by Onk Beakman
Glumshanks looked as amazed as Stump Smash’s fellow Skylanders. “S-seriously?” he stammered. “You’re going to help me?”
“Sure.” The Life Skylander nodded and flexed one of his mallets.
“It’s my legs,” Glumshanks pointed out. “They’ve been turned to stone.” Stump Smash looked down at the Troll’s long legs. Sure enough, they were now pure rock, fused into the stone around his petrified toes.
“That is a problem,” Stump Smash admitted, giving one mallet fist a little practice swing, “but one I’m sure I can hammer out.”
Glumshanks’s eyes went wide. “Hang on a minute . . .”
“You better stand back a bit guys,” Stump Smash told the other Skylanders. “We don’t know how hard this stone is.”
“What are you going to do?” Glumshanks shrieked.
“Smash your stone-ified legs, of course,” Stump Smash said, before turning to Wrecking Ball. “Is stone-ified even a word?”
“I don’t know.” Wrecking Ball shrugged. “We could ask Master Eon.” The Magic Skylander glared at Glumshanks. “Oh we can’t, because Kaos has kidnapped him.”
“Never mind,” said Stump Smash, sounding the happiest he’d been all day. “It won’t take a minute.”
The Life Skylander raised a gigantic mallet, ready to swing it down on Glumshanks’s stone legs.
“No, no, no!” Glumshanks wailed, throwing up his hands. “Please don’t clobber my legs. I’m rather attached to them.”
“Thing is,” Stump Smash said, hammer still held high, “I reckon Master Eon would know how to get you free without smashing your shins into sand.”
“If only we knew where he was,” added Flameslinger, his burning arrow still ready to fly.
“Okay, okay, you win!” yelled Glumshanks. “I’ll tell you everything. I promise.”
“Then you better get started,” Stump Smash said, a satisfied grin spreading over his trunk. “From the beginning.”
His ears drooping lower than ever, Glumshanks sighed. “It was the Book of Power.”
Wrecking Ball’s eyes went wide. “The book did this?”
Glumshanks tut-tutted. “Of course it didn’t. It’s a book. How could it turn living creatures into stone?”
“I’m a tree,” growled Stump Smash, hefting his mallets. “How can I pulverize Trolls?”
Glumshanks giggled nervously. “Of course, good point. No, the book told us to come here, to the forest.”
“Had it located the next segment?” Countdown asked.
Glumshanks nodded, continuing his tale. “Lord Kaos sent in the lumberjack Trolls and they cleared the forest with typical efficiency . . .”
“FOOOOOLS!” yelled Kaos, slapping his own forehead in frustration. “What have you done?”
A Troll wearing a ridiculously large helmet and an eye patch scratched the back of his neck.
“Um, clearing the forest as requested, sir,” he said, not quite sure why his Lord and Master was shouting at him. “I remember it distinctly. ‘Clear the trees to the east of the island,’ you said. Here, I marked it on the map.”
The Troll, who went by the name General Disaster, brandished a tattered chart of the Giggling Forest, complete with a big cross in red crayon and the words CUT TREEZ ’ERE!
Kaos’s face turned a funny color. “Glumshanks!” he shrieked.
Glumshanks slunk forward and examined the general’s map. “Ah,” he said, “I think I see the problem.”
The butler plucked the map from the general’s hands, turned it the right way around, and then passed it back to the confused Troll.
“Oh,” said the general. “I was holding it upside down, was I?” He cleared his throat. “Lord Kaos, I regret to inform you that we have cut down the trees on the wrong side of the island.”
“IDIOT!” yelled Kaos. “Can’t you even tell your east from your west?”
“Well, the trees did keep laughing at us, telling us that this was the west side. But we thought they was just trying to trick us. Sneaky things, trees. You’re always saying that yourself, sir.”
“One day,” Kaos screamed, shaking his fists with fury, “I’m going to sell you all to a Troll-eating ogre and replace you with Greebles!”
