‘Luca, I don’t think I can go any further...’
He took her hand and looped her arm through his once more. ‘You’ll be fine. We’re almost there. We’ve gone farther than yesterday. Just a few more steps and we’ll be—’
‘No.’ Artie pulled out of his hold and took a few stumbling steps back towards the castello. ‘I can’t.’
Luca captured her by the wrist and brought her back to face him, his expression concerned. ‘Whoa there. Slow down or you’ll trip and twist your ankle.’
Her chest was so restricted she couldn’t take a breath. Her stomach was churning, her knees shaking, her skin breaking out in a clammy sweat. She closed her eyes and a school of silverfish swam behind her eyelids. She opened her eyes but she couldn’t see past the sting of tears. She tried to gulp in a breath but her throat wouldn’t open enough for it to get through.
I’m going to die. I’m going to die. I’m going to die.
The words raced through her mind as if they were being chased by the formless fear that consumed her.
Luca gathered her close to his chest and stroked her stiff back and shoulders with slow, soothing strokes. ‘Breathe, cara. Take a deep breath and let it out on the count of three. One. Two. Three. And again. One. Two. Three. Keep going, mia piccola. One. Two. Three.’
His gently chanted words and the stroke of his hands began to quieten the storm inside her body. The fog in Artie’s brain slowly lifted, the fear gradually subsiding as the oxygen returned to her bloodstream.
She was aware of every point of contact with his body—her breasts pressed against his chest, the weight of his arm around her back, his other hand moving up and down between her shoulder blades in those wonderfully soothing strokes, his pelvis warm and unmistakably male against hers, his chin resting on the top of her head. She was aware of the steady thud, thud, thud of his heart against her chest, the intoxicating smell of his skin, the need awakening anew in her body. Pulses, contractions, flickers and tingles deep in her core.
Luca lifted his chin off her head and held her slightly aloft, his gaze tender. ‘You did well—it’s only our second try. Don’t feel bad you didn’t make it all the way. We’ll try again tomorrow.’
Artie chewed her lip, ashamed she hadn’t gone further. ‘What if I’m never able to do it? What if I—?’
His finger pressed softly down on her lips to silence her self-destruction beliefs. ‘Don’t talk yourself into failure, cara. I know you can do it. You want to get better and that’s half the battle, is it not?’
Artie gave a tremulous smile, heartened by his belief in her. Comforted by his commitment to helping her. Touched by his concern and patience and support. ‘I do want to get better. I’m tired of living like this. I want to experience life outside the walls of the castello.’
He cupped one side of her face in his hand. ‘And I can’t wait to show you life outside these walls. There are so many things we can do together—dinner, dancing, sightseeing, skiing, trekking. I will enjoy showing you all my favourite places.’
Artie gave a self-deprecating smile. ‘I have a lot of catching up to do. And only six months in which to do it.’
Luca’s hand fell away from her face, his expression tightening as if her mentioning the time limit on their relationship was jarring to him. ‘Of course, the most important thing we need to do is introduce you to my grandfather. I can’t use the excuse of being on honeymoon for weeks or months on end.’
‘Maybe he’ll be well enough to come here soon.’ It was a lame hope but she articulated it anyway.
His hand scraped back his hair in a distracted manner. ‘There’s no guarantee that’s going to happen. Besides, I have work to see to. I can’t stay here indefinitely.’
‘I’m not stopping you from doing your work,’ Artie said. ‘You can leave any time you like.’
His gaze met hers. Strong. Determined. Intractable. ‘I want you with me.’
A frisson scooted down her spine at the dark glint in his eyes. The glint that spoke of the desire still smouldering inside him—the same desire smouldering inside her. She could feel the crackle of their chemistry in the air. Invisible currents of electricity that zapped and fizzed each time their eyes met and each time they touched. He stepped closer and slid his hand beneath the curtain of her hair, making her skin tingle and her blood race. His gaze lowered to her mouth, the sound of his breath hitching sending another shiver cascading down her spine.
