by Ciara Graves
“Give her time, we all have to readjust.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” I said, keeping my tone positive. “I’m going to give myself a tour of the place. Want to join?”
“Got nothing else to do.”
And we set off.
All the while, my thoughts raced to what was really going on with Rori.
The following morning, I waited outside Rori’s door for her to exit and when she finally did, the smile on her face didn’t reach her eyes.
Casually, I reached for her hand.
That same moment, she lifted it to brush her hair from her face. She even sidled further away, putting space between us.
I let it go, again, but deep down, I wanted to drag her to a stop and ask her what was wrong.
Moran had left a message for us to meet in the underground training dome, to discover if we were compatible with the priests.
I didn’t expect us to be compatible and after we ran through sparring exercises with both priests, my expectations proved out.
They were great at what they did, but there was no meshing. No connection like the three of us had the first time we trained together. Afterward, Rori seemed back to herself, and I chalked up her earlier behavior to nerves. Though to be fair, I saw no hint of necromancy at all.
“You’re going to have to use it again,” Chas told her sternly at dinner.
She shrugged one shoulder, picking at her food.
“Rori, we’ve been over this. No more hiding away. We can take whatever you throw at us if it does get out of hand. Trust yourself,” he encouraged.
She shoved her plate aside and mumbled something about going to bed early.
This time, I followed her back to her room, knocking on her door when she closed it. I waited for her to tell me to go away, but she opened it. “Brogan.”
“Did I do something?” I blurted out, ignoring the questions I’d rehearsed in my head.
“What? No. Why would you think that?”
“You’ve been acting differently around me.”
Her confused frown made me wonder if I had been blowing things out of proportion.
“I have?” She tugged on one of her braids and sighed. “Sorry, didn’t realize I was doing it.”
She stepped back to let me in and closed the door behind me. She walked around me in the small room and sat down on the cot, crossing her legs and continued to pull on her braid. I joined her, sitting across from her, and took her hands in mine.
“What’s bugging you, really?”
“Nothing, at least I didn’t think anything was. You really think I’ve been acting differently?”
“You’re pulling away from me.” I rubbed my thumb over her knuckles. “And not just as the guy you’re dating. You did it all day while we were training. You keep holding back, but we’re not sure why.”
“I didn’t realize I was doing it,” she murmured. “I don’t want to, but I think… I think I’m worried about all this power coming out in the wrong way.”
“We can take care of ourselves.”
“You say that, but what if you’re wrong?” The shift in her tone was subtle, but it was enough for me to pick up on. Her hands stopped holding mine as tightly, too. “You and Chas are strong, but out of the three of us, I’m the one expected to carry the heavy burden.”
“Who said that?”
“No one, but it’s the truth.” She pulled away. “I’m tired. I’m going to get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her face, and I wound up kissing her cheek instead.
Worry warred with annoyance as I left her room, sick to my stomach and wondering what changed since the night we found her familiar.
Steps alerted me someone was coming, and as Chas appeared at the end of the hall, I gave him a quick nod then darted into my room before he could ask me anything about Rori.
Chapter 4
Brogan
Four days later, we were training. Again. Still.
I reached for the living nature flowing through Chas to fuel my lightning.
Our power mingled and combined easily, as it had every time since the three of us fought together against a real enemy out in the woods. Since we all nearly died.
Rori stood beside me, cold pouring off her like a pulsing heart of pure ice. She held her staff easily in her left hand, and her face was set and focused, nothing like how Rori used to look right before these sessions. Anxious and excited. This, this was not her. Hadn’t been herself all week as far as I was concerned.
After she turned her cheek to me, I stopped trying so hard to catch her hand or hug her. It threw me the times she latched onto me, laughing and trying to kiss me. Made me wonder what game she was playing. At first, I continued to let it go, but two days ago, she had given me a look of such contempt, I couldn’t hide my aggravation anymore.
Now, I was the one pulling away, and she was left with a hurt expression. There wasn’t time for games, and whatever was going on with her mood swings, she would have to figure it out.
I was not going to be her boyfriend only when she felt like having one.
I shook my head and returned my mind to the current task at hand.
On Chas’s other side was Nicolaus, a priest we hoped would be compatible. The two that came before him today had been failures. If he didn’t work, then we were back to having no priest.
Blade and Agnes stood across the room, more than ready to attack and knock us on our asses. Again.
I sensed Rori pulling on my elemental connection to fuel her frost.
The priest should have been able to pull from all our strengths to help with his light, but one of us was resisting, the strain echoed to all of us.
Nicolaus grunted with the effort of using his light magic. “Not to make things tense here,” Nicolaus said, “but one of you is pushing me back.”
“Rori.” I frowned at her.
Her hand tightened on her staff.
“Relax,” I instructed her.
“I am,” she said.
“You’re letting everything get to you. Stop. We have to find out if he’s compatible, there’s no getting around it. So just let him in and get it over with,” I snapped.
