass gratefully and sipped, allowing the warm liquid to roll over my tongue and sooth the lump in my throat. When I finally found my voice, I said, ‘I don’t understand. What happened? How did it all suddenly turn so bad?’
Tarquin came from behind the bar and settled on the stage next to me. ‘It was the stag party. Bunch of bastards! I think they’d forgotten where they were - thought they were at ‘Spearmint Rhino’ or some seedy lap dancing joint and Lubov got them all a bit hot under the collar. One of them decided it might be nice to grab himself a handful and it all went tits up from there.’ He rubbed my knee and then held my hand. ‘Don’t blame yourself, Perce. There’s nothing you could have done. It’s just unfortunate it happened while you were left holding the fort. Annie and Tittie won’t blame you and I’ve warned them time and time again about taking in large groups of hetros.’
I smiled, appreciative of his kind words and then I took in our surroundings again. ‘Just look at this place! How can we get it all sorted so that we’re up and running for tomorrow? We’re fully booked and I can’t cancel them all - we’ll lose a fortune.’
The club fell into silence as we considered the enormity of what had happened and the knock-on effect. I stood up and pushed my hair wearily from my face. ‘It’s no good, I’ll have to ring Annie and tell him what’s happened. I guess it’ll be curtains for me.’
‘No! Hang on a minute.’ Luke was up from his chair and coming towards me. ‘We can do this. Just give me a chance to have a quick ring around and we’ll get it sorted. I know some guys in the building trade - they owe me a few favours - just leave it with me.’ And he took his mobile from his jacket pocket while heading for the reception area. ‘Give me ten minutes.’
Ten minutes? He’d surely need a damn sight longer than that!
I figured it was going to be a long night so I told the girls and Tarquin to get off home and that I’d keep them posted on progress. ‘No point in us all hanging around getting miserable, is there?’
They all came and kissed me on the cheek in turn and left to get changed. Betty’s kiss lingered a little longer than the others and he added, ‘I’ll stay with you if you like, Perce. Don’t want to leave you here with that bloke - we know nothing about him - he could be a rapist for all we know.’
I managed a quiet and weary laugh. ‘No, Betty. You get off home. I’ll be fine with him. Honestly.’
‘Yeah well a good swift knee in the balls should do it if he tries anything on with you. Remember, I’m first in the queue.’
Even with everything in ruins around us, there was no stopping Betty taking advantage of an opportunity.
*****
Luke returned half an hour later to find me sweeping shattered glass and putting all the broken chairs and tables to one side. I was slightly self-conscious about him seeing me minus my finery and wearing baggy old faded dungarees and Converse trainers, but I could hardly have knuckled down to the work in a velvet maxi dress.
‘Sorted.’ He said. ‘Got about four blokes coming in an hour. And when you look at it now, it’s not really that bad.’
He was right, of course. Once the furniture had been mended, the carpets cleaned and I’d stocked up on some new glasses no one would be any the wiser.
‘Thank you so much, Luke. You’ll need to send me the bill and I’ll try to settle it as soon as I can.’ I flopped on one of the remaining intact chairs, praying that I didn’t look the wreck that I felt and wondering how on earth I was going to find the money to pay for the work.
Luke sat himself down next to me. ‘I don’t need paying, Percy. I told you the guys owe me and I’ve arranged for one of them to bring about two dozen wine glasses. They seem to be the ones you lost most of.’
He really was a decent guy and his actions brought yet another lump to my throat. The shock of all that had happened began to kick in and I felt the tears threatening again. Brushing them away, I went to the bar to get the brandy bottle and topped both our glasses up.
‘Why? Why would you do all this for me? Nobody does anything for free.’
He took the glass I offered him and smiled. ‘I like you Percy. That’s all. And it’s no big deal - I do things for people I like.’
‘Well it’s a pretty bloody big deal for me. It could end up saving me my job. So I can’t thank you enough.’ I raised my glass to him in a toast and then drank greedily.
‘Thank me by coming on a date with me.’ He leaned forwards in his chair, the chair that seemed way too small for him, and I found myself catching my breath.
‘Go on. You owe me!’ He smiled cheekily. ‘You never rang me so I came here hoping I’d see you tonight and it’s just as well I did. Where would you be without me?’
