by Craig Birk
Part of the magic of walking into the casino at the Las Vegas Hard Rock Hotel at any point before about midnight on a Friday or Saturday night was that it provided the rare sensation of entering a great party at exactly the right time. Each of the guys had heard the rumor that casinos pump extra oxygen into the air to keep people gambling longer, but none of them ever knew if it was true. Regardless, there was no doubt that the environment created an instant stimulus and provided a feeling of vitality similar to the effect of certain drugs that were most definitely being consumed by a fair number of the patrons.
Once inside, Mike and Roger found a ten-dollar minimum blackjack table while Gary and Alex chose to hang out in the Center Bar in the middle of the casino for a drink or two. Alex maneuvered his way to the crowded bar and found a spot to order between a twenty-something pretty-boy who looked disturbingly like a younger version of himself and a tall, mostly unattractive woman who was part of mostly unattractive bachelorette party. He had to wait four minutes before being allowed to exchange twelve dollars for two Heinekens. During this time he found out from the woman that the bachelorette party was from Minnesota, her younger sister was the one getting married, she was a logistics manager for Fed-Ex, her sister was a secretary at AIG, and that the group would be in Body English later if they wanted to meet up. Alex lied when asked if he had a condom for a scavenger hunt and also lied and said he did not know where he was going later in the night. Once he had the beers, Alex returned to the perimeter of the bar where Gary was waiting. Alex handed Gary one of the Heinekens and instinctively gave him a small hug, the second time he had done so since they entered the casino. Though only fifteen feet from the bar itself, it was refreshingly less crowded here and the two found a spot where they could rest their arms and beers on the ledge separating the bar from the casino. From this vantage, they could see everything going on in both areas.
Gary: “Thanks man.”
Alex: “My pleasure. And I am sorry again about the thing earlier with Blair. Really, I think she is awesome and I want her to like me too. It is tough sometimes being single when all of your friends are getting married and settling down.”
Gary: “Yeah, well I can’t say I am not still a bit mad about it. That kind of shit is just not okay, Alex. But also I think I understand. It is strange, you know. When I was single I couldn’t believe how people just disappeared when they got married. I never thought it would happen to me. But then somehow it does. In a way, people are all kind of the same. We all think we are different somehow, but really we are not. And the thing is, I still don’t know how it works. It is just this weird function of marriage that I don’t really understand. And then when you have a kid, well forget about it. But it is what it is. Anyway, you will probably have the two clowns we came up here with to yourself for a long time. I can’t imagine either of them getting married anytime soon. Also, Doug will probably be divorced soon and maybe Tyler as well. So you should be fine. Anyway, you never know. One of these days you may find yourself ready also.”
Alex: “Yeah, maybe. Anyway, it is really good to be out here with you.”
Gary: “Hey, check out the hooker at the roulette table with the older dude!”
Alex: “Wow. And some people say money can’t buy happiness.”
Gary (laughing): “Yeah, seriously. And some people say fake tits are a bad idea.”
Alex (now also laughing): “Well, those look like the best that money can buy. One thing I have never understood are these guys who pay for these girls and then take them out like it is a date or something. I mean, while I don’t personally have any desire to pay for sex, I don’t see anything wrong with it if others do, as long as it is a consensual transaction. But why you would want to make a clown out of yourself by parading around town with a girl who is obviously only with you because you paid for it just seems strange to me.”
Gary: “Maybe some people get more enjoyment out of the companionship of a beautiful girl than from actually banging one.”
Alex: “Again, it seems strange to me.”
Gary: “So, you have never paid for it?”
Alex: “No. I don’t think I could enjoy it if I did. Anyway it’s more fun to hunt for it. Not to mention, for some weird reason or another, lately I am super paranoid about diseases and shit, so it just wouldn’t be good for me.”
Gary: “Yeah, one thing that is nice about being married is you don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore.”
Alex: “I can appreciate that. Just keep one eye on the milk man.”
Gary: “Hmm?”
Alex: “Never mind. So you never think about cheating?”
Gary: “Of course you think about it, but no, it isn’t something I would do. Right now we have a good thing and it isn’t worth risking it for twenty minutes of fun.”
Alex: “The rumor in college was that you were only good for two or three minutes.”
Gary (smiling): “Man, one bad performance and you get labeled for life. Anyway, if you were with Sylvia Towers you wouldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes either.”
Alex: “Yeah, she was incredible. But that is an interesting concept; just think about Bill Buckner.”
Gary: “Yeah, something like that. Though I think the rest of his career was pretty darn good, while the rest of my college love life was pretty average.”
Alex: “Don’t sell yourself short. Two minutes with Sylvia is a decent career in itself.”
Gary: “Anyway, I think the other thing about not cheating is that once you have a daughter it brings a tremendous amount of clarity to your life. It helps you understand what is important and also reminds you every single day that life is precious, which I think can be easy to forget otherwise.”
Alex: “Yeah, it can be easy to forget. Very easy. That is cool, man.”
Gary: “It is. Very.”
Sweet Child O’Mine by Guns N’ Roses started playing in the casino. Gary and Alex were both facing out toward the gaming tables and staring at the hooker’s tits which were bouncing up and down in excitement. Apparently she had hit her number in roulette. The dealer slid a short stack of yellow five-hundred dollar chips in her direction. She took them and gave her date a hug and a peck on the cheek.
