by Woods, Karen
Fallon walked home, she held her exam results close to her chest. This was her golden ticket to a better life. She was smiling from ear to ear and wanted to shout out to all the neighbours that her life was about to change. Pushing the gate open she could see her mother through the window sat up in her chair waiting for her return. Beryl was chewing on her fingernails and hoping for some good news. The sound of the door closing behind Fallon could be heard. Beryl bolted up from her chair and turned the TV down. Bob came into the room, his hair was stuck up all over and it was obvious he’d just got up out of bed. Lifting his leg up, he blasted a fart out. Beryl snarled at him. “You’re arse needs raking out, you dirty bastard,” she waved her hand about in front of her face. “Our Fallon has just got her exam results so sit down there Bob, while she tells us how she got on,” she pointed to the sofa at the side of her. Bob shoved his hand down the front of his dirty jeans and scratched his ball-bag. Beryl couldn’t hold it any longer. “Come on then, tell us. Did you pass or what?” Fallon plonked down on the couch and passed her mother the white piece of paper. Beryl looked at it and sighed; she’d always struggled with reading and writing and today was no different. “This means fuck all to me, just tell me.” Fallon punched her fist into the air and jumped about. “I passed Mam.”
Her father smiled and shot his eyes to his wife. “She must get her brains from me that’s all I can say.”
Beryl scowled and gritted her teeth together. “Are you having a fucking laugh, or what, you’re thick as fuck. Her brains come from my side of the family,” her eyes were wide open and she was eager to speak. “Remember, our Teresa was clever too.”
Bob nearly choked; he held his head back and chuckled. “Your sister has no brains, don’t make me laugh.” Beryl was on a mission now and out to prove a point. She hated Bob getting the better of her. Sitting back in her chair her nostrils flared as she let rip on him. “She did her eleven plus, did our Teresa. Which member of your lot passed that exam?”
Her husband sat thinking for a minute and he rolled his tongue across his top lip. Beryl had won the argument. Bob’s siblings were as just as uneducated as he was and they very rarely went to school, he shook his head. His face looked like it was going to burst “Fuck off, smart arse. Your sister was a bike anyway, everyone was riding her back in the day, the dirty bitch.”
Fallon could see her parents were getting ready to fight. Bob always called her mother’s side of the family. And in the past, they’d even come to blows about it. Fallon stood up and waved her hands in the air, her voice was loud. “Will you two just shut up for one minute? For fucks sake, this is my shining moment and you two are ruining it.”
Beryl snapped and snarled at Bob. “It’s not me, it’s him. He’s always the fucking same every time my family’s mentioned.”
“Mam, just shut up will you, for crying out loud.”
Bob sank back in his seat like a scolded child.
Fallon raised a smile, “I’m going to university. I want to be a Doctor.” Bob lifted his eyes to the ceiling. You could see the doubt written across his face, he didn’t think for one minute she would ever make it. Her dad was always full of doom and gloom and didn’t think his daughter would have what it took to become a doctor, he was always so negative.
Beryl wiped her eyes; tears were sailing down her cheeks. “I’m so proud of you love.” Bob stood up and left the room, no emotion was visible on his face. The sound of his footsteps going up the stairs back to bed could be heard. Beryl rammed her two fingers to the door behind him, she mumbled under her breath. “Yeah, get back to bed, you miserable bastard, where you belong.”
Fallon sat thinking; Beryl was in the kitchen making her daughter something to eat. Beans on toast was on the menu, and to hear all the commotion from the kitchen you’d have thought Beryl was cooking a banquet for an army. Beryl was singing, and she kept popping her head back inside the living room to talk to Fallon. “Phone Billy and Lesley, and tell them your good news. He’ll be over the moon when he knows you’ve passed.”
Fallon smirked. Reaching inside her handbag, she searched for her mobile phone. Billy had given her the phone months before and she was still struggling to use it. She felt embarrassed using it in public. The silver Nokia was in her hand and she scanned her contact list for her brother’s number. The sound of a ringing tone could be heard. “Hiya Billy, it’s me Fallon.” Laughter could be heard from the other end of the phone as she continued. “Oh, I forgot my name comes up on your screen. I’m a right dick-head, aren’t I?” Fallon inhaled. “Guess what our kid, guess who’s going to university,” she held her head back and giggled. “Yeah me, I got all the exam results I needed.”
