Fragile
Ashley
I didn’t look back as I walked out the front door. He’d hurt me more than any man I’d known, including Deshawn. I had no intention of sleeping with Tom, but even if I had, it wouldn’t have made me a whore. Sebastian didn’t care about me. We had great chemistry in bed, but outside of it he was a demon. Maybe that was being a little dramatic, asshole would fit better.
My heart felt like it was going to shatter at any moment, and I didn’t know why I felt that way. I agreed to let him use me, and he didn’t deserve any emotion from me. So, why did I want to go sit down on the steps and cry about it? Since I’d met him, I’d become a person I couldn’t stand. I wanted the life I had back, one where I didn’t deal with sexual needs or emotions like falling in love.
The instant that thought filled my mind, I cringed. I was not falling in love with Sebastian Church! I refused. He’d humiliated me, hurt me, and gave me the best sex of my life. No! That didn’t matter. He was a horrible person and I deserved better than what a man like him could offer. When Tom drove up, I ran to his car, sliding in the passenger seat even as he tried to get out.
“Please take me away from here.” I secured my seatbelt and felt myself on the verge of breaking down. Obliging, he sat back down and drove.
“Did he hurt you?” Tom’s soulful eyes glanced at me before turning back to the road and I couldn’t stop the emotion from overflowing. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I couldn’t speak. His caring was all it took to ruin the resolve I had. That’s how I felt. Completely ruined.
“I’ll destroy him.” He pulled the car over to the side of the road, opened his door and came around to my side opening mine. Kneeling on the ground, he grabbed my hands in his. “Tell me what you need, Ashley, it kills me to see you hurting this way.”
I needed the comfort he offered, so I clipped off my seatbelt and hugged him tightly, allowing all that pain to be lost in his arms. He held me, stroking my hair tenderly, whispering soothing, compassionate words. “All of this will be nothing more than a bad memory soon.” His hands grasped my cheeks, and he smiled compassionately into my eyes. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make you smile again.” He placed a light kiss on my forehead.
“We barely know each other.” I felt a connection with him, but it was insane because we were virtually strangers. Maybe it was just having someone that wasn’t using me, or seeming to care about my feelings, that made it seem that way.
“Forgive me. I know you’re right, but I want to help you.” He wiped away my tears with his thumbs and stood up. I didn’t understand what his ulterior motive was, and that said a lot about how much I’d changed in the short time I’d known Sebastian. He stood, walked back to the driver’s side, and slid in.
I waited until he started driving again, and I’d composed myself. “Why?” I whispered the words, wishing I hadn’t learned to be so distrustful.
“Why, what?” He gave me a brief questioning look.
“Why do you want to help me? What do you gain by doing that?” Crossing my arms over my chest, I felt a chill move through my body even though it was warm in the car. I think I was physically drained.
“Because it’s the right thing to do. Not everyone has an agenda. I know it’s hard for you to believe that right now after all you’ve been through.” Those whisky brown eyes were full of sadness, and knowing it was for me made me want to cry again. I wouldn’t allow that.
Being strong was the most important thing I could do for myself. Maybe Tom was a nice guy and genuinely wanted to help, but I’d been fooled before and wasn’t that trusting anymore. “I appreciate you giving me a place to stay, but you know that’s all this is, right?” I didn’t want him getting the wrong idea. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get involved that way with another man.
“I’d never dishonor you by thinking otherwise.” He was very young to act so old-school, and even though I’d never admit it aloud, I was impressed. There was something to be said for good old-fashion manners.
“Are you still going through with this or do I need to call Sebastian and tell him I quit?” He changed the subject, and I was happy because it was uncomfortable for me.
“Our arrangement business-wise still stands, I won’t let him use my body again though.” I didn’t need to say that, and I felt the slow burn of anger build in my stomach realizing how easily I’d given in to him.
