by O. Rose
“Who?”
The woman’s gaze was bittersweet. “You will never know him, neither will you know what you can never know.”
Another thing that didn’t make sense.
“The first thing you must do is decide where to look and then you must look. You’ve seen hints before, felt them. Was it fear that held you back? Fear traps many and is an easy path to travel. You can choose fear or something else.”
“What else?” Holly asked desperately. “Everything I remember is torturous! What do you mean I’ve forgotten? What do you mean it wasn’t all me, that they led to me?” she released a hysterical laugh. “I remember burning and drowning! Suffocating!”
“Yes, because your mother destined you for it, but she is dead and you can break the curse she placed on you.” The woman of light flickered. “A curse to remember the past beyond usual limits. What you’ve seen, what you will see, does not have to curse you forevermore. Break her curse and reclaim what you lost. Claim your future once and for all,” she was fading, “That is something only you can do.” With those final words the woman vanished in flame; there was no ash or smoke as the world lit and burst.
Holly was back in the forest of the house and one side of the mirror was cracked.
∞
She thought of leaving, of walking away to breath and think, but Holly knew that if she did, she would wait too long to return. She would be afraid again, no longer incised.
She wanted to know what the old woman meant. What lives? She was sure she knew them all! They were short and terrible.
Yet, something the woman said was right. One of humanities biggest failings was the belief that they knew it all, an unwillingness to find out if they were mistaken. How many times did people ruin their own lives, stupidly clinging to what they thought they knew?
‘He would never lie to me.’
‘She wouldn’t do that.’
‘I don’t have a problem.’
Holly tried to think of a reason not to look into the other mirrors, but couldn’t find one. The woman had no reason to lie, that she could think of, and if what she said was true? They’d never meet again anyway.
“Claim my fate? I want to be a fearless child.”
She had to look.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The second mirror’s reflection flickered and fell apart in a cascade of color. Holly found herself in a new place, a different time.
Herself, in her own skin, standing on a hilltop.
One arm hung stiffly, the other slightly raised; she would give the signal with a ring adorned finger.
Her skirt was full, long and black. Her top black as well with military detailing in gold stitch; branches with leaves. Something she hoped to never wear, but there she was and they stood below, waiting. The forgotten army of the forgotten nation. Their last stand.
Worthless, but they would fight.
When the flaming arrows flew with her command she forced herself to watch. They were slaughtered, as she knew they would be. She didn’t move an inch as the enemy hustled up the stairs and stabbed her from behind. She stood tall, refused to fall until she could see and feel nothing.
Back in the forest Holly shook herself as the glass dimmed. Stark memories flooded her mind, too many for one brain to hold and they faded again, but impressions remained. If she tried to recall it later, it would come.
She was once a queen.
Standing, kneeling, digging into the earth to find the thing she lost. Her dress was ruined and the rain fell harder. Dirt became mud.
When it occurred to her that digging wasn’t what she should do, that it would be better to retrace her steps, it was getting dark. The wooden doll hadn’t been buried in a day! If anything it was beneath a bush or broken, tromped by a horse and it’s carriage.
She probably wouldn’t find it.
When a man came by, in a soaked coat and driving an uncovered wagon, he put her in the back despite her protests. He said the doll didn’t matter, but her health did and she would catch her death if she stayed in the dark, cold, wet.
He was right.
She was once a foolish child.
The canvas stood before her, full of another memory. She had so many of them that she could do nothing but paint and draw. She didn’t know how to print or write. The pieces were sometimes too fantastic to be believed, even by herself.
They would look in on her, shake their heads and leave again. There was nothing they could say, except that she might be a mad genius. Her skill was untaught, almost frightening.
They didn’t understand and she half did.
Some of the works sold for good prices and they were glad. That meant food on the table, trips to town for ribbons and dresses. A family full of girls and no sons was in a rough position. The eldest married and so did the second, respectable men of some wealth. The next, herself, would at least get by on her talent.
They didn’t worry too much.
She once had a family.
She wore a hooded cape and carried a rose unbloomed. A silver diadem worn as a wreath around the head, dipping down to her forehead with the emblem of the house.
She would leave the rose at the grave and it would bloom, remain unfrozen even through the winter. All who saw it would be amazed and they would know who left it. The wandering witch, they called her. Some fearfully, others curiously. She was rarely seen.
They could never find her when they tried.
She was no healer and they called her witch because they couldn’t understand. Children said they found her sometimes, when they were lost. When it was winter and they would die, they would find new grass and flowers, a cabin where she was.
They were saved.
She was once wanted.
The mirrors were all broken.
∞
There were more things in her past, she knew there were, but maybe the ones she saw were the most important.
Maybe more would come someday.
What did it all mean?
She’d always thought herself a victim and in someways she was, but those memories were proof she was more than that. More than tragedy defined her. In some times she had a family and was that her? Really her? She wondered now, after the old woman’s words. What did she mean? Was it possible, perhaps, did she see and feel things that weren’t herself? Rather, were they women who came before?
