In a relatively short time, I had a brand-new laptop sitting in the passenger seat next to me. Impulsively, I steered my car toward Seattle rather than back to Gig Harbor. Something told me that I couldn’t read Garrett’s emails at my house, and I definitely wasn’t going to read them with Palmer lurking around every corner. I needed to be far away from the prying eyes of my sister and my best friend. I no longer had a condo in Seattle since it had recently sold, so I headed toward one of downtown Seattle’s many hotels. It was last minute, but there was a hefty sum sitting in my bank account, and if I had to spend a ridiculous amount for one night of privacy, then it was worth it.
As I entered downtown, I started to consider my options. I wanted someplace quiet that would allow me the opportunity to read and reflect; only one place came to mind - the Thompson Seattle. Their rooms were famous for floor-to-ceiling windows allowing guests unparalleled views of the waterfront. I pulled my car up to the valet and informed him I was checking in. He gave me a dubious look because, other than my small leather purse, I only had a shopping bag containing my new computer.
The hotel lobby was sleek and modern and full of natural light from the staggering number of windows. I approached the slick white front desk and was greeted by a woman with a blond bob and perfect smile.
“Welcome to the Thompson. Checking in?”
Suddenly, I felt out of place in my jeans and flannel button-down. “Oh, well, sort of. I was hoping you might have a room available.”
“Certainly. Just for tonight?”
“Yes, only one night.”
The woman behind the desk glanced down at a screen and clicked a few buttons before looking back at me. “What kind of room would you like? I have a few options available.”
I knew how much money was in my bank account, and I had a rough idea of how much a room was going to run me, but I couldn’t resist. “Maybe something with a view of the water? I don’t really need a suite.”
“Of course. I have a deluxe king with a view of Puget Sound.”
I told her it sounded perfect and provided her my information and credit card. Within a matter of minutes, she handed me the key to my room, and I was one step closer to Garrett’s emails.
My room was cozy and bright with plenty of sunlight streaming in through the massive windows. The shimmering sight of Puget Sound left me breathless. I quietly admired my view before setting my bag down onto the white duvet cover. Slowly, I unpacked my new computer and turned it on before connecting to the hotel’s wireless internet. Before I’d even left the store, I had made sure everything worked and connected properly.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Safe
Cami –
I’m safe and I’ll explain everything that happened someday. But for now, I just want to tell you: For years, I waited for someone just like you, to have something just like this. I never thought I’d feel something just like love but with you, I feel something even more. You’re everything to me, and I’ll move heaven and earth to come back to you.
I’ll write more soon.
Yours Forever, G.
My fingers trembled as I closed the first email. There were a few more emails sent days before today’s phone call. So Garrett wasn’t exactly silent; I just wasn’t capable of hearing him.
I scrolled to the next email, which seemed to be in response to one of my unanswered missives.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: The Loss of Your Father
Cami,
I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to help you get through the pain of losing your father. I know how much you loved him. I wish I could have stood next to you and held you up whenever you felt weak. I would have kissed away all of your tears. Somehow, I’ll find a way to make up for those missed moments.
I hope things with your mother have improved. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to learn she had been so close for so long, but people can change. Maybe finding out about your father made her realize what she’d missed. I guess what I’m trying to say is, keep letting her into your life.
I can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, baby.
Love, G.
I resisted the urge to hit reply because there was more he had to tell me, and I was eager to know everything. His words started to heal all the cracks inside me that had formed the moment he’d left Ft. Lewis. I clicked the next one even though I wasn’t too happy with its subject line.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: The Next Few Months
Cami –
In a few days, I’ll be discharged and sent back to where I was stationed. Still can’t tell you, sorry. I’m not seriously injured, so I can go back to duty until my current enlistment ends. I know that is not what you want to hear right now. Once my enlistment is over, I’ll return to JLBM, and then the transition to civilian life begins. That is the moment our future together will begin.
I want you to start dreaming, okay? Start dreaming and tell me all about those dreams because that’s what I’m going to need to get through this. I know I told you to stay strong, but I’m the one who needs strength right now. All I want to do is come home and wrap myself around you forever. Tell me all about our future. Give me the strength to continue. I know I’m asking a lot of you right now, and I know it’s not fair, but when I come home, I’ll carry the weight. I’ll take your burdens and make them mine.
I love you, Cami. Don’t forget that.
Yours, G.
By the time I finished reading Garrett’s emails, I was a hysterical mess. Stay strong. That was all he asked of me, and I failed miserably. After so much heartache and trauma, asking me to dream about our future felt almost impossible. How could I last six more months?
Chapter Five
Cami
“Where have you been?” Palmer’s expectant glare greeted me the next day when I returned to his house. He stood in the foyer, stone faced with his arms crossed, watching and waiting.
I set my bags down and stared up at him with annoyance. “I was in Seattle.” I started to walk past him, but he stopped me with a firm, almost painful, grip on my arm.