“You deserve so much better. I’d like to punch him for the way he took advantage of you.” Tom was my own personal champion, and I liked him for that, but it wasn’t all Sebastian’s fault.
“I allowed it.” Even craved the things he did to me after I discovered the pleasure in it. “I want to forget about that and put this all behind me. I’ll pay you for room and board after this is over, I can’t be indebted to anyone again.” I knew where that led, and I’d never allow it.
“I understand your distrust of people, Ashley, but I don’t expect anything from you. You’ll be helping me do my job and that’s all the payment I need. Consider it working for me, if you’d like.”
Tom was probably sincere, but I couldn’t in good conscious take his offer. “That’s what Sebastian said before things turned out like they did. I won’t do that again. If you won’t let me repay you then maybe I should convince Deshawn that I’ve got nowhere else to go.”
“As much as I wish you’d accept my hospitality, that might be a good suggestion. If he finds out you’re living with me then he’s going to clam up and never tell you what’s going on.” It hadn’t crossed my mind that Deshawn would know who Tom was, and he was right. Staying with him would end any chance of me ending this and getting my life back.
“You need to drop me off a few blocks from his place so I can get him to meet me.” We were back in the city traffic, and it was a standstill now so he turned to me.
“Are you sure you’re ready to deal with this? You could take a few days to relax and make a plan.” That he still looked so concerned for my well-being made me believe he wasn’t the enemy. It would have been so easy to accept that offer, but I couldn’t be a coward any longer.
“I need to do this before I lose my nerve.” I’d never tried acting, even in high school so I had no idea how to make this seem genuine. At least if I didn’t hesitate now, I wouldn’t have to lie about Sebastian kicking me out, or how devastated I felt at being tossed aside like yesterday’s trash.
“I think I understand. Know that you can call me if you ever feel threatened or just need someone to talk to. We’ll figure out a way to meet in private and discuss what steps to take after you get in his good graces again.” Tom reached over and patted my hand kindly. “You’re a very brave woman for doing this.”
He knew all the right words to say, and under different circumstance, I may have really fallen for him. “I think desperate is a better description.” The traffic started moving again and we weren’t far from Deshawn’s apartment now.
I didn’t say anything until we stopped again. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Stepping out of the car before I could let myself second guess, I walked down the sidewalk, hoping I could pull this off.
That short walk felt like a lifetime and when I stood outside the building, I wasn’t sure I could walk in. It was Saturday so I didn’t even know if he was here, and I wanted to walk until I got the nerve to go through with this, but knew I never would if I didn’t just do it. Taking a deep breath, I walked through the glass doors.
Walking over to the elevator it seemed to take forever for it to come, and when I walked in I was trembling in nervous anticipation. Could I even look him in the eyes? Would I slap his face without thinking?” Forcing my feet to continue walking as I reached the penthouse floor and found myself in front of his door, knocking.
The tall, handsome man who answered was not Deshawn. “Can I help you?” His smile was wide and friendly and I tried to find my voice.
“I need to see Deshawn.” My throat felt like it was full of cotton, and I wet my lips.
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“And you are?” He was still smiling, even opened the door for me to walk in, so I guessed he was more trusting than most people in the city.
“Ashley?” Deshawn walked over, the uncertainty in his eyes breaking my heart, and I felt mine fill up with tears again. What is this, fall apart day for me? Running into his arms, I sobbed like a baby, and it wasn’t acting at all. He’d destroyed me almost as much as Church had but I still loved him like my best friend. As much as I hated what he did I couldn’t pretend we hated each other.
“What did he do to you, baby girl?” He held me tightly and I let him, not caring now that it was all his fault I’d ended up in that situation to begin with. “Tell Deshawn everything, and I’ll fix it, you know I will.”
“This looks like a situation that needs drinks. I’ll go fix some.” The stranger broke through the intimacy of the moment and I pulled away, wiping my cheeks.