He really did want to go on a date! And he’d only come that night in the hope of seeing me! That had to be a good thing, surely?
‘Well …’ I started falteringly. ‘OK, but only if it’s my treat. Just by way of thanks.’ I stood up feeling more than a little shaky and he stood and joined me.
‘We’ll see Percy. We’ll see. So lunch tomorrow then? By the time we’re done, this place will be up and ready for business again. I’ll meet you at ‘The Queen’s Head’ at midday and we’ll head off from there. OK?’
I nodded and gulped. I appeared to have a date with a rather hunky young man. Out of the carnage of the club and the horrible night I’d had, some good had come.
‘Yep, noon at the pub,’ I said in as cool a manner as I
could muster. ‘Right, I’ll hang around until your blokes arrive to check out the damage and then get this place locked up and head home for some sleep. Don’t expect me to look totally awake tomorrow though!’ I was reluctant to end our chat but I knew I needed to calm down and be quiet with my thoughts for a while and mentally plan my outfit for lunch. Luke had only ever seen me looking ultra-glam and the daytime casual look might not go down so well.
‘See you tomorrow then.’ Luke was making for the door and I feasted on the sight of his broad back and shoulders. I have to admit I also allowed myself a sneaky little glance at his taut bum as he went. As he reached the exit he turned and gave me a little salute. ‘Nice look by the way, it suits you.’
And with that he was gone, draining the club, and my life, of light and the feeling of wellbeing that he’d managed to restore to my shambles of a night. I looked down feeling totally exhausted and took in my tatty shoes and ripped dungarees.
Shit! I ran to the huge floor length mirror at the back of the stage.
My hair could have housed a family of sparrows, my eyeliner was everywhere except under my eyes, and my face was smudged with dirt and grease.
A nice look? He must have been taking the piss. How could that be a good look?
I attempted a smile at myself in the reflection and held my hair up from my face, turning my head this way and that. My eyes were twinkling and I thought I actually looked quite pretty. I attempted a sultry little pout and suddenly the smudges on my nose and the workman style clothes looked almost cute.
Ha ha! With my hands on my hips and a final wink at myself, I put on my best sexy wiggle, switched off the lights and headed to the office to wait for Luke’s troops.
Chapter Sixteen
I’d managed to get an early morning call in to Mia and beg her to come round to help me decide what to wear for my lunch date. I still didn’t have the confidence to put an outfit together without some sort of assistance and I wanted to make a good impression.
‘Well I’ll come over Perce, but there’s no nursery today so I’m afraid I’ll have Isla and Jo Jo in tow. If you can bear being interrupted every five minutes, I’m the girl for the job.’
Which was why we found ourselves shortly after in my bedroom, bed piled high with unsuitable clothes, Mia tottering round in my heels and Jo Jo glued to an ‘In the Night Garden’ DVD.
‘So come on, Perce, what’s the goss? Who is this guy, what’s he like, what does he do, is he gorgeous? I want to know the lot.’ Mia was flicking through my wardrobe and she chucked a black chiffon tunic at me. ‘Bung this on with those trousers while you’re filling me in, it should look perfect.’
Years of undressing in front of Mia had left me immune to any shame. She’d seen me in gym knickers, unflattering regulation school swimming costumes and half dead with flu in my mankiest pyjamas.
I, in turn, had seen her in labour with the kids - when she’d still managed to look petite and glam - and bruised and battered after she’d had her wisdom teeth out. We knew one another inside and out, warts and all and I never felt that Mia was judging me or smirking at my size, as so many of the other girls at our school had done.
I zipped up the trousers and slipped the top over my head, fluffing my hair back into place. ‘He’s called Luke, he’s huge, a nice guy and … well I guess that’s all I know really Apart from the fact that he hangs out with a group of toffee-nosed gits.’ I struck a pose and smiled. ‘Well, what d’you think? Will this wow him?’
Mia cocked her head to one side and studied me. ‘Hmm. Looks a bit funereal for a lunch. Try this pink one with those trousers and then I can have a go at your hair.’
She was right, the pink was much better and Isla stopped and looked up at me. ‘You look pretty, Auntie Percy. Pink is my favourite colour. Have you got Barbie knickers on? My Barbie knickers are my lucky ones. It’s always Play-Doh day at nursery when I wear them. I can lend you mine if you like.’