Perhaps some of them were, after looking into the mirrors a few of her starkest memories had dimmed. If anything, she thought those would be the ones who weren’t her. If that was true, then who were they? People who led to her. Ancestors.
They lived once. Died. And she came from them. Over and over again, though she died, others lived and kept moving forward. All of them, they brought her here. She was meant to be here.
A confidence unlike anything she’d ever known sprung up inside her. The spirit of self-assurance. She was more than a victim. More than a traveler on a path chosen for her. She’d waged war, looked for lost things, created art, and saved lives.
Levi and Adam, they were different than her and she still had to find out more, but she would be alright at the Assembly. She wouldn’t cower or blush or stammer.
Her identity was more than a name, more than a past.
She was her future.
And theirs too.
Chapter Thirty-Three
When Holly returned to the house they were waiting at the edge of the forest, as she knew they would be. Part of her wanted to pretend nothing happened, for their sake, but she knew that wouldn’t help them. They wouldn’t understand what she had to say, but they still deserved to hear it.
“I saw lives I didn’t remember,” she began speaking before either of the brothers could. “I didn’t live seven times, I guess that wasn’t all down to my first mother. I went back in there because I had to know more and now I do. I don’t think you’ll be able to understand, but listen anyway.” They nodded assent. “I was trying to figure out how you’re different from other people
, how I’m different. I realized you’re stuck. Even though you can have goals they don’t take you anywhere. I don’t know what made you reach for immortality, you don’t remember either, but it was enough for you to give up your future,” she shook her head. “You don’t have one anymore, there’s no dream driving you to do something.”
Levi looked thoughtful. “I suppose that’s true.”
“It’s never mattered,” said Adam.
“I know,” Holly said. “And I thought about Olwen, how she adopts children. It gives her something to do, people to watch. You did the same with me. You wanted something to change, but you didn’t know how to make it happen so you tried to make me,” she took a deep breath. “I don’t know if your words really had an impact on my birth, they might not have. But, whether they did or not, I tied myself to you. Once without knowing what I was doing, the next time deliberately.
“Even now I don’t know what will happen. Knowing more about myself didn’t clear the path like I hoped it would, it didn’t give me all the answers, and there are things I can’t tell you, even if I want to. All I know is I gave myself a future with you and that makes me your future, not just because you wanted me to be, but because I chose it.
“I won’t be abandoning you and I don’t know what comes next. The Assembly, I can get through that. Whatever happens afterward-”
“We’ll all face,” Adam broke in.
Levi nodded and added, “Whatever you saw in there has changed you. Have you ever said that much in your life?”
“Was,” she paused. “Was that a joke?” When he looked away she released a short laugh. “I’ve never talked this much and you’ve never told a joke. What’s there for you to do?” She turned to Adam.
“Nothing,” his tone unconcerned. “I’ve done it all.”
“Including something recent he needs to confess,” his brother revealed despite the glare Adam sent his way. “You don’t realize what day it is, do you?” he asked Holly.
She shook her head. “What do you mean? It’s Wednesday-”
“No, Thursday. There’s one day left and you need to be warned of what will be waiting for us at the Assembly.”
She’d lost a whole day to the past, to the world she could never visit again. Now, she had all of the future left to live.
Holly turned to Adam who shifted uncomfortably, but said, “Before I knew you were alive I pulled a girl out of a warehouse. She was homeless, down and out, I’m sure you can imagine. The thing is,” he hesitated. “I may have made a misstep in the way I handled our parting.”
She looked to Levi and asked, “What does that mean?”
“It means she’s obsessive and unwilling to let him go.”
Apparently their future would include a crazed ex.
∞
They arrived at the hall early, Holly made up by Hazel. She wore the dress from the mannequin again, altered by Hazel who thought it not fashionable enough. The crown was left behind. Half her face was hidden by a golden mask; she recalled a scene from the Phantom of the Opera and thought it something like this. Her hair was pulled up in ringlets, dotted with tiny gold flowers. Literal gold. Hazel had a talent.
There were workers on the scene, setting up tables and the buffet. Making sure all was polished to perfection.
“Did you see her?” Levi hissed at his brother.
“No, Charity isn’t here yet as far as I can tell.”
Charity. That was the girl’s name. New to immortality by their standards. Holly thought of the little she knew of Charity; she was alone in the city, living on the streets. No doubt she saw Adam as her savior.
That was dangerous.
“She can’t kill us,” he’d reasoned. That didn’t make Holly feel better though.
“I want to find Olwen,” she muttered. She was bringing the book left behind; they’d made contact Thursday evening and she said she was glad to be rid of it. Holly didn’t know what that meant, but she would ask when she saw the woman again.
“She hasn’t arrived,” Levi said. “Now, like we practiced,” he looked to the other two and they nodded.
