“But that’s illogical, why would Ant call Ash a fag when he was the one who pulled down Llewellyn’s pants?” she asked, ignoring the comment about fudge, because half of what Joel said didn’t make sense.
“Ant’s not logical, he’s nuts. Seriously, he must’ve been dropped on his head as a baby, then thrown down a few more times, cos some of the things he says ‘bout Llewellyn is warped. He reckons that Llewellyn asks to be picked on cos he’s a fag, as well as some really sick stuff that I won’t repeat. Just put it this way, cos of it I can imagine him saying similar stuff ‘bout Ash’s rape.”
“That’s horrible, and I don’t understand why people pick on gays.”
“I do, but not to the extent Ant does.”
“Why?”
“Put it this way, what if you knew a girl was a lesbo and she wuz undressing next to you in the changing rooms? Wouldn’t it worry you?”
“Only if she was staring at me and just cos I’m a girl it doesn’t mean she’d fancy me. I don’t find every guy I see attractive.”
“Guess so, but still, it’s different for guys. Girls can’t hurt ya in the same way that guys can. Ash’s stepdad is proof of that. Although I don’t feel threatened by Llewellyn, if he wuz the size of Chaz and wuz staring at me, I’d crap myself. Whereas with Ant, I think he just finds Llewellyn repulsive, cos I can’t imagine that bastard bein’ afraid of anyone.”
“Ant’s the repulsive one, not Llewellyn, he’s really nice.”
Joel shrugged. “Don’t know him that well, and I don’t wanna either. I don’t pick on fags, but I still don’t like ‘em. Who the fuck wants to kiss a guy? That’s just gross.”
“Everyone’s different, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
“Whatever, still gross.” His sneer changed into a cheeky grin. “But, I’d watch you kiss Lavinia.”
Tiana whacked his arm. “Don’t be disgusting.”
“Oh … so, when it comes to chicks kissing, then you call it disgusting. Talk about double standards.”
“I didn’t say bein’ a lesbian’s wrong, it’s just not for me.”
“Spoilsport.” Joel went silent for a moment, then kicked a foot out, his sudden change of mood startling Tiana. “Doubt Ash will go back to school after today. Pro’bly for the best anyway.”
“Why would ja say that? He needs to go back.”
“If I wuz him I wouldn’t. He’s got enough problems without having to put up with people like Salma and Ant.”
“Well, I want him to return. He has to finish the year or he won’t get a good job.”
“He doesn’t need a job, Hunter will support him. Hunter may irritate the living shit outta me, but even I hafta admit he treats Ash like a son.” Joel pulled out a lighter from his pants pocket and a handmade cigarette. He lit it, pocketed the lighter and took a drag on the cigarette. Tiana recognised the sweet aroma as something she’d smelt on both Ash and Levi.
Joel pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. “You want some?” he said, holding it out for her to take.
“I don’t smoke.”
“It’s a joint, not a ciggie. It’ll chill ya out.”
“What’s a joint?”
Joel smiled. “You really aren’t putting on that sweet and innocent act, are ya?”
“I’m not acting; I just don’t know what it is,” she said, annoyed.
“It’s pot, weed, marijuana, whatever you know it as.”
Her eyes widened. “That’s illegal.”
“Not like anyone is here to see.”
Tiana glanced around the empty field and at the back of the classrooms, the school appearing deserted. “Still illegal.”
He took another puff, then held it out again. “Ash smokes weed.”
“But, it’s bad for you.”
He blew smoke out the side of his mouth. “With what I’ve just heard, anything that makes me feel better can’t be all that bad. Just take a puff; it’s not like the hard stuff, and smoking ciggies are way worse. That shit should be illegal, not weed.”
“I haven’t tried cigarettes either.”
“Sweetness and innocence, maybe that’s why Ash loves ya.” He moved his head towards her. “I bet you and Lavinia taste the same.”
She jerked back. “Don’t you dare kiss me!”
