I enjoyed dancing but there were certain matters which must be thrust to the back of my mind before I gave myself to pleasure. Besides my mother's melancholy, there was the real meaning behind all these lavish celebrations. After all, did I want to marry this little boy? I certainly did not, and it was consoling that he was so young. My marriage was in the future and, as I kept telling myself, such marriages rarely take place.
In due course the envoys arrived. I went to meet them. I was very much aware of my father, beaming happily, but I had already noticed how quickly his moods of affectionate bonhomie could change, and I dreaded to see the frown come over his face and his eyes narrow to points of icy blue, and— most expressive of all—the mouth become a tight line. It was then one must beware.
But all went well. I spoke my French fluently and the envoys were impressed. They paid me gracious compliments, and my father stood by, beaming benignly. All was well. I was passing the test.
We sat down to dine. My father and mother were together at the great table which commanded a full view of the hall. I was at the center of another table with the French envoys and some ladies, all from the most noble families in the land. The feasting seemed to go on interminably, and all the time I must speak graciously in French, which somehow I contrived to everyone's satisfaction. The food was served on gold and silver plates. There was meat, fish and pies of all description and while we ate the musicians played soft music.
When the banquet was over, the entertainment began. Children were brought in to sing and recite. There was a mock battle between righteousness and evil—righteousness naturally victorious.
I had slipped away, as arranged, to play my part. The curtain which divided the theater from the banqueting hall was drawn back to disclose a cave from which I emerged with seven ladies. We were all dressed in cloth of gold and crimson tinsel, with crimson hats covered in pearls and precious stones. As we came out of our cave, seven young gentlemen came out from another and we danced the ballet as we had practiced it. I am glad to say that everything went even better than it had at rehearsals.
There was tremendous applause, and the company made it clear that they had been particularly enchanted by my performance.
The meeting had been very satisfactory, and my father was pleased. That night I went to bed happy, flushed with my triumph.
There were other entertainments, and always I was there, seated close to the French envoys. They were all very gallant to me and I was told that they were astonished by my beauty and my erudition.
There was, however, one word of criticism. Turenne, the French ambassador, remarked that I was undoubtedly handsome and well endowed mentally, but I was spare, sparse and thin and would not be ready for marriage for at least three years.
The Countess, when she heard of this, said with an air of “I told you so” that they had kept me at my desk too long and I had not had enough fresh air and exercise, because Johannes Ludovicus Vives had insisted and she had always been against it. I should be allowed a more normal life—a little more time for recreation in place of so many lessons.
Perhaps she was right, but at least I had been able to converse and impress people with my erudition.
At one entertainment my father led me in the dance and we performed the stately pavanne together. He treated me with great affection and showed everyone, as we danced, how fond he was of me. There was that about my father—and this was so later when much was not well between us—that made any show of affection from him warm the heart; he could banish resentments with a smile; it was this quality which made him what he was and later led him to believe that he could act in any way he pleased.
So happily I danced with him, and that was one of the happiest occasions of the French visit.
Something happened on that night. It was when the music was playing one of the dances that each gentleman asked the lady of his choice to dance with him. The rule was for the King to select his lady and the rest would follow. I had expected him to dance with my mother, but he did not. He had walked across the room and was standing before a girl. I had seen her at some of the revelries before. She was the sort of person whom one would notice. I cannot say what it was about her. She was not beautiful…at least not in the conventional way. But there was something distinctive about her. When I came to compare her with the other ladies, it seemed that there was a uniformity about them and often one could mistake one for another. That could never happen to this girl. No one else looked in the least like her. Her dark hair fell to her waist. Her enormous eyes were sparkling and luminous; her dress was not exactly in the fashion of the day and yet it was more stylish. It had long hanging sleeves and there was a jewel on a band about her neck. I was even more struck by the grace with which she moved.
I noticed that people watched her all the time. I believed they were whispering about her. I meant to ask someone who she was, but I had not done so at that stage.
She seemed a little reluctant to dance but, of course, she could not refuse the King.
The music was playing. The King took her hand, and the dance began. The French ambassador asked me to dance and we fell in behind the King and his partner.
* * *
I WAS ALONE with my mother. Such occasions were rare and therefore very precious to me. She told me how proud she was of me. My father was pleased; the French were satisfied; they would carry back a good report of me to the King.
She said suddenly, “The Emperor has become a father.”
I stared at her. I felt my face harden.
She went on, “He has a son…a little boy. He is to be called Philip after the Emperor's father. I wonder if he will be as handsome.”
I was silent. I could not speak.
My mother took my hand and gripped it. I saw the tears on her cheeks.
