by Ash, Nikki
“Ooooohhhhh, Auntie Kay! You said a bad word.” Bella starts wagging her finger at Kayla like I do to her when I’m upset with her. Even though she is so damn adorable, this does nothing to break the awkwardness surrounding us. Cooper is watching all of this probably thinking we are nuts.
“Yes, I did. I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Bella, why don’t you come help me find the vanilla ice cream to go with our yummy brownies?”
She doesn’t wait for her answer as she grabs Bella’s hand and drags her along, giving us both one last glance before disappearing down the aisle.
“Is she mine?” Well, damn, I guess we are going to dive right in. There’s no reason to deny it at this point.
“Yes, she is yours.”
“Did you plan to ever tell me about her?” Is this guy serious right now? Judging by the look on his face, I think he is dead serious. If looks could kill, I would be in a puddle of blood on the ground right now. Well screw that and screw him. He has no right to be mad at me. I didn’t do anything wrong.
“When would you have liked me to tell you, Cooper? When I found out I was eighteen and pregnant with no way to contact you since you never gave me any information on you? Or how about the other night when you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with ever being a husband or father? Or maybe I should have screamed it from outside your gym when your asshole bodyguard told me that, according to you, I’m not welcome there and you want nothing to do with me. When should I have told you that we have a daughter? Huh, Cooper?”
His face softens for a second and then goes hard again. “What fucking body guard? You came to the gym, when?”
“Yeah, I did. I showed up yesterday morning determined to tell you about Bella and before I could make it in some asshole guy, who looks a lot like you, stopped me and said he knew who I was and that you want nothing to do with me, leaving me no choice but to leave. I was planning to try again but I needed to figure it out in my head how to handle it. None of this is going how I spent the last five years imagining it would. I would never keep your daughter away from you even if you don’t want anything to do with either of us.”
He looks so pissed I swear smoke is about to come out of his ears. That rage better not be aimed at me. “I can’t believe him. I told him to mind his own business.” I tilt my head to the side confused. Is he talking to me or to himself?
“That must have been my father. He makes it a point to get into my business when it can possibly take my full attention away from fighting. God forbid, I do anything that messes with his potential income.”
It is clear there is huge animosity between Cooper and his dad and that saddens me. I can’t imagine not having my dad as part of my support system. It doesn’t matter that he lives across the country. He is there for me in every way that matters, same as my mom. They have always been my two biggest cheerleaders supporting me, even from afar.
When I found out I was pregnant with Bella they begged me to move home so they could help me but I knew if I did, I would never graduate from college. Bella and I try to visit them a few times a year and they come up to Las Vegas to visit us as often as possible as well. Since we are long distance, Bella video chats with them on the computer often.
I hear Bella’s excited voice coming back down the aisle and remember we are having this conversation in the middle of the grocery store.
“Look,” I say quickly before she gets within hearing distance. “I tried to find you when I found out I was pregnant but I had nothing to go on. When we had sex and I was on the pill. I just didn’t know it wasn’t effective yet. I’ve tried to tell you a few times since I found you, and I am sorry it never actually came out but I never kept this from you intentionally. When your dad insisted, you wanted nothing to do with me, I thought you told him to say that. I was still going to find you to tell you, though. I get you don’t want to be with me…”
He attempts to interrupt me but I don’t have time to argue so I shake my head and continue talking faster.
“…But I would never keep a child from her father. If you want her in your life we can figure it out and if you don’t then that’s on you. I get you don’t want kids and a wife and I respect that. I know I should be sorry I messed up with my birth control but I’m not because Bella is my beautiful little miracle. You need to decide what you want and either way I won’t hold it against you. I just don’t want her to know anything until you decide. It would break her heart, if she knew you knew about her and didn’t want her. So, think about what you want. None of this is Bella’s fault.”
I grab his phone and dial my number into it and hear the ringing on my phone.
“Here’s my number. Call me when you decide. But Cooper, think hard because she deserves more than a guy to claim her as his just because he thinks it’s what he is supposed to do, and then change his mind later because he doesn’t really want her. You can hurt me all you want, but you will not hurt our daughter.”
And with that I hand him back his phone and head into the checkout line. He grabs me by my wrist, looks deep into my eyes and says, “You gave her the flamingo I gave you.” He doesn’t ask. He states it. He remembers.
I nod my head quickly and then he nods back before walking away as Kayla and Bella walk over to join me. Kayla walks up next to me and whispers, “You ok?”
“Yeah, let’s go make some yummy brownies and ice cream.”
“Finally,” Bella huffs out, and we laugh at her impatience.
* * *
Cooper
Total. Mind. Fuck. That’s what I feel right now as I watch Liz walk out of the store holding hands with my daughter. Our daughter. Liz and I have a daughter. We created that precious little girl together five years ago. I have a daughter that I had no idea about and it’s my own fault for walking away that day and leaving her no way to contact me.