“I wuzn’t gonna, so chill. No one in our group’s allowed to touch each other’s exes; it’s our number one rule: mates first, chicks second.” He held out the joint again. “Anyway, I want Lavinia and you want Ash.”
Tiana stared at it for a moment then took it, holding it at arm’s length.
“It’s not gonna bite ya, sweetness.”
She glanced at Joel, not knowing how to react to the endearment after being called bitch for so long.
He licked his lips. “Go on, it’ll pro’bly taste like you do: sweet.”
Tiana’s cheeks burned. He’d never spoken nice to her before today, and regardless of what he said about exes he was definitely flirting. For the first time, she could see why Lavinia both liked and hated him, the two extremes of his personality confusing.
He moved her hand closer to her mouth. “One puff and I promise you’ll live. Don’t inhale though, cos ya ain’t used to it.”
She put it in her mouth and closed her lips around it. It tasted sort of sweet, the smell more pleasant than horrible cigarettes.
Joel smiled. “You like it?”
She shrugged, not knowing.
“Then take another puff, and inhale a li’l bit, but not fully.”
She did what he said, then removed it from her mouth.
His hazel eyes seemed to sparkle with amusement. “You ain’t so bad after all. At least you try things, unlike Lavinia, who just turns her nose up at me.”
“She likes ya.”
He laughed, the sound not happy. “Wish she did, but she said she hates me.”
“Nope, you annoy her, but she still likes ya. She was so jealous of Salma today.”
He sat up straight. “Really?”
“Yeah, she even defended you when Jenna made a smart-mouthed comment.”
“But, she treats me like shit.”
“It’s cos she doesn’t know how to act around you. You embarrass her. She told me ‘bout you saying she had great…” she made a gesture over her breasts, instantly regretting it as Joel’s eyes moved to them.
“I wuz complimenting her,” he said.
“Telling her that she has nice eyes would be more appreciated.”
He smirked. “But, her tits are nicer.”
Tiana shook her head. “And don’t tease her ‘bout washing her hands.”
He barked out a laugh. “I can’t believe she told ja that.”
Tiana giggled. “It was hilarious.”
“See, I told ja I’m funny.”
She held the joint out for him to take.
He leaned his head forward. “Put it in my mouth, but keep holding it, I wanna show you a cool trick.”
Uneasy, she did as instructed. He took a long drag on it, then moved his head back and started tapping his cheek. She coughed as smoke rings went into her face.
“Sorry, didn’t meana get ya.” He smirked. “But, if you were my chick I’d blow it into your mouth while we kissed.”
She put the joint into her mouth so she didn’t have to answer him.
His eyes lowered to her lips. “You have nice lips like Lavinia.”
She removed the joint and held it out for him. “Stop flirting with me.”
His eyes flicked up. “I’m not flirting! Just stating a fact.”
She giggled, finding his embarrassment cute. “Then I’ll state a fact too. Levi’s right, you are pretty.” He looked horrified, making her giggle more. She didn’t know why she couldn’t stop.
“I’m not fuckin’ pretty, you’re just high.” He swiped the joint off her. “And stop laughing at me.”
She covered her mouth until she had herself under control. “Well, at least it’s taken away my gut ache,” she said, fi
nding that a consolation.
His face dropped. “Shit, you don’t still have that flu bug? I wouldn’t have shared if I’d known.”
“Nope, I ran too much today and hurt my stomach.” Not a lie, because she wasn’t sure she had the flu anymore since it wasn’t getting better. A nervous feeling at the back of her mind tapped away like a leaky faucet, reminding her about her period. She was four days overdue. She rubbed her stomach, wondering… No, she couldn’t be pregnant, because she took the morning-after pill.
Joel flicked the joint’s stub. “You wanna head out now? I hafta get home.”
“Yeah, I should get to Ash’s.”
Joel stood up, wiped down his pants, then grabbed his bag and held out a hand for Tiana. “I’ll walk ya part of the way. Phone me afterwards to tell me how it went.”
“Sure.” She grabbed his hand and got pulled up.