Chas shot me a confused look but kept his mouth shut. Probably because of my tone.
He’d noticed the tension between Rori and me. He might not anything it, but he was observant enough to know there was something wrong.
Rori exhaled. “I’m not trying to push him back. Maybe, I’m trying to ensure he doesn’t get hurt.”
What the hell did that mean? And that tone. That was not the old Rori. This one came across as cold, hard.
I bit back my frustration. “He won’t as long as you pay attention to what you’re doing.”
She raised a brow. “Are you saying I’m incompetent?”
“I’m saying you’re acting like none of us are as strong as you are. We’re a team, remember? So act like a part of the team. Let him attempt a connection with you.”
She shut her eyes and breathed in deeply. “How about now?”
“Better,” Nicolaus said, but from the strain in his voice, it wasn’t by much.
Blade and Agnes gave us another second to try and get ourselves aligned before they unleashed hell.
Within five minutes, we were on our asses as Nicolaus’s light magic collided with Rori’s shadows and frost. He cursed as his hands shook with the sudden wave of cold until she managed to rein it back in with a mumbled apology.
I shot her a look, but she wouldn’t meet my gaze. Her face shifted from frustration to concern to guilt, in the span of three seconds.
I sensed she was having one of her strange mood swings. That was not a good sign. If this happened during an actual fight, we’d be screwed. Whatever was going on inside Rori’s head, she had to figure it out and stop being so afraid she’d hurt us, or she would lose control.
It was strange though, she only seemed tentative half the time
. The rest, she acted like we were beneath her. Like we were the weak links she had to protect and hated having to do it. Toward the end of the fight, the blue and violet in her eyes warred with each other for control. Each time she braced to use her power, there was a flicker of fear, as if she thought she would hurt us.
Blade didn’t hold back, coming after us again, flames shooting out.
I flinched when one seared my palm.
Rori threw herself in front of me and slammed her staff down, creating a wall of ice between us and them.
We were blasted with a burst of icy air and shadows slithered through the ice wall, out from the ground around Rori’s feet, reaching toward us all.
Nicolaus healed my hand with a quick touch.
Then he suddenly weakened. Too weak from what little he’d done so far.
He slouched down.
“Nicolaus?” I leaned in to check on him.
“Sorry, something’s wrong,” he whispered, then toppled over completely.
“Hold,” I bellowed.
Blade and Agnes hurried around the ice wall.
Nicolaus lay on the floor between the three of us.
I tapped his cheeks, and his eyes fluttered open for a second, then he passed out.
“Is he alright?”
Agnes knelt at his side and pressed her hand to his forehead. “There is a drain on him.”
“What?” I asked, suddenly feeling lightheaded myself. It came in waves, and I found myself looking up at the others.
Chas reached down to pull me back me back up but ended up on his ass, next to me. “What’s going on?”
Was it the Cleansers?
I glanced up at Rori.
Her eyes were wide with fear. She snapped her fingers, and her staff vanished. She took a few steps back, and my dizziness and weakness disappeared.
“You—what are you doing?” My words came out harsher than I meant.
Rori’s jaw clenched.
I raised my hand. “Rori, wait.”
“I can’t do this,” she whispered, running out of the room.
“Damn it.” I shook my head, wanting to go after her, but had no idea what to say. I had no idea what she was going through. What it was like to figure out how to navigate her magic. And those mood swings of hers made me not want to chase after her, just to be spurned again, as selfish as that seemed. I was trying—and failing—to remain understanding of her situation. She had to figure out how to use her magic, not have it use her. As it clearly was.
“Was she draining us?” Nicolaus asked once he was coherent and sitting up.
“Her necromancer side keeps trying to break out more,” Agnes explained. “And each time she suppresses it, on purpose or not, it’s doing whatever it must to give itself an avenue of release.”
“She’s going to become dangerous,” Chas warned.
“You two are supposed to be helping her.” Blade eyed us both sharply.
“Hard to do that when she’s acting like we’re the problem,” I muttered.
Blade looked at me, confusion on his face.
I shrugged. “She’s been acting strangely. She’s the old Rori one second. The next, it’s almost like I’m talking to someone completely different.”
Chas nodded. “She’s done the same to me. Whatever’s going on in her head, it’s changing her.”
Blade spoke to Agnes quietly, then turned to us. “You’re pushing her too hard, that’s problem number one.”
“We don’t have time,” Chas argued.
Blade glared at him.
Chas scowled. “What?”
“You can’t rush her into controlling her power. That’s not how this works. You know this. She needs time, as much as we can afford to give her, or she will damage herself. Permanently. Maybe even damage others. Do you understand me? Help her work through these issues—”
“We all have issues,” Chas yelled as he rubbed the back of his neck roughly. “We were all there that night. We all could have died. She’s not alone in that, but she acts like she is. She acts like she’s either going to accidentally kill us one minute or we’re going to screw up and get ourselves killed the next. Like she’s better than us and doesn’t need us. How are we supposed to get her to get over thinking it’s all about her?”
