The wind was kicking up more now, and it was biting cold. Bloody hell, did Darcy move his goddamn house? I don’t remember it being this far of a walk. He should not have told his batman to go home and get warm so that he could continue alone and think. Thinking is highly overrated he decided as he stomped his feet while awaiting traffic. I’m going to freeze my fucking balls off if I don’t… “Ladies…” Smiling warmly, he bowed and tipped his hat, flirting outrageously with the three giggling lovelies who slowed their pace as they walked by, whispering and staring back at him as they did. His spirits rose considerably when they spun around to follow him.
There definitely was an upside to fame.
The sad truth was that the one thing he really would have wanted to do with his life was the one thing that he could not. In his heart of hearts, Fitzwilliam wanted nothing more than to be a simple country squire. He wanted to work the soil, chop trees, and visit his tenants. He wanted to read and actually understand cattle and crop reports, or bicker over terms with tradesmen. He wanted a quiet, neat little home and the chance to doze off in a chair in his own garden, after he’d had a good pipe and glass of port. He wanted to smell the daisies handed to him by an adorable little moppet daughter, and to teach a son to ride a pony and how to fish. He wanted an innocent, demure, quiet, and biddable heiress wife, a shy lady who would be a model of English propriety by day and a whore for him in his bedroom by night. He sighed and grunted at his own foolishness.
After all, he had no money of his own.
He was a well-bred English second son.
***
He also was thirty-two years old and had spent the first blush of his young manhood sitting in mud and worried about getting enough food for his troops. Enough food and enough blankets, bullets, boots, horses, etc. Scavenging and stealing had occupied much of any time not spent in battle or being blind drunk, and the years had just slipped away. To his mind, he was too old now to start afresh, had no home of his own and no income. Of course, he could ask his father for any amount of money his heart desired, but he could not and would not take advantage of a man he so respected. He was back to wondering what to do with the remainder of his life. Most second and third sons could be assured of benevolence from the firstborn who inherited all; however, once his father was gone, he was certain Regis would cut him off without a farthing. They hated the sight of each other.
He truly should plan for the future, but not today.
Well, I have finally struck bottom, he suddenly realized. I am wandering the streets, destitute, lost and homeless, and waxing maudlin. I’ll be sobbing on some poor bastard’s neck soon, drunk as a lord. If I am very lucky, perhaps Darcy will adopt me.
A gentleman slapped him on the shoulder. “Good show! Good show!” the man exclaimed then planted himself squarely in Fitzwilliam’s path. “I say, Colonel, may I call you Dick? Excellent! My, you’re a tall one, aren’t you? How’s the weather up there, what? Ha! Ha! Dick, did you happen to know my cousin? Major Billy Hench? Average height, light hair. Oh, surely you knew him. He was at Waterloo, also, and made quite a show for himself there.”
Fitzwilliam stared down at the diminutive man, expecting a little more information, and when it wasn’t forthcoming, he decided he would speed things up a bit.
“Excuse me, sir. Was your cousin also with the Coldstream Guards?”
“No, he was with the 72nd. To tell the truth, he did not actually see much action in the battle, per se, but he did attend the Duke of Richmond’s rout the night before. Surely you were there yourself! No? Are you certain? But my dear Dick, you must be mistaken. It was the place to be, I am told! It’s quite a humorous story, actually; he became frightfully drunk and nearly missed the whole fracas. Got in the game rather late in the day, I’m afraid. Oh, I am certain you must have met him—he wore a red uniform jacket with black boots.”
Oh my God, some people should just be drowned at birth. Fitzwilliam smiled down politely at the eager gentleman. “I don’t recall meeting him, sir, but I am certain I heard about his bravery. If you will excuse me, I must be going. I am late for an important meeting. Good afternoon.” Thank God this bloody war is behind me.
***
Truth be told, though, the war years were not completely behind Fitzwilliam, whether he acknowledged it or not. Unknown to his friends and even to some of his family, Fitzwilliam had been experiencing the aftermaths of war—battle fatigue and its accompanying nightmares, flashbacks, and panic seizures.