Mia and I looked at one another desperately trying to suppress our giggles.
‘So what d’ya reckon, Perce? Lucky Barbie knickers?’ Mia asked.
I bent and stroked Isla’s hair. ‘Thanks for the offer, Sweetie, but I think I’ll stick with my magic knickers.’
This, of course, led to a whole new conversation when Isla looked at me wide-eyed and said, ‘You have magic knickers, Auntie Percy? Can we swap?’
*****
It was draining trying to keep up the pretence of being ladylike. Lunch was going well but remembering to take dainty little mouthfuls and topping up my pale pink lippie was turning into a bit of a chore. The usual look for me was jeans, T-shirt and a face devoid of slap but I could hardly turn up to a lunch date looking like that.
Luke was easy to talk to and an attentive listener. The conversation flowed effortlessly and we laughed quite a lot, which I was grateful for. I’d spent too many dates in awkward silence, desperately trying to fill the gaps and checking my watch for the acceptable time to go home - or to let the poor bugger off from his agony.
When he started asking questions about my writing, I knew I had to come clean. Lying didn’t come easily to me and I knew the deeper I dug myself in, the worse it would get.
‘Well, I wasn’t totally honest with you, I’m afraid.’ I dabbed delicately at my mouth with my serviette, the way my mother had taught me, playing for time and smiling sweetly. ‘I’m not really a writer. Well, not a proper one. I don’t have an agent or a publisher but I have written a crappy romance novel.’
As soon as it was out in the open I felt a lot better and Luke’s response made me feel even more relieved.
‘Nothing to be ashamed of there, Percy. At least you’ve actually completed a book. I know loads of people who talk about writing but never get round to putting pen to paper. I’d say that’s a huge achievement.’
Well, I guess when you looked at it like that, he was right. And surely I could only get better? I went on to tell him how the queens at the club had thought my book was hilarious.
‘Of course that wasn’t the intention at all - which was a bit galling - but it’s given them all the idea to write their own gay erotica.’
Luke choked on his lager and quickly put his glass on the table. ‘Oh boy! I’ve got nothing against gays, and I’m certainly no homophobe, but I just don’t like to think about … you know … that kind of stuff!’
I nodded in agreement. ‘I know and, trust me, you wouldn’t want to read some of what they’ve written! I reckon it might bring a tear to your eye.’
Luke shuddered and quickly changed tack. ‘Yeah, let’s just leave that subject there, shall we? Why do you say your book was crappy? What was so wrong with it?’
I paused, scratched my head furiously and then remembered that wasn’t terribly feminine so I smoothed my hair into place again and sat with my best straight back. Mother would have been proud!
‘I think it was so bad because I was trying desperately for it to be a huge love story with totally perfect people. Not things I know too much about really.’ I made an attempt at a self-deprecating guffaw but it sounded a little too horsey so I stopped. ‘I might have another go and leave out some of the puke-inducing stuff next time.’
‘Well you seem like a pretty determined person to me, so I’m sure you’ll get there in the end.’
I was pleased that he thought that of me - it certainly beat ‘flaky and fickle and drifting through life’, which is what I’d considered myself to be up until very recently.
‘So what about you? You never did get around to telling me what you do? I was eager to know more about him, beyond the bog standard ‘flat share in Chelsea, father and sister in the country, went to Bristol university’ that I’d already discovered.
He quickly gestured for the bill and removed his wallet from his back pocket. ‘I told you, Percy, I’m between jobs.’
‘Yeah but what did you do your degree in? Where did you last work?’ I was like a dog with a bone and I wanted some answers. If he was a g
igolo or a used car salesman, this wasn’t going to go much further.
He leaned forward and looked at me with a twinkle in his eye. ‘I was right when I said you were determined, wasn’t I? Good grief! If you must know, my degree was in Business and my last job was with my father’s company - property development. Satisfied? I’m not an axe murderer or a tax inspector. OK?’
‘Well then I’m very pleased to hear it. But I’m picking up the bill - it’s not easy being unemployed. Believe me, I know.’
He raised his hand to stop me reaching for my purse and shook his head. ‘No Percy. This is on me. It’s been fun. You can pay next time.’
Next time? He wanted there to be a Round Two!