“I wouldn’t do that, sir,” said the general. “Greebles are even stupider than we are. Everyone says so. Even the Greebles.”
“Shut up, FOOL!” Kaos said, jabbing a finger toward the general. A spark of bright light burst from the end of his finger and the general vanished in a sudden blaze of energy. “I hope you enjoy the Outlands. Watch out for the saber-toothed sheep!”
The wicked Portal Master took a moment to indulge in some evil laughter (his third favorite pastime after shouting at Glumshanks and trying to take over Skylands) and then turned his attention to his Troll army. “All right, listen up you feeble excuses for minions. We’re going to walk to the other side of the island and try again. Glumshanks, you’ll have to carry me.”
“Really, Master. It’s not far . . .”
“SILENCE!” Kaos boomed back. “From this point on you can only speak when I, KAOS, decree it. Carry me, FOOL!”
Shaking his head, Glumshanks turned and allowed Kaos to jump on his weak back.
“That’s better!” screamed Kaos. “Quick, MARCH!”
As the army of Trolls made their way through the forest, news of what had happened on the west side of the island started to spread among the trees. And the trees’ snickers gradually turned to sobs.
“It won’t do you any good, Kaos,” said a rich, deep voice from behind the Portal Master.
Kaos turned, pulling on Glumshanks’s ears as he twisted to face Master Eon, suspended in a cage between two hulking Drow.
“What was that, you old fool?” Kaos crowed, grinning horribly at the elderly wizard. “Something to say?”
“You will never win,” insisted Master Eon, gravely. “That is all.”
“Like I’d never be able to steal the fragments of the mask from the Eternal Archive, or kidnap the mighty Eon?”
Glumshanks nearly fell over as he tried to carry the bragging villain. “To be honest, Lord Kaos, Squirmgrub did all that,” he pointed out.
“And I managed to grab the Book of Power,” the traitorous Warrior Librarian added from behind the Drow.
“SILEEEEENCE!” screamed Kaos. “The next person who contradicts Kaos gets Portalled into the middle of Scolding Soup Creek, understood?”
“Don’t worry. I’ll just Portal them back,” warned Master Eon.
“Ah, but you can’t,” Kaos jeered. “Not while you’re in the Nullifying Cage of Power Nullification. You couldn’t even Portal a flea, let alone a babbling, treacherous minion. You are helpless! You are at the mercy of KAO–”
SPLAT! Kaos had gotten so excited that Glumshanks lost his balance, sending them both splashing facedown into the mud. When Kaos finally forced himself back up, his features were hidden behind a mask of dark brown sludge.
Master Eon sat back in his cage and chuckled as Kaos berated his bungling butler.
Before long they were off, trudging across the island. Soon they reached the place the Book of Power had revealed: a ring of giggling trees surrounding a large flowering bush. Kaos had taken one look at it and groaned. That many trees could only mean they were searching for the Life Element. Of all the Elements, he hated Life the most—mainly because it was so closely linked to trees. Kaos had never trusted trees. He always thought they were plotting against him. Then again, he thought everything was plotting against him—including his own clothes!
“This is it!” shrieked Kaos. “The Life fragment must be buried beneath these very trees. General Disaster—get chopping. I want every foolish tree gone NOW!”
No one moved.
“Where is that idiot?” screamed Kaos. “Didn’t he hear me?”
/> “You banished him to the Outlands, Lord Kaos,” reminded Glumshanks. “For being a fool.”
Kaos looked as if he was ready to start pulling out his hair, but luckily he stopped himself before he remembered he didn’t have any. Instead he clicked his fingers and recalled General Disaster from his exile.
“General, I need these trees gone, pronto. Break out the Lumberjack Machines of Doooooom!”
General Disaster looked around. “Where are the Lumberjack Machines of Doom, sir?”
A vein began to pulse on Kaos’s forehead. “Glumshanks, did you forget to remind me to remind the Trolls to remember to bring the Lumberjack Machines of Doom from the west side of the island? DID YOU?”
