‘I’m afraid you’ll hate me,’ I said.
‘Why?’
‘Because if I do manage to save you, and you leave, you will always think you’ve run away. After a while you will begin to believe that I lied. That you weren’t actually going to die. That perhaps you would have recovered and all I’ve ever said has been a lie.’ I was whispering now because the pain in my throat wouldn’t let me talk.
‘No.’ He wrapped both arms around me now. ‘You said you knew me. So think. Think before you speak in that manner. Have you ever known me to put blame on someone else beside myself for what happens? Have I ever ducked away from my responsibility? I have always faced my fate head-on. I will continue to do so. I know you believe that you can change the course of destiny. I have let you believe I will rise from my deathbed, and that I will leave my empire and my fate. I have betrayed you in a way, so perhaps I had best tell you now. I do not intend to cheat fate. If your hand knocks the cup of poison from mine I will pick it up and drain the cup. I will not touch your potions to heal me. I’m sorry, Ashley. That is my decision. If, despite all these precautions, you do save me, then I will bow to fate because it would have been fate, not you, that saved me. I will leave my crown on the empty throne, and I will go with you.’
‘What about Plexis?’ I whispered.
‘I can’t decide for him.’
‘Please let me save you,’ I begged. ‘My life will be worth nothing when you’re gone.’
‘You will be protected by my men. I will give orders to the ones I trust the most.’
‘I want to save you.’
‘Don’t do anything against my will.’ His voice was kind, his eyes full of tears.
‘I won’t. However, if you die, Iskander, I will throw myself on your funeral pyre and I will die too. I won’t live without you. You’ve made your decision and I have made mine.’
‘Oh, my sweet little dream-weaver. Do you really think I’m going to believe you?’ His voice broke but there was laughter in it. Laughter, and a terrible tenderness. ‘You will never leave your children – our children – to fend for themselves. You must think of Paul. Did I ever tell you how proud I am of him? The first time I saw him my heart leapt for gladness at his beauty and his grace. He is the child of the moon, with his huge, dreamy eyes. There is gentleness in him that the world will never erase. It will be his strength. He reminds me of Kalanos, despite his youth. He will certainly grow up to be a sage, and people will follow him, as they follow me. Only he will lead an army of wisdom, not one of death, like mine.’ He tipped his head back, baring his long throat.
‘Have you heard from Babylon?’ I asked.
‘He has not arrived yet. When he does, we will hear from Nearchus.’
‘What are you thinking about now?’ I asked. His eyes were staring past me, as if he didn’t even see me.
‘I would dream that I live for ever, and that Paul, Chiron, and the babe in your belly all grow up within my palace.’
‘I am your dream-weaver, Iskander,’ I said. ‘I can make that happen.’
Alexander said nothing to this. Then he spoke. ‘You called me “Iskander”. Did you hear yourself? That, to me, has always been the name I took with me to war. In times of peace, I wish to be “Alexander”. And to you, “Alex”.’
‘I’ll remember that.’ I looked past his profile out of the window. A bird had started to sing, making me think dawn was near. ‘I’m sorry for all you know about your own future. I wanted you to be the happiest man in the world.’
There was more silence as he thought about that. Then he sighed deeply. ‘I must go before the sun rises. I have a busy day ahead of me. Go to Ecbatana with Sis. I will join you in one month. First I must reorganize my army and I fear it will be a long, arduous job. My Greek and Macedonian men are simmering with discontent. They do not wish to adopt Persian customs. The Persians are more flexible in some ways; they eagerly embrace Greek art and literature, and are interested in the philosophy and science. But they are religiously backward and insist on deifying their king. Otherwise they are terrified that the spring will not come to the world nor the sun shine.’
‘What will you do?’ I asked.
‘I have to wait until next summer to prove that the seasons will come regardless if I am a god or not.’
I started to shudder and I thought I would be ill. Next spring he would die. The summer would come without him. I buried my face in his shoulder and keened. My cries were as thin as a wire. I couldn’t stop. Nothing he said to me would comfort me. Finally he just stopped talking and rocked me. His tears fell on my back. He was just as miserable as I was.
