“God help me,” Kelly sobbed quietly as she clutched her belly.
CHAPTER TWO
Theo rubbed the back of his neck as he concentrated on the computer monitor. He was planning a series of sermons on the book of Revelation and he wanted to assimilate it properly so that his congregation could grasp the meanings and the symbols without being confused.
It was not the first time that he was presenting on the book of Revelation, but he wanted to take a different approach this time. He frowned hard at his monitor. Last time he started at the end and then worked his way to the top, but his concentration was not on par today. He could sense that Kelly was unhappy.
She walked around giving him these fake smiles that didn’t reach her eyes and looked as if somebody stole her design idea. A few years ago, if someone copied one of her designs that would be enough to make her depressed for weeks. He doubted that that was the case this time. She hadn’t had a major job for weeks. Besides that, along with the depression, he could see a shattered look in her eyes and that worried him.
He knew Kelly very well, almost as well as he knew himself, and he knew that something was not quite right with her. These days she was distant and cagey, almost as if she was hiding something.
When she had suggested that they go away for a weekend he had broken several appointments because he knew that for close to three years he had not really had any quality time away with his wife. The ministry had so eaten up his time and energy that his family had only gotten the dregs of his attention.
He had made a conscious effort to say yes to her idea because he could sense that she was displeased with his lack of attention to his family. Indeed, she had often mumbled that church business was his mistress and she was second best. The last time they had an argument about it, she had screamed that he spent more time helping other people to fix their family while his was broken and he didn’t care.
So when she suggested a special weekend away he would have jumped through many hoops to accommodate her. That the special weekend was just what he had needed—a stress reliever—and that it came with the happy surprise of a third child was a blessing to him.
Kelly on the other hand had not seen it that way. She looked stressed and depressed ever since; he was seriously worried about that. She had seemed so happy when she was pregnant with Thealyn and with Matthew.
Theo picked up a picture of his two children and smiled. Thea had turned seven the previous week and Matthew was now five. They were both spitting images of him, no trace of their mother in their features anywhere.
He glanced at the family picture that they took last year in their annual picture taking exercise and smiled at his wife's serene half-smile. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, he thought to himself, not just outside but inside too, where it matters. She had a soothing calmness about her that belied the passion that bubbled on the surface of her emotions. She was passionate about her family, her church ministry, and her job.
The thought that he almost lost her to Chris Donahue eleven years ago always jolts him when he thinks about it. Chris had pursued Kelly with such an intensity that he’d thought he couldn’t compete. Chris was rich and had so much to offer. He, on the other hand, had been just an intern pastor and was from a poor family.
Chris would invite her to expensive dinners and bought her over-the-top gifts, which he could not afford even with a year’s salary. One day Chris had even arranged for him and Kelly to spend the day in Cuba!
He had bought her flowers and arranged for violin players to serenade her at work. It was excessive and daunting, the lengths to which Chris had gone.
His stiff, almost clumsy courtship of her had really filled him with embarrassment and uncertainty. His idea of a date was to share his sandwich with her at lunchtime, and a slow drive along the scenic sea road to Discovery Bay, playing the radio and hoping that she was not bored.
Apparently she hadn’t been because she used to laugh with him a lot, and asked him a million and one questions about the Bible and Christianity. She had still been searching for her place in the world, and when she finally decided to get baptized, and become a full-fledged Christian, he had been extremely happy for her and very hopeful that they could have a relationship that could lead to marriage.
That feeling had ended though. Chris, who at the time had viewed him as the enemy, had announced to him, in no uncertain terms, that he had bought a piece of land in an exclusive part of Ocho Rios to build Kelly's dream home. “We discussed it,” Chris had told Theo, “she wants to live there. I can afford to give Kelly what she wants.”