Beryl was at the kitchen door wielding a large knife with a knob of butter on the end of it shouting, “Tell him, you’re the first one ever to make something out of their life from this family.”
Fallon screwed her face up and placed a flat palm towards her mother and that was enough for her to return back to the kitchen. “Alright then, I’ll see you soon. Is Lesley and the baby coming with you?” she held the phone to her ear, she was struggling to hear his voice. “Okay, okay see you soon.”
Fallon sat and smiled, this was the first time in ages that she could really relax. The rape was never far from her thoughts and at one point a few months before she’d even thought she was losing the plot. Holding her hand to her neck she closed her eyes. Her fingers slowly stroked at it. Fallon had been having some strange visions lately and she could always see herself running from a car park in the darkness. She couldn’t get the thoughts from her mind, it was spooky.
Beryl came into the room holding a white plate. Steam was rising from it. “Here you go, get this down your neck. Let’s say it’s a celebration meal for passing your exams.”
Fallon took the food from her mother and sat up straight in her chair as she placed the plate on her lap. Beryl wasn’t eating. “Aren’t you having anything Mam?” she asked. Beryl kept her eyes low.
“No love, I’m not hungry,” she lied. She’d just given the last slices of bread from the cupboard to her daughter.
Fallon chewed her food loudly. Speaking with her gob full she turned her head to her mother. “Mam, this is all I’ve ever wanted you know. I promise you now, that when I make it, I’ll look after you?”
Beryl’s eyes were twitching, and her bottom lip was trembling. Swallowing hard, her words were hard to understand. “You just make sure you’re alright. I’m a survivor me. I don’t need anything except for you to be happy.”
Fallon choked back her tears as she finished the last mouthful of her food. “Mam, I am happy. I know I’ve had a bit of crap lately, but haven’t we all? Trust me mother, you don’t have to worry about me one little bit.”
Beryl looked at daughter’s face in more detail. The latest letter from Dalton was hidden away in her cardigan pocket. She touched it slowly, thinking. Fallon came and sat on the arm of her mother’s chair, she quickly pressed the letter deep inside her pocket. “I’m on a date tonight. Well it’s not a date, if you know what I mean. It’s with John from college.”
Beryl smiled, she liked John. She’d met him a few times in the past when he’d been to the house. He was down to earth, and on the same wavelength as her family. “He’s a good looking lad Fallon. Don’t waste any more time making your mind up about him because he’ll be gone.”
Fallon smirked and kissed her mother’s cheek. “He is good looking isn’t he?”
Beryl wriggled about in her seat and coughed to clear her throat. “He sure is. If I was a little bit younger, I would let him shake my bones.” Laughter filled the room as Beryl jumped up from her chair. Her thin legs were kicking out in front of her as she jigged about the living room. “There’s still some life in this old dog yet you know.” The back door opened and Billy walked in with Lesley and the baby. He screwed his face up and pointed at his mother dancing.
“Ay, don’t let the Benefits Agency see you dancing about like that. Yo
u’re supposed to be on the sick aren’t you?”
“Oh, fuck off you,” Beryl giggled.
Lesley passed baby Denva over to Billy and ran to Fallon’s side. “You clever git, I knew you would do it. Come here and give me a hug.” The girls were swinging about in each other’s arms. Fallon turned to Billy and smiled, her face dropped when she saw that he had a black eye. When Billy turned around Fallon asked Lesley about it. Twisting her head Lesley clocked that Billy wasn’t listening. He was too busy picking his mother up and swinging her about in his arms. Beryl was pissing herself laughing, trying to break free while baby Denva sat on the couch apparently amused by it all.
“Oh, he thought he was a smart arse the other night when he came in after a night on the piss,” Lesley whispered, “he tried being a Big Time Charlie again, but I was too fast, and arrowed him.”