It was easy to play out the part I needed to next, because most of it was true. I had to make Deshawn think I hated Sebastian so he would help me destroy him. “I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life.” That was honest, but more at myself for being an idiot for having feelings for the asshole.
He took my hand, leading me over to the coach where we’d spent many a night watching Netflix and eating popcorn together. “I’ll never forgive myself for my part in this. I knew you couldn’t handle a man like him.” Deshawn looked sincere, and in his own way, I was sure he did regret it, but it didn’t change facts. I couldn’t think about that now. I had a part to play.
“The sex wasn’t that horrible. Well, it was the first time, but after that I sort of wanted it.” This was something he and I never discussed. We came from two different worlds and he wasn’t straight so it was hard for me to imagine thinking about him doing what I did with Sebastian.
“Did he make you feel inadequate? He knew you were a virgin, what did he expect?” That he thought I’d not satisfied him really hurt, but I couldn’t allow that to show, but I wanted to set him straight.
“No, it wasn’t that. He said he couldn’t control himself with me and sent me away.” I looked up with him, allowing my confusion to show through, because what did that mean, anyway?
“You got under that cold fish’s skin.” Deshawn threw his head back and bellowed loudly. “That’s priceless, girlfriend, he was falling for you. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“I don’t think that’s what happened. He forgot to use protection, though.” It hit me then that I could be pregnant. “I can’t have his baby.” I stood up and my hands flew to cover my mouth. The thought of being a single-mother went against every belief I had. “He told me he was getting me a morning after pill, but how can I face him again?”
“Definitely brought him to his knees. That man doesn’t make mistakes or lose control. I wish I could have seen his face.” Deshawn thought everything between us was perfect again, and it amazed me that he believed he could get away with what he done to me. “Don’t worry your pretty little head over it. I’ll have Matteo take care of it.”
“Did I hear my name?” The gorgeous man had a name now. He set down three glasses of wine on the coffee table and lowered his lips down to kiss Deshawn. I wasn’t big on the public displays of affection, and looked away. Deshawn kissed him back and then pulled away.
“Yes, you did, baby.” Deshawn winked at him then glanced my way and chuckled. “Come on girl you aren’t that innocent anymore.”
“That doesn’t mean I want to watch the two of you kissing.” I picked up the glass of wine on the table and sipped it. They both seemed to find my prim and proper attitude funny and I glared. “Just remember who stood by your side when no one else would.” I guess it was wrong to be jealous seeing the two of them so happy together, but I couldn’t help myself.
“She’s as sweet as you said and forgive me for being rude.” He held out his hand and I took it. “I’m Matteo Garcia. I’ve heard so many good things about you.” We shook and it seemed a little formal and I laughed.
“Well, if you and my best friend are together, I’ll have to try and like you.” I felt like a fraud as I wondered if he was one of the people involved in this embezzlement scheme. “How’d you and he meet?” That was a normal question and shouldn’t seem out of place, I thought.
“I work at Church Industries as a programmer.” He didn’t seem shy about revealing that, and I guess I hid my undercover act well.
“Better you than me.” Even hearing Church made me feel all emotional again, but I wasn’t doing that crap. Instead, I took a large gulp of the sweet wine. I was glad it wasn’t that fancy stuff because the cheap desert wine was more my taste.
“I thought you’d taken on a job as his intern.” He looked from me to Deshawn, seemingly confused and I wondered what my friend had told him, obviously not the truth.
“That didn’t work out, he wanted to teach me things, all right, but not about the business world.” I downed the rest of my glass and walked into the kitchen to find the bottle. I wasn’t a big drinker, but tonight, I planned to lose myself in alcohol.
“If he sexually harassed you, sue him.” Matteo seemed like a nice guy, but for all I knew he was one of the reasons I’d ended up selling myself.
“Let’s stop all this talk and enjoy ourselves.” Deshawn didn’t want to talk about it, which was fine with me, even though I needed to get him to open up.