“You could have fucking called,” he spit out through gritted teeth before letting me go. I rubbed at my arm, confused by this new behavior. “I thought you were dead.”
“Well, I’m not, and I’m an adult. I don’t need to call and check in with you.”
“You tried to kill yourself, Cami!” His voice filled the small space, and I stepped back toward the wall. “Did you forget about that? You were just in the hospital because you took too many fucking pills. So, yeah, I think you need to check in with me or Valerie or your mother.”
“I did not try to kill myself,” I replied quietly. No matter how many times I had said it, no one seemed to believe me, and I was starting to doubt myself. Maybe a small part of me did want to die because living without Garrett wasn’t a life I wanted. But more than anything, I had just wanted to shut off my brain for a while and sleep. “I needed some space, okay? You and Valerie are always hovering.”
“We care about you,” Palmer said softly. He stepped toward me, but I pressed myself closer to the wall, trying to remain out of his reach. The hot and cold act made me doubt whether he did truly care.
“I think it’s time I move out,” I said impulsively.
“Moving back in with Valerie might be a good idea. I’m sure she misses having you around.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant moving out and living on my own for a while.”
While Palmer initially seemed fine with the idea of me moving back home with my sister, his reaction to the idea of me living alone was the exact opposite. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
“Why not? It won’t be forever. Garrett will be home in six months.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Garrett? You�
��re planning on moving in with Garrett?”
I moved away from Palmer toward the open kitchen because this whole encounter was confusing. “Palmer, I don’t really understand your reaction to all of this. You’re acting insanely possessive and jealous.”
He followed me, but I moved so the countertop between us. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“Garrett isn’t going to hurt me,” I said defensively.
“You don’t know what he’s going to be like when he returns,” Palmer stated.
“Oh, and you do?”
“Yes, Cami. I’ve been over there. I’ve been by his side these past few years. I know what he’s like when he first comes home.” Palmer stalked toward me, a hard, menacing gleam in his eye. “Those first few days? He’s an animal. He’ll fuck you raw, out of pure primal need because being home is so unbelievably overwhelming. He’ll take and take and take and take. He won’t give you a damn thing in return. Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” I answered quietly but firmly. “I can handle anything, Palmer, as long as he comes back to me.”
Palmer snickered. “You really are naïve sometimes. He was imprisoned for weeks, Cami. Garrett is not going to be the same.” He tilted his head to the side and studied me quietly. “Oh, Cami. Do you think you can heal him? Fix him? God, you must have a magic pussy.”
My hand reached back before landing hard across Palmer’s cheek with a stinging smack. The action required no thought. He was supposed to be my best friend, and now he was acting like a cruel, jealous ex-lover.
“Fuck you,” I hissed.
“I wanted to, but you chose Garrett over me.”
That sealed the deal. I stormed into the guest bedroom where I was staying and haphazardly threw all of my belongings into my luggage. If I left anything behind, Valerie could get it for me. Palmer didn’t bother to say anything else as I left his house, though his hard look spoke volumes. There wasn’t an ounce of concern or remorse in his dark eyes.
Valerie was waiting for me when I pulled into the driveway. “Let me guess, Palmer called you,” I said snidely as I got out of the car.
“He was worried you might hurt yourself,” Valerie informed me. She walked forward and hugged me tightly. “He was just being a good friend.”
“No, he wasn’t. He was pretending. Palmer doesn’t care about me.” I followed her into the house, which I expected to feel empty, but it didn’t. Instead, it felt familiar and comforting, which was just what I needed.
“He’s been your best friend since you were kids. I don’t think he’s suddenly stopped caring about you.”
“It wasn’t sudden. I can’t explain it right now, and I don’t really want to talk about it either. In the morning, I’m going to look for my own place.”
“You can stay here as long as you want,” she said with a hint of sadness in her voice. She made eye contact and managed a weak smile. “It’s kind of lonely here without you.”
We stood in the family room, surrounded by memories of everything we’d lost. Family pictures lined the walls, and I realized living here alone must be incredibly difficult for her. I stepped toward her and grabbed her hand. “It’ll probably be a couple of days, okay? But it’s time for me to start living my own life again.”
I let go of her hand and wrapped my arm around her. Valerie placed her head on my shoulder and sighed heavily. This was the first time I’d stopped to think about everything Valerie had endured. She’d lost her father too and almost lost her sister. My own selfishness had blinded me to the pain and grief she clearly felt.
“Maybe we both need to start living again.” Valerie’s voice was quiet, but there was strength in her words.
“Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?” I gave her a tight hug and then headed back to familiar territory – my childhood bedroom. Everything about it was the same except for me. I finally knew where my life was heading now that I knew Garrett was safe and coming home.
The next morning, I cooked Valerie breakfast. I knew she would appreciate a hearty meal before starting her day. Valerie stepped foot into the kitchen the moment I poured batter on the hot waffle iron.