“Is that what you think?” Blade scoffed. “She’s thinking of both of you. And the rest of us.”
“How?”
“By not using powers she doesn’t understand. She saw what she was capable of, and it scared her to think she might hurt you two. Whatever breakthrough you all made for her to get her familiar, you need to keep working on it. Not getting mad at her and pushing each other out.” He sighed heavily, stalking away from us, then he turned back with fire in his eyes. “Trevor Griffith was powerful beyond anyone’s expectations. If she is the same, and I have no doubt she is, then she has every right to be wary of using such power.”
“What are we supposed to do?” I asked quietly. “She’s pushing us away.”
“You keep trying,” Agnes said as she stood.
“Let me talk with her,” Blade added. “Perhaps I can help nudge her along. I have a slight understanding of what it’s like to walk two paths.” He gave us both a warning look.
Chas growled.
“Watch your tone with me, Chas, your anger is not needed here. Save it for the enemy.” Blade spun on his heel.
He and Agnes walked away.
Nicolaus stayed behind for a minute. “Sorry, guys.”
“Not your fault,” I told him. “If you’re not compatible, then you’re not compatible. Nothing you can do about it.”
“Moran mentioned trying to form a second team. With any luck, I’ll still get a chance to fight with you guys against these assholes.”
“If we can find their leaders, we’d have a target.” Chas paced, leaving a trail of moss and flowers in his wake. The marking on the back of his hand glowed. His powers had been unstable the last few days, though he wouldn’t admit it.
Nicolaus bid us goodbye and left me with the angry druid.
I said nothing for a long while, just watched Chas stalk around the room, growling.
“What?” he finally snarled at me.
“Nothing. Just wondering if the three of us are as compatible as Moran thinks we are.”
“You saw what we did that night, of course, we are,” he muttered. “If Rori would accept what she is, we’d be fine.”
“And you don’t think you're too hard on her because of what you have riding on this?”
His growl deepened.
I held up my hands, not backing down. “Just saying. That night messed up all of us. And your damned oath—” I paused. “We have our limits as a team.”
Chas shook out his messy hair. “Limits? We aren’t supposed to have limits. We are an Elite Guard team which means we have to be stronger and better than the rest of the soldiers. We are the first ones in, and the final defense if shit hits the fan. We can’t be stopped by limitations. Rori tapped into another side of herself out there in the woods. She keeps drawing on it here, but something is holding her back. And she’s pushing me away. And she’s pushing you away. She’s scared of something inside her. But that killer instinct she showed? We need that back if we’re going to have a chance to stop the Cleansers.”
“You know she’s not ready for that.”
“And you’re only saying that because she’s your damned girlfriend.”
“No, I’m not. Because I’m not sure I’m ready for it either,” I admitted.
Rori might’ve been the one who had the breakdown over our becoming trained killers, but I felt as she did. The fighting and the blood, the killing… Our first battle had shaken me to the core. To think there was another one coming, and another one, and who knew how many, kept me up at night. As strong as we’d been in the heat of the battle, without adrenaline pumping through my veins, and the immediate threat of death, falling into that position again scared me.
We were stro
ng together, it was true, but were we strong enough to fight against the Cleansers? And for how long? It had taken almost everything we had just to get out of their grasp and run away from them. I doubted we’d get lucky a second time.
And the confidence Rori had that night, the connection between the three of us, had changed. It was cracked, making it hard to work together as we had before. Each time she drew away from me was another slap to the face. Either she didn’t believe we were good enough to be with her, or she was doing as Blade said, protecting us from the power brewing inside her.
“We don’t exactly have a choice,” Chas said as if I needed reminding of how dire our situation was. “And whatever is happening between you two, I suggest you figure it out. Makeup or break up, but get through it so we can get back to what matters.” He gave me a sympathetic look then walked out.
The door clicked shut loudly behind him, leaving me alone. The team Moran put so much faith in was breaking apart. The strain between the three of us was palpable. As for Rori and me, whatever we once been, had come to a complete halt.
I finally left the room and wandered around our underground base, not sure where I was headed, when I found myself standing in the gardens designed for those of us who needed that direct connection to nature. I was prepared to go sit and meditate for a while, see if any good came of it, but when I walked around a small copse of trees reaching toward the sunlight filtering down from the surface, I found Rori.
She sat on the ground, her hands on her thighs, palms up, and there was a fine sheen of frost covering her from head to toe. Her eyes were closed, breath puffing out in a little cloud. Her familiar, the half-skeleton white wolf she named Merlin, was behind her, keeping her safe. He lifted his head when he spotted me, but lowered his massive it back to his paws, eyes watching me closely.
“Rori?” I asked quietly.
She made no indication she heard me.
I sat across from her and waited, wondering where her mind was. I cleared my own and steadied my breathing as I settled into meditation.
She sucked in a sharp breath.