Chapter Five
The morning sun woke me. Alexander was gone but the bed still had his warmth and his fragrance. I closed my eyes again and tried to slow my pounding heart. He would not let me try to save him? Well, we’ll see about that, I thought bleakly. I would not let him die. If I could save him, I would. That was not going to be his decision.
He came to see me in the gynaeceum whenever he had the time. I didn’t try to make him feel guilty about leaving me alone. He had so much to do. I only asked one thing in return. When the ambassadors from other countries came, he was to let me listen in on their conversations. He found that a strange request, but agreed; I didn’t tell him whom I was waiting for. He never would have believed me anyway.
We celebrated Alexander’s thirty-second birthday in Susa. I was hopelessly late giving him a present. His birthday had been nearly three months ago, but I had forgotten it. Everyone had, except Plexis. He’d given him a pure white horse. Pure white horses are genetic oddities. They are not albinos. Their eyes are brown, or china blue. This one had one blue eye and one brown eye. To everyone it could only be the gods’ gift for Alexander’s kingship.
I gave Alexander a map of the world that I’d painstakingly drawn. I’m sure everyone knows what the world looks like, but I was no artist. I must have used fifty pieces of parchment before I was satisfied. I used coloured ink and drew in the route we’d taken on our travels. Alexander was thrilled.
‘Is this really where we went?’ he asked, pointing to the map. ‘I thought that I’d gone much deeper into India,’ he added, sounding disappointed. ‘And I was sure we went further in the boat. Weren’t we more over here?’ He was looking at the Seychelles.
I giggled. ‘No, we didn’t get that far. Look, you went from here, Macedonia, all the way to India. You went north as far as the Russian steppes, and south as far as Egypt.’
‘I can’t believe it was a year ago that we were in the boat. Sometimes it all seems like a marvellous dream. I still see the reef sometimes in my sleep, with the sharks and the bright coral.’ He shook his head.
‘I know. Time goes too fast,’ I said, my throat tightening. He saw my distress and changed the subject.
‘Where do the elephants live? The big ones you told me about.’
‘Down here, in Africa.’
‘And if we follow the Nile we can see them?’
‘I promise.’ I leaned over to kiss him. He kissed me back, but his finger was already moving across the ocean.
‘What’s that?’
I had hesitated for a long time before adding North and South America. ‘Those are two continents that won’t be known to Europeans for another two thousand years,’ I explained. ‘I was born there.’
‘Amazing.’ He shook his head. ‘Those lands are so huge! How can they remain hidden so long?’
‘Because of the oceans,’ I said.
‘But look, way up here, there is hardly any distance between the two lands.’ He was talking about the narrow passage between Alaska and Russia.
‘Yes, but that is the great north country I told you about. Ice and snow all year around, and even the sea freezes over sometimes. The distances are greater than they seem. Perhaps a boat could follow the chain of islands here and cross over, but it would be a fearsome voyage.’
Alexander’s eyes glittered. ‘Wouldn’t I love to try i
t!’
‘I thought you hated boats,’ I teased.
‘Not when they’re going somewhere interesting,’ he said, shaking his head. ‘I have to show this to Nearchus. We must try to get to these lands. Who lives there?’
‘The ancients, well, ancient from my time, called them Indians.’ When he looked confused, I explained all about the early explorers and their blighted attempts to reach India. ‘Everyone wanted to do what you did practically without thinking,’ I said. ‘You did something absolutely extraordinary.’
He preened, then turned back to the map. ‘I don’t know if I want to go to Africa and see the elephants, or up here and over here. And what’s this big place?’
I told him about China, the emperors and the fireworks, and his eyes grew dreamy. Then I told him about Australia, the Great Barrier Reef, and he wondered aloud about a coral reef that was as long as the distance he’d gone between Persepolis and Susa. ‘Amazing, amazing,’ he kept saying .
‘Thank you,’ he said, after he’d carefully rolled up the map and tied a silken ribbon around it. ‘You have given me the world for my birthday present.’
‘I would give it to you for the rest of your life,’ I said.
‘You don’t give up, do you?’ he said, laughing gently.
