by Ciara Graves
He held me longer than he had before, and I sank into him, loving the extra warmth that came from his abilities.
I sensed Brogan’s eyes on us and coughed, gently pushing back.
Chas let me go, looking into my eyes. “If you say so.”
“I do. Just wanted to get out of here. What’s going on?”
They exchanged a look over my head. I rolled my eyes but said nothing.
“We’re heading out in three days,” Chas replied.
“And? What happened during the fight? No one’s told me anything.”
“You haven’t exactly been awake,” Chas pointed out, “but Four Point has already been evacuated. The recruits sent off to other locations, so we can condense our forces and increase protection for them.”
“How many of our people died?” I asked, my voice coming out hoarse. “Chas?”
“Enough,” he growled, “and for now that’s all you need to know.”
I glowered at him, but he shrugged as if to say deal with it.
I’d figure it all out eventually.
We reached our apartment, and I told them both I was fine. That they could go. Neither one made to go until I was down the hall and shut my bedroom door, giving myself some privacy. We’d be packing up and moving again soon anyway. Who knew what this new place would be like. I walked into the bathroom and cringed at my tangled, white hair. It was strange, but at the same time, I was becoming the new Rori Griffith.
Balance. It was all about balance, but if I couldn’t find that balance, I feared the shadow figure inside my head would take full control and then who would I be? If Dad could do it, then I could too, right?
That’s what I told myself, but a half hour later, I still didn’t believe it.
Chapter 2
Chas
Brogan looked toward Rori’s room long after she disappeared behind the closed door. I felt for the guy, knowing how much he cared about her and had watched her go through this mess. Seeing her shot had been hard enough, but witnessing her breakdown the other day reminded me how close I was to my own breakdown some early mornings. I’d wake up and stare at myself in the mirror, but the guy looking back at me wasn’t familiar, not like he used to be. And as much as I told myself I cared for Rori the way a friend would, I began to feel it was more than that. When she’d hugged me, I hadn’t wanted to let her go, but causing problems was not on my agenda. At least not while there was a war going on.
“She say anything?” I asked Brogan when he plopped down on the couch.
“A bit. She hadn’t realized how long she was out.” He rested his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose. “She said she had a conversation with herself.”
“Like a dream?”
“Not sure. The way she talked about it, sounded like she was speaking to the source of the necromancer power in her. Or something.” He shrugged. “I don’t know, but it’s got her freaked out.”
“Wouldn’t you be?’
“Yeah, I would. I am, actually.”
Silence weighed heavy in the apartment, and I glanced back at Rori’s door as much as Brogan did, wondering which one of us would go check on her first. Moran seemed to believe Rori was going to follow in her dad’s footsteps after we told him what she did during the fight. But as far as I could tell, she was far from being able to face a battle like that again. Or even to use her necromancy. She was unstable, and though I hadn’t told Brogan, I’d poked my head in the infirmary after he went in. I saw her crying as he held her close. A lump formed in my throat and the apartment suddenly seemed too small and confining.
I got up and told Brogan I was taking a walk to clear my head.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked as I reached the door. “I’ve heard you at night, you know.”
Rori wasn’t the only one having issues with our first fight. I told her and Brogan I was scared that day, and it had been true. When the Cleansers attacked the barricade, I’d run straight toward them, convincing myself to put my fear aside as my parents had every time they left for a mission. I thought I was ready, but I’d been wrong and nearly got myself killed. If Brogan and Rori had intervened even a few seconds later—now, I was second-guessing how strong I was.
Together, though, I saw what we could do, our true potential and it gave me hope that the next time we encountered those bastards, we’d have the upper hand. All Rori had to do was figure out how to gain control of her necromancy, and she’d be a badass in the field. Something told me it was not going to be as simple as that.
“I know,” I said, “but I’m good.”
“We’re a team, remember? And if we’re going to have a chance, we can’t hide anything from each other.”
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” I challenged.
Brogan pursed his lips.
“Yeah.”
“I will if you’re willing to listen,” he said, reluctance in his eyes.
Neither one of us had said much about the battle, aside from recounting what occurred with our powers. We didn’t talk about what we needed to—what it did to us mentally. Now we were in a war, and though there was a chance I would get my revenge, there was a whole army of fanatics and well-trained soldiers I had to get through to kill the assholes who murdered my parents.
The odds of our surviving long enough to get that far weren’t terrible, but they weren’t great either. I had so much riding on killing them, more than Rori or Brogan, and it ate away at me how much of an idiot I’d been when I made that oath. I needed the three of us to be at our strongest, so we could not only save everyone, but save my own ass in the end.
“Maybe later, when Rori’s ready to talk. I’ll be back.” I hurried out of the building and into the woods. The barricade had been repaired. Sure, Moran said for us to stay near the outpost, but whatever.
“Sorry, Moran,” I mumbled as I entered the trees and a rush of power washed over me.
I roared, shaking out my furry neck then lumbered deeper into the forest.