It was strange for all of them, for Holly to stand between the brothers, held by them both. Her arms linked lightly with theirs and their hands on hers. It made her heart race.
Thoughts like that weren’t appropriate to the moment and she’d told herself so the night before, but she couldn’t help it. Someday it might mean something. Someday they might act on it.
Not now. Not today.
Not the previous evening either, though Adam seemed bent on trying to get a reaction from her. He was fascinated by the shift in her personality. Gazing at her, sliding fingers down her arm. Touching her wrist.
He bent now, mouth to her ear, not to speak but to kiss and she could only freeze.
“Leave her alone,” Levi ordered, distracted by the flush that covered her cheeks. For his part he was far from the flirt that was his brother, but that didn’t mean he felt nothing.
Holly learned all about that from Hazel, during a one-sided conversation she didn’t want to have.
“They’re both men, alright? Remember that.”
Holly’s grimace didn’t dissuade the shape shifter.
“Don’t let them bully you. I’m not human and I lack things you all have, like a drive to procreate,” a horrified gasp didn’t stop her either. “And you can’t anyway so it would be a waste of time and energy. I don’t understand it, but they’ve both had times where they’ve been locked away with women for days! Ridiculous insanity if you ask me,” she sniffed. “And you’re in some danger there.”
“Hazel,” Holly choked. “You don’t have to warn-”
“They think of you often, I can feel it. See it sometimes, though they’re good at blocking me. It’s a little different than before so I’m not so worried. They aren’t just lusting after you, it’s more than that, but still. Be wary of them.”
“Hazel, I don’t-!”
“Between them both they’d exhaust you! There’s no time for that now, especially considering your virginity-”
“Hazel!”
Holly shuddered at the memory, Adam took it the wrong way and his second kiss made her stagger.
“Adam, leave her be!”
“What does it matter if she likes it?”
They could talk over her head all they wanted, she decided, if it meant she’d get a chance to settle her heart and mind. She’d tried to forget Hazel’s talk, but it remained lodged in her brain. She’d noted Adam’s physical side early on, but somehow didn’t think it was about her as much as him. It seemed to be his personality. Yet, Hazel said otherwise.
“They both want you. Badly.”
She spoke matter-of-factly, but she couldn’t be right. She wasn’t right. That wasn’t right.
It wasn’t.
It wasn’t.
But Adam’s actions suggested something else and so did Levi’s, though he was better at hiding the surprise when she arrived in the foyer with Hazel, in her adjusted dress. ‘Adjusted’. It’s neckline was changed, just enough to meet the standards she’d seen in Hazel’s first story. Almost. Holly did beg for something less shocking.
“They like to show off. It’s all they have to do.” She sighed. “I guess this is fine. But really, anything less and they’ll ask questions. You don’t want that, do you? You saw them.”
Holly wasn’t sure which was worse, having to confront ladies who lived during times when goddesses of sex were actually worshiped, or wearing a dress that showed off more cleavage then she realized she had.
Actually, though Hazel spoke as if one would negate the other, she was facing both at the same time.
High school had nothing on this.
Chapter Thirty-Four
When Charity laid eyes on Adam he wasn’t the only one she saw. There was the brother he briefly described and it was bad enough to see him speaking with some blond, but another stood between them. A girl who looked younger than herself with black ha
ir.
Sliding up to listen in was no challenge. She was half convinced she’d learned the skill of invisibility. All that time hiding during the drudgery of plain human life paid off.
She could understand little of the discussion, something about a book for the girl.
Charity followed the blond out of the room.
∞
“You’re doing fine.”
That was what Olwen said, comforting words quietly spoken and sharp glances at the brothers. She’d seen Adam’s latest indiscretion, as did half the room. As yet no one would speak on it, they were trying to ascertain the situation, but it wouldn’t be long. New things didn’t happen at the Assembly, though everyone wished they would. To finally have that desire granted? They wouldn’t be able to hold off on the gossip.
“I’ll meet you in that back room then. Take your time, I know you can’t disappear so suddenly,” she nodded and moved from the hall.
Holly could hardly wait to break from the crowd. There were near a hundred attending and the brothers said that would be about it; on top of attendees there were a few who rarely came. The old men she saw when Hazel first showed her the Assembly didn’t show.
“They haven’t been for the last several. Bitter,” Adam whispered in her ear.
She was sure he was having fun, trying to make her lose her balance. Levi gave up making comments and the truth was she enjoyed it, his attention. It was flattering; Adam’s playful, earnest affection was quickly getting under her skin and it was all too easy to get used to.
She was a little afraid for herself, that she would follow him if he led her off. She worried she wouldn’t be against it, no matter how far he pushed. More than a small part of her was expectant.
The attendees were as well. Stares and whispers followed them through the room as she was introduced to people whose names she forgot within moments. She felt the malice of women, the curiosity of men. They didn’t hide it as their eyes racked over her body, judging her one way or another. Found her lacking or worthy of a second look.
