“Meaning?”
“I don’t know . . .” Rose just shakes her head. “But I do know this: Mom was really cranky before she left for work this morning. What went on here last night?”
And so, surprising myself, I actually tell Rose what happened. Not everything, but how Crystal called to say Lily was upset and how I called Mom and told her to deal with it. “And then I went to the movie with Owen and some friends, and I turned off my phone.”
“No freaking way!” Rose looks truly shocked now.
“Hey, I was in a theater, you’re supposed to turn off your phone.”
“I mean, no way you told Mom to deal with Lily.”
“Way.” I stand up, stretch lazily, then hold my head high. “I was on a date, Rose. I was having fun like a normal person. Mom was supposed to get off work in like less than five minutes. Do you think I should’ve come home?”
Rose seems to seriously consider this, then shakes her head. “No. You made the right decision.”
I’m floored. “Really?”
“Yeah.” She holds up a tangerine-colored top in front of the mirror.
“That one,” I say.
“Ya think?”
“Uh-huh, it makes your complexion look pretty.”
She smiles. “Okay then.”
As she’s manipulating the top over her big head of curlers, I decide to take this “sisterly” conversation to the next level. “Rose?”
“Huh?”
“I’ve been wondering about Dad.”
“Dad?” She’s got the shirt past the curlers now, pulling it over her bra. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why did he cut us off like he did? It seemed like he was trying. I know there was Jana and then Nelson came along—Dad’s little mini-me—but we still went over there for a while.” I glance toward the door and lower my voice. “Was it because of Lily?”
I remember how Jana used to be nervous if Lily was around the baby without supervision. It’s like she thought Lily was going to suffocate him or drop him on his head, when in reality Lily loved the baby.
Rose shrugs. “Lily and Mom.”
“Huh?”
“It was both of them, Aster. Lily was stressing out Jana.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And Mom was stressing out everyone.”
“What do you mean?” As far as I could recall, my parents never, I mean never, talked to each other after Dad left us. If Mom answered the phone and it was him, she would simply hand the phone to Rose or me. Sometimes she even hung up on him.
“I mean, I heard them having a huge argument. We’d been with him for the weekend, and he dropped off you and Lily at the library and brought me home. I’d gone straight to my room, but then I heard shouting, and I realized Dad was still here. I don’t think either of them knew I was listening.”
“And?”
“And I heard Mom really telling him off, calling him every name in the book. She was so angry. I think if she’d had a gun in her hand, she would’ve shot him.”
“What started the fight?”
“You mean besides Dad leaving?”
“Yeah, I mean that day. What started it?”
Rose frowns. “I didn’t hear the beginning. I just heard Mom going nuts. She said she hated him and wished he was dead and rotting in hell. She never wanted to see him again, she wanted him to stay out of our lives. All kinds of nasty stuff.”
“Really? You heard all that?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why should I?”
Why am I surprised that Rose left me out? Still, it hurts. “So that was it then? He did what she wanted by staying out of our lives?”
“I guess so . . . I mean, we never went back to visit after that. And he stopped calling, and I’m sure it was around then that he stopped paying child support too.”
“But that’s nuts.”
“So what’s new?”
I just shake my head, trying to absorb this. My mom tells off my dad. He completely checks out of our lives. And that’s supposed to make sense?
“I gotta go to work, Aster.” Rose is taking the hot rollers out now, tossing them onto her bed.
“I’m going to call him,” I proclaim.
“Dad?” She looks shocked. “You’re going to call Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. He’s our father, Rose. He should know what our lives are like. And he should be contributing financially. Maybe if he did, we could afford to hire someone to help with Lily.”
“Maybe.” But she shakes her head. “But whatever you do, don’t tell Mom. I mean, if she was in a bad mood this morning, I cannot imagine how ticked she’d be if you dragged her ex back into the picture. Be careful, Aster.”
