by O. Rose
“What that means,” Levi removed from his seat as well, took his place beside his brother and it stunned Holly’s senses. The two of them together, in such close proximity, was dangerous. “Is we have basic responsibilities like settling disputes and attending formal functions, they’re infrequently important and we rarely make more than a brief appearance, but this next one is that same gathering. The one you saw. The Assembly all together for a masque ball.”
“We’re going, all three of us,” Adam said, putting a hand atop her head and lightly forcing her to look at them. “If we don’t they’ll find out about you in the wrong way. With this we can somewhat control the information leak, there’s no way to keep people from prying, but-”
“After this we will all retire for a good long time,” Levi broke in, tone steely. “So you may grow used to us and this life.”
Holly knew what they said was for her benefit, it didn’t even upset her, but there was something else she needed to know. She couldn’t predict her reaction one way or the other, it’d never mattered to her at all, but the longer she sat there in that little room with them, with the warm crackling of the fire, the more she burned.
“Biting your lip again?”
She hadn’t meant to and she sat up straight, pushed Adam’s hand away. She knew it surprised them both.
“I have to ask this. I don’t really want to, but I need to know,” her hands curled into fists in her lap. She faced away from them, toward the hearth. “Why did you want me, I mean really why? You’ve said the word ‘companion’ and I didn’t think much of it, but I heard some things during that story.” Holly didn’t see them cringe. “I’m just saying that I don’t know anything about that. Nothing beyond high school health class, so if you were expecting-”
“No!”
They spoke loudly in unison and it made her turn.
“Not now,” Adam insisted as Levi paced away, head tipped back with fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “We thought, back then, maybe someday that would- happen,” his speech was disjointed. “Naturally, never forced and that was not a reason.” He frowned and amended, “Not an important one at least.”
“But, it was there as a reason?”
A heavy sigh and groan. “Yes, it was. It does no good to lie to you, of course it was.”
“But,” she struggled to understand. “Between the two of you? Didn’t you have, I mean, you know, a lot of women? They were talking about you!” She bounced a little in her seat with the exclamation.
“What we wanted was one person to stay with us.” He was leaning toward her again, noticed what he was doing when she pulled back, and hurriedly straightened. “You voiced that earlier, said you could feel it, that our intentions were dictating your future. We will try to find a way to break that and-”
Holly surprised herself by interrupting, “I didn’t say I didn’t want it,” and then froze as the phrase turned over in her mind. She didn’t even know what she meant by it; what was she saying? “I- I mean, I don’t know any other way of living. This is easier for me?” She sounded unsure, even to herself. “And anyway, you can’t change it. It was some kind of spell, right? It’s old now and long since cast or whatever you did. I don’t care about that, if there’s nothing to do,” she ended her speech uncertainly and turned away again.
That was all true, there was nothing to be done about it. Whatever they did was potent and no matter how much power they had, the past was past.
“How did you do it?” she asked in a lame attempt to change the subject. “Were potions and spell books involved?”
“No books. Modern learning is unproductive. Would it surprise you to know we have a hand in that, too?” Levi spoke from the table. “We used only a vial full of word ridden air.”
The look on her face made it clear she didn’t understand.
“I’ve told you words are powerful,” he added. “Ours were imbued with the desire to dispel loneliness and hope for a relationship unlike one we ever had before. Your mother contributed her own wish for a child. We didn’t know how it would turn out or if it would be effective. Of course, the queen also added blood and it had serious consequences for you.”
“So,” she said. “Was it a spell?”
“I suppose you could call it that. However, I wouldn’t describe it as ‘magic’. Those are spells cast daily and muttered words in anger or jealousy can have as much effect. They often rebound on the caster, causing them even more distress.”
“Basically,” Adam said. “The old adage ‘if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all’ is true. When you speak you cement feelings, the same issue can come from dwelling on thoughts, and that is one of the reasons we’ve become so reclusive. People, by and large, make their own misfortune and then double down by speaking it over themselves.” He sat beside her on the couch, noted she stiffened, but didn’t shift away. “For us it’s become an irritating cycle. Even those in the immortal community trap themselves that way and most of the disputes that come to us could have been avoided if they would have shut up and walked away.”
Holly could feel their annoyance building in the room. “But,” she said. “Isn’t it important to say some things? You can’t just ignore problems all the time.”
“No, you can’t,” Levi agreed. “However, people in general have a hard time saying what needs to be said and leaving it at that. It is possible to speak your mind without reveling in perceived superiority or interposing a negative overtone. If a fact must be stated then speak it, if an issue needs to be discussed then talk about it, but most people are incapable of stopping there.”
She considered the explanation and couldn’t say they were wrong. How many times did she witness fights in high school hallways? All down to stupid comments or rumors about things that wouldn’t matter in a week. How many times did emotion overrule productive speech? She remembered furious parents screeching and hollering in the services office; it seemed they had no control over anything in their lives and it certainly didn’t help their case. No one thinking clearly, no one with command over their actions, would do that.
She rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands. People really were uncooperative, even in their own best interests, and it was no wonder Adam and Levi disengaged after so long. She could hardly think of how she’d feel in the years to come, watching people set snares for themselves and then growing angry with those around them. Trapped in cycles of negativity.
“Some people do know, though,” she defended. “That’s why self-help books exist. Therapists.”
“And yet are they effective on a wide scale? No. The problem remains and it will never disappear. People will always say what they don’t mean, curse themselves and others, tell lies and frustrate their own minds. This cannot be cured en mass, the individual can change, but that requires self-awareness and a willingness to accept responsibility. Few want to.”
Levi’s voice was apathetic, Adam nodded in agreement, and Holly could find no further argument.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Holly realized she’d left her mother’s book with Owlen as she wandered the outdoors. The house was too stifling with both of them inside, each doing what they accused others of:
Dwelling on dark thoughts.
At least it served as an example, she thought. She could see the changes in them. They grew further and further away from her, dove deeper into their own minds as they focused on their vexation with the populace.
She wanted to confront them, but stepped away first, to decide what to say. All that talk about words made her think profoundly about what would leave her mouth. Simply spewing phrases wasn’t effective and getting emotional wouldn’t help either. She saw what they were doing and wanted to point it out, without accusing or being defensive.
“Just say it,” she told herself. “And leave it there.”
This was a good chance to see what power words could truly have and she returned to the house. The door to the room, where the
y remained still seated in the same positions, was open to her immediately.
It took courage and a deep breath, but she said, “Right now, you’re both doing what you were complaining about. You’re dwelling on negative things that none of us can change.”
She forced herself to stop, turn and walk out of the room, even as they rose and moved toward her. Part of her wanted to say more and it was hard to ignore, but she knew she’d stated the facts and that was all that needed to be said.
Anything more would be emotionally delivered and unnecessary.
What would she have said? ‘And you should stop because that makes you hypocrites and after all you said-’
“Blah, blah, blah,” she muttered. Thinking it out made it sound so stupid! Yet that was exactly what she would have said if she’d not stopped herself, it was what a lot of people would have said. It was so easy to add something extra, thinking you were making a stronger point, but the truth was that fewer words had maximum impact. A thought out argument was better delivered a few minutes later than a spur of the moment retort.
Thinking of her time in the social worker’s office, surrounded by case workers dealing with emotional adults, Holly thought of all the times she heard apologies for thoughtless comments. By then it was too late. They said something in front of the judge, they made heated, false allegations against someone else and were caught in the lie. Those words had dire consequences that could have been avoided if they’d been more cautious.
Holly jumped when arms wrapped around her from behind, Adam obviously. Levi was the one who spoke though. “You’re right and I hope you realize this is one reason we wanted a third. We’re too much alike and between the two of us it’s easy to fall prey to the very things we detest. Learn from us, from our most recent mistake and ones we’ve made in the past, Holly.”
She knew Adam felt the tremble pass through her when his brother said her name, his arms flexed tighter and she made an effort not to bite her lip, lest he notice. She didn’t know how to handle that.
They’d admitted to wanting more than a friend to travel with them; they could have had that with any other immortal from the Assembly, though she was still fuzzy on the details of the group. They’d done things she’d never considered with them, yet it wasn’t enough.
She had more to ask, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
∞
“Look at her,” Adam hissed. “She can’t walk straight just because you called her by name.”
Holly would have been mortified to know her stagger didn’t go unnoticed as she wobbled to the front door and back out into the wilds of the lawn.
“That is what we wished of her, is it not?” Levi turned to his brother, irate. “That’s another truism, ‘be careful what you wish for’.”
As he ran a hand through his hair Adam said, “I suppose it doesn’t hurt her, as she said she doesn’t know anything else, but we need to try and find an out. She should have the opportunity if she wants it.”
“Certainly, but first we get through the Assembly. I don’t like to think of putting her issue second, but we won’t get anywhere with them hanging over our shoulders,” he turned and opened a door that led to the backyard. “I’ll make the necessary contacts, you find books that will be helpful to her.”
Even if he’d wanted to argue Adam didn’t have the chance, his brother disappeared in an instant.
That was the way between them; roles shifted through the ages and now he was the one doling out directives.
In the time Holly saw, during a distant Assembly, it was the other way around.
Adam could hardly recall what it was like before the days of never fearing death, memories were lost and his brother didn’t recall anything more than he did. Sometimes he wondered what else they’d given away in the trade. He couldn’t remember what they’d done at all. How did they come to immortality?
Did they wish on the first star of the winter solstice?
“...a vial full of word ridden air.” That was how they called for Holly.
