by Amanda Egan
We eventually made it through to the office where I made us some tea and we settled down to eat. My hunger had abated again and I picked at my food like a sparrow instead of my usual gannet style.
Luke, on the other hand, tucked in enthusiastically. It was a delight to see a man enjoy his food as much as I usually did. Until I asked him how his meeting went.
‘Meeting?’ He took another bite, stalling for time. ‘Oh, it wasn’t important. Just a man about a job. Probably won’t come to anything.’
I knew only too well that two large pizzas were a lot of money when you were between jobs so I went to my bag to get my purse, surreptitiously touching up my lipstick and hair while I was there.
I put a twenty pound note down on the desk next to him and said, ‘For lunch. My treat.’
He looked at it and then back at me. ‘No Perce. Keep it. I can afford to buy a couple of meat feasts, you know.’
‘No Luke. I insist. I know how tough it is when you’re job searching. Trust me, I’ve been there. Keep it.’
He pulled me onto his lap and brushed my newly fluffed hair from my face and, changing the subject, said, ‘I don’t know why you bothered touching up your lippie, Percy. I’m only going to smudge it all again.’
And he did. Really rather well.
*****
I’d made an extra special effort with my clothes, hair and make up for that night because I knew Luke would be there at the end of the show to whisk me back for Round Two (eight?) of our newfound hobby.
I knew I was looking good because Lady had dragged Ma front of house to give me the once over. ‘Well hush my mouth! Which Pussy got the cream, eh?’ he joked. ‘There aint no moisturiser on the market that delivers a glow like that. Trust me, I know. You, my Homo Honey, have had a good dose of L.O.V.I.N.G! I’m right, aren’t I?’
I nodded and blushed, coughed and tittered. I felt like a schoolgirl discussing her first snog, not a fully grown woman admitting to two drag queens that she’d had some rather mind blowing sex.
Ma raised his hand to hush me before I spoke. ‘It’s OK. You don’t need to go into detail. It’ll only put us all in a foul mood before we go on stage. Been a bit of a drought round here in the jiggy department so we do not need to be reminded of what we’re missing.’ He then leant forward and kissed me on the cheek, adding, ‘Pleased for you, girl! Jealous, but pleased!’
I was so glad that the evening passed quickly and uneventfully. It was hard to concentrate when my body and soul were just longing to be elsewhere. Never, never in my life had I been hit so hard by the love bug and I could finally see what all the fuss was about when I’d seen friends mooning about the place, fit for nothing.
Being in love was pretty time consuming. How were you meant to function normally? Did it eventually level out a bit and leave you to go back to being half a normal human being or was I destined to walking around like a like a soppy loon for the rest of my life?
As I put the last of the cash in the safe, humming a cheesy love song to myself, the thought suddenly occurred to me that it might not be for the rest of my life. What if it was just another relationship doomed for failure? If my track record was anything to go by, the odds weren’t good.
I couldn’t bear to even contemplate that thought. I wouldn’t let it filter into my mind and ruin my feeling of euphoria. If everyone thought like that, there would never be any ‘happy ever afters’. Maybe this was my perfect fairytale.
Persephone Mortimer! I played with the name again and smiled. Positive Visualisation was meant to produce fantastic results so I’d give that a go. I allowed my mind to drift to a glorious summer’s day, I was looking stunning (and slim) in a simple yet elegant wedding dress and my groom was beaming down at me in his exquisitely cut suit. The queens were all there in feathers and sequins, sobbing into lace hankies and throwing sparkly confetti. We were all sipping champagne - but I was taking it easy as I had a little secret in my washboard flat stomach.
As I turned back from the safe to do my final desk tidy, Luke was waiting for me with a sexy lopsided grin on his face. ‘You were looking pretty pleased with yourself cashing up there. Good night was it, or have you got something to tell me?’
‘No nothing to tell,’ I said, ‘Nothing that wouldn’t embarrass me anyway! Let’s go, shall we? Why don’t we go back to your place tonight?’ I flicked off the lights and we stepped into the darkness as I locked up for the night.
And of course, in the semi light, I couldn’t be sure if I saw a passing look of panic on his face as he said, ‘No, not my place, Perce. Yours is closer. Let’s just head back there.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
It was late November and, for once, I was thoroughly looking forward to Christmas. This year there would be no strained visits to my parents where I’d usually spend the majority of the festive period being both criticised and complimented in equal measures. No opening of presents from my mother which were either way too small or overtly feminine and no polite drinks with neighbours, where my mother would always declare my single status as the biggest burden in her life.
No. This year it would be different. My mum was going on a cruise with a divorcee friend and Daddy had said he was undecided but might go and see his brother in Scotland. But whatever he decided, I had a man - a gorgeous, loving and attentive man. The phrase ‘like a kid at Christmas’ couldn’t have been more fitting. I planned to have the best time ever - I was going to decorate the flat in Winter Wonderland style and shop until I dropped, buying Luke gifts and treats.