“Dear Mother,” I began, dropping formality. I stood up and put my arms about her. It seemed as if that were the wrong thing to do, for the tears came faster.
She said, “He has been married such a short time and already he has a son. Why cannot…? Why? Why? What have I done to deserve this? Why is God punishing me?”
I said, “You have me…”
Then she began to weep openly. “You mean more to me, my daughter, than any son could mean, except…except…You see, your father wants sons. Oh, you will have to know sooner or later. How much longer can it be kept from you?”
“Tell me, Mother, tell me,” I begged.
“But you are a child still…”
“The envoys thought I was far from stupid.”
She stroked my hair. “You are my clever daughter. I want you to know that I love you. It has been my great sorrow that we have had to be apart so often.”
“I always understood,” I told her, kissing her hand. “Please tell me. Perhaps I can comfort you.”
“Your father would be rid of me.”
“But…no…how…?”
“He seeks means. He says he is afraid our marriage is no true marriage and that is why I have been unable to give him sons.”
“But you are the Queen…”
“You know I was married before.”
“Yes, to Prince Arthur. Everyone knows.”
“In the Bible it says that if a man marries his brother's widow the union shall be childless.”
“But why…?”
“It is said to be unclean. Again and again I have told him that I was never Arthur's wife in the true sense.”
“And you are not childless. You have me… and there were others.”
“You, my dearest, are the only one who survived and you are a girl.”
“I see, he thinks God is punishing him for disobeying His Laws.”
“I would never disobey God's Laws. I was never Arthur's wife. Your father is the only man I have known as a husband.”
“You have told him that.”
“A thousand times.”
“Dearest Mother, do not grieve. Everyone will understand.”
“Your father is de
termined. He says he must have a son…a legitimate son. And the only way he can do that is by ridding himself of me.”
I was puzzled. It seemed impossible to me. My mother was the Queen. My father was married to her, so how could he marry someone else in order to get a son?
I said, “I know he wants a son. All rulers do. They despise our sex. It is very sad. But my father is married to you and if it is God's will that he shall not have a son, there is nothing he can do about it.”
“Kings are very powerful, daughter.”
“But…he is married…”
“Marriages are, in some circumstances, set aside.”
“Set aside!”
“A dispensation from the Pope…”
“But even the Pope cannot go against the Holy Laws of the Church.”
She said, “We shall fight for our place. I will fight … and it will be mainly for you.”
“For me?”
“Oh, I forget your youth. You make me forget it, daughter, because you are so serious and I am so distraught.”
“Dearest Mother, I do understand. I know how you have suffered for a long time.”
“You knew that?”
“I have seen it in your face… because I love you so much.”
“My poor child. I will fight for your position as well as for my own, for you see, if this terrible thing came to pass, you would no longer be the Princess of Wales.”
“But I am the Princess of Wales. I am the King's daughter…”
“It is hard to explain. If the King were to prove that his marriage to me was no true marriage, although we have lived for all those years as husband and wife, in the eyes of the Church our marriage would be no true marriage and therefore our child would not be the legitimate heir to the throne.”
As the enormity of this swept over me, I felt deeply shocked.
“That could never be,” I said.
My mother answered, “We must see that it never comes to pass.”
We sat for a long time, I at her feet clinging to her hands. We were silent, she no doubt brooding on the past years, perhaps remembering the happiness she had enjoyed with my father during the first years of their marriage and I shocked and bewildered by the sudden realization of what had been going on for so long.
It was the reason for my mother's sadness, the silences of the Countess. They had believed me too young at eleven to understand that which could have had a devastating effect on my future.
I was afraid of the future; I was afraid of my powerful father. Young as I was I knew that my fate, and that of my mother, was in the hands of a ruthless man.
Yet, I was glad that at last I knew what it was all about.
* * *
REGINALD HAD COME to Court with us from Ludlow and I had an opportunity of talking to him.
I said bluntly, “I know now what has been troubling my mother for so long. My father fears theirs is no true marriage. You know of it, I suppose.”
“Yes,” he answered.
“I dareswear everyone at Court knows of it.”
“Many do,” he admitted, “although it is known as the King's Secret Matter.”
“What will happen?” I asked.
“What can happen? Your father is married to the Queen. There is an end of it.”
“But if the marriage was no true marriage…?”
“It was a true marriage.”
“My father thinks that, because my mother was married before to his brother Arthur, it was against the laws of Holy Church that he and she should marry.”
“It has taken him a long time to come to this decision.”
“It has been brought to him because God has denied him sons.”
“There could be a number of reasons for that.”
“But he thinks it is because he married his brother's widow.”