‘No. Kalanos said the same thing and my answer is always the same. No. I won’t give up. Who are you meeting tomorrow?’
‘An ambassador from Iberia.’
‘I’m impressed. People are coming from all over the world to meet you.’
We unrolled the map and I showed him where Spain was. Then he wanted me to show him Rome and the North Pole.
‘Where is the most dangerous place on earth?’ he asked
me.
‘Right now, or in my time?’
‘Now, first.’
I pointed to the heart of Africa. ‘Here is a volcanic valley with poisonous gases and dangerous animals. Cannibals live there.’
‘What’s a cannibal?’
‘A person who eats other people,’ I said.
He made a horrified face. ‘You mean, they kill each other and eat them? It’s barbaric!’
‘Well, along the lines of human sacrifice and all that stuff, yes, it is pretty awful.’
‘And in your time? Where’s the most dangerous place?’
My finger hovered over south-eastern Asia. ‘Around here. The ground is so saturated with explosive mines that you can’t walk five metres without blowing your legs off. Nobody lives there anymore. It’s a huge no man’s land.’ ‘Explain.’ His voice was curt.
I told him all about the small mines that the countries had scattered all over the earth in the twentieth and twenty-first century. His eyes were incredulous.
‘But that’s so cowardly!’ he cried.
‘In my day, war is for cowards,’ I told him sadly. ‘We could settle everything with reason if we really wanted, but nobody tries.’
‘If you could return to your own time, would you go back?’
‘Only if I could bring you and my children,’ I said.
‘Could you bring me back with you?’
‘I don’t think so; the tractor beam is set for a certain weight and mass. It might not work properly for anyone else.’
‘Oh. I thought perhaps …’ His voice trailed off.
‘What?’
‘Nothing. Besides, I would not want to go to see the future. It sounds like such a cold, dreadful place. When you speak of it, you have nothing good to say. All the machines ever invented can’t make up for a kingdom covered with bombs, water full of poison, or unbreathable air. You have ruined the future for me.’ His voice was brittle, like glass about to shatter.
I turned my face from him, hiding my expression. The future was ruined for me as well. I would hate to return to the dying world I had left. It would be my last choice.
Alexander told me he would talk to Plexis, but I didn’t see him for nearly a week and then it was time to leave. I was terribly bored. Life for a Persian princess was gentle and tedious. Slaves served me, dressed me, and sang to me. However, I couldn’t show my face outside, and nobody could see me but the other women in the family and my own husband. We had to tell everyone that Axiom was a eunuch. Otherwise, he would have been executed for daring to set eyes upon me. He was very careful how he shaved.
I was happy to leave Susa. I thought that I’d have more freedom in Ecbatana.
Plexis and Drypetis left as well. He had been appointed satrap of Ecbatana and he would rule there with Drypetis. Most people thought the solution ideal. Ecbatana was in the north near the tribes of Artabazus and Pharnabazus, who raised the horses for the army. In addition, everyone knew that Plexis was a consummate horseman. Some muttered angrily that Plexis didn’t deserve the post, which was an important one, because Ecbatana was the seat of the treasury as well. Plexis couldn’t care less about the huge treasure stored in it, but there were men who had dreamed of taking care of that, and to see someone put in charge who was more interested in horses than gold was intolerable for them.
I travelled with the women. I had to ride in a curtained litter. I carried Chiron in my arms and thought of my leave-taking. I had bade goodbye to Alexander in front of a strangely silent crowd. It was the first time I’d seen him in days, and our farewell was public. I had to bow down to him and press my face to his feet. He had to pretend he didn’t even see me. I wore a veil that covered my face. I abhorred it. I felt as if I was suffocating. Alexander’s eyes were bleak. I did not cry, I hated showing any weakness.
With me were Axiom, Brazza, and Chiron. Usse stayed with Alexander, Kalanos as well. We would meet in Ecbatana in a month. Stateira stood on the right of Alexander; Roxanne was on his left. I ground my teeth in frustration. I was leaving Alexander and we hadn’t had another chance to speak about Plexis. I didn’t know what Alexander had said to him, or if he’d even spoken to him at all. I had warned Usse to watch out for Roxanne and for poison. Now all I could do was wait. Alexander would join us in less than a month. Until then, I had to plan. More importantly, I had to try to speak with Plexis.
