I looked over at the group he’d left behind, all deep into their cups, and wondered if a good fight might make me feel better. Even drunk, I doubted they’d take me up on it. No one so much as breathed in my direction anymore.
I took another swig from the bottle I’d claimed and kicked a foot up onto the rail as I toyed with the faceted red stone that hung from a golden chain. After I’d killed the Dark Walker, I went back to the cabin alone, looked at what Dax had left for me earlier, and discovered it was a necklace.
Today was the first day of November, and also my birthday. Dax must have seen that in my file from the Cement Giant. He’d gotten me a birthday present.
I ran my finger over the stone, wondering when he’d gotten it, or how he’d managed to find one so close to the shade of my hair.
A couple more swigs and another option of how to spend my evening—one much better than a fight—came to me.
* * *
I walked into the cabin as he was taking off his shirt and took another long swig of whiskey, needing to make sure that my liquid courage didn’t dry up before I saw the job done. I placed the bottle on the small ledge by the door and walked over to him. His eyes narrowed as I tugged the shirt he was about to change into out of his grasp and tossed it to the floor.
I reached my hands out and laid them flat on his warm flesh, surprised at the contrast of smooth skin over ridged muscles. As my fingers drifted over the corded muscles of his abdomen, a low rumble began building from his depths that I could feel through his flesh. The sound was so primal and raw in its intensity it reminded me of his beast. It called to me and my hands drifted lower, to where his pants hung low on his hips.
As if I’d reached some unknown boundary, he grabbed my wrists, stopping my hands and removing them from him before he took a couple of steps away. “You aren’t ready for this.”
I’d sought him out almost uncertain of what exactly I’d do, as I’d been fueled by liquor and the fear of death, my own and that of everyone around me. Now I knew for certain exactly what I was seeking.
I closed the gap between us and laid a single hand on his arm. Then I asked a question that never would’ve crossed my lips if it weren’t this moment and today hadn’t happened, and I didn’t feel so absolutely desperate to feel something other than death weighing down upon me. “Don’t you want me?” I stared at my hand on his arm, afraid to look into his eyes and see rejection.
“Dal, it’s never been about wanting you,” he said, his voice rougher than usual.
I shifted my gaze up, and the way he was looking at me made my skin burn. “Then what?”
“I think you need—”
“No. Stop trying to tell me what I need or what I’m ready for. What I need is to forget about death for a while and feel like I’m alive.”
I saw his gaze linger over me and stop to pause on my lips. I could feel his energy cranking out, and I was starting to realize there was a pattern there that might have more to do with him wanting me than anything else.
Then he contradicted everything I saw and felt with one word. “No.”
“What? Do you have to call all the shots always? Maybe you don’t always know best. Ever think of that?”
He picked up his shirt from where it had landed near the bunk and pulled it over his head before crossing the room toward the door. “You’re trying to mute out the killing. I get it. But it’s not a good idea.”
I watched him as he placed his hand on the door and a desperation gripped me. I needed him. I felt like I was breaking off into little pieces and he would be the one that could make me whole.
His hand was on the door when I said, “Either you do it or I’ll find someone else. This is a big ship with a lot of men. Hell, even Jacob offered to do the honors. I wonder how he feels about the timing?”
I knew I had him when he stopped moving, and instead of walking out the door, he now seemed to be blocking it. “He did, did he?”
“Uh huh. I bet I could walk down the hall right now and he’d happily oblige me.” I was playing with fire. I could see the last of the glacier Dax hid his feelings behind melting in front of me. I could feel the heat he was throwing off.
“That will never happen.” The magic was near boiling in the room, and even with my whiskey haze, I could sense I was treading into dangerous territory.
Maybe Dax was merely afraid if I got involved with Jacob, he might lose me for good. At the moment, I didn’t care what worked, only that he did what I needed. And this was beyond want. I needed this or I was afraid I’d be lost in the emotional abyss soon.
I’d turned nineteen years old today and had spent my birthday killing a girl who looked just as old as me. I knew she wasn’t what she seemed, but neither was I, and I too could die at any moment. And then as I’d sat and held the first birthday gift I’d gotten in over a decade, I knew what I needed, and I wasn’t letting him walk away.
“You think you can stop me? You’re not the only man on this ship.”
He reached back and pulled the shirt off again. The muscles of his abdomen and arms rippled with the movement as he stripped away the rest of his clothes and stood there in front of me, more perfect than I’d ever imagined.
“But I am the only man for you. Take off your clothes,” he said as he stood across the room looking as raw as the beast that lay beneath the surface.
It was do or die. I knew if I hesitated, he might be just as likely to sleep in front of my door as in the bunk with me. He still hadn’t committed fully, and I knew if he saw any question he might leave. I didn’t hesitate, pulling my shirt up.
It hadn’t cleared my head yet when he was standing in front of me yanking it off the rest of the way.
“Nobody touches you but me,” he said before his mouth covered mine and he gave me exactly what I was hoping for.