After Rose goes to work, I go through the regular Saturday chores and try to get Lily to help, which is frustrating both of us. Then I realize that I actually have no way to go see Dad. And for some reason I feel this is a conversation I need to have face-to-face with him. The phone won’t cut it. But I don’t have a way to get there, and it’s too far to ride my bike, which I couldn’t do anyway since there’s the Lily factor. The bus doesn’t go that far, and even if we rode it to the edge of town and hired a taxi, there’s no way I could afford it. I’m tempted to call Crystal, but after last night, she’s probably not speaking to me. I suppose I didn’t really think this through very well.
It’s close to noon now, and Lily has been grumbling about missing story hour at the library. Even though I point out that she’s partially to blame since she slept in too, she can’t accept it. I’m just beginning to lose patience with her when my cell phone rings, and I’m pleased to see that it’s Owen. Great escape. Although I know better than to leave Lily unattended for this conversation. Too risky.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
“Okay.” Then I briefly describe the chaos I came home to last night, trying not to go into too much detail since Lily is all ears. “But things settled down,” I say casually.
“My mom was asking me why you guys don’t hire someone to help with Lily.”
Man, he really does talk to his mom a lot. “I wish we could afford to do that,” I admit.
“She said there are state programs and studies and stuff.”
“Yeah, we’ve looked into some things, but it’s hard living in a small town, plus the state always seems to be cutting back the budget.”
Now, on one hand it’s sweet that Owen cares enough to bring this up, but on the other hand I find it a tiny bit aggravating that his mom thinks she knows more about this sort of thing than we do. I talk to Kellie at the rec center fairly regularly, and she’s a real expert on what’s available for kids like Lily. Unfortunately, it’s not much.
“It’s probably none of my business, huh?” Owen says.
“No . . . I mean, it’s nice that you care, but there don’t seem to be any magic fixes for this sort of thing.” Short of money, I think, but I don’t say this.
“I just think it’d be good for you to get more time for yourself, Aster. It’s like you’re missing out on, well, you know, all kinds of regular stuff.”
“Yeah, I do know.” Now I get an idea. “Hey, if you really want to help me, Owen, is there any way you could give Lily and me a ride over to my dad’s house today?”
“Where does he live?”
“Renton.”
“Really? For some reason I thought he lived far away.”
“No, just far enough to make it inconvenient to visit.”
“I’d be happy to take you guys. Say when, and I’ll be there.”
“Well, let me fix Lily some lunch so she won’t be grumpy. How about one-ish?”
“One-ish is fine.”
I hang up and tell Lily that we’re going to Dad’s house, and she looks at me like I just told her we’re going to the moon.
“Dad’s house?”
“Yes. Remember Dad?”
/> She makes a funny smile. “Yeah. Of course.”
“But first you need to eat some lunch.”
“Does Dad still have the baby?”
I consider this. “I think so. Except the baby is older now. Let’s see . . . Nelson would be about two and a half.”
“How big is that?”
I hold my hand down to estimate Nelson’s height. “About that tall, I guess. And he can walk and talk now.” Okay, that’s assuming Nelson is normal.
Suddenly I wonder, what if Nelson is like Lily? Then I remember that Lily’s problem was related to her birth, not genetics. I looked up the medical term umbilical cord prolapse when I was about ten and discovered that Lily suffered brain damage when her oxygen supply was cut off shortly before she was born. Nelson is probably just fine.
I hurry to get our lunch made and eaten, then take care to make sure Lily looks clean and presentable. I even make her use the fingernail brush, and we cut her nails. Jana was always worried about cleanliness around the baby, like she thought Lily had cooties or something. And besides Jana, I want Dad to look at both of us without being embarrassed to admit we’re his children.
I take care with my own appearance too. Of course, I would do this anyway for Owen’s sake. I’m not sure what Owen will do while we visit Dad. Hopefully, he won’t mind making himself scarce for a while, because there’s no way I want him to be around to hear me asking why my father doesn’t pay child support. I don’t want Owen to hear me demanding money.
