by Dorlana Vann
“Is that it? The big-shot lawyer is too good for me? Are you seriously going to ignore what we have for a guy who treated you like shit for years? He used you and then had real relationships with other women. That’s what you want to settle for?”
“You’re right, I have been waiting for him for years. He’s the love of my life. It just took us breaking up for him to realize what he threw away.” Tears welled up in her eyes and started to fall fast. “I lost everything when he left, and now he’s back, and he loves me and misses me and wants me back.”
“He told you that? He said I love you? He leaned in closer and dared her to look away as he stared into her eyes. “I get that you had those feelings for Larry for so long that it’s confusing. But he’s not in love with you. There’s no way he could treat you the way he does and really love you.
“Yes, he does. He’s sorry. He made a huge mistake.”
“No.” He shook his head and this time he was the one who grabbed Brenda’s hands. “You once asked me if I’ve ever fought for anyone. Maybe I’ve never had anyone worth fighting for. But I think you, us, we, we’re worth it. Brenda, I’m fighting for us right now. I don’t care how different we are. I want to try. I want a future with you. You are the most exciting, beautiful, terrifying woman I’ve ever known. And I’m willing to forget all this, this Larry shit, and start over because I’m not going to let you throw away what we have for a fancy suit and an empty promise. You deserve so much more. It’s your turn for happiness. Brenda, I’m falling …” He stopped himself from continuing the sentence because the look on her face - a distant, glassy glare - made it clear that she didn’t care what he said. He wasn’t sure she’d heard any of it. “Are you even listening to me?”
As she tugged her hands away from his, he realized he’d been squeezing them for dear life.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered and turned her face away from him with a sob.
He balled up his fist and calmly said, “Think, Brenda, think right now. Think about what you’re doing before you do something stupid that you can’t take back.”
She stood up but still wouldn’t look at him. “I have. I’m doing what I want.”
As he realized it was over, every muscle ached from the adrenaline that had pumped hope through his body. “Really? I’m such an ass that you’re not even going to give me a second thought. Thanks a lot.” He got up and headed to the door.
“Wait,” she said. “Please, just wait a second.”
He stopped. And even though he felt drained, he found enough energy to believe she’d come to her senses because this was crazy! He turned around, careful not to let on that he knew she was about to beg for his forgiveness. But she wasn’t standing there. She’d walked over to the counter.
When she turned around, she had papers in her hands. She ripped them up. “Null and void. You can stay here as long as you like - no contracts, no rent money, no working, nothing. The apartment is yours for a long as you want.”
He waited a second for her to say more. But all she did was gaze at him with a crazed look and a nod that said ‘See, I’m a good person.’
Neal’s ears buzzed in the silence of the room and from his blood boiling. When his eyes began to sting from Brenda’s venom, he shook his head and walked out the door without a word. She would not get to see him destroyed.
Neal had trashed half the apartment before he realized it wasn’t his stuff, it belonged to Larry, and then he trashed the other half.
Larry was supposed to be his friend. What kind of friend would do something like this? He wanted to believe that maybe Larry didn’t know he was seeing Brenda, but then he thought back to what had happened in the attic. Hell, he’d even kissed Brenda in front of the guy. There was no way Larry hadn’t seen that. It made him wonder if Brenda had even told him that they were together.
Had he really just been her vacation man—slummin’ it before she went back to her high society life? The heaviness in his heart was even worse than it had been with Alexandria. He’d known that Alexandria wasn’t his and had felt an equal amount of guilt and love. But Brenda, after the time they’d spent together, he’d really thought that they had a future. He really thought that their social differences were insignificant in the big picture. Obviously, he was the one who was delusional.
She’d torn up the contract like that would end his feelings for her, like that would fix everything. She was a lawyer through and through. It all came down to business.
“Well, you got what you wanted,” he said to himself. His goal had been to stay rent-free until he finished culinary school, and here he was, with a clear path to that goal. But there was no way he could stay here now and take Brenda’s guilt-induced gesture. No fucking way. But that also meant his culinary dreams would end. That what’s happens, he thought, when you make a deal with the devil.
Chapter 26
Brenda stood, the contract on the floor, staring at the door, wondering if she’d done the right thing. But there was nothing else she could’ve done. She’d known Neal for what, a week? Neal was just a fling that would have fizzled, and she would’ve given up her chance to be with Larry, whom she’d been in love with for years.
Even though her excuse to Neal was that Larry knew how to dress, it had nothing to do with any of that stuff. The money, the clothes, the social status weren’t even in her mind when she’d made her decision to take Larry back. The reason she had accepted Larry back was because she’d been hopelessly in love with him since college. How could she give up this chance she’d been waiting her entire adult life for? This was her, getting the only thing she’d ever really wanted.
So the question wasn’t if she’d made the right or wrong decision. She had made the only decision that made sense. This was what she’d been waiting for . . . her happiness.