I brought the bottle back in the living room and we continued drinking until there was nothing left on that one. I was buzzing well, and Matteo went to find more liquor. “He was good in bed, though.” Sober, I would have never discussed it, but I was getting drunk.
“Girlfriend, you better slow down a little bit.” Deshawn chuckled and finished off the rest of his glass.
“Why should I? I’m a half-decent looking woman who got screwed royally by some man. That calls for a lot of drinking, right?” I felt the room begin to spin, and giggled like a school girl.
“You’re a beautiful woman who could have any man she wanted. I’ve told you that before. If you need to drink him off your mind, go for it. Don’t blame me for that headache tomorrow, though, baby girl,” Deshawn said as Matteo walked back in with another bottle of wine and filled all our glasses. “Hell, if I was straight I’d be all over you.”
“Same here.” Matteo lifted his glass in a mock toast, and we all clinked glasses.
“You better be glad you’re not straight or I might get offended over you thinking someone besides me is beautiful.” We all laughed and continued drinking.
“I’d like to kick his ass.” My words were slurring. Apparently drunk me was quite the fighter. “How dare he not want me anymore!”
“You don’t understand at all. That man wants you so bad he can’t control himself around you. If you wanted, you could lead him around with a leash on his cock.” Deshawn snorted and I was so shocked I laughed.
“Do people do that?” I didn’t know if women led their men around by the sex organ, but then again I knew little about sexual relationships.
“The things we could teach her.” Matteo chuckled and kissed Deshawn again. I was too far gone to care that they were swapping spit, and when the doorbell rang, I didn’t think twice about walking over to answer it without caring who was on the other side.
Seeing Trisha in her perfectly manicured style made me consider closing the door in her face. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, little girl.” She seemed pissed off and I don’t know why but it made me fall into a fit of laughter that I couldn’t stop.
“She’s not going back to him.” Deshawn was as drunk as I was, but he seemed to sober up quickly when Trisha barged into his apartment like she belonged there.
“Good. He doesn’t need that kind of distraction. Speaking of, you need to take this and make sure you’re not pregnant. I don’t want you trying to hold onto him by using a baby.” This woman was a real piece of work and I’d had enough of her insults.
“Why don’t you take
your old ass out of here before I kick it on the floor? You and Sebastian need to go screw each other because you belong together, you mean old witch!” Her eyes filled with hatred and her hand raised, but she didn’t hit me. Instead she put it around the back of my neck drawing me closer.
“He’s not my type, but I wouldn’t mind tying you up and showing you what a woman can make you feel.” That smirk on her face was so reminiscent of Sebastian’s, I pulled away quickly. “So, do you want to have a brat, or are you taking this?” She held up a small white bag and I wanted to tell her to go to hell.
“For all I know, you poisoned it.” I don’t know why I instantly hated this woman, but my intuition was usually spot on.
“I don’t know why people seem to think I’m evil.” She chuckled. “I tell things like they are. If you can’t handle the truth then maybe you shouldn’t play with the adults.”
I grabbed the bag from her hand. “Fine, you’ve kissed Sebastian’s ass and brought this to me, now get out. I don’t want to look at you anymore.” I had never been an angry person before, but I was learning that there was a fire hidden in me that Sebastian had brought out.
“Good girl. There might be hope for you yet.” With another smirk, Trisha turned on her heel and walked out the door. My buzz was wearing off quickly and I slammed the door behind her.
Matteo walked over and held out his hand. “May I?” I looked at him strangely, not sure why he wanted to see a pill.
“Matteo’s a former army medic,” Deshawn explained, “he left the military to follow a computer career.” That made sense to my frazzled mind, and I let him take the bag. Pulling it out, he read the prescription before handing it back over.
“It’s legit.” I didn’t even question Matteo’s experience as I opened the box, popped the pill out then grabbed a glass of wine to swallow it down. “I’m taking it you don’t want kids?” He was grinning at my rash action.
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