But what of themselves, did they speak a spell? Bathe in the fountain of youth?
Not one immortal knew how they gained the privileged curse of living forever. They could never tell how it was done. No matter how long they pondered, and some spent innumerable hours, there was no answer to find. The solution was lost to them and so were many memories.
Parents. Siblings. They were gone.
Adam wondered if they were wiped from the minds of family members as well, a kindness so they wouldn’t eternally wonder where the lost son or daughter went.
What was it they’d done to themselves? What did they do so they could live forever?
The queen tried and it didn’t work.
Charity chased and found. Misattributed it himself, but he knew it wasn’t him. She did something, but he didn’t know what.
What did they do and how long would he think of it, fruitlessly pursuing answers he knew he would never find?
A shake of the head attempted to dispel the question and he opened the first door that appeared before him, led into a library much too large with a dome ceiling that showed a sky elsewhere.
∞
Holly saw Levi return to the woods, watched him cross the stinging barrier and on impulse attempted to follow. Once more she jumped back; the painful tingle lasted a moment longer than last time. She still wasn’t allowed in there.
“Change it.”
She recalled Adam’s earlier demand, how long ago was that? Hours? Minutes?
It was still daylight and she thought that might be wrong.
Could she change it?
She’d changed the small dining room with a silent wish.
‘Change’. Was it good or bad? Did she have a reason? Was there a consequence?
There were always consequences, even ones that weren’t far reaching or serious in their impact. Changing the time of day here wouldn’t mean a thing to the rest of the world, she felt sure of it, but that would signify something. Acceptance of her role, defining her role. Had she already done that? By going back to them, by speaking words to mediate and heal, she stepped into a part.
Her place was once Emma, a girl who lived with one foot in the world of everyone else and the other just outside it. Now she found herself called Holly, by her own choosing, and in the company of two brothers who were integral to her life, but what was she to them?
That was what she needed to ask, but afraid to know. She already knew the answer, yet she wasn’t prepared to hear it plainly spoken, certainly not to have it acted on.
Now they spoke of the Assembly. She’d seen it on a film in her mind, the stunning gathering of masked immortals who drank wine, spoke of ages past, and whirled on as time marched by. She’d heard it of when classmates declared their intentions to be invited one day; they said they would stand with the celebrities.
Who could they be to her? She wasn’t like them; she wasn’t like Olwen who’d never died. Even with all she’d gained she was still something different.
A hoard of individuals bored with living and she was a quirk of existence. It was no wonder Levi and Adam wanted to get ahead of the wave, if they were right in thinking her cover would be blown then it was the only hope they had. A controlled explosion.
Holly looked to the sky, still bright with daylight. Many things were out of her hands and she could do nothing but trust the ones who spoke her into being.
With eyes closed and hands covering her face, Holly wished the light would fade so nighttime would come. She stood still as the air cooled, as crickets began to chirp, and when she removed her hands she saw Levi. He’d crossed the barrier once more and he was watching her.
There was a moon above them, big and glowing. Stars winked and fireflies roamed.
She felt she should speak; no words came to mind.
“I intended to keep working, but you’re right. We should all rest.”
He passed her, gait steady even as his hand brushed hers in passi
ng.
If he felt the shock as she did, she would never know.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Charity Holland was losing her mind.
The man she wanted, needed, was gone. He came for a moment and left. Spoke of things that didn’t make sense, told her to find someone enduring and disappeared.
But that wasn’t all she lost.
She’d noticed it before, when it didn’t matter, yet suddenly it was pronounced and frightening, the loss of her memory. There were people, places, she couldn’t remember. Faces once clear were clouded.
If she passed her former family on the street she wouldn’t recognize them, she didn’t even know if she had brothers or sisters. Was she from a broken home? Where did she go to school?
Her life before immortality was dimmer everyday and without Adam, her anchor, she felt like she was going crazy. A boat drifting from shore with no way to get back.
That was what she saw as she tried to see inside her own mind, staring hard into shop windows without a care for who saw and muttered ‘lunatic’ under their breath as they hurried past. They all had cell phones and smart watches. Assistants. They soon forgot her. She was just one more wandering the city streets.
A ship one day, a dinghy the next, a rickety rower without a captain soon after. Further and further the waves towed. Far out into the sea.
She saw it.
That was her.
What was her name?
She wandered without shoes. She had them, a hundred pairs of stilettos, but no one to wear them for. Her clothes were grimy, the closet in the penthouse full of designer items collecting dust.
She tried to call him, but his number was gone. She tried to call him, but he didn’t hear her. She tried to call him, but she couldn’t.
Then she saw him in the window. She was staring again and the boat disappeared, the ocean became land and a house. A lawn. He was there and the brother he mentioned. They stood outside looking at a night sky unlike any she’d seen before.