Reginald shook his head. “My mother prays for a son,” I went on. “If only she could have one, all would be well.”
Reginald looked at me sadly. “My dear Princess,” he said, “you are too young to bother your head with such matters.”
“But they concern me,” I pointed out.
“You are thinking of your right to the throne. If your father does not have a son, you will be Queen one day. Would that mean so much to you?”
I hesitated. I was remembering the months at Ludlow where I had had my own little Court. Power. Yes, there was an intoxication about it. It would be my right to follow my father, to rule the country… unless there was a brother to replace me. “I see,” he said, “that ambition has already cast its spell over you.”
“Are you not ambitious, Reginald?”
He was silent for a while. “I think we all have the seeds of ambition in us,” he said at length. “Some might have ambition to possess a crown; others for a peaceful life. It is all ambition in a way.”
“You could advance high in the Church.”
“I am not sure that I want that. I want to see the world…to learn. There is so much to be discovered. When you are older, you will understand. And now … do not grieve. This will pass, I am sure. Your father is restive. Men sometimes are at certain periods of their lives. He is disappointed because he has no son. He looks around for reasons. This will pass. It must pass. The Pope will never grant him what he wants. There is the Emperor Charles to be considered.”
“Why the Emperor?”
He said gently, “The Emperor is the Queen's nephew. He would never agree that your mother should be set aside. It would be an insult to Spain. The Emperor is the most powerful man in Europe… and his recent successes have made him more important than ever. The sons of the King of France are his hostages.”
“My bridegroom is one of them.”
“Oh, these treaties, these marriages! They hardly ever come to anything when they are between children.”
“You comfort me, Reginald.”
“That is what I shall always do if it is in my power.”
He stooped and kissed my forehead.
I was thankful for Reginald.
* * *
THE ONLY BRIGHTNESS during that anxious time was due to his presence and the fact that I was under the same roof as my mother.
She and the Countess were often together; they had always been the best of friends. They were often in deep conversation, and I was sure my mother was completely frank with the Countess, for she trusted her absolutely.
I had grown up considerably since leaving Ludlow; and when I was in that pleasant spot I had emerged from my childhood to get a notion of what it really meant to rule.
But to be plunged into this tragedy which surrounded my mother had brought a new seriousness into my life.
I wished that I knew more. It is frustrating to be on the edge of great events and to be afforded only the sort of view one would get by looking through a keyhole.
Reginald was often with us, and the four of us would be alone together—my mother, the Countess, Reginald and myself. I am sure that both the Countess and her son did a great deal to sustain my mother, but there was little anyone could do to lift the menacing threat which hung over her.
She had suffered neglect and poverty after Prince Arthur's death, when her father did not want her to return to Spain and my grandfather did not want her in England. For seven years she had lived thus until my father had gallantly and romantically married her. I think she feared that she would be forced into a similar position to that which she had suffered before, if the King, my father, deserted her.
She had great determination. She was going to fight…if not for herself, for me, because my fate was so wrapped up in hers.
She was pleased to see my friendship with Reginald, and it suddenly occurred to me that she and the Countess would be happy to see a marriage between us. Instinctively I knew it was a subject often discussed between them. I was excited by this prospect. How wonderful it would be to marry someone one knew, rather than to be shipped off to some hitherto unseen prince because of a clause in a treaty.
It was a wonderful, comforting thought during those months.
I was often present when the Countess and my mother talked together. I think they had come to the conclusion that now I was aware of the King's Secret Matter, it might not be harmful for me to know more of it, for, after all, I was deeply involved in it.
Thus it was that I learned of those farcical proceedings when my father had been summoned to York Place where the Cardinal lived in sumptuous splendor.
There the King had allowed himself to be charged with immorality because he was living with a woman who was not, in the eyes of the Church, his wife.
The idea of my father's being summoned anywhere by his subjects was ludicrous. But meekly he had gone; humbly he had listened to their accusations—which, of course, he had ordered them to make. Archbishop Warham had presided.
“John Fisher, Bishop of Rochester, was present,” said the Countess. “I have always held him to be one of the most saintly men I know.”
“It was Doctor Wolman, I believe, who was making the case against the King,” added my mother.
“And Doctor Bell was the King's Counsel,” said the Countess. She added scornfully, “I can imagine it. ‘Henry, King of England, you are called into this archiepiscopal court to answer a charge of living in sin with your brother's wife.'”
“It is so false. It is so untrue!” burst out my mother. “I was never Arthur's wife in truth.”
They seemed to have forgotten my presence, and I sat there quietly, trying to efface myself lest they should remember me and cease to talk so frankly.
In the Shadow of the Crown Page 7