He yanked my pants down roughly and I knew I had him. He’d chosen a new course and committed to it. There would be no going back from here. I could feel his determination in the grip of his hands on my waist, as they circled around and grasped a handful of my ass before he lifted me.
My back hit the bulkhead and my legs raised to wrap around muscled hips that now claimed the space between the juncture of my thighs. I had never been so exposed, or cared so little, in my life.
He pulled me tightly against him, and I could feel the hardness of his dick pressed against me. The intensity only increased as he shifted my body into a slow rocking motion, causing me to ride the steel ridge of his dick. My hands twined in his hair, trying to find a solid place to grab as the rest of me reeled.
My thighs tightened around his waist. I hooked my ankles behind his back as I wondered how much better he would feel inside me if he felt this good now.
This wasn’t the same man who’d taken his sweet time with the teasing kisses of the past. This was a heat I’d yet to experience, and it was torching me from the inside out. All the fighting and near-death experiences didn’t come close to the intensity of life I felt exploding within me in at this moment. This was what I’d been looking for, the thing that would blast the taste of death from my mind until all I could do was feel.
His eyes scorched into mine. It was as if he was gauging each movement made and the effect it had on my body.
One arm held my hips to his as I felt his finger from his other hand entering me, testing me. I gasped in amazement and my back bowed in reflex, pushing my breasts hard into his chest.
I had just gotten used to the strangeness of having a part of him in the most private part of me when another finger joined the first. This time when I gasped, his lips were on mine to capture the sound, and his tongue delved into my mouth to tangle with mine, and then to pump in a slow rhythm that mimicked the motion of his fingers.
His groan vibrated through me as if he liked what he’d discovered. I threw my head back on a gasp and his mouth moved to my neck. He hoisted me higher and I felt his lips close over a nipple, biting and then sucking away the sting before moving to t
he other.
His mouth left my breast as he slowly lowered me, and I could feel something much larger than his fingers pressing against me. With agonizing slowness, he lowered me down onto him, stretching and lighting every nerve ending on fire as he did. His eyes locked on mine, watching as my lips parted on a gasp, his mouth nipping at my lower lip as I did.
I arched into him, wanting more. Then he was pulling out almost all the way, just to sink even deeper within me.
An intensity was building within me that had me digging my fingers into him and urging him forward until my head dropped back and I was shuddering on an explosion of exquisite sensations surging through me in waves.
“What was that?” I asked, breathless and weak, leaning on him.
“That was the beginning,” he said as he walked us over to the bunk, his hands already strumming my body to life again.
28
The cabin was empty when I woke the next morning, only a blanket to cover my skin. Vivid memories of what I’d done with Dax the night before made my skin burn again, even as my head pounded from the hangover.
The girls at the compound had said that your first time having sex was usually horrible, painful even, but maybe they’d not had someone like Dax. Actually, of course they hadn’t. There was no one like Dax. Still, they said when it first went in, there was always pain. I wished Fudge was here so I could question her.
It was better than I’d ever imagined. And more intense, like I hadn’t even been myself. And the things I’d done. Was that normal? How could I even look at him after some of that? And I was stuck on a boat with him, so I’d have to. Even worse, now that I’d done it, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to stop.
I pulled the blanket up over my head, already mortified, and there was no one even in the room with me.
No, it couldn’t be that different with Dax. I wasn’t going to get all stupid about it. I forced myself out of bed and yanked on a shirt and some pants as I realized I smelled like him. He was on my skin somehow, and I liked it even though I shouldn’t.
“Bookie, why did you let me do that? You’re supposed to be looking out for me wherever you are, like Fudge’s parents look out for her.”
I told you not to get those sexy books.
“No, actually, you didn’t. You just looked at me funny and turned red,” I said, arguing with my imaginary Bookie while I got my boots on and wondered how I was going to look at the real Dax after all the things we’d done. I wasn’t sure if you were supposed to get that close and intimate with someone else’s body—were you? There were parts of me he’d seen last night that I couldn’t have described if asked.
Nope. Wasn’t going to think about that. I was going to get dressed and go about my day like nothing had happened last night. Head up high, I went to the galley and grabbed a plate of eggs. I was heading across the deck when I spotted Dax.
He nodded, or I thought he did, as I looked about the ship finding deep interest in everything that wasn’t Dax’s face.
“Where you going?” he asked as I walked past the place I normally sat.
“Huh? I don’t know.” And I didn’t. I’d been staring at the wooden crate across the deck and not paying attention to where I was walking.
He let out a deep sigh and ran a hand through his thick hair. I remembered how wonderful it felt last night. He had great hair. It was silky and thick, and my fingers clenched at the idea of touching it again.
“You’re acting weird.”
“No, I’m not.” I jutted out a leg and scoffed, trying to sell my act.
I’d never understood back at the Cement Giant when the girls pretended they didn’t care about someone they’d slept with. I got it now. Once sex got involved, things got really strange. I just wished I knew why.
“You’re like a scared bunny about to take off in a sprint. Your heart is pitter-pattering a mile a minute.”
“You’re so wrong.” I wouldn’t have called it pitter-pattering. It was more like a stampede of buffalo.