Brenda shook her head. Then why was she so miserable if this moment was all her dreams coming true? Maybe she just felt bad for lying to Neal. Larry hadn’t actually said he was going to leave Haley, hadn’t actually declared his undying love for her. Didn’t actually choose her over Haley.
So what had he exactly proposed?
And what had Neal said? Heat washed over her body. He’d said he wanted a future with her. That she was worth fighting for. And something else. There was that moment when he almost said something. He’d said, I’m falling … had he meant falling in love. Would he have said those words if she would have listened? Larry had never said those words to her, not even when they’d been engaged. She had just accepted it as so. There had been other men in her life who had uttered those words to her in the heat of the moment, but she hadn’t believed them.
She believed Neal, and she hadn’t even given him the chance to finish saying it.
She put her hands on her cheeks and whispered, “He loves me.” Her heart sped up as she realized what she felt at that moment was regret. Why now? Why not when Neal was here? She’d blocked him out because she didn’t want to hear anything that would make her doubt her decision to be with Larry.
There was a tiny knock before the door opened, and in that gap Brenda hoped it was Neal. But Larry walked in, bright-eyed, that charming dimpled smile across his face. He shut the door behind him as he said, “I got a little ways down the road and realized I had to come back.”
“I thought you had to go cake tasting with Haley.”
“I rescheduled . . .”
She let a breath go as she smoothed her hair behind her ear.
“Are you okay? What’s the matter? You’re pale.”
She focused on Larry, getting ready to read his body language as well as hear his words. “Do you love me? Are you going to leave Haley?”
He opened his mouth to speak.
But right then, at the second, everything became clear to her. “Wait.” She put up her hand. “Oh shit . . . I don’t care. It
doesn’t matter.” She smiled at Larry, same old Larry, still devastatingly handsome, still confident. He hadn’t changed a bit. But somewhere, along the line, she had. And what she knew more than anything was that Larry couldn’t make her happy. How could he? He didn’t really know her. He was her past, and Neal was her present and her future.
“I love you,” she said with a shrug. “A part of me always will, but even if you offered me the moon, I think I’d rather split a moon pie with Neal.”
He smiled. “Is that so?”
“Do you remember the last time we were together and how you told me that we would never work?”
“I remember.”
“You were right. You were so right. You’re scared right now, and you’re reverting back to old bad habits. And apparently, so am I. But I won’t settle, not anymore. I think I found the real thing. You didn’t come back here for me. You came back to do something for your future wife and after you saw me, you let your fear take over. I did the same thing. I’m in love with Neal.” She smiled. Those words felt so right. “And I used you as an excuse to push him away because I was scared of the future.”
“You’re in love with Neal?”
“Yes, I am.”
“And I’m in love with Haley.”
Brenda stared at Larry, reading his face. He wore a kind smile. A smile that said ‘This was why I came back.’ “Oh,” she said.
“Bad habits and all,” he said. “Neal’s a good guy, and he must be some kind of special to win your heart. I’m really happy for y’all.”
Larry kissed her on the cheek before he left, and she knew that if she did see him again, she’d be able to handle it.
As she ran out of her apartment and into the hallway, in the back of her mind she wondered if it was too late. She’d already said the words Larry is the love of my life, but she hadn’t meant it. Not really. Not anymore. At the same time she was excited. Giddy even. She was ready for this relationship with this exciting man, who was also kind, thoughtful, gentle at the right times, hard and manly when needed. Neal was the perfect man for her.
She called his name as she opened his door and then stared in disbelief. The apartment was upside down: lamp pieces on the floor, feathers everywhere, broken dishes, and the couch was on its side.
Brenda’s heart pounded in her ears as she ran through the apartment calling for Neal. When she got to the bedroom, she froze. The dresser drawers were open and empty. She walked to the closet—empty—and to the bathroom—a mess.
Her phone beeped. It was a text from Neal. ‘I will send for the rest of my things.’
She responded, ‘I need to talk to you.’ She had typed out, ‘I’m sorry,’ but erased it. If he’d done that to her, those two words typed so impersonally would have just added fuel to the fire. She had to talk to him in person. She texted: ‘Please come home.’
He didn’t respond.
Brenda sat staring at her phone for a few minutes. When he didn’t reply, she typed: ’Please, I’m sorry. Call me.’ She regretted it immediately, but it was too late, it had already been sent.
Again she waited and still no response. She called him, but it went straight to voicemail. She left a vague message.
She sat waiting for him to call her back, each second feeling like a lifetime. Fear suddenly clamped onto her. Her body shook and her tears tried to calm her, but the realization of what all this meant wouldn’t hide. She’d lost Neal. And he wasn’t someone who budged easily. She had found his breaking point.
Brenda didn’t know how long she sat there before deciding she had to get out of there. She had to get off the bed she and Neal had shared.