Fallon sunk her head and giggled. “Well, he deserved it then didn’t he?”
“He sure did,” Lesley smiled.
By now Beryl was exhausted and made her way back to her seat, she was gasping for breath. Blowing, she reached for her cigs from the coffee table. Fallon watched her eagerly. “Mother, just catch your breath first before you light a cig up”. Beryl shook her head, and popped a fag into her mouth. Denva was rolling about on the floor. Fallon ran to his side and scooped him up into her arms. She sank her head into his stomach and started to blow raspberries. He was giggling. “Oh you like that, don’t you?” she continued.
Billy came to his sister’s side and poked his son in his waist. “He’s been crying all morning this little fucker has. I think he’s teething or something.”
The family sat down in the living room and Beryl couldn’t wait to fill them in on Fallon’s date with John. Crossing her legs she sat back and darted her eyes at Lesley. “Guess who’s on a date tonight?”
Lesley hunched her shoulders and followed Beryl’s eyes to Fallon. “Who with?” she asked eagerly.
Fallon was blushing; she was trying not to laugh. “Oh, take no notice of interfering Vera there, it’s not a date. I’m just going out with John to celebrate our exams results, that’s all.”
Beryl covered her mouth and whispered low. “That’s what she keeps saying, but it’s a date, isn’t it Lesley?” Fallon smirked and Lesley wanted to know more.
Standing to her feet, she gripped Fallon by the hand. “Come on, I need to go to the shops. You can tell me all about it on the way there.” Both the girls left the house.
“Come on then, fill me in then.” Lesley urged as they walked along. Fallon linked her best friend’s arm and huddled closer as the winter winds started to pick up.
“We’re just having a few drinks that’s all, nothing much to report.” Lesley chuckled.
“Fuck off lying. John is fit as fuck, and I can tell he’s mad for you. Remember last time he was sat in your Mam’s house?” Fallon looked blank as she continued. “Well anyway, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. I said to your Billy that he was smitten.”
Fallon looked surprised, was it that obvious to everyone else that John wanted her. “I’m in two minds Lesley; I mean, I’m kind of still broken.”
Lesley stopped and stared at her friend. This was the time for some tough love. “Listen Fallon, shit happens. I know that you’ve been through the mill, but are you going to let it ruin the rest of your life?”
Fallon chewed on her bottom lip and inhaled deeply. “I know what you’re saying is right, but.”
Lesley stopped her dead in her tracks. “No fucking buts, just shag his brains out. He’s a dandy looking guy. I mean, if I wasn’t with your brother, I’d do him myself.” The girls giggled and Lesley’s face became serious. “No, honestly Fallon, drop your knickers and have a bit of fun. It’s time to move on.”
Fallon nodded her head, her friend was right. Dalton was so yesterday, and he’d never tried to win her back or anything. It was definitely time to rid her heart of the man she still loved.
*
Later that evening John stood on the corner of Rochdale Road waiting for Fallon; his eyes were all over the place searching for her. John lived in Harpurhey, near Conran Street market with his parents. The estate was full of no-hopers and John wanted away from there as soon as possible.
He heard the sound of her heels clicking along the pavement before he saw her. Fallon looked stunning, she was wearing a plain black dress, that fitted her like a glove showing off all her curves. “Come on slug, it’s nearly eight o’clock,” John stressed.
“I had to wait for the hot water, my Dad used it all, Fallon said.” John chuckled.
“Now I know you’re lying, since when does your Dad ever have a bath.”
Fallon sniggered. “No honest, my Mam thinks he’s got another woman, he’s not had a bath in months.”
“Ewwww,” John spluttered. They got on the bus to the town centre.
The music inside the pub was blasting. Lots of students were sat inside celebrating their exams results. John walked straight to the bar and ordered two shots of Brandy. Passing one to Fallon he smiled. “Get that down your neck to start with.” She took the glass from him and swigged it back in one, her body quivered. Holding her hand to her neck she could feel the warmth from it sliding down the back of her throat. John had borrowed money from his Dad for this big night out. He knew Fallon’s ex-boyfriend was a bit of a rich kid and he didn’t want to seem as if he was struggling for cash. Money was no object tonight.