As Owen drives Lily and me over to Renton, I am starting to freak. Why on earth did I think I could do this? Should I have called first? Or maybe it’s better to just pop in on him without warning. That way he can’t skip out on us before we get there. Not that I think he’d do that exactly, but I don’t know. Two years is a long time to avoid seeing your daughters.
“This is a nice neighborhood,” Owen says after I direct him to the development where Dad lives.
“Yeah. Jana already owned a house here. A pretty nice one too. She’s some kind of high-up-there nurse that’s almost like a doctor. I think she calls herself a practitioner. Anyway, I guess she makes good money.” I can hear my nerves talking now, chattering on and on about things that I’m sure Owen couldn’t care less about. But it’s like I need to fill the space.
“Jana had never been married before, never had kids, so I guess she put all her money into the house and things. I heard her say once that she never expected to get married. And she was almost forty when she got pregnant, so that was kind of surprising too.” I point to the two-story craftsman-style house. “That’s it.”
I notice that the house has been repainted a rich olive green with warm brown on the trim. I seriously doubt that this house needed to be repainted since it’s still pretty new. Our house, which is not so new, really does need a new paint job.
As Owen pulls into the driveway, three things occur to me almost simultaneously: (1) Dad might not be home; (2) he might not live here anymore, although my last Christmas card with a $100 gift card from Target had this address on it; and (3) he might not even be married to Jana now, although that seems unlikely.
“Do you want me to stick around?” Owen asks. I can tell he’s uneasy.
“Well, maybe just until I make sure everything is okay,” I say nervously. “I mean, I didn’t even think that he might not be home.”
“Why don’t you go and check. I’ll wait here.”
“Okay.” Still, it feels like my rear is glued to the upholstery. I’m not sure I really want to do this. I’m not sure I can do this. Suddenly this seems like one of the nuttiest things I’ve ever done.
“There’s Dad!” Lily shouts, pointing over to the side of the house where a man is pulling a hose. How she knew it was Dad beats me, because he has a full beard, and I’m not even sure I would’ve recognized him. Although the red hair is kind of a giveaway.
“Okay then.” I glance at Owen, and he gives me an encouraging smile.
“Good luck,” he says.
“Thanks.”
“Come on, Aster,” Lily urges. She’s opening the passenger door now, halfway out. And the bearded man is looking curiously at the strange white pickup parked in his driveway.
“I’ll have my cell phone on,” Owen says. “I’ll probably go grab a bite to eat and check out that new electronics store.”
“Great,” I say, although I’m not really listening. It’s like my ears are buzzing with nerves and my hearing is impaired. I watch Lily streaking across the driveway straight for Dad, like she thinks he’s going to give her a big hug, and I’m thinking he probably doesn’t recognize this bulky teenage girl.
“I better go,” I tell Owen, quickly jumping down from the truck. Then I follow Lily, forcing a weak smile. I send a cautious little wave to my father. “Hey, Dad, what’s up?”
12
“What’s going on, Aster?” My dad’s expression is a cross between surprise and irritation.
“We just thought we’d stop by and say hi,” I tell him.
“Yeah,” Lily says. “Hi, Dad. Where you been?”
“I’ve been right here.” He’s smiling at Lily, but there’s a stiffness in his face.
“Sorry to catch you by surprise,” I say. “I guess I should’ve called.”
He nods and then seems to relax ever so slightly. “Yeah, calling would be good. Still, it’s great to see you two. Where’s Rosie?”
“Not Rosie!” Lily says with authority. “Just Rose.”
“Yeah, she throws a fit if anyone calls her Rosie, Dad.”
“Good to know,” he says.
“Anyway, she’s at work. She’s still working at Delilah’s.”
“Man, you girls have grown.” He sighs loudly, then eyes Lily like he wants to ask how she got so fat, but thankfully, he doesn’t say anything. Then he stares at me. “Wow, Aster, you got tall. How tall are you anyway?”
