by Maisey Yates
“What changed?”
He just stared at her like he’d been hit in the back of the head with a two-by-four. “I think you did.”
The words made her stomach flip, a strange, uncomfortable tightening working its way from there up her throat. “I haven’t changed.” It was a reflexive response, a funny one considering this had been about moving forward. About making sure she wasn’t left behind. Really, it was about changing. But she’d been thinking more of changing her position in life, not herself.
“It’s not a bad thing.”
“I think maybe you changed. Because it used to be that I looked at you and saw a guy who was basically another brother. Who was great and funny and made me mad and made me laugh. But then...then my skin started feeling too tight when you were around. And you made my scalp prickle and my heart beat too fast.”
“You have a crush on me,” he said, his lips curving into a wicked smile.
“I don’t... That’s not... You make it sound juvenile.”
“You were mean to me because you liked me. That’s juvenile.”
She shoved his shoulder. “Making fun of me for it isn’t any better.”
“I never said I wasn’t juvenile. Completely childish. Like I said, I’m not the one who changed.”
“How did I change?”
He looked down at her cleavage pointedly. “Well, other than the obvious.”
She put her hand over her uncharacteristically exposed bosom. “Yes. Besides that. You aren’t that simple. You can have whatever boobs you want—you don’t need mine. Particularly since mine are aggressively average.”
“I’m going to have to stop you so that I can correct you. There is nothing average about your rack.”
“It’s not that big.”
“Quality, honey. Not quantity.”
Humor tugged at the corners of her mouth. “You are naughty.”
“And you like it.”
“I do. And it surprises me a little.”
“It surprises you, Kate Garrett? I’ve seen you leer at passing men with all the subtlety of a construction worker.”
“Looking and touching are two very different things,” she said.
What struck her most about this exchange between Jack and herself was that it was easy. Easier than quite a few of the interactions they’d had since attraction had combusted between them. At least, it was easy now that she didn’t feel so much like he was trying to protect her without actually listening to her.
“They definitely are,” he said, looking his fill.
“Okay, calm down.”
“You know what else changed?”
She blinked. “No. You have to tell me.”
“You have been Connor and Eli’s younger sister since the moment I met you.”
She snorted. “Of course I have been.”
“No. That’s not what I meant. That’s the number one thing you’ve been to me. They cared about you, so I cared about you. Because they are like family to me. And because of that, so were you. But I don’t know... Every year, you seem to become more you to me. Not Connor and Eli’s sister. Kate. And what I want, and what we do, doesn’t have anything to do with them.”
“You don’t care what they think?”
“I wouldn’t go that far. But I’m not going to make decisions based on that. I know that if they found out, there would be hell to pay, and that’s one bill collector I’d like to dodge for as long as possible. And seeing as this isn’t ever going to turn into anything beyond the physical, I don’t see why they have to know.”
“No. I wouldn’t tell them no matter who it was. I’m not looking for marriage or even a long-term relationship. My brothers don’t need to know about my sex life. Also, I don’t want you to die.”
“Yeah, they would kill me.” His eyes held a glimmer of humor.
“So we should keep doing this.”
“Until we don’t want to.”
“Simple,” she said.
It was difficult to fight the feeling of smugness that built up inside of her. She was a late bloomer, there was no disputing that, but here she was handling a physical-only relationship like a pro.
“We can keep working on the charity event. I can help you with your riding. And when we feel like it, we can take some very rewarding breaks.”
“I like the sound of that.”
“Right now we better go back.”
She cleared her throat, nodding. There really was no excuse for missing more of her brother’s wedding reception. But she didn’t really want to go back to reality. Didn’t want to stand in a crowd of people and pretend that things were as they’d always been with Jack and herself. Not when things had changed on such a deep level.
She wanted to go into the woods alone, spend some time in the quiet turning over her newest treasure, studying it, holding it close to her chest.
Too bad that wasn’t an option.
She started to walk toward the door and Jack swore harshly. “Your back.”
She added a matching swear word to his. “What are we going to do about that? I must look like I got into a fight with a porcupine.”
“Yes. If that porcupine was a barn wall you got banged against. It looks like exactly what it is.”
“Okay. We walk back. I’m going to hang around outside the edges of the reception. You give me your jacket. You left it back at the reception, right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I’ll pretend to be cold. You pretend to be a gentleman.”
Jack laughed, smiling, his whole face lighting up. And Kate’s heart lit up right along with it. “I’ll try.”
* * *
JACK SLIPPED HIS JACKET from the back of the chair sitting at the table that was designated for the bridal party and walked back out of the new barn to where Kate was standing on the outskirts of the celebration. “Here you go, badger-cat. So you don’t get chilly.”
She began to reach for the jacket but he stepped to the side, sliding the sleeve over her arm, drawing it around behind her and doing the same on the other side. “So.” She gave him a sweet, shy look that burned straight down to his gut. Now that the guilt had been washed away by that last encounter, it was just lust. Simple, not pure at all. “You’re just going to call me badger-cat now because I’m not on your ass about calling me Katie?”