As she exited Neal’s apartment in a daze, her future without Neal became clear. And it wasn’t anyone’s fault but her own. She didn’t have a Haley to blame this time.
Zadora was in the hallway and looked rather different.
“Oh, Brenda,” Zadora said. “I’m sorry. I’m leaving, I promise. I just came back because I forgot something.”
Brenda nodded.
“You okay?”
“No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay, then, I’ll be going.” Zadora turned, headed toward the front door.
“Wait,” Brenda said.
Zadora whipped around, her eyes big, defensive.
“I owe you an apology. I’ve been selfish and bad-tempered. To the point, I guess, that you actually wanted to hurt me.”
“I, uh—”
“I don’t blame you. I guess I deserved it. So I’m really sorry. I was just . . .” Brenda held her breath for a second. She let it out with one big whiff. “I was jealous. I know that is so childish, me this confident lawyer, and you . . .”
Zadora’s eyebrow shot up and she twisted her mouth, the reaction Brenda normally strived for. But not this time.
Brenda said, “And you are a very nice, pretty, friendly woman, who I wish I was more like.”
Zadora’s mouth fell open.
Brenda nodded. “I’m sorry I acted the way I did. I know I can’t change anything, and if it’s any consolation, I’ve lost Neal. He left.”
Zadora’s eyebrows came together in a tiny, amused frown. “Really? But when he left my apartment, everything seemed fine.”
“Well, you know me. It doesn’t take me long to screw things up.” Brenda shrugged. “I can’t blame him for leaving either. And I’m sure you’re thinking that I don’t deserve a good man like Neal.” The last words caught in her throat and the tears began to run down her face again. “Normally, I wouldn’t want anyone to see me like this, but nothing matters anymore. Who cares? No one. That’s who.”
“Wow.”
“I had a choice, and I chose Larry over Neal.”
“Oh. Okay, well then why are you so . . . this?” Zadora twirled her hand.
“I don’t want Larry! I want Neal. But by the time I figured that out, Neal had left.”
“Call him.”
“I did. I tried. He won’t return my calls.”
“Give him some time. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
“No, he won’t. I went too far. I’ve lost him. And I deserve it. I don’t deserve him.”
Zadora exhaled. “Do you want some advice?”
Brenda wondered why Zadora wasn’t laughing at her. She actually looked a little sympathetic. “Sure.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Brenda waited. When Zadora shrugged, Brenda asked, “That’s it? That’s your advice?”
“Neal’s into you. For the life of me, I don’t know why. But he’s put up with all your crazy shit over and over again. I was so pissed off at you, I would’ve slept with him that night after the restaurant, but he didn’t see me. He only has eyes for you. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go get him back, because if you don’t, then you would have made the worst mistake of your life.”
“Who are you?”
Zadora smiled. “Believe it or not, your friend. For the record, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, only help. After you and Neal make up, he’ll fill you in on everything. But I want you to know that I wish you and Neal the best. I really do. Now get out of here, and go get your man.”
Chapter 27
Neal knocked at Rocky’s door. It felt weird standing here, familiar yet so like a lost memory he was trying to recollect. He’d spent half his childhood here, at his aunt’s house. Neal’s mom’s sister was like a second mom to him. And Rocky was like his brother. They grew up running back and forth from one house to the next, playing football in the yard, riding their bikes in the street.
The door was opened by a girl, which didn’t surprise Neal at all. She was pretty but overly dressed in a tight blue strapless dress. “Yes?”
“Is Rocky here?”
He heard him call from the back, “Who is it, doll?”
Neal hollered back, “It’s me, you bastard.”
“Hey, you son of a bitch,” Rocky replied as he walked to the front.
The girl moved out of the way as they gave each other a hug and a pat on the back.
“Come in. Come in,” Rocky said.
They moved into the living room, which was pretty bare except for the furniture. Cardboard boxes were stacked against the wall. “Go grab us a couple of beers, would you?” Rocky asked the girl then slapped her on the bottom.
After she left, Neal asked, “Girlfriend?”
Rocky laughed. “Nah, we met last night. I can’t get her to leave.”
“Same ol’ Rocky.”
“You know it. So what brings you here? I haven’t seen you in the neighborhood in forever. You and Aunt Renée finally make up?”
“Not exactly.”
The girl came back with three beers.
“Hey, I’ll call you, okay?” Rocky stood up, taking the beers.
She stared at him with her mouth open, like she was going to protest. Rocky set the beers on the coffee table and grabbed her, giving her kisses between saying, “I just want to spend some time with my cousin, okay? I’ll call you.”
“Fine,” she said softly and picked up her purse and shoes, which were by the door, and left.
“So what brings you by? As much as I hope it’s to hangout and talk about old times, I get the feeling it’s not. You haven’t looked this beat up since we got in that fight with the Carny twins. Remember that?”
Neal laughed. “Yeah, I remember. They were the reason I started working out.”