“About five ten.”
“Just a couple inches shorter than your old man.”
“Daddy!” a child’s voice yells from around the side of the house.
“Oh, I almost forgot about Nelson.” He dashes back and returns with a blond toddler in his arms. He reintroduces us, and Lily gets down on her knees in an attempt to hug him, but Nelson backs away like he’s not too sure about this big girl.
“Don’t scare him, Lily,” I warn her. “Little kids take time to get to know people.”
“Hi, Nelson,” she says in a babyish voice. “Wanna play with Lily?”
He nods but keeps his distance.
“Let’s go in the backyard,” Dad says. He herds us back along the side of the house and through a gate. I wonder if he’s afraid to let us in the house. Maybe Jana will throw a fit or throw us out. But then I see that he seems to be working on putting together a play structure.
“That looks fun,” Lily says as she grabs hold of a swing.
“Not yet, Lily,” Dad warns. “I have to sturdy some things up before it can be used.”
But then Nelson gets on the swing and Dad doesn’t say anything, which makes me think he was worried that the structure wasn’t strong enough to bear Lily’s weight. But Lily seems oblivious to this as she starts to push Nelson in the swing. Dad stands nearby like he’s worried she’ll push him too high or cause him to fall out. But Lily is actually being very careful.
“Hey, Aster, why don’t you give me a hand with this,” he says as he picks up a yellow plastic slide that’s lying on the grass.
So I end up helping my dad put together a play structure for my half brother while Lily keeps him occupied by swinging then playing kickball. They end up in the sandbox, where Lily seems to be having the time of her life.
“Lily is good with Nelson,” I point out.
“So far, so good.”
“Meaning you don’t trust her?”
“She’s got the mentality of a preschooler, Aster. You don’t let a preschooler babysit a toddler.”
“It’s not like she’s alone with hi
m. I’m just saying that Nelson seems to like her. And she certainly likes him. I think it’s sweet.”
Now Dad smiles at me, and it seems like the first genuine smile he’s had since we arrived. “Yeah, you’re right. It is sweet.” Now he just stares at me again, slowly shaking his head like he’s trying to figure things out. “You’ve sure grown up, Aster.”
“I’ll be seventeen next week,” I remind him.
Dad gets ready to put together what looks like the final part on this structure. “Darn, I’m missing a bolt.”
I go over and peruse the pile of junk that must’ve come in the kit—various screws and washers and stuff—but I can’t find this elusive bolt either.
Then Dad’s eyes light up. “Hey, maybe you and Lil could keep an eye on Nelson while I make a quick run to the hardware store to get another one. It’ll be so much easier than loading him into his car seat and—”
“Sure,” I tell him. “Go ahead. And don’t worry, I’ll keep a close eye on Nelson and Lily.”
I assume this means Jana isn’t in the house today, and that is a huge relief. I can talk freely to Dad without Jana popping in and putting in her two cents. Not that I dislike her that much, but I guess I don’t really trust her, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like Lily or me. She and Rose seemed to get along okay at first, but that sort of cooled off after the baby came. Especially when Rose informed Jana that she “didn’t care to babysit Nelson.” Big surprise there, since Rose never helped much with Lily either. And, naturally, I wasn’t any help to Jana, being that I was—still am—sort of joined at the hip to Lily. My guess is Jana hasn’t missed the Flynn girls much.
So I go sit on the edge of the sandbox and watch as Nelson and Lily play. They really do seem to get along nicely, and I think for the next several years they could probably be friends. Until Nelson outgrows her or begins to feel embarrassed to be around her. I’m sure it will happen.
Dad returns with the bolt after about twenty minutes. By then Nelson is starting to get a little cranky, and Dad announces it’s naptime.
“For me too?” Lily asks. Sometimes I make her take a nap.
Just Another Girl Page 9