Chapter Six
For two weeks, we journeyed. The weather was hot. Sullen clouds darkened the sky, but the storm didn’t break. It seemed to gather instead. Sometimes lightning would flicker across the plains. It was strange, green lightning, and the electricity in the air made everyone tense. In the distance, I saw herds of wild asses, but otherwise there was nothing to see but dust devils whirling on the plains, and sometimes I saw great flocks of birds, their cries echoing in the vastness of the skies.
The land we crossed was devoid of interest at first, but lavender hills were visible in the distance. My curtained litter was uncomfortable and I was restless. I had refused Sis’s offers of ladies-in-waiting, and now I was starting to regret it. Chiron wasn’t the greatest conversationalist. If there were people around, or if we were going through a village, whenever I parted the curtains the guard ordered me to close them. I found myself closed in more often. We were climbing into the mountains, it was cooler and there were more settlements. We were approaching the city, and I hadn’t had time to see Plexis. I hadn’t the right to see anyone. It would have been impossible to stroll into Plexis’s tent. We were in Persia now, not with Alexander’s army. Strict protocol had taken over and I was guarded day and night. At night, when we camped, Axiom and Brazza guarded me inside my tent. Outside, when we marched, the Persian guard watched over me. The royal women were cloistered and could not be looked upon by anyone but their husbands, so the royal Persian guards took their job seriously. Under Persian law, any man setting eyes on my face would be blinded, whether Alexander ordered or not. I was expected to stay veiled and hidden. If I were found with a man, I would be put to death immediately. The guard might hesitate a second, but only a second. The man I was found with would be tortured, then put to death.
The royal women had to hide their faces behind veils. The other Persian women were free to wear what they liked and most
wore lavish clothes and cosmetics. They could go to the theatre and the horse races, and they could ask for a divorce and own property. The royal women, ironically, had no rights. They had to remain veiled and hidden, could never get a divorce, and couldn’t even leave their quarters unless the order was given. The royal wives could only watch as other women went to the market, went swimming in the river, or rode their donkeys to visit with friends and family.
I might never have seen Plexis alone, but Drypetis discovered she was pregnant and asked to stay with her grandmother’s cortège. I decided to take advantage of her absence. I put on Axiom’s robes and hid my bright hair. The night was dark. I had Axiom lean out and say aloud, ‘Excuse me, my lady, I must go and speak to Hephaestion.’ Then he pulled his head back in the tent and I rushed out under cover of night. The guards thought I was Axiom and waved me through. I darted into Plexis’s tent.
He wasn’t sleeping. He was lying on his bed reading. When I came in, he looked up, polite interest on his face. He wasn’t expecting any visitors. When I took my hood off, he sat up in surprise. ‘Ashley!’ he cried, then he frowned. ‘Why did you come?’
‘I need to speak to you. Before I say anything else, I want to congratulate you. I heard Drypetis is expecting a child. I’m so happy for you, Plexis, she’s a lovely woman.’
‘I know.’ He smirked and lay back on his bed. He had regained most of the weight he’d shed on our hard journey. Two months of feasting and rest had filled the hollows in his cheeks and erased his ribs. Naked, he lay sprawled on his covers. His hair was tousled and his eyes were bright, but I fought the urge to join him. I wandered around his tent, picking up his helmet, turning it over in my hands, then setting it down. I touched a small bronze horse that I’d given him as a wedding present. Drypetis had decorated the tent with her affairs but the little horse had the place of honour. There was an altar with the votives and statues of several deities on it. Drypetis was a normal, religious girl. I didn’t think Plexis would ever leave her. And now she was expecting his child. My feelings for Alexander’s other wives or lovers were complex. I’d gotten to like Barsine immensely and although I didn’t care for Stateira, she only inspired pity in me. As for Roxanne, the only feeling I could dredge up for her was wariness. Strangely enough, I was jealous of Drypetis. My eyes blurred with tears. A crown of flowers was on the table. I kept my back turned to Plexis and fingered the fragrant blossoms.
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