‘I didn’t think it was possible that I could want someone so much.’ His tone was rough around the edges.
Artie moved closer, her hands resting on the hard wall of his chest, her hips clamped to his, heat pooling in her core. ‘I want you too.’
He rested his forehead on hers, their breath mingling in the space between their mouths. ‘It’s too soon for you. You’ll be sore.’ His voice was low, his hands resting on her hips.
Artie brought her mouth closer to his, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. ‘I’m not sore at all. You were so gentle with me.’
He groaned and drew her closer, his mouth coming down on hers in a kiss that spoke of banked-down longing. She opened to the commanding thrust of his tongue, her senses whirling as he called her tongue into sensual play. Need fired through her body, hot streaks of need that left no part of her unaffected. Tingles shot down her spine and through her pelvis, heating her to boiling point. Her intimate muscles responded with flickers and fizzes of delight, her bones all but melting. One of his hands moved from her hip to cup her breast through her clothes, sending another fiery tingle through her body.
He deepened the kiss even further, his hand going beneath her top and bra to cup her skin on skin. The warmth of his palm and the possessive weight of his fingers sent her pulse soaring. He stroked her nipple into a tight bud of exquisite sensations, powerful sensations for such a small area of her body. He lifted his mouth off hers and lowered his lips to her breast, his tongue swirling over her engorged nipple, his teeth gently tugging and releasing in a passionate onslaught that made her gasp with delight.
The sound of Luca’s phone ringing from inside his trouser pocket evoked a curt swear word from him as he lifted his mouth off her breast. ‘I’d better get this. It’s the ringtone I set up for Nonno’s carer.’ He pulled out his phone and took the call, a frown pulling at his forehead.
Artie rearranged her clothes and tried not to eavesdrop but it was impossible not to get the gist of the conversation. His grandfather had suffered a fall and was being taken to hospital with a suspected broken hip. Luca ended the call after reassuring his grandfather’s carer he would leave for the hospital straight away.
He slipped the phone back in his pocket and gave Artie a grave look. ‘You heard most of that?’
Artie placed her hand on his forearm. ‘I’m so sorry. Is he going to be okay?’
He shrugged one shoulder, the almost casual action at odds with the dark shadows in his eyes. ‘Who knows? Nonno is eighty-three. A broken hip is a big deal for someone of that age.’ He released a breath and continued. ‘I’m going to the hospital now. I want to speak to the orthopaedic surgeon. I want to make sure Nonno gets the very best of care.’ He held her gaze for a moment. ‘This might be your only chance to meet him.’ His voice was husky with carefully contained emotion but she could sense the effort it took. His jaw was locked tight, his nostrils flaring as he fought to control his breathing.
Artie’s throat tightened. ‘I wish I could go with you, Luca. I really do.’
He gave a movement of his lips that wasn’t quite a smile. He reached for her hand and gave it a gentle press. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can.’
‘Please send my best wishes for a speedy recovery.’ Artie knew the words were little more than useless platitudes when all Luca wanted was her by his side. She was never more aware of letting down her side of the bargain. Letting him down. It pained her she was unable to
harness her fear for his sake.
She watched as he drove away, her heart feeling as if it was torn in two. It felt wrong not to be with him—wrong in a way she hadn’t expected to feel. As if part of her was missing now he was gone. The castello had never been more of a prison, her fear never more of a burden. Why couldn’t she feel the fear and do it anyway? Was she to be imprisoned within these walls for the rest of her life? Luca needed her and she wasn’t able to be with him, and yet she wanted nothing more than to be by his side.
She wanted to be with him because she loved him.
Artie could no longer suppress or deny her feelings about him. She had fallen in love with him in spite of his rules, in spite of her own efforts to keep her heart out of their arrangement. But her heart had been in it from the moment Luca kissed her. He had awoken her out of a psychological coma, inspiring her to live life in a full and vibrant way. How could she let him down now when he needed her? How could she not fight through her fears for him?