I made my way through the trees, to the place where the soldiers broke through the barricade. The crack was faint, but it would remain until the magic repaired itself. They’d attacked it with the same grenades that shocked us, cutting off our access to our powers for a while.
A few feet from me was the spot where I’d been shot down. Blood stained the dirt and grass.
I tracked our footsteps where Rori and Brogan had made an attempt to haul me to safety. When I reached the place we’d been shocked, I sniffed the ground and huffed at the overwhelming stench of gunpowder and many scents from the enemy soldiers. Without them here, the lingering stench of their hatred for us remained behind.
Something crunched underfoot.
I lifted my paw to find what remained of a raccoon, its body partially a skeleton. It was one of the animals Rori raised when we’d been pinned down. I studied the ground and found more small skeletons, torn to pieces by the soldiers’ bullets.
Sniffing the ground again, I tracked Rori’s scent, coming across the dried blood from where she’d been hit. During those moments with the adrenaline flooding my veins, I’d acted on instinct. We all had. Now with the imminent danger behind us, remembering what we’d been through made me shaky. Unable to hold my bear form any longer, I shifted back and leaned against a nearby tree.
If my parents could see me now, what would they think? I was a joke. Always playing the hard ass and now look at me. Falling apart when faced with the reality of that night. Unable to stay there any longer, I hurried back to Four Point, then through the gate to the outpost.
Only to find Agnes waiting for me, a scowl on her face. “Where were you?”
“Taking care of something at the dorms,” I lied.
Her brow shot up.
“What?” I put on an innocent look.
“Moran was very specific about not going into the woods.”
“I had to see it again,” I muttered, walking past her and hoping she’d leave it at that. I really should�
��ve known better.
“Come with me,” she ordered, then turned the opposite direction.
“Agnes,” I argued.
Her glare shut me up.
I fell in line behind her until we reached her workshop and she shut the door behind me, not saying a word, then continued to the rear of the building. She dragged several large crates closer, opened them, then unlocked the cages holding the crafted weapons.
“Are you going to stand there? Or are you going to help? I have to get this place packed and ready to go.”
I’d expected a lecture of some kind. I pulled over a few empty crates and started at the far end of the wall, taking down weapons. I recalled the name of each one I pulled off the wall. All learned during my lessons over the years I’d grown up here. Each one had been wielded by an incredible shaman or druid. Even a few priests had preferred blades to staves. When those were tucked away, I moved onto the daggers, finding peace in the routine of removing and carefully packing away each weapon. Many of these had seen intense fighting while others hadn’t been used except to enforce our laws. I wondered what would happen to the sword Agnes forged for me two years ago. I’d had no cause to use it yet and hadn’t even had it with me when the Cleansers attacked. I relied on my bear form for any intense hand-to-hand.
Except the Cleansers had taken my shapeshifting away from me. Another attack could come at any time, from any direction. The time for being a recruit was over. My real-life graduation was nearly a week ago. And already, I had been so close to failing.
Rori and Brogan had been hurt. I’d felt their pain through the connection we shared, already so strong. It would only get stronger the more we worked together until we fought as a single unit, one mind. I wiped at my eyes, overwhelmed with the raw emotions of all I’d already lost and what I’d found, and then nearly lost again. I had taken lives, it was true, and as guilty as it made me, I would do it again if it would keep Rori and Brogan safe. I sat, rubbing my eyes.
Agnes approached, put her hand on my shoulder. “Every soldier faces what you are facing now,” she said quietly. “If you and the others are to have a hope of getting through this, you must learn to overcome these emotions.”
“I thought I was ready for this.”
“No one is ever ready to take lives.”
“How am I supposed to just get over it?”
“Not get over it. But you must open up, speak to each other. The three of you are bonded in a way now and keeping your true emotions from each other will make it worse. There is no more room for secrets. You are strong, Chas, you are the son of two great fighters who had plenty of breakdowns of their own,” she assured me.
“And what did they do to get through them?”
“They had each other; they had you. The four of them were closer than any team I’d ever seen.” She grabbed my shoulders hard as she faced me. “If you are to destroy this enemy, the three of you must become even stronger.”
“You make it sound too damned easy.”
“Trust, Chas. You have to trust them.”
“Pretty sure I do, with my life actually,” I confessed. It was hard not to after they risked their lives to come and save me. I blew out a breath.
Agnes patted my cheek.
“Right, guess we should get back to packing.”
“No, you need to go to them.”
“And what are we supposed to do? Sit in a circle, hold hands and talk?”
She rolled her eyes toward the ceiling and shoved me toward the door. “Stop being an ass for starters. Follow your instincts. Now get out of my sight before I give you a jolt for good measure.”
I stood outside our shared apartment thinking over what Agnes told me. In all my years of growing up here, the only two people I ever let myself get close to were Moran and her. That had to change. I opened the door, not sure what I would find inside.
Brogan was in the kitchen making coffee. He nodded toward the living room.
I glanced over.
Rori was on the couch, wearing sweats, her hair damp and hanging loose. Her feet were tucked up under her, and she was looking at nothing as far as I could tell.