The more these symptoms plagued him, the deeper he fell into his old cycle from the years before—drinking, women, and gambling—until he himself was becoming aware of the adverse effect it was having on his physical, as well as mental, health.
The tide turned upon one comment from his beloved aunt Catherine. “ Character is revealed in the dark, Richard. ”
Damn old bat.
The remark had struck home. He knew his dark had become more and more appalling, possessing moments he would be loath to have exposed to the world, behavior of which he had become deeply ashamed.
One day he would open up to Darcy. He knew that a day would come eventually, probably during a drunken weekend and after several bottles of whiskey, and maybe then he could begin to confront the demons that tormented him.
He wanted so to have better life.
He wanted so to be a better man.
Chapter 2
The cold wind bit viciously at the little slice of his face still exposed to the elements. He held his hat down and averted his eyes from the sting of the icy crystals that were blowing everywhere. One more blasted block to Darcy’s, and he was already muttering scandalous oaths into his scarf. He heard the horses’ whinny at the last minute, just in time to avoid crashing into the back of the private carriage sitting alone in the square.
His initial aggravation was soon replaced with concern for the coach’s livestock. I dearly hope this groom is sensible enough to bring his horses out of the blasted cold, he worried. A cavalry man by trade and a country gentleman in his fondest dreams, he rated horses on the same level with few people he knew, and on a higher level than most others. He approached the man, speaking loudly to be heard over the wind.
“Excuse me, John Coachman.”
The man turned a jaundiced eye toward him, only to have his demeanor dissolve into the excited wonder to which Fitzwilliam was now accustomed. “Well, bloody ’ell! I say, I say. You’re ‘The Waterloo Colonel,’ ain’t you, sir?! Let me shake your ’and, sir. Let me shake your ’and. Well, cor, what a honor this is, to be sure! Bloody ’ell!”
Nodding, Fitzwilliam firmly clasped the man’s hand in both of his, saying loudly over the wind, “I don’t think it wise to keep your cattle still like this for much longer. Perhaps you should walk them around for a bit.”
“Imagine you takin’ a interest in these poor, dumb beasts, but ain’t you the finest there is. That’s wot everyone says, and so it is, so it is. Don’t worry yerself, Colonel, sir. ’Er ladyship will be off just as soon as the young ’un brings ’er blanket. She works the poor tib somethin’ fearful. ’Ere she come now.”
The older woman, a very disagreeable old tabby he recognized as being of his late mother’s slight acquaintance, had snapped down the carriage window and was leaning forward, her two hands clasped on the edge. “Amanda! Attend me, you ignorant girl! Did you remember to bring my woolen shawl also? I do need my woolen shawl,” she screeched. “And my fan—be quick about it, do you hear? We haven’t all day!” The window on the carriage snapped upward again. Fitzwilliam turned, amused and curious now as to whom she would call so rudely, when his breath caught in his throat. The whole square suddenly hushed.
***
He recognized her instantly. Over the years he had always been eager to smile in greeting and tip his hat in the hopes they could meet; she had been his dreamlike ideal of beauty, always mysteriously vanishing before he could reach her… and now here she was in the solid form of a plain, simple, dark grey cloak and g
own.
She was blindly running up behind a young girl who looked to be around Georgiana’s age, a child dressed in the top stare of fashion and waiting to be handed into the coach by a distracted footman. The young woman had squeezed her eyes shut against the sleet and misjudged the distance to the young girl, colliding into her and causing them both to start a fit of giggles. The old tabby launched into yet another heated tirade.
He was unaware of how intensely he stared or how long this little scene lasted, struck senseless as he was by this elusive beauty now so close before him. She had dropped her reticule and was spinning, searching the ground, clutching at the old woman’s shawl that swirled about her legs. Long, dark blonde tendrils escaped from a bonnet threatening to be blown off, and her eyes blinked against the flying, stinging ice crystals. He bent to pick up the bag lying unnoticed in the wild wind and, stepping up behind her, rested his hand gently upon her arm. Electric.