“I miss being yelled at,” he said.
“I can yell at you.”
He looked over his shoulder and saw that no one was nearby. He leaned in, his lips touching her ear. “I could make you scream again.”
Kate looked at him, a self-satisfied smile on her lips. It made him feel warm all over. “Probably not tonight.”
“I could.”
“It wasn’t doubt about your ability. It’s just... It’s Eli’s wedding. And I need to stay. And you need to never have your truck parked out in front of my place overnight. And I won’t be able to leave inconspicuously.”
“Why don’t you come to my place after work tomorrow. Hitch up your trailer and bring Roo. You can do a run on some barrels there. We’ll do a little planning for the charity day. And I’m sure we’ll find some free time in there.” He listened to himself constructing a careful alibi for the express purpose of getting her naked again and keeping it secret. And he felt more than a little bit like a dick. But he wanted it. She wanted it. So he wasn’t going to waste too much time worrying about it.
“Sounds good.”
“We’d better get back,” he said, stepping away from her, putting a careful distance between them.
She nodded and started to walk ahead of him, the sleeves on his coat hanging down to the tips of her fingers, the bottom hitting just above the hem of her dress. His gaze was linked to her, almost as if it was chained there. And the sight of her,
petite but strong, covered by something of his, tightened that chain around his throat until he could barely breathe.
They walked back into the barn, the heated barn, which made it a little silly for Kate to be wearing the jacket, but it was a whole lot less silly than her displaying her war wounds to the roomful of people. He felt bad about that. Bad but also perversely satisfied that he’d marked her somehow.
Because dammit, she’d done something to him.
Sex for him was easy. A quick road to satisfaction. And it had never much mattered to him who it was with. He liked his partners, but he didn’t need them. He needed Kate. Had woken up every night since she’d kissed him aching, with a hard-on that wouldn’t quit. And fantasies that would only take the shape of her.
He would have been pissed about it if it didn’t feel so good. He had no clue how the hell this woman had taken on this new form. To slip beneath his bedcovers, to slip beneath his skin.
It was the slow shift. Because he’d never put distance between himself and Kate, had never believed he might need to. So he’d had no defenses in place when she moved in for that kiss.
When she’d been all covered up in dirt and clothes and a scowl, she’d been Connor and Eli’s little sister. But now that she’d smiled at him, kissed him, stripped for him, he’d seen the whole woman. And then it hadn’t mattered anymore. Who she was related to, what they might think. She mattered. On her own. She was every inch herself. All strength, dreams and meanness when she got poked too many times. In bed she was fire. Unschooled, uncontained.
Now in his mind she stood alone, not attached to anyone else. She wasn’t just a woman; she was a whole storm. Too much to be simply someone’s sister.
It was a damn shame that he couldn’t reach out and uncover all that again. That he had to stand here and pretend she was just Eli and Connor’s sister when the secret was out and he knew different.
Kate stepped deeper into the barn, getting caught up in a group that contained some of the people from the amateur association. He held back, in part because he wanted to be near Sierra West like he wanted a screwdriver to the scrotum, and in part because he didn’t want to stand near Kate and pretend.
Not right now.
Not while it was all still raw. Not while his blood was still hot and he could still feel her on his skin.
“Now it’s just you.” Jack jumped and turned as Connor clapped a hand on his shoulder. “Well, and Kate.”
Discomfort wound its way through him. “Uh...what?”
“You’re still single. You’re the last holdout. Kate isn’t really a holdout yet. She’s just a kid.”
Jack bristled. “She’s not really a kid.”
“She damn well is. And that’s good, as far as I’m concerned. Better to be young when you’re young and...whatever.”
“Are you drunk?” Besides the occasional beer, Connor had given up drinking a little over a year ago.
“No. Just thinking. I want you to find someone.”
Jack nearly choked. “Uh. Thanks. I’m fine. Without.”
“You think you are, but come on, all the whoring around has to get old.”
A sweet, illicit memory of recent “whoring” flashed through his mind. Made instantly ten times more awkward by the fact that he was standing in front of his partner’s brother. “No. It really doesn’t. I know that was never what you were into. I respect that. But... I don’t want marriage and babies and domesticity. It’s not me.”
“Yeah.” Connor’s gaze drifted off and Jack followed his friend’s line of sight. To Kate.
“She was cold,” Jack said, knowing he sounded defensive. But she was standing there in a jacket, and he was without one, so he felt as though he had to throw in an explanation.
“You’ve always helped take care of her,” Connor said. “I appreciate that. I was always busy on the ranch, and Eli had to pick up all the house and Kate slack. Sometimes I think I should have done more.”
“Oh, hell, Connor. When? You were a kid and you were running a ranching operation while your dad soaked his liver in booze.” Jack looked away from Kate and back to his friend.