Without a word, I walked to the couch and sat down beside her. Brogan joined us, sitting on her other side. For a long while, we simply sat there, shoulders touching. The connection we shared pulsed to life. Rori reached out and took our hands in hers. I won’t lie, I was jealous when she rested her head on Brogan’s shoulder, but her hand kept a firm grip on mine.
Tears slipped down her cheeks.
“Want to talk about it?” I asked quietly.
Brogan eyed me curiously over Rori’s head.
I wasn’t sure what that look meant. “Whatever you’re going through, we’re going through it, too.”
“Are you?” she asked tightly. “I have no idea how this is going to work with me.”
“So we’ll figure it out, but you can’t be scared of your power. That’ll make it worse.”
“Hard not to be when I can you know, summon the dead now. And who knows what else. I read about necromancers, so I’m fumbling around. What if I hurt you guys? I can’t handle that.”
“Then don’t hurt us,” I suggested.
She glowered at me.
Brogan smirked. “He’s got a point.”
She shook her head, but there was the hint of a smile on her face.
“You think we’re going to let you figure it out on your own?” Brogan added.
“No, but—”
“But what?” I challenged. “We can handle ourselves just fine. And what you did out there—what we all did—we can’t let it hold us down for long.”
Rori’s small smile vanished instantly, and she curled in on herself. When she tried to take her hands back, Brogan and I refused to let her. Her icy blue eyes turned to me, so lost and worried.
I couldn’t bear it. I did the only thing I could think of and began talking. I talked about the fight, about what it did to me, and as soon as I started talking, I wasn’t able to stop. I told them both about the nightmares and how I had no idea how we’d make it through another fight in one piece. I talked until my voice was hoarse, but then Brogan opened up, and Rori seemed surprised to hear we’d been having as much trouble as she was with accepting our new lot in life.
Eventually, she told us everything she remembered about that night as well as what she saw inside her head afterward. When she got into detail about the shadow figure, I caught Brogan’s worried frown. From what she said, this other part of her was nothing like the Rori we both knew and cared for. She was emotionless and cold.
Rori shuddered when she repeated the final words of the shadow. About having to be a killer in order to survive.
“You sure it didn’t mean something less—?” Brogan shrugged. “—brutal?”
“I don’t know. That’s what it said.” She let her head fall to the back of the couch. “What if it changes me?”
“Don’t let it,” I said firmly. “If you think you’re slipping, tell us.”
“And if we think you’re slipping, we’ll tell you,” Brogan added. “Didn’t you tell me Blade can tap into both frost and fire?”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“I know it’s not exactly the same, but maybe he can help you out, give you some tips on how to find that balance between one path and another,” Brogan suggested. “Wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?”
“Guess not.”
I gave her hand a squeeze and stood. “Until then, let’s see what we can do for you.”
“What? No,” Rori said.
But Brogan stood too, and together we pulled her off the couch.
“I don’t have a good feeling about this at all. Remember how I was that first day? Pretty sure I’m back to being that girl. Chas, really. Guys, come on.”
“No, if you’re going to make this work, you have to get over being scared of the power you have.” I pulled her toward the center of the room, forming a small circle. “Do you remember what you
did right before you tapped into the necromancer side of you?”
“Not sure. I was shot and thought we were all gonna die,” she said in a flat voice. “I don’t think I can do this. I’m not ready to deal with two paths.”
“You’re going to have to figure it out sooner or later. Now, I’m not about to shoot you, so you’re going to have to find another way to tap into it.”
She smacked my arm.
I winced but laughed. “Start by closing your eyes and clearing your mind.”
Brogan sighed. “This is going to be a long night if you’re going to start with meditating.”
“I didn’t say meditating. I said to clear her mind,” I corrected. “We all know how impatient Rori Griffith is.”
“Ha. You guys are just so funny,” she mumbled, closing her eyes.
“Are you clearing your mind?” I asked two minutes later.
“What do you think I’m doing?”
“Overthinking. Your hands are frosting over. I, for one, would prefer to not be turned into an ice sculpture.”
She cursed and reined her ice back in. “See? This is not a good idea. I’m not ready.”
“Yes, you are. Instead of clearing your mind, think of a moment that makes you happy,” I said, hating to think she was going to focus on one of her shared moments with Brogan, of them kissing, him holding her close. I ground my teeth and mentally told myself to shut up. Tonight had nothing to do with my jealousy over what they shared. This was about Rori finding a way to connect with her other half. “Have something in mind?”
She grinned as she bobbed her head. “Think so.”
“Now, with that in mind, reach out to your other half, search for the path in your mind. Visualize an actual path, one you can walk on.”
Brogan kept shooting me questioning looks.
When Moran first brought me here, I’d been a mess. It had taken a lot of work between him and Agnes to help me find my powers and inner strength. This was one of those ways. Visualizing my power as an actual walkable path inside my head. Once I had it in sight, it made it so much easier to travel through my power and see what I was capable of. If Rori could do the same and find a way to join the two paths, she’d be able to find the balance between the two. Potentially.