The drinks were coming fast and furious, and Fallon was soon wrecked. The two of them sat in the corner of the pub and she leant on John’s shoulder, slurring her words. “You know what, you’re not that bad looking are you?”
John smiled as she lifted his chin up in her hands. “Oh, fucking hell, has it taken you nearly a bottle of Brandy for you to realise it? I told you I was hot stuff.”
Fallon stared at him and her head was tilted to the side. His eyes seemed so calming and she seemed lost inside them. John knew this was his chance and jumped in without a moment to spare. “So does mean I can part your tash tonight then or what?”
Fallon punched him in the waist softly. “No it doesn’t. I’m fed up not hard up.”
“You’ll regret it one day you know”, he joked. “I can promise you a night of pure filthy sex if you want?” his eyes were wide open and he was trying not to laugh. Fallon loved the way he made her smile. She seemed to be losing control of her body and moved her lips towards his. He paused and pulled his head away.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“I don’t want this to be a drunken mistake. Joking apart Fallon, I really like you and don’t want to take advantage of you well, you know, while you’re pissed.” She dragged him closer and his warm lips connected with hers. Something inside her was ticking away, it sounded like her heart was beating again. The kiss lasted for a few minutes. Fallon stood to her feet and pulled at his hand softly.
“Come on then, let’s see what you’re all about. What did you call yourself earlier,” she held one finger to her mouth and pretended to be thinking. “Oh yeah, a fanny magnet?”
John looked shocked; he struggled to stand to his feet. He never expected this in a million years. This was his dream come true. He needed to pull himself together. He took a deep breath. “Yep, that’s what they say, where do you want to go?”
Fallon whispered into his ear. “Bed with you.” He swallowed hard, his feet moved towards the exit as if they were on fire. Waving their hands over to their friends Fallon and John left the pub.
The night air was cold and Fallon was shivering, her teeth were chattering together. John pulled his coat off and placed it over her shoulders. “I’m freezing” she moaned.
“Oh, I’m going to warm you up. Don’t you worry about that my dear,” John chuckled.
Fallon sighed and raised her eyebrows. “We’ll see about that, the proof’s in the pudding isn’t it?” John looked nervous. His usual loud antics were curbed for the moment and he looked concerned as they headed to
wards his house. Fallon was singing, she was swaying about the road and John was holding her up.
The key slid into the front door and John walked inside with Fallon staggering behind him. Holding one finger up towards his lips he urged her to be quiet. That was all he needed his family waking up. They crept into the front room. Fallon inhaled, she could smell cat piss, her face creased. The stench was rancid. The room was in darkness until John flicked the light switch on. Fallon’s eyes tried to focus; the house was a shit-tip. Clothes were all over the furniture and ashtrays were full of cig- dimps. With a straight arm he swooped all the stuff from the sofa. “Here sit down, I’ll just go and check they’re all in bed.” Fallon was alone and sat with her head hanging between her legs, her head was spinning. She could hear footsteps coming back down the stairs and tried to sit up straight but she kept falling back down. John turned the television on low and came and sat beside her. Looking around he apologised for the state of his home.
“It’s a disgrace isn’t it?” Fallon tried to disagree but the truth was written all over her face. John sat back on the sofa and shook his head.
“One day, I’ll make it you know. People shouldn’t have to live like this. I mean, my parents don’t have a penny to their name, but they do the best they can for us.” Fallon grabbed his hand; she looked like she was close to tears. Her own home was no better and she completely understood where he was coming from.
“Ay, don’t you ever feel embarrassed about where you live. You’ve been to my house and we’re no better off. We are who we are, aren’t we?”
John nodded. “We sure are, but wouldn’t it be good just for once, to have shit-paper when you go to the toilet and soap when you get in the bath.”
Fallon kicked her shoes off from her feet and sniggered. “Tell me about it John; I’ve had to use washing up liquid tonight to wash my hair because there was no shampoo, so I know exactly where you’re coming from. We have no money but we’re rich in love aren’t we?”