“Still. I worry about her. A hell of a lot more than I worry about you.”
“She’s tough,” Jack said, his throat getting tight, his heart suddenly too large for his chest.
“She is. But she reminds me of a spooked horse. They’re scary. Tough. Could mess you the hell up. But they’re afraid. Afraid to let you touch them.”
“Because not every horse needs to be broken,” he said, feeling as if the analogy, which was bad to start with, had broken down completely.
“She’s pretty amazing when she’s wild.”
Another image. Kate with her head thrown back while he thrust deep inside her tight little body...
“She sure is,” Jack said, knowing that if he hadn’t been hell bound before, he was now.
“But I don’t want her to be alone. I don’t want to think we messed up so bad she couldn’t...have this,” he said, indicating the decorations, the event around them.
“Maybe she doesn’t need this. Maybe she just needs barrels and some dirt. That’s happiness, too.”
Connor let out a long sigh. “I suppose. I think sometimes you see her a little bit more clearly than any of us. You were always able to cheer her up when she was a kid.”
Jack waited for the guilt, but he didn’t feel any. Yeah. His conscience was seared like flesh stuck in a fire. To the point where he didn’t feel a damned thing.
Hell. He was going to hell.
“But you gave her stability,” Jack said, making a belated and weak attempt at atonement. “And she should believe in love and commitment, because you and Eli gave her that. You gave it all up for her. I just came by and made jokes when shit was tough. There’s a difference. You both stayed. And you’re still here. If she doesn’t end up with anyone, it’ll be because she chose it, not because you did anything wrong.”
As far as inspiring speeches went, it wasn’t bad. It also wasn’t his to make. Because he had a feeling if things went south with Kate at any point after this, it would be his fault. That if she didn’t end up with a guy, it would be his fault.
Ten-gallon ego you got there, Monaghan.
Yeah. But it was because she’d been a virgin. Because he was the first. If he fucked up, then he would pave a bad road for the bastard who came after him.
A small evil part of him was satisfied by that thought. He wanted things to be hard for the bastard who came after him. He wanted to kill the bastard who came after him and he didn’t care whether that was fair or whether or not it made sense.
If he didn’t want forever, he couldn’t fault everyone who would come once they were over.
But he did.
Because her kisses were for him. Her body was for him.
If she could get a look at his thoughts right now, she would tie him to the train tracks, but he didn’t care.
Connor was looking at him funny. “Why are you single?”
“What the hell, man?”
“I mean, that was a good speech. If I was half that good at making speeches, Liss would want me dead a lot less often.”
“I’m single because I’m good in small doses. Like I just said. I’m not the guy who stays.” He let out a long breath and his gaze drifted over to where Eli and Sadie were just leaving the dance floor. “Speaking of, I think the couple is about to leave.”
“Well, then, let’s go send them off.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
KATE DIDN’T WASTE any time getting Roo into the trailer after work. She’d hooked it up to the truck before leaving, and now she was ready to spend the afternoon with Jack.
Practicing her barrel racing, specifically. And also planning the charity event.
Okay
, and the sex.
She had spent only a little bit of extra time laboring over her underwear selection. Black. Black cotton was the sexiest she had. She needed to remedy that. Practical underwear took on a whole new meaning when their primary objective wasn’t simply not riding up your ass crack. Seduction added a new dimension to panty requirements.
And since seduction panties looked as if they would do just that, she was thinking she’d need seduction panties and everyday panties.
Being a woman was exhausting. She bet Jack was just going to stick with the one kind of underwear.
Her internal muscles clenched unexpectedly as she thought of just how he filled out said underwear.
She blinked and revved the engine on the truck, pulling forward to the long driveway. Her old truck bounced and groaned over the potholes until she turned out onto the two-lane highway. It still groaned as it rolled over the asphalt, but it bounced less.
Sex was a whole thing, she was discovering. She hadn’t given it a whole lot of thought before she’d had it, and now she seemed to ponder it a lot. Along with underwear.
She’d known sex would change things between herself and Jack—she wasn’t an idiot, even if she was innocent—but she hadn’t realized sex would change so much of what she thought about.
That it would change the context of simple things like underwear.
She turned left off the highway and onto Jack’s property. A wooden frame arched up over the road, an iron sign hanging down that read Monaghan Ranch.
Every time she came here, she was in awe all over again. About what he’d accomplished with his life. About how far he’d come.
So far from his days in a single-wide buried in the brush by the sea. She’d been to his house only once, and she’d waited in the car on Eli’s orders.
She’d been little, but she remembered. She’d rolled down the windows and taken a good look at the little yellow mobile. Stained by salt, moss climbing the side, a product of the eternal dampness.
The smell of cigarettes had soaked through the walls, pushing on to the driveway, combatting the brine-and-seaweed scent that lay heavy in the air.