There was a not too subtle warning behind that statement for Theo. That very day, with a low feeling in his stomach, he had vowed to stop pursuing Kelly. He had stopped inviting her to get ice cream on Sunday evenings or walk with him in the scenic parks in St. Ann's Bay. He started going on his nature hikes alone, missing Kelly dearly, because she was fun to be around and had an infectious sense of humor. She would hike with him, without complaint, enjoying the vast outdoors almost as much as he did.
His withdrawal had not gone unnoticed by her and for a while she avoided him at church. Theo had just assumed that she was getting serious with Chris and was uncomfortable with him and had even started to console himself that maybe they weren’t meant to be, but a church trip that year had changed the whole situation for him. The church had organized a hike to Blue Mountain Peak, a yearly trek that all able-bodied church members looked forward to. It was his first year at the church, and he had wanted to experience what going to the highest mountain peak in Jamaica would be like. He had looked at the sign-up list and saw that quite a few church members had expressed an interest, from old Sister Gwendolyn, at 80 years old, to young Carter at 8, and then he saw Kelly Thomas.
After seeing Kelly’s name he had frantically scanned the list to see if Chris was on it, but he wasn’t. Theo had never looked forward to a trip like that before, and indeed it was life-changing. He had gotten the chance to really talk with Kelly. Out in nature, no trappings of wealth, no competition from Chris for her attention; she had confessed to him that she was disappointed that he had stopped asking her out.
By the third day, when they reached the peak, he had proposed. To him it was a now-or-never situation. She’d said yes eagerly, with stars in her eyes and a look of love so melting that he still felt faint tingles whenever he recalled the experience.
Their engagement had created quite an excitement among the church brethren. They got married six months later. Chris didn’t attend, though he was invited.
For several years after that Chris stayed away from the Three Rivers Church. He gave up his posts and went into hiding. But five years later he returned and avoided all references to the past. It was as if it never happened, and Theo always felt uncomfortable bringing it up. After all, he was the one who got the girl. He was gracious in his win.
It still bothered him that Chris had not yet found a wife to settle down with. Chris studiously avoided the topic of marriage and spurned the advances made on him by the church sisters.
Theo had become slightly concerned when Chris and Kelly worked on a project a few months ago. He always had a sneaking suspicion that Chris was still obsessed with Kelly but Kelly had fanned away his concerns, and he had not wanted to seem like a jealous husband. She loved her job and the assignment with Chris had been a very lucrative one for her.
Theo put the family photo back on the desk and smiled. His mind was not functioning as it should today and the walk down memory lane left him slightly discomfited.
He got up and played the song “Order My Steps in Your Word” on his piano. Singing softly, he tried hard to regain focus on his sermon.
CHAPTER THREE
For the next three months Kelly studiously avoided her family, and rarely went to church. She felt sick most of the time anyway. It was not shaping up to be a happy pregnancy at all, and she was mentally and physically exhausted. Her sister, Erica, was not pleased with he
r avoidance tactics and had arrived on her doorstep Tuesday afternoon with a knowing gleam in her eye. Kelly had waddled to open the door and looked at her sister warily.
“Why are you suddenly so unavailable?” Erica challenged her.
But before Kelly could answer Erica breezed into the house and headed for the back patio—her short, stocky body bristling with rage. “If I told a stranger that we go to the same church, share the same parents and that I baby-sit your children whenever I am free and you want a break, they would not believe me.”
Erica turned around looking at her sister disbelievingly and then headed for the kitchen. “You must be crazy if you think you can avoid me, of all the people in the world! Well you have a next think coming, missy. Because unfortunately for you,” she flung her handbag on the counter and started looking around in the fridge for fixings to make drinks, “I am unshakeable.”
She mixed the drinks while glaring at a mutinous Kelly and grunted, “Let’s go catch some breeze on the deck.” She carried a tray, with glasses piled high with ice, and headed to the back section of the house.
She placed the tray on a small table between two lounge chairs and relaxed on a seat.