They walked across the field and around the classrooms, then ran through the gate as the caretaker shouted at them to get off school grounds. After crossing the road, they stopped at the entrance to Pleasant Parade.
Joel saluted her. “Remember to call, sweetness.”
“Okay.” Still taken aback by Joel being nice, she watched him walk off, then shook her head in bewilderment and headed towards Hunter’s place. As she neared the property she let out a sigh of relief that Hunter’s green Chevy was absent. Hoping that her brother wasn’t inside the house, she walked up the path and knocked on the front door.
What sounded like the telly turned off and footsteps approached. The door swung open and Ash stared out at her, his expression going stiff. She stared back for a moment, the silence uncomfortable, then she slipped on one of her well-trained expressions from drama. “Hi, you alright?”
He nodded. “Your bro called, said you hafta go straight home.”
“Levi can wait.” She placed a hand on the door to steady herself. Since getting the flu… Yeah, it had to be the flu, because she’d never heard of pregnancy making someone dizzy. Anyway, she’d almost fainted a few times since getting sick, and in this case maybe the joint was also affecting her. She shook her head, trying to clear it.
“You alright, Tiana?”
“Feel dizzy.”
He reached out for her, then stopped, his hand hovering in mid-air. He moved his head closer. Tiana breathed in sharply as she stared up at him, wondering whether he was going to kiss her.
He moved his head away. “You’ve been smoking weed.”
“Oh.” She felt disappointed about not being kissed. She held up her other hand and pinched her fingers together. “Just a li’l.”
He appeared dumbfounded, then snapped out of it and directed her inside. Tiana smiled, happy that at least he was touching her, then started to worry that she wasn’t supposed to be touching him. But he was touching her, not the other way round. She giggled nervously, a little scared because she didn’t know how to act around him.
“You’re high,” he said. “Why’d ja smoke weed for?”
Her eyes went to the couch, surprised to see Kelley there. “Joel said it’ll chill me out.”
“That bastard. He didn’t touch cha, did he?”
“No.” Her gaze moved from Kelley to the coffee table. There was a bowl of chips and a few cans of soft drinks sitting on it. “Why’re you here?”
Kelley shifted around on the couch awkwardly. “Ash needed company after what that horrible girl said. We’ve just been watching movies and talking.”
Tiana nodded, although she felt like screaming at her to get out. Ash wasn’t even friends with Kelley, yet he’d invited the girl over and not her. Kelley tugged at her short skirt, the length nowhere near her knees. Tiana suddenly felt sick, the guilt on Kelley’s face kicking her in the guts. Had Ash dumped her for Kelley? She looked up at Ash, both wanting and not wanting to ask, but kept quiet, terrified that his answer wouldn’t be the one she wanted to hear.
“You alright, Tiana?” he said. “You don’t look well.”
“I need the toilet.” She ran for it, rushing through the passage and into the small space. She dropped to her knees and threw up what little she had in her stomach. She’d eaten hardly anything all day, too stressed over Ash and her sore gut, but regardless she knew it was Kelley that had tipped it over the edge.
She felt her hair get pulled back as she retched, the bile stinging her throat.
“You want me to call your brother?” Ash asked, his voice gentle.
She shook her head and retched again, but this time nothing came out. She started crying, upset that Ash was seeing her like this.
“Please don’t cry.”
She grabbed some toilet paper, wiped her mouth and nose then dropped it in the toilet. He let go of her hair as she stood, the absence of his touch even more upsetting. Without looking at him, she walked into the bathroom, cleaned her face and gargled. Once finished, she gripped the sink, not knowing whether she could face him.
“Didja break up with me cos of Kelley?” she blurted out before she could change her mind.
“What? No, of course not.”
She glanced at the mirror. Ash’s reflection appeared annoyed. “Then why is she here?”
“She calmed me down after the argument with Salma. That’s all.”
Tiana turned and leaned against the basin. “How come you can spend time with her, but not me?”
“I…” He dropped his gaze. “I told ja why.”