She gasped and spun around, looking first at his chest, which was eye level, and then turning her face up higher, her eyes wide with surprise. She smiled her recognition instantly. His heart stopped. When he spoke, he raised his voice over the wail of the wind. “I believe you dropped this, madam.” He then warmly smiled back at her. Those huge eyes were a breathtaking almond shape, the deepest, darkest brown imaginable and innocent as a baby doe’s, fringed with long, thick black lashes. Delicate dark blonde brows arched above them like willowy, graceful caterpillars. Her skin was smooth as porcelain, creamy and flushed, the rosy red tint of the freezing wind accentuating broad, high cheekbones. Her nose was not the tiny button of an English miss but strong-looking and slightly wide. He stared at her lip’s full, soft moist form and nearly began to salivate, actually forgot to breathe. The whole effect was exotic, exhilarating.
Taking the bag, she nodded in thanks and was just opening her mouth to speak when a muffled threat barked from within startled her, commanding her to enter the carriage. The footman quickly approached and took her hand, forcing her to step up onto the coach steps while the driver leaned toward Fitzwilliam to apologize. “Sorry, Colonel, sir,” John Coachman yelled into his ear. “’Er Royal ’ighness ’ere is in rare temper today. Let me shake your ’and again, though, sir. ’Tis a honor, sir, a honor, and one that I shall lord over me mates tonight!”
The old tabby angrily pulled the carriage door closed once the beauty was barely within and then bellowed for them to be off immediately, furious that they were scandalously late for somewhere already. John Coachman tested and secured the door, touched his hat respectfully toward the colonel, and jumped up into his seat.
Fitzwilliam stepped back as the carriage jerked forward and started moving, making a turn at the end of the square and then once again slowly crossing his path. He watched it closely, his eyes searching within, his heart pounding against his ribs when he saw she was looking directly back at him, clasping the bag to her bosom and smiling in thanks. It was her eyes that seared him, melted into him, creating an emotion that sent intense waves of heat rushing throughout his body. When the carriage moved quickly away, only the back of her bonnet showed in the window.
“Look at me, love,” he whispered, willing her to turn around so he could see her again… and then she did. He had never been so affected by a woman before in his life, nor had he seen a face so beautiful and so unique and so riveting. She watched through the back window and continued staring at him until the carriage was out of sight.
It seemed then that the world around him had been sitting in a sort of muted shock, as if a new day gradually was dawning in his conscious mind. He continued his watch long after the coach passed from view. When his heart started beating again, he harrumphed and pulled his collar up to hold tightly around his neck, blowing out the breath he was suddenly aware he had been holding.
What in bloody hell was that? He tried to shake off the emotional bond that seemed to have sparked to life between them. This is ridiculous, he snorted. Too much cheap claret at lunch. He laughed to himself, willing his nerves to somehow stop trembling. It wasn’t until another carriage passed by and someone he knew called out a greeting to him that he roused himself and continued on to Darcy’s.
Chapter 3
“And where’s our Little Behemoth? I hope she’s not lodged herself within some doorway again.” Fitzwilliam stood gratefully before the roaring fire and rubbed his raw, cold hands briskly together. Elizabeth had become very, very pregnant of late. They teased her mercilessly. She was immense.
Without raising his eyes, Darcy motioned upward with his pen, in the general direction of Lizzy’s private sitting rooms. He was ensconced at his desk, surveying the reports spread upon it, reports brought to him that morning by the estate manager of his massive holding, Pemberley, in Derbyshire.
“Unfortunately, we had a bit of a disagreement at breakfast. Apparently LB is questioning the fairness of this whole pregnancy situation and at present is hosting a lively protest in her room. She and Georgiana have finished off two boxes of chocolates, a dozen scones, and are now into the peach tarts.”
Fitzwilliam laughed while he turned the chair across from Darcy around and straddled it, happily accepting the coffee handed him by the butler. “Thank you very much, Winters. You are a prince among men. It is bloody freezing out there.” He turned his attention back to his cousin as he sipped the hot drink. “Well, I don’t mind lending my support for her escape as long as the peach tarts hold out.” He tilted his chair forward to clutch an uneaten sandwich from Darcy’s plate. “Perhaps you can provide us with some type of hoist.”