And yet that was the one bone of contention. Luke still hadn’t found a job and I didn’t want to make him feel awkward by going too over the top with my offerings. Whenever we went out, he paid his way but I was always conscious that things might be tight for him. I still hadn’t been back to his place and I wasn’t sure if that was maybe because he was ashamed of where he lived. He said it was because his flatmate was always there ‘watching TV and scratching his balls’. And I had no reason to think otherwise. I was more than happy to have him coming back to my place each night and, wonder of wonders, Bogey loved him!
Yes, the cat who could make grown men cry with a look or well-aimed claw in the groin area, had turned into a well-mannered, malleable ball of fluff. From the minute Luke walked in the door, high volume purring would commence and he’d follow him from room to room waiting for the next available opportunity for a cuddle on his lap. In bed at night, whenever Bogey thought it was the appropriate time (he really had changed his ways!) he’d hop silently up and pin Luke down, dribbling and looking lovingly into his eyes. I spent a lot of my time doing that myself too - and a whole lot more!
And that side of things was pretty exhausting too. Oh, I don’t mean the physical act, I mean all the chores that went with it - the topping up of make up in the mornings, the shaving of my bits and bobs, the exfoliating and the moisturising. It was a full time job trying to look gorgeous but it was worth it to hang on to the man of my dreams.
Luke would often laugh at me and tell me to give it a rest but I knew I had to keep up the illusion of perfection if I had a chance in hell of keeping him so I just pretended that I’d always been like it and that it was simply the way I was.
It was a bitterly cold morning and I’d hopped out of bed to apply a touch of concealer and light coat of mascara. I could hear Luke calling me and I shouted to him to hang on.
‘No, Perce! I want you here now. I need a cuddle. It’s urgent.’
I smiled to myself in the mirror - how lucky was I?
I returned to the bedroom to see him propped up against the pillow with Bogey in the crook of his arm. ‘You’re too late. Boges took me up on the offer first. He doesn’t have to get up and sort his face out every morning.’
I sat on the bed next to them, stroking Bogey and pulling Luke into an embrace. ‘Shut up you. It’s hard work being this hot. We don’t all find it as easy as you.’ And once more I was silenced by his lips.
My cosy cat open
ed one eye and looked at me. His sixth sense kicked in and his newfound manners took over. He jumped off the bed, landing with a hefty thud and left us to enjoy our human fun.
Yep, life was good!
*****
‘What you up to today then, Perce?’
Luke and I were eating croissants and drinking coffee - the way most of our days started now. Well almost …!
I wiped the crumbs from my mouth and said, ‘I’m gonna head off to the club just after lunch, update the website and then do a bit of work on my novel. I think this one’s going well.’
Deep down, I didn’t actually think it was going well but I was determined to keep at it until I churned out something I could be proud of. The queens were going great guns with theirs and they’d even had a sniff of interest from an agent - gay, of course.
‘What about you?’ I asked as I dumped the dishes in the sink and cleaned the work surfaces.
‘I’ve got someone to see at eleven and then I thought I might do some Christmas shopping. Got some special gifts to buy.’
‘Oh yeah?’ I stood behind him and put my arms around his waist. Would I ever get bored of holding this man?
‘Yep! The Bogester says he’d like a new collar and a wind-up mouse,’ he joked. ‘Don’t tell him but I’m going to get him one of those little pet stockings filled with goodies too. I think he’ll be quite pleased.’
‘We don’t need presents, you know Luke.’ I wanted him to know he shouldn’t feel the need to splash out cash he didn’t have. ‘We’ll just have a great time, being together. Treat me in the New Year when you get a fab new job.’
Luke slapped me on the bottom and, with a wink, added, ‘Hey! Who said anything about buying stuff for you? I told you, I’m out shopping for my main man. You’ll get a stocking with an orange, a nut and a snog and be grateful for it.’
Nothing had ever sounded more enticing to me.
*****
The new acts had settled in well and word was beginning to spread. We were fully booked with parties for our festive programme and things should have been looking up.
Lady and Vi were still the best of friends and had even devised a combined song and dance routine which was proving to be very popular. They chuckled and guffawed together backstage, working on their obscene book and coming up with more and more perverse sexual variations. On occasions, I wondered if they were actually putting any of these practises through their paces. They certainly seemed to be very close!
Lubov alternated between chatty and morose. He still dressed alone in the locked loo and some days his songs would be joyous, other times they’d make you want to slash your wrists. Still waters run deep, as they say, and I resigned myself to the fact that we would never truly get to know him.
Tittie had returned to do a couple of turns a week but we were yet to welcome Annie back. Tittie told us he’d found him soon after we’d last spoken and had convinced him to return home, but that depression had hit him really hard. He just sat at home all day, drinking brandy and watching ‘Jeremy Kyle’ and ‘Loose Women’ - enough to tip anyone over the edge.