“That you’re dirty isn’t a good enough reason and anyway, you’re not, could never be.”
“I never told ja....” He glanced up. “Did Levi tell ya that?”
Realising the slip up, Tiana barrelled ahead. “If ya tell me that you don’t love me, then I’ll leave and won’t bug you again.”
“I … I can’t say that, and answer my question.”
“Why should I? You don’t answer mine. So, do ya love me or not?”
He screwed up his face.
“Just say it,” she said, as long as it’s the right answer.
“I love you.”
A whoosh of air left her mouth, the relief hitting her full in the chest. She wanted to go and hug him, but remembered Levi’s warning. “If ya need space I can give it to you, just as long as you don’t push me away permanently.”
“I still don’t feel comfortable round you.”
The relief she’d felt disappeared. “Why?”
He stuck his hands into his jeans. “You’ll…” He looked up at the ceiling. “You’ll think I’m disgusting.”
“But, you’re not.”
“I feel it.”
She flexed her hands, aching to hug him, and to say that she knew about Chaz and it wasn’t his fault, but Levi’s words danced around her head, the word suicidal making the loudest noise.
“Right now, I feel disgusting … sick,” she said slowly, trying to think of things on the spot without upsetting him. “But … I won’t always feel this way; I will get better.”
He looked back at her, his gaze intense. “I don’t have a bug, I will never get better.”
“Listen, Ash, things will change, everything does. But for your own good you needa stop blaming yourself. What happened wasn’t your fault.”
He frowned. “How do ya know I blame myself?”
“It’s obvious.” And Levi told me.
Ash dropped his gaze as though he’d been caught doing something wrong. “I really don’t wanna upset you, but I’d rather you leave.”
“But what about Kelley? What’s she doin’ that I’m not? Whatever it is I’ll do it, I’ll do anything to make you feel better.”
“You can’t. I’m not in love with her, so I don’t hafta worry ‘bout what she thinks of me.”
In love. Those words together sounded even better than when he’d said he loved her. She knew it meant the same thing, but the sound just hit her in the chest. It hurt too, because he looked upset. “You don’t hafta worry ‘bout what I think, I love you and that won’t change no matter what.”
/> He shook his head. “You wouldn’t say that if ya knew everything.”
“Yes, I would.”
His head snapped up, his features too intense, almost scary like he wanted to hurt someone. “He told ja, didn’t he?”
“Told me what?” she feigned ignorance.
“Levi told ja ‘bout what Chaz did to me.”
“No, he didn’t.”
Ash turned and walked out of the bathroom.
Tiana ran after him, jamming her foot into his bedroom door as he tried to close it. “Please believe me.”
Ash stopped trying to close the door. “You’re lying!”
“No, I’m not.”
“Stoppit! I’m not stupid.”
Tiana started crying. “I’m not saying you are, but I don’t know what you want me to say either, I just wanna make you feel better.”
“No one can do that, so go away.”
“Please stop doin’ this, I need you.” She reached through the gap.
He jerked back. “Don’t touch me!”
“But I’m your girlfriend.”
“Go away!”
“No!” she screamed back, her head going crazy. “This is about Chaz, not me, so stop punishing me, cos I didn’t rape you!”
All colour drained from Ash’s face. Tiana closed her mouth, horrified with what she’d said. Noise came from behind her, a door slamming and footsteps.
“Tiana!” a male voice boomed.
She turned around in a daze.
Hunter was standing a few paces away, his face livid. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“A-Ash…” she said, now scared. “I-I didn’t mean to—”
“You have no right to be yelling at him, so get the fuck outta here.” Hunter waved a hand towards the passage doorway.
She flinched, thinking he’d meant to slap her. “No, he … I didn’t mean...” Feeling dizzy, she placed a hand on the wall.
Hunter grabbed her arm. “You’re leaving.”
“Don’t touch her!” Ash swung out at Hunter.
Graffiti Heaven (Graffiti Heaven #1) Page 26