“You didn’t tell me to remind you,” Glumshanks argued, preparing himself for a banishing.
“I CAN’T BE EXPECTED TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING!” Kaos bellowed. “Write this down.”
He waited for Glumshanks to root out a pen and notebook from his robes.
“Rule number one: Lord Kaos is never wrong,” Kaos dictated. “Rule number two: I must remember to remind Lord Kaos about everything. Even if he hasn’t told me what it is that he needs to be reminded about.”
Glumshanks looked up from his notes.
“But how am I supposed to do that . . . ?” he began, only to be shouted down by his master.
“NO QUESTIONS! Rule number three: Always refer to rule number one or get banished into the belly of the nearest leviathan. UNDERSTAND?”
Glumshanks nodded sadly.
“Excellent. Now, General, how do you suggest we solve our little problem?”
The Troll scratched the side of his nose. “You want these trees cleared?”
“I do.”
“Immediately?”
“If not sooner.”
“No problem.” The general grinned, revealing a row of gapped teeth that resembled gravestones. “Not when I’ve got this.”
The general pulled a large round metal device from behind his back.
“Is that a bomb?” Glumshanks asked, swallowing loudly.
“It’s the Time Delay Blastificator. The most powerful bomb I’ve ever created. Biggest. Explosion. Ever.” The general pressed a button on top of the device. “All I have to do is click here to arm it.”
Kaos’s face drained of all color. “And how long is the time delay?” he asked, his voice wavering.
A look of confusion passed over the general’s face. “Oh yeah. I knew I’d forgotten someth—”
The Time Delay Blastificator exploded.
Chapter Four
Bone Attack!
“And the general’s bomb did all this?” Countdown asked in hushed tones. “That’s impressive, even by my standards.”
“Oh no,” said Glumshanks, looking around at the petrified trees. “This is the handiwork of the thing the general’s explosion unearthed: the thing that had been buried beneath the forest’s floor for thousands and thousands of years.”
“What was it?” Flameslinger asked, equally wrapped up in the story.
Glumshanks shivered at the very thought of it.
“Well?” prompted Stump, knocking his mallets together in encouragement.
Glumshanks opened his mouth and . . .
“ROAAAAAAAAAR!”
The Skylanders looked at Glumshanks and Glumshanks looked at the Skylanders.
“Did you know he could do that?” Countdown asked Wrecking Ball.
“Throw his voice?” replied the grub.
“Yeah!”
“I don’t think it was him,” Wrecking Ball said as a shadow passed over them.
“Oh no,” whimpered Glumshanks, looking up into the sky. “Not again.”
Stump Smash followed the Troll’s gaze and his hammers dropped in amazement.
Soaring high above them was the largest dragon that Stump Smash had ever seen. But the creature wasn’t covered in leathery skin or thick scales. It was made of gleaming white bones, and a pair of blazing red eyes burned deep in its ridged skull. Ivory wings beat the air as it swooped around and fell into a dive, rushing toward them.
“Let me guess,” Stump Smash said as he stared up at the monster’s huge teeth. “The general’s bomb unearthed a giant bony dragon?”
Glumshanks nodded. “And an angry one at that.”
“Anything else you haven’t told us?” Flameslinger asked, letting off an arrow that shot up into the air but passed through the dragon skeleton without even slowing it down.
The dragon opened its mouth and breathed out a blast of laser breath. The dark energy struck Flameslinger’s bow, knocking it from the elf’s fingers. He gasped as he snatched the weapon back up from the ground.
“No!” he exclaimed. “It’s been turned to stone.”
“So that’s what happened to the trees,” said Stump Smash. He ducked as the dragon swept low over their heads before zooming back up into the sky again.
“And the Trolls,” Glumshanks said as glumly as his name suggested. “The horrible creature shot up from the crater before the smoke had even cleared and started petrifying everything that moved.”
“Why didn’t Kaos just Portal it away?” Countdown asked, keeping his eyes on the monster as it came about for another attack.
“Why would he?” asked Glumshanks. “As soon as the dragon appeared, the Book of Power started glowing.”