I called Annie many times - just to get bills paid or give him updates to keep him in the loop - but he showed no interest and just said he trusted me to keep things going. I had his full permission to open all correspondence and deal with it as I saw fit.
And so that was what I did. I juggled bills, sweet-talked creditors and generally did everything in my power to keep The Glove ticking over. It was tough and I often felt like crumbling under the weight of it all, but the love of a good man can make you feel invincible.
For a while.
I think the straw that went close to breaking the camel’s back was when I arrived at the club one rainy afternoon to find a huge hole in the reception area’s ceiling and water flooding onto the plush, scarlet carpet.
I stood and stared, open mouthed and rooted to the spot. I dropped my bag and felt my heart sink with it. No, no, no! This could not be happening! I’d worked too bloody hard to get the club totally booked out for the weeks leading up to Christmas and I just couldn’t have anything stuff it up.
And you know that bastard expression which says ‘things come in threes’? Well on that fateful day, it truly delivered - and then some.
I nipped to the loo for a quick wee and to change into my tattiest dungarees so that I could scream, sulk and then get stuck into clearing up. Then, on trying to flush, the whole pedestal filled and flooded the cubicle floor. Once more I stood in disbelief - sewage spilling over into my trainers and gradually spreading up my trouser legs.
Stupidly I remained there allowing the sludge to seep into my skin. The more it did so, the more I sobbed. My artfully applied early morning make up parted with my face and I rubbed the tears and snot away with the back of my hand, smearing them on my filthy dungarees.
Squelching from the loo to the office, I heard a sharp rap on the front door. A postal courier. He did a double take as he saw me in all my drenched glory and then peered over my shoulder at the sodden carpet. ‘Got a bit of a leak, have we? Recorded delivery for you.’
My response wasn’t polite but it was all I could muster as I signed for the letter. ‘No shit, Sherlock!’ I said, as I slammed the door in his face.
Coffee. Strong coffee was the only answer. I’d make a brew and then sit and consider what needed to be done. I’d learned from the last fiasco that the best way of dealing with chaos was to keep a calm and level head, and now was the time to put that into practice.
As I sat sipping my caffeine hit, my eye was drawn to the letter the courier had given me. Recorded delivery was important, wasn’t it? It meant that the sender needed to know that you’d received it. It meant business.
I picked it up and turned it tentatively in my hands. How bad could it be? Surely enough crap had happened already today? Maybe it was good news?
Steeling myself, I ripped open the envelope addressed to Annie and my heart began to race as my mouth went dry.
Our lease and rental were up for review and we’d have to pay nearly double the rent in three months or we’d be out.
*****
Sitting and sobbing, scratching your head and rubbing your eyes never achieve anything and don’t make for a good look. But it was all I could manage for the next half an hour. I just didn’t know where to begin so I did nothing. It wasn’t big, it wasn’t clever but I had no choice. I’d literally been stopped in my tracks, despite trying to apply my new calm mantra.
There was no way the club could afford to run if the rent was increasing by so much. No way on earth. The girls would all be out of a job and the place I felt at my happiest would close. News of this could be the final nail in Annie’s coffin and I couldn’t bear to think about it.
A voice pulled me from my dark thoughts, causing me to sit up with a start.
‘You left the door unlocked, Perce! You need to be more careful.’
Luke was in my office before I had a chance to tidy my face or smooth my hair. I flushed with shame at him seeing me in such a state but it was too late.
In contrast he was immaculately dressed in his best suit, a tie hanging loosely at his neck. He’d never looked so sexy and I’d never looked like a bigger bag of shit.
I tried to smile, to give myself a modicum of glamour, but it fell from my lips and left me a blubbering wreck. Everything was ruined - the club, my purpose in life, my pretence - all gone in one day.
Luke allowed me to cry, clearly sensing that it all had to come out and that there would be no stemming its flow.
Eventually he spoke. ‘I won’t state the bleeding obvious ‘cos I can see you’ve got a massive leak out there but that can be dealt with easily enough. It can’t just be that that’s upset you.’
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, horrified to see yet more mascara on my hand. I could only imagine what I looked like!
Gulping and stuttering, I managed to tell him the whole story. As I put it into words the true enormity of it
hit me and I set off on another round of weeping.
Then I stood and stormed over to get a glass. I wanted brandy, it was good for shock and I bloody needed it. After a huge slug and a clumsy wipe across my mouth, I turned to Luke and said, ‘And I can’t believe you walked in on me looking like this. Not exactly my usual standard, is it?’
Luke shook his head, took in a massive lungful of air through his nose and then exhaled through his mouth. ‘Shut up, Percy. I’m going to make some calls.’
And he left me doing what I’d come to do best. Sobbing.
*****