He leaned forward, getting close enough to almost kiss. “No, I’m not. I. Can. Hear. It.”
“You can hear my heart?” I asked, not one ounce of me believing that bullshit. Beast ears or not, it had to be a bluff.
The hint of a smile appeared on his face. “Of course I can. I’m a predator.”
I was so pissed I didn’t even deny it anymore. “This is total bullshit. I want a list of all this weird shit you can do. Otherwise it’s an unfair advantage,” I said, keeping my voice down, as I knew every pirate in our vicinity was trying to listen.
“I’ve got lots of unfair advantages.”
Oh yes he did. Even the thought of how many naturally given advantages he had made me start blushing. I tilted my head down, trying to gain some cover in my hair as that weird magic thing that happened between us was lighting my chest nearly on fire, along with some other parts a bit lower. It had me torn between ripping his shirt off and jumping in the water, even if I couldn’t swim.
“I knew this was going to happen.”
“Knew what?”
“You can’t even look at me straight.”
“Yes I can,” I said, forcing myself to look at him and hold it for a full second before I looked back at my eggs.
Dax stiffened.
“What? Something wrong with eating now?” I asked. My eggs didn’t look that good, but they never really did here.
He didn’t say anything, but I heard a low growl.
I looked up, wondering what had set him off that wasn’t me. I turned to see that the noise I’d heard on the other side of the ship was just the pirates coming back, but they had company.
“Rocky?” I almost couldn’t believe it when I saw that auburn head of hair and smile heading toward me. I put my plate down on a crate before I dropped it on the deck.
“Yes. Rocky.” Unlike myself, Dax didn’t seem so happy to see him.
“Dal!” Rocky strode right over to me and was hugging me in the next second.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“What do you think? I came to help you.”
“You came all this way?” We were halfway across the globe and miles away from the Rock. “How did you know?”
“I heard there was a new petite, redheaded pirate. Wasn’t hard to figure it out after that.” His glance shifted to Dax and then back to me.
“Why didn’t you wait for me to get back? You didn’t have to go to Jacob for protection.”
I shook my head, realizing what it must have looked like to him. “No. It wasn’t like that.” I looked around at all the eager ears. “Are you hungry? Marty, he’s the cook, just made eggs. Get something to eat and then we can talk.”
29
The three of us sat on deck, Rocky a foot from my left and Dax a foot from my right.
I’d put Rocky’s bag in my cabin, although I wasn’t sure where he’d be sleeping. I was on the brink of sleeping with the other pirates, rather than sleeping in a cabin with both Dax and Rocky.
I’d caught Rocky up on everything that had happened while he ate a plate of Marty’s eggs. Found out that Tiffy, Fudge, and Tank were okay, at least when he’d left the Rock. Now that he was done with the food, he was digesting the extent of everything else.
“It’s nice out here,” Rocky said, although his interest seemed to lie more with Dax and me.
“Yep, it is,” I replied.
Dax didn’t say anything, but looked like he wanted to toss Rocky over the side of the boat.
Rocky stood and moved about the deck, like he couldn’t find a good spot to stand still. Was it Dax or me? Or both.
Did he know something was different between me and Dax? Nah. No way. Although if my face started heating up, he might guess something was up.
“You’re doing pretty well with your sea legs,” I said as I watched how easily he rocked with the ship. It had taken me a couple of days to adjust myself, and it was the prefect distraction to not talk about all the things that ne
eded to be said.
“I’ve been on quite a few boats,” Rocky replied, paying more attention to Dax than me now.
Dax sat there and said nothing. He didn’t need to, though. When I looked at him, all I could see on his face was what the fuck is he doing here and I should really toss him overboard.
I did my best to ignore Dax as Rocky and I focused on small talk, the bizarreness of the situation not lost on me.
“I thought you were staying at the Rock?” Dax said, and I knew a can of worms being opened when I heard it. The curtain was officially being closed on the fake niceties.
“I thought you weren’t going to look for her?” Rocky shot back.
“I changed my mind.”
“So did I.”
“Rocky, I know you want to help her, but this isn’t a situation you’re cut out for.”
As I watched Dax standing there, I suddenly realized this wasn’t just about me. Dax liked Rocky, always had, even when he was annoyed with him. Part of this was about trying to protect him.
“Why? Because you’re here?” Rocky asked.
“Rocky, this isn’t your…”
I heard Dax’s words drift off just as I was trying to figure out how to help the situation along. It was something so unlike Dax that it drew my attention to him and to a Dax expression I’d never seen before. I stood and then froze, knowing something was very wrong.
“This isn’t what? Finish your sentence,” Rocky said, and I turned to see what he was making of this unexpected behavior.
The plate I’d held in my hand crashed, as my fingers suddenly turned numb. The sound drew the attention of several other pirates who were on deck.
“He’s got the plague!” I heard someone scream, and there was a burst of energy around us as everyone even remotely nearby evacuated our area. But it all seemed to happen in the distance, somewhere in a haze, while Rocky stood crystal clear in front of me.
The Dead_Wilds Book Three Page 18