Rosa came out to join her, shading her eyes from the blinding sunshine. ‘Do you know when he’ll be back?’
Artie gave a despondent sigh. ‘No. I feel so bad I wasn’t able to go with him. What sort of wife am I that I can’t even be by my husband’s side when he needs me most?’
Rosa gave her a thoughtful look. ‘I guess you have to measure up which thing is bigger—your fear of leaving here or your fear of not being there for him.’
Artie bit her lip, struggling to hold back a tumult of negative emotion. Her sense of failure, her lack of courage, her inability to overcome her phobia.
You’re hopeless. A failure. An embarrassment.
Her harsh internal critic rained down abuse until she wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and hide away. But hiding never solved anything, did it? She had hidden here for ten years and nothing had changed.
And yet...something had changed. Luca had changed her. Awakening her to feelings and sensations she hadn’t thought possible a few days ago. Feelings she could no longer hide from—feelings that were not part of Luca’s rules but she felt them anyway. How could she not? He was the light to her darkness, the healing salve to her psychological wound, the promise of a life outside these cold stone walls. He was her gateway to the outside world, the world that had frightened and terrified her so much because she didn’t trust it to keep her safe.
But she trusted Luca.
She had trusted him with her body, giving herself to him, responding to him with a powerful passion she could still feel in her most intimate flesh. Her love for him was bigger than her fear. Much bigger. That was what she would cling to as she stared down her demons. She had the will, she had the motivation, she had her love for him to empower her in a way nothing had been able to before. Luca was outside her prison walls, and the only way she could be with him in his hour of need was to leave the castello, propelled, empowered, galvanised by the love she felt for him.
Love was supposed to conquer all.
She would damn well prove it.
CHAPTER NINE
LUCA GOT TO the hospital in time to speak to his grandfather before he was taken for surgery. Nonno looked ashen and there was a large purple and black bruise on his face as well as his wrist and elbow where he had tried to break his fall. Luca took the old man’s papery hand and tried to reassure him. ‘I’ll be here when you come out of theatre. Try not to worry.’
Nonno grimaced in pain and his eyes watered. ‘When am I going to meet this new wife of yours? You’d better hurry up and bring her to me before I fall off my perch.’
‘Soon,’ Luca said, hoping it was true. ‘When you’re feeling better. You don’t want to scare her off with all those bruises, do you?’
A wry smile played with the corners of Nonno’s mouth. ‘It’s good that you’ve settled down, Luca. I’ve been worried about you since...well, for a long time now.’
‘I know you have.’ Luca patted his grandfather’s hand, his chest tightening as if it were in a vice. ‘I was waiting for the right one to come along. Just like you did with Nonna.’
The strange thing was, Artie did feel right. Right in so many ways. He couldn’t imagine making love to anyone else, which was kind of weird, given there was a time limit on their relationship. A six-month time limit he insisted on because no way was he interested in being in for the long haul. Not with his track record of destroying people’s lives.
‘Your grandmother was a wonderful woman,’ Nonno said, with a wistful look on his weathered features. ‘I miss her every day.’
‘I know you do, Nonno. I miss Nonna too.’
Another good reason not to love someone—the pain of losing them wrecked your life, leaving you alone and heartsore for years on end. If that wasn’t a form of torture, what was? None Luca wanted any part of, not if he could help it.
He was already missing Artie, and he’d only been away from her the couple of hours it took to drive to the hospital. He’d wanted her to come with him to meet his grandfather but that wasn’t the only reason. He genuinely enjoyed being with her, which was another new experience for him. The women he’d dated in the past were nice enough people, but no one had made him feel the way Artie did.
Making love with her had been like making love for the first time, discovering things about his body as well as hers. Being tuned in to his body in a totally different way, as if his response settings had been changed, ramped up, intensified, so he would want no one other than her. No one else could trigger the same need and drive. No one else would satisfy him the way she did. He ached for her now. What he would give to see her smile, to feel her hand slide into his and her body nestle against him.