“Oh my god, you’re making waffles?” Her eyes were as huge as the grin on her face.
I shrugged. “Yeah. Why not?”
“You never make waffles anymore.”
“Well, today just felt like a waffle day.” I took in Valerie’s casual appearance – jeans and long-sleeved T-shirt. “Aren’t you going to work today?”
“Nope,” she said with a quirk of her lips. “I’m going to help you find an apartment.”
“About that …” I slowly stirred the extra batter in the bowl. “Do you mind if I stay here for a while?”
“Are you serious, Cami?” Her mouth formed into a grin that lit up her entire face, and she bounced excitedly while quickly clapping her hands.
I nodded. Being back in my old bedroom had felt comfortable. It made me feel safe and loved, which was exactly what I’d needed after the past few months. And maybe Valerie needed me too. Maybe she needed to see me healthy and happy in order to start living her life again.
“Stay as long as you want,” Valerie said with a triumphant smile. Then she grabbed a plate from the cupboard and held it out, eagerly waiting for me to scoop the waffle from the iron. Waffles used to be a weekend tradition in our house. Our dad would make them for us, and then I took over and continued making them. Pancakes and waffles were the perfect comfort food, and this morning when I woke up, I decided that we both needed some comforting.
“Maybe we should consider putting the house on the market,” Valerie announced.
“You want to sell Dad’s house?”
She nodded as she sliced into her waffle. “Yes. I thought about what you said last night. We both need to start living again. I’ve just been this empty shell going through the motions, doing what was expected of me. But I can’t keep living like that, you know?”
I knew exactly how she felt. When Garrett went missing, my entire life was put on hold. I hadn’t been living, merely waiting. But one phone call from Oliver, and I knew I didn’t want Garrett to return to a ghost.
“What are you going to do?” I asked Valerie.
“I don’t know yet.” I frowned. I didn’t want her to let go of the house without a plan of action. Where would she live once it sold? One of Valerie’s best qualities was her predictability. I could always rely on her to have a plan while I seemed to be a little more aimless. But it was also one of her faults and hearing her uncertainty over her future was surprising.
I promised to call a friend of our father’s who was a real estate agent. He lived in Tacoma and specialized in selling real estate in the area. Valerie helped me clean up breakfast, and we decided to spend the day together, indulging in some much-needed retail therapy and girl talk. Shopping wasn’t exactly a hobby of mine, but under Valerie’s influence, I easily found myself weighed down by shopping bags by lunchtime.
“Are you going to tell me what happened between you and Palmer last night?” Valerie asked me over lunch.
“We’re not the same people anymore, that’s all. He made it clear that he can’t be happy for anyone but himself.”
Valerie made a disapproving noise and looked away. “So does all of this mean you’ve finally heard from Garrett?”
It was hard to hide my grin. “Yes. He called the other day, and we talked briefly. Plus, he’s sent me a few emails. He’ll be home in six months.”
“You’re lucky to have found him,” Valerie whispered. I could see the sadness and envy in her eyes. Last year, her engagement ended horribly after she discovered her fiancé had returned home from deployment without a word to her. When she confronted him, their relationship ended. I couldn’t imagine dealing with that on top of our father’s illness.
I reached across the table to cover her hand with mine. “There’s a guy out there for you, Val. You’ll find him.”
“Y
ou’re so sure about Garrett. You have a confidence in your relationship I never felt with Dominic.”
“It’s hard for me to explain. The moment I laid eyes on Garrett, I felt something just like love. It didn’t take much for those feelings to deepen into something more.”
The waiter interrupted our conversation when he came to tempt us with dessert. I studied Valerie for a moment while she contemplated her options. She deserved to be loved the way Garrett loved me — fiercely and passionately. I wanted her to know what it felt like to be consumed by someone completely. I hoped one day she would find that kind of love because it was liberating.
When we returned home, I found myself falling back on an old familiar habit of checking for and reading Garrett’s emails late at night. Sitting up in bed with my laptop open and a blank email in front of me, I started to write.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Moving
Garrett –
Today, Valerie and I had a heart to heart about our futures. Now that I know you’re okay, I can start living again. It’s time she and I got over the grief of losing our father and begin our lives. It’s what he would have wanted anyway. The house is too big for us, and I get the feeling Valerie is beginning to rethink being a project manager for the rest of her life. She seems restless, which is new for her. So we decided to put Dad’s house up for sale. There are so many memories in it, good and bad, that I will cherish forever, but I have to stop hanging on to the past. You’re coming home in six months, and that’s what I need to focus on.
I’m going to stay with Valerie for a little while and then maybe get a place of my own, someplace you can also call home. Then we can figure out where to settle down together. I miss you so much, and I’m relieved you’re safe. It feels good to start thinking about our future.
Love, Cami
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Just Like Love (Just Like This Book 2) Page 3