“Now this is the life.” Erica sighed and then glanced suspiciously at her sister. “Okay, fess up. That is not a seven-month belly. That is a nine-month belly.” She held up her hand as Kelly began to protest.
“I am a nurse, young grasshopper.” She looked at Kelly gimlet-eyed. “Not only that, I know that something is wrong with you. I even suspect what it is. And I must say, that as your big sister and friend, I am sorely disappointed.”
“What's wrong with me?” Kelly spluttered. “What are you talking about?”
“I waited nearly a year for you to tell me your deep, dark secret but I can't take it one day more.”
Erica put down the glass she was sipping from. The view from the deck was a 180-degree ocean vista. The bright blue skies and ocean seemed to meld into one. A little breeze swept across the veranda, cooling down the place considerably.
Erica stared at Kelly and shook her head. “That denial is weak and sounds guilty.”
Kelly grunted, “Leave me alone, Erica.”
“Nope.” Erica loosened her jeans button and wiggled her butt on the lounge chair, making herself comfortable. “I can't leave you alone now. You have secrets. Where is Theo?”
“Visiting some shut-in members,” Kelly said guardedly. “Why?”
“Only because I watched as he drove out,” Erica replied smugly, “and wanted to know how long he would be gone.”
“It usually takes quite a while,” Kelly said, glancing at Erica and drumming her fingers on the side of the chair.
“You know,” Erica cleared her throat, “when you got married to a pastor, I admit, I was skeptical at first. You know, you were a bit of a party girl before you joined the church. You were always down at the beach skinny-dipping.”
“I would not have call myself a party girl then, I just liked to hang out with friends…” Kelly rubbed her belly as the baby kicked against her ribs. “This child is so active.”
“Does Chris know?” Erica asked, looking casually at her sister. “Or have you been avoiding him too.”
“Why would Chris have anything to do with my pregnancy?” Kelly asked, her heart beating a fast staccato rhythm against her ribs.
“I know you two had a thing,” Erica said, sipping her lemonade, “and I also know that you are not seven-months pregnant, and added to that, you are acting really weird.”
“You know!” Kelly gasped. “How? Were you following me? Checked my doctor's records?”
“Nah,” Erica giggled. “I have a fair idea of what a nine-month pregnancy looks like. I used to work in Maternity and though I am a hotel nurse these days, I have not forgotten much. For you to lie about your time made me suspicious, and whenever I call Chris' name you look guilty. Wasn’t hard to put the two amazing pieces of information together. Kelly's in a pickle.”
“Yes, I am in a pickle.” Kelly looked at her sister. “And I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.”
“I know,” Erica replied, frowning. “I just had to hear first-hand what was going on with you. That’s why I had to come over today. You look awful by the way—terrible.”
“Thanks,” Kelly mumbled. “It has not been easy. Child-bearing and guilt are heavy burdens to bear.”
“Tell Theo and your burden will be easier,” Erica suggested, squinting up at the sky.
“Are you mad?” Kelly snapped. “You must be!”
“Have you thought this through, Kels?” Erica sighed. “Suppose this child comes out looking like his father? Genes don't lie you know, and Chris is significantly lighter-skinned than both you and Theo and he has those fabulous cat eyes. Can you imagine this child with hazel eyes? That would be a dead give-away.”
“I don’t know what to do,” Kelly sighed. “I think about nothing else for days on end. I even find myself praying, ‘please Lord, let this child look generic.’ Then I realized that I am just fooling myself. The Lord won't listen to prayers like that when I am willfully and actively deceiving my husband. But I am still hoping for a miracle. You know, genetics can do strange things. Look at you; you are significantly lighter-skinned than me. Do you think you were adopted and our parents have been hiding it from us for 35 years?”
Erica laughed. “I look like my Daddy. You look like Grandaunt Presty.”
“No, I don't,” Kelly laughed. “Grandaunt Presty had crossed eyes and big ears. Besides, Aunt Presty would be 60 when she had me, and that alone would have been remarkable.”