Darcy abruptly looked up from his paperwork. “You are excessively tardy, as if that surprises me. Never tell me you’ve been at Wellington’s all day? I thought it was only to be a breakfast meeting.”
“Yes, well, it started out that way, but as usual, the breakfast meeting stretched into a chatty luncheon visit. We wasted an awful lot of time as he shaved this morning. I think the man is part ape; in fact, I’d swear to it. I could see his beard growing while I ate my Jerusalem artichokes. Put me off my feed for a while, I can tell you.”
Darcy’s snort served as his opinion regarding that possibility when he belatedly pulled his now empty plate back from within his cousin’s reach.
“And how is his good wife?”
“An idiot. Say, Darcy…”
“I hate to admit that was my impression, also, poor dear. Still, she has some basis for her arrogance, you know, comes from very good stock, wonderful bloodlines. If she was a horse, I’d admire her fetlocks and the astoundingly broad fullness between her eyes. By the way, has he finished remodeling his new townhouse? I’d say he bit off a bit too much with that one. Good location, though, excellent for resale.”
“Who cares? I say, Darcy…”
“Bingley heard that he’s resigning his commission. Is that true? Smart move if he is. Mark my word, he’ll be prime minister one day.
“Gad! Can we forget about Wellington for one moment, please? Good Lord, he puts his little breeches on one leg at a time, just like you and I. Now, try to pay attention. I wanted to ask you about that woman who lives across St. James square. You know who I mean—the old beastie with the hairy mole on her chin—lives in that house across from Aunt Catherine.”
Darcy shivered in recollection. A ruder, more snobbish, social-climbing harridan did not exist in all of London. “Yes, she’s lived there for years—name is Pennwalt or Pensky or Petterson. She’s an absolute horror. What on earth would you want with that old woman?”
“Didn’t she have a son that died a few years back? On the Hamilton yacht wasn’t he… when it sank… or some such accident?” He settled his chin on his folded arms, surreptitiously eying leftover biscuits.
“Yes, I believe she did have a son who drowned, but not on the Hamilton boat.” Darcy didn’t bother to look up from his writing. “Sit up straight—you’re going to break the legs on that chair, lurching back and forth like that! It’s like having an elephant bouncing on a twig
.” He slapped at his cousin’s hands. “And stop grabbing at my food, you thieving bastard.”
Fitzwilliam grunted. “You’re sounding more and more like Aunt Catherine, the older you get, did you know that? Even beginning to look a bit like her. What else do you know about the matter? I mean the hag’s son.”
Darcy returned to his figures. “I believe he was a baronet. He was on his way to confront a wayward wife who had left him and run off to America. His ship went down during a storm or at a blockade. I can’t remember which.”
“Well, I wonder who I saw, then. The woman I have seen coming and going in the square was certainly not a baronet’s wife. Dresses rather plainly, and now she accompanies a young girl. Mayhap she is a governess or teacher,” Fitzwilliam was muttering.
“What are you going on about?”
“The old tabby wouldn’t have perhaps produced a beautiful daughter somehow of which you are unaware.”
“She couldn’t produce a beautiful anything, if I’m thinking of the same person.” This interruption was causing Darcy to lose focus. Rubbing his forehead, he stared intently at his cousin. “I don’t suppose you would be interested in helping me with these accounts, seeing as you are just sitting there doing nothing but annoying me?”
“Help you with accounts?” Fitzwilliam let out a hoot of laughter. “That is rich, Darcy! Really, you have the most wonderful sense of humor!” Fitzwilliam chuckled casually as he shook his head.
After a moment, Fitzwilliam pressed on, once again disturbing the silence. “Do you know if she has any visitors at the present? The beast, I mean.”
With a resigned sigh, Darcy removed his spectacles, pinching his nose at the bridge. “Richard, I have no idea what goes on in this neighborhood. I can’t even direct my own household.” After replacing his glasses, he picked his pen back up and set to work again. “Ask Aunt Catherine if you require the latest on-dit.”
Darcy and Fitzwilliam: A Tale of a Gentleman and an Officer Page 15