She looks like a beautiful perfect mixture of Liz and me. She has my green eyes and light brown hair but it is curly like Liz’s. She has tanned skin just like the both of us and when she smiles I can see a piece of my mom in her from her happier days.
For the last fifteen years, I have told myself a wife and kids will never be in my future. After watching my parents destroy each other and our home, I never want to put anyone I care for in that position, which means there has never been any room for love in my life. But looking at that precious little girl and her mother walk away from me makes me want to run after them. I can’t believe my dad actually told her I wanted nothing to do with her. He and I are definitely going to get a few things straight.
I jump in my car and head back to the gym and go straight to his office. He is finishing up a phone call so I wait. He looks up at me without a smile and I am once again reminded of how miserable this guy really is. I don’t think he has smiled in years. He has no real friends and he hasn’t dated that I know of since my mom. I can’t imagine living my life like this.
“To what do I owe this pleasure, son? Are you planning on training at all today or are you taking a page from Bentley’s book and are simply here to take up space?”
To think for a second, I almost felt sorry for him. The truth is he has chosen to live this way. He has chosen to push everyone away including his own son, and now without even realizing it, he tried to push away the mother of his granddaughter. I have had enough.
“I am so sick of the way you treat everyone around you. We all bust our ass at this gym yet nothing is ever good enough. You walk around here all high and mighty, putting everybody down. I get mom cheated on you but did that make it ok to destroy her? And what the fuck did I ever do to you? I have tried to love you and be a good son to you but you don’t want love and you sure as hell don’t want me as a son.”
He leans back in his chair annoyed that I am ranting off to him. “What’s got your panties in a twist now, Liam? I don’t have time for this. Get to the point please.”
“All right, I’ll get to the point. Did you tell Liz I want nothing to do with her and then send
her away?”
“Yeah, I did. You don’t need that distraction and she definitely doesn’t need to be coming up in this gym looking for you. Keep your pussy where it belongs, in the bedroom!”
It takes everything I have not to punch him in his face. I only refrain myself because I know if I do punch him I will be falling into his trap. He is always looking for a fight.
I do and say the only thing I can, because at the end of the day the only person I can control is myself. “I am done here. I am done with you and this fucking gym and I doubt that you even care but I am done being your son. Find a new moneymaking machine for this gym. I. am. fucking. done.”
I turn to walk out the door and he calls my name. For a second I hope he will apologize, tell me to come back in, and want to make this right, but I know deep down that’s not his style.
He lifts his chin and says, “Don’t bother coming back when you destroy your entire career over a piece of trashy pussy. You are a disgrace to this gym and to the UFC. Close the door on your way out.”
I don’t even bother responding. I just shake my head and walk out. He will never change and I am done living my life like this. If his advice is to stay away from Liz maybe I should do the opposite because I will do anything to not end up like him.
I head to the locker room to gather my shit. Once I have it all and am about to leave, Bentley and Kaden come walking it. Seeing all my stuff in my hands, they look from me to my now open, empty locket and back to me again.
“Are you seriously leaving? Where are you going to go?” Kaden asks. I know he is concerned because he is under contract with this gym. He can’t train me if I am not training here.
“I have no idea. I just found out my dad sent away Liz when she came here yesterday to tell me that… get this shit, I have a daughter.”
“Oh, shit.”
“What the fuck.”
“Yeah, I ran into Liz and Bella, that’s her name, at the grocery store. She looks just like me. It’s crazy. Apparently, she was scared to tell me because I pushed her away by telling her I didn’t want a wife or kids the other night. She got the guts to come here to tell me anyway, feeling I should know about my daughter but my dad decided to be my personal secretary and tell her I didn’t want to see her! He actually sent her away. I went to his office to confront him and not only did he admit to it but he defended his actions. I told him I am done here. I just can’t do this shit with him anymore.”
Both of them are looking at me with sympathy in their eyes, both of them having watched me go through this shit with my parents for years.
“So, what are you going to do?” Bentley finally asks.
“I don’t know. I just need some time to think. I’m going to head home and take a few days to figure this all out. Liz told me I am either all in or all out as far as our daughter goes, and I don’t blame her. Bella deserves to have stability in her life. I need to think about all this. You guys should have seen her. She is so adorable and so freaking smart, and she has my attitude.”
The guys laugh at that.
I take a deep breath, release it, and continue. “I just don’t know if I can be the dad she deserves. Look at the example I had growing up. A dad barely home, who put his career above his family, then when his wife cheats on him, he lashes out and destroys her entire world turning her into a drunk. And where does that leave Liz and me? She’s been doing this on her own for four damn years because I walked away without giving her my number. She doesn’t need this shit in her life. She had this image in her head of what it would be like when I found out and I fucked it all up before she could even tell me. I just need to wrap my head around all of this. I don’t want to make their life worse.”
Kaden and Bentley both nod their heads in understanding. I am sure they want to say something but they can sense I just can’t deal with it right now.
“I’m gonna head home. I’ll let you guys know what I decide.”