“But it only glows when it’s near a segment of the mask,” said Wrecking Ball, as the monster began another descent, its furious roar echoing around the forest.
A realization dawned on Stump Smash. “The Bone Dragon is the segment.”
“I don’t get it,” said Flameslinger, still clutching his useless stone bow. “If the dragon is the fragment, then why didn’t Kaos stick around?”
“That question has occurred to me,” Glumshanks said. “I hid behind this bush when the dragon attacked, and ZAP, my legs got frozen. I called for Lord Kaos, but he’d gone. It’s not like him at all. Humiliation, yes, abandonment, no—not my Lord Kaos.”
The Bone Dragon shrieked as it plunged ever closer.
“Wherever that creep’s gotten to, we need to do something about that bag of bones up there,” Wrecking Ball urged. “I’m not sure my tongue can lick something that big into shape.”
“And my bow’s next to useless like this,” added Flameslinger.
“Lucky I came along,” Countdown said, raising up his arms and firing the rockets that served as his hands. They blasted up into the air, straight toward the Bone Dragon.
“That should do it!” cheered Countdown as the missiles detonated high above them, blossoming into balls of raging fire.
“Then again . . .” the Tech Skylander added as the Bone Dragon simply swept through the flames.
“Your missiles aren’t powerful enough,” Flameslinger cried out. “Time to blow your top!”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Countdown said with a grin, his eyes already starting to glow a sinister yellow.
“What does that actually mean?” asked Glumshanks, glancing uncertainly from one Skylander to the other.
“Our friend is a real blast.” Wrecking Ball laughed as the fuse on Countdown’s head ignited. The dial on the Tech Skylander’s chest spun wildly, and his entire body began to shake.
“Don’t lose your heads, guys,” Countdown shouted as his own head blasted from his shoulders, shooting toward the Bone Dragon.
“Now I’ve seen it all,” Glumshanks said, dumbstruck as Countdown’s head hit the Bone Dragon in the chest and detonated, sending ribs and bones flying everywhere.
The noise was deafening, and the flash was the brightest the Skylanders had ever seen. Bones rained down from above, the last remains of the terrifying creature.
Glumshanks blinked, glancing over at the Tech Skylander’s body which was already gro
wing a brand-new head.
“That’s not even possible,” the Troll said in amazement.
“Everything’s possible in Skylands,” said Flameslinger. “Good going, Countdown!”
“What’s Skylands?” Countdown’s new head asked, his eyes spinning. “And who’s Countdown?”
“He doesn’t know?” asked Glumshanks, wincing as a toe bone bounced off his head.
“He loses his memory every time he blows up,” Stump Smash explained, narrowly avoiding being impaled by one last rib that slammed into the ground beside him.
“Do I?” asked Countdown.
“Yes,” said Flameslinger.
Wrecking Ball said nothing. He was simply looking up to where the dragon had been.
“What’s up with him?” asked Countdown. “Whoever he is?”
“Look up there,” said the grub, still staring intently at the sky.
“I don’t understand . . .” said Stump Smash, peering up. “What is that?”
Glumshanks stared upward, too. “It looks like a heart.”
“A heart made of stone,” added Wrecking Ball.
“But it’s floating,” said Flameslinger. “Why is it . . . ? WHOA!”
The elf ducked as a large bone shot up from where it had embedded itself in the ground. It flew straight toward the strange stone heart, quickly followed by every other bone that had landed on the forest floor.
Before the Skylanders’ eyes, the bones came together—reforming the dragon’s skeleton, complete with wings, claws, and eyes like glowing coals.
“I know my memory isn’t what it could be,” said Countdown, “but haven’t I seen that thing somewhere before?”
Before anyone could answer, the newly reformed Bone Dragon roared and dived back toward them.
Chapter Five
Escape!
“What are we going to do?” screamed Glumshanks in a panic.
“What we always do,” shouted Flameslinger, starting to run toward Stump Smash. “Win!”