Then she sobered up. “This child is a boy, by the way. I told Mom this morning when she came to collect the kids for the week. She was harping on and on about what a joy it will be to have two boys.”
Erica laughed. “What would she know? She has two girls. One is married to a pastor and screwed up her life big time, and I am just a hopeless spinster seeking solace in triple chocolate ice cream.”
Kelly grinned. “You do look fatter since the last time I saw you.”
“Yup,” Erica said as she loosened her zip and sighed. “I gained fifteen pounds since I started working at the hotel. I might need to borrow some of your pregnancy clothes to get by.”
Kelly laughed. “You always manage to make me laugh…sister of mine.”
“That’s why I don’t get why you couldn’t share this whole business with me.”
“It’s too personal, convoluted and dramatic.” Kelly sighed and then contemplated telling Erica about the whole sordid mess. After considering for a while, she decided to just unload on her sister. It wouldn't matter anyway because Erica would never tell Theo.
“I agreed to do the interior design for Chris' new villa.”
Erica nodded. “The Villa Rose? He was telling me about it after church a couple months ago. Apparently he has several species of rose all over the place. When he was explaining that I wondered to myself if it had anything to do with the fact that your middle name is Rose.”
Kelly closed her eyes and grunted.
“That man is smitten, whipped, totally into you,” Erica coughed. “I knew that you working with him was a bad idea. I predicted this train wreck several years ago, but of course you wouldn’t listen. You thought you were immune to cheating because you are a Christian, mother of two and the pastor's wife, didn't you? Why did you do it though?”
“Theo was not paying me much attention. It’s always church this and church that. Sister so-and-so or Brother this-and-that always needed his attention more than I did. I don’t know. I got restless; I needed to feel like the number one person in somebody's life, not just a wife who smiled at somebody's side at church and looked the part of a dedicated Christian when deep inside I was lonely.” She inhaled noisily. “It was eating me up, consuming me. My husband ceased putting me first and I became a hanger-on, the sentence after his major paragraph.”
“Wow. I had no idea that was how you
were feeling,” Erica said softly.
“Who was I to tell?” Kelly asked. “A pastor’s wife is supposed to be beyond reproach. I am the one others come to for solace, Erica. Besides, I married him knowing he had a ministry that would be time-consuming. He is passionate about helping others and preaching God's word. Over the years I guess I felt that I was being slightly petty in expecting all the attention to be on me. I have mentioned how I felt to him time and time again, but I could see the visible war that he had to fight, trying to balance the needs of his congregation with the needs of his family. Don’t forget he is also a counselor. He counsels young people all the time about marriage. Why couldn’t he see that his family was in danger?”
“I guess he is just too close to the situation to see,” Erica said sympathetically. “Why didn’t you guys go for counseling?”
“Are you kidding?” Kelly opened her eyes wide. “The counselor and spiritual guide going for counseling? Unheard of...”
“Well y'all definitely need it,” Erica snorted.
“So anyway,” Kelly said, frowning, “last year May, or was it June? Chris finished his villa and asked me if I wanted to do the interior. I had just finished the Jones project so I said yes.”
“Nah, tell it like it was. Don’t give me the sanitized version,” snorted Erica.
“Okay…okay, you story lover.” Kelly sipped her lemonade and grimaced. “This is too sweet.”
“I sweetened it with honey. Stop being evasive and talk,” Erica said, fanning off her sister.
“Well, I was at church, sitting in my car waiting for children's choir practice to end so I could take the children home; Theo was staying over at church for one of his infernal meetings. Luckily, I drove my car. I was playing ‘Ordinary People’ over and over from my John Legend CD. The music was playing really low and I was humming along, completely ignorant that Chris was at my car door. When the song was about to start another loop, he said, ‘another thing we have in common. That is my favorite song too.’
Private Sins (Three Rivers Series: Book 1) Page 2