“Bro, you know I got your back. If you are sure about leaving this gym, I am too.”
I nod my head and give Bentley a small smile to thank him.
Kaden adds in, “You know I can’t leave here but whatever you need from me, I got you. We will figure this out.”
I pat him on this shoulder and thank him then I walk out of the locker room and out of the gym for what I think will be for the last time.
Eleven
Cooper
It’s been five days since I walked out of the gym. I haven’t spoken to anybody during that time. I have started going for a run in the morning and in the evening down by the lake in my neighborhood. Years of training for hours a day keeps me from being able to just sit at home and do nothing. I have had some time to think about what I want to do now that I am away from my dad and the gym. I am thinking about joining another training center to get me through this title fight and then taking some time off.
Between all the wins I have had over the last ten years, my contract with the UFC, and the several endorsements and sponsorship deals I have, I have a nice cushion in the bank.
It sucks that Kaden won’t be able to train me anymore but I just can’t be around my dad. His latest stunt was the last straw. I have been thinking a lot about Bella and Liz and where I want things to go with them. I need to spend some time getting to know my little girl and her mother. Now that I know I have a daughter, I need to step it up as a dad and make sure I am nothing like mine. Then there is Liz and I; there was definitely a connection there between us both times we hooked up but I don’t know if I fucked it all up beyond repair when I said all that shit to her. When she was going on and on at the store she made a comment about me not wanting to be with her but she never actually said she doesn’t want to be with me so maybe there’s still a chance for us to get to know each other.
I look down at my phone ringing and check the caller id hoping it’s Liz but it’s just my mom. I send it to voicemail, having too much going on in my head to deal with her right now. I am not surprised that Liz hasn’t reached out to me since the day at the grocery store but I was still hoping she would. She obviously meant it when she said she was leaving the ball in my court so I am going to need to call her soon so we can talk.
My phone starts ringing and I see it’s my mom, again. I haven’t had a real conversation with her in almost two years. She calls and leaves voicemails occasionally and I text her back I am busy. She doesn’t usually call back to back so I answer it in case it’s important.
“Hey mom, sorry, I was just out running. Everything ok?”
I can hear her sniffling into the phone but she hasn’t said anything yet.
“Mom, are you drunk?”
She starts crying harder. “No, I am not drunk. If you could ever stand to speak to me for more than five seconds you would know that…”
I cut her off, not having the patience to deal with her right now on top of everything.
“Ok, mom. If you aren’t drunk then what’s going on? I am kind of busy right now.”
I can hear her sigh into the phone. “Liam, it’s your father. He had a heart attack.”
“Is he ok?”
“No, sweetie, he’s not. I am sorry but he didn’t make it. I guess he never updated his emergency contact information so they called me.”
I sit down in the grass and stare out into the lake. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad about this. For years, I wished he would just disappear but I never wished him dead. He was so damn unhappy all the time. I just wish he could have found a way to be happy before passing away. He never even knew he had a granddaughter. Shit, my mom doesn’t even know she is a grandmother.
“How did it happen?”
“The doctor said he was feeling chest pains so he went to the ER. While running tests he had a heart attack and they couldn’t revive him. The tests they ran afterward said he showed signs of smoke inhalation, which is weird because he doesn’t smoke. They said they found traces of soot in his lungs as well as fluid. They think he might have been
in a fire and the fluid in his lungs most likely lead to the shortness of breath, which caused him to have respiratory failure. I am here at the hospital now. Can you come down?”
“Yeah, I am heading back to the house now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Ok, sweetie. I’ll see you when you get here.”
I hit end on the phone and begin jogging back to the house. Respiratory failure from smoke inhalation? It doesn’t make any sense. Where the hell was he that he was inhaling smoke?
* * *
Liz
Three hours earlier…
“Bella, if you don’t get out of bed right this instant I am going to hide Maleficent from you!” I yell down the hall to my sleepyhead daughter as I finish getting dressed.
I have an interview at an accounting firm and if we don’t get moving, I will never make it across town in time. I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to an interview so close to when I have to drop Bella off at school.
The first week of school went great. She was so excited to be going, she was up and ready before the crack of dawn. Now, the newness has worn off and she is back to wanting to sleep until noon. Not happening, especially not today. I finish putting on my heels and run back to her room to make sure she is up and getting ready. The fact that she didn’t respond to my threat of taking away her favorite movie isn’t a good sign.
I walk inside her room and sure enough she is still curled up in her sheets with her little head poking out softly snoring away.
“Bella Faith! You have got to get up. Did you hear me? I am going to take away Maleficent for a week.”
She pushes her covers down just enough that I can see her attitude peeking through. “Oh mommy, you can have it because it’s not my favorite no more. Dolphin Tale is my new favorite.” See? Didn’t I tell you? New movie every month!
She starts to contemplate something, and if I wasn’t running so later, I might find it funny.
Then she actually has the nerve to say, “Mommy, if I get out of bed can we go buy a dolphin? I want a Winter! Pleeeease!”