His grandfather turned his head to lock gazes with Luca. ‘I’ve been hard on you, Luca, over the years. I see it now when it’s too late to do anything about it. I’ve expected a lot of you. You had to grow up too fast after your father and Angelo died.’ He sighed and continued. ‘You’ve worked hard, too hard really, but I know your father would be proud of your achievements. You’ve carried on his legacy and turned Ferrantelli Enterprises into a massive success.’ He gave a tired smile. ‘I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy. Success is good, but personal fulfilment is what life is really about.’
The hospital orderly arrived at that point to take Nonno down to the operating theatre.
Luca grasped his grandfather’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Try and get well again, Nonno. I’ll be waiting here for you when you come back.’
Once his grandfather had been wheeled out of the room, Luca leaned back in the visitors’ chair in his grandfather’s private room and stretched out his legs and closed his eyes. Hospitals stirred emotions in him he didn’t want to feel. It was a trigger response to tragedy. Being surrounded by death and disease and uncertainty caused an existential crisis in even the most level-headed of people. Being reminded of a loved one’s mortality and your own. It would be a long wait until Nonno came out of theatre and then recovery but he wanted to be here when his grandfather came back. His gut churned and his heart squeezed and his breath caught.
If he came back...
* * *
Artie put her small overnight case in the back of Rosa’s car and pressed the button to close the boot. She took a deep breath and mentally counted to three on releasing it. She came around to the passenger side and took another breath. ‘Okay. I can do this.’
I have to do this. For Luca. For myself. For his grandfather.
She got in the car and pulled the seatbelt into place, her heart pounding, her skin prickling with beads of perspiration.
Rosa started the engine and shifted the gearstick into ‘drive’. ‘Are you sure about this?’
Artie nodded with grim determination. ‘I’m sure. It won’t be easy but I want to be with Luca. I need to be with him.’
Rosa drove towards the bronze gates, which opened automatically because of the sensors s
et on either side of the crushed limestone driveway. Artie concentrated on her breathing, trying to ignore the fear that was like thousands of sticky-footed ants crawling over her skin. Her chest was tight, her heart hammering like some sort of malfunctioning construction machinery, but she was okay...well, a little bit okay.
Rosa flicked a worried glance her way. ‘How are you doing?’
Artie gripped the strap of the seatbelt that crossed her chest. Her stomach had ditched the butterflies and recruited bats instead. Frantically flapping bats. ‘So far, so good. Keep going. We’re nearly outside.’
They drove the rest of the way out of the gates and Artie held her breath, anticipating a crippling flood of panic. But instead of the silent screams of terror inside her head, she heard Luca’s calm, deep voice, coaching her through the waves of dread.
‘Breathe, cara. One. Two. Three.’
It wasn’t the first time someone had taught her breath control—two of the therapists had done so with minimal results. But for some reason Luca’s voice was the one she listened to now. It gave her the courage to go further than she had gone in over a decade. Out through the castello gates and into the outside world.
Artie looked at Rosa and laughed. ‘I did it! I’m out!’
Rosa blinked away tears. ‘Sì, you’re out.’
Artie wished she could say the rest of the journey was easy. It was not. They had to stop so many times for her to get control of her panic. The nausea at one stage was so bad she thought she was going to vomit. She distracted herself with the sights and sounds along the way. Looking at views she never thought she would see again—the rolling, verdant fields, the lush forests and the mountains, the vineyards and orchards and olive groves of Umbria. Scenes from her childhood, places she had travelled past with her parents. The memories were happy and sad, poignant and painful, and yet also gave her a sense of closure. It was time to move on. Luca had given her the tools and the motivation to change her thinking, to shift her focus. And the further away from the castello they got, the easier it became, because she knew she was getting closer to Luca.
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