Alex, particularly pleased with the music selection, tried to light a cigarette but he had put the wrong end in his mouth and the flame uselessly surrounded the filter without catching. “Piece of shit. Cock and balls!” he cursed nonsensically to no one in particular and threw the now-useless cigarette to the ground, spitting out the tobacco grains which had stuck to his tongue. He pulled another one out of the pack, lit it correctly, took a deep drag, and then offered one to Gary, who declined. Gary then continued the conversation, which they both found more interesting than the significant array of stimuli occurring around them.
Gary: “Don’t get me wrong though, it isn’t easy. Sometimes you really feel you are missing out on something. That is the tough part. And honestly, coming here with you guys probably doesn’t help much. For instance, there is a hot twenty-four-year-old first-year at work who just graduated from UCLA Law who has all but told me that she wants to fuck me even though she knows I am married. So, you see, this kind of thing can be extremely difficult to, um, to process.”
Alex: “She wants to boff in the office?”
Gary: “Yeah, she pretty much hinted at that. Which would be incredible, but I can imagine it would be my luck to get caught and lose my job and my wife all at once.”
Alex: “That’s hot.”
Gary: “That is one way to look at it, but really it just causes problems.”
Alex: “Maybe you should tell this girl about your really cool buddy Alex.”
Gary: “Yeah, no problem. I will mention it. Actually if she went out with you it might help her ease off on me.”
Alex: “I would be happy to be of service.”
Gary: “Okay, yeah, remind me when we get back. I could do without that kind of distraction. Not cheating is tou
gh, though. In addition to wanting new things, you also start to miss things you used to get. I mean, I basically told you the gist of the situation earlier. But also, for example, even before the porn incident, Blair promised she would give me just as many blowjobs after the baby was born as before. But how many blowjobs do you think I get now?”
Alex: “One first thing in the morning and one as soon as you get home from work every day?”
Gary: “Ha. Ha. Very funny. Anyway you get the point.”
Alex: “What about the money situation? Do you fight about it?”
Gary: “Why do you ask?”
Alex: “I am just trying to understand this whole marriage thing a bit more. Lately I sometimes feel I need to change my lifestyle somehow. Maybe become a bit more mature. But the marriage thing is just . . . confusing for me. It’s like, I have everything basically in order and going pretty much the way I want it, and then I am supposed to just take it all and gamble the entirety of my happiness on one gigantic bet that some chick will stay cool. I am not even sure I can stay cool myself.”
Gary: “The money thing isn’t really a big deal. At first it is weird but you get used to it quickly. After that it is pretty easy to just think of all the money as a mutual asset.”
Alex: “I think it would be hard for me to give up that control and not be able to do whatever I wanted with it.”
Gary: “You can still basically do what you want, especially with your level of income. But you just have to consider anything big together.”
Alex: “So, if you came out here and blew two grand at the tables, how much of a problem would that be?”
Gary: “That would be a pretty fucking big problem actually.”
Alex: “Better or worse than the Barely Legal?”
Gary (laughing): “Man, you are just a big giant dick. Better I guess, but worse than Huge Black Cocks. Seriously, it wouldn’t be good. She would probably be cool with losing a few hundred, but anything more than a grand would start to be an issue.”
Alex: “And since you are working and she isn’t right now, do you get any extra freedom about how the money is spent?”
Gary: “No, it doesn’t work that way. Anyway, taking care of Sarah is probably harder than my job. Actually, I am a total hypocrite about it because it drives me crazy when she wants to spend a few hundred on new shoes or a new bag, but it seems totally rational for me to pay two hundred bucks for a round of golf or go to Vegas and blow some cash.”
Alex: “I can imagine.”
Gary: “Hey, here comes Mo and Curly.”
Roger and Mike carved their way through the bar toward Gary and Alex, each with a half-finished Corona in hand. The four clinked bottles and each took a healthy swig. Gary looked back into his Heineken and noticed it was nearly finished. He lifted it up and finished it in two large swallows. “Everyone need another?” he asked and began moving back toward the bar.
“Did you see the fruit on the hook at the roulette table?” Roger asked, momentarily ignoring Gary. Everyone nodded enthusiastically, then confirmed to Gary that he should buy a full round of beers. Guns N’ Roses smoothly transitioned to Break on Through by The Doors.
Alex: “How did the tables treat you?”
Roger: “Oooh, nicely. I am up about six bills. It was a grand but I bet two hundy on the last hand and had to double down and the bitch pulled a five card twenty-one to beat me.”
Alex: “How about you Mikey?”
Mike: “I am down eighty bucks. It was bullshit. The table was super hot but I kept getting shit and busting before the dealer.”
Alex: “Sucks. Are you guys ready to hit the club after one more beer?”
Both agreed and Roger started play-fighting with Alex, landing several soft blows to the stomach before Alex spun around behind him and put him in a headlock.
“Can I have a cigarette?” Mike asked Alex bitterly.
“Of course, big guy,” Alex answered and released Roger to get out a smoke for Mike. Roger used the opportunity to begin slapping Mike in the face, bobbing and weaving like a featherweight boxer.
