by D A Rice
2
When I woke up from that last black out, it took a moment for the disorientation to wear off. When it did, the first thing I saw was the helm I’d made for Five, with his dented head still in it. His eyes were wide and there was blood everywhere.
I sat up, cracking my neck as I found my hat sitting nearby, free of blood, which was a plus. My eyes ached, but they weren’t burning as they did when the Ravens were close at hand.
Whatever had happened here, I’d had fun doing it.
I pulled myself up off the ground, my imagination cleaning the button-up shirt I wore, as well as the vest I wore over it, both covered in what I assumed was Five’s blood. My fingers flexed as I evaluated my surroundings with a head tilt. I was in the Forgotten Forest, near the Looking Glass Lake. I raised an eyebrow at it, then glanced back at Five’s dismembered body.
With a flick of my fingers, his body disappeared. The only thing left of him was the two distinct plops from the lake behind me. I rolled my head, a grin surfacing on my face. “I do hope the Red Queen won’t be needing that head back.” I eyed the lake, a giggle escaping from me. “It seems to have been misplaced.”
The vibrantly-colored forest let me out quickly. It always did. I seemed to always find myself within its boundaries when I woke from whatever havoc the other me wrecked. We had an understanding. We still do, but back then it was more about its need to be rid of me than a begrudging respect for me.
I’m not exactly sure when that changed.
When I made my way into the Chess Valley, my hands were in my pockets, and I was whistling like nothing was wrong. The Queen of Hearts obviously had other suspicions about where I’d been and what I’d been up to. She was there in force, her royal guard ready and itching to take my head off.
I raised an eyebrow as I paused, taking in the army with a lopsided smirk. I bowed. “My queen!”
She stood before them, her elaborately-gemmed gown red, full of bustle and wires. Her brown hair was toppled on her head, a heart-shaped tiara shining amongst the curls. Her gaze zeroed in on me, arms crossed over her chest. Her cheek twitched. She clearly wanted to scream, but for some reason, was holding herself back. “Hatter. I believe you’ve misplaced one of my soldiers…”
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “I have no idea what you’re talking about!” I paced around her, my sadistic grin widening. For all I knew, she’d seen me kill Five and had legitimate reason to lock me up or take what was left of my head. Not that she needed a reason. She hated me. Five was low enough on her totem pole of military that his death would be merely an inconvenience.
Except for the fact that I had an involvement in it.
Her smile was almost as sadistic as mine when it slid onto her face. “You’re coming with me.”
I laughed. “Oh dear, I believe you’ve misplaced some nuts and bolts of your own!” I tapped her temple, and she growled at me. The card soldiers moved as one, but I was already dancing around then through them, giggling as they smacked each other with their own weapons in their attempt to get me.
“Far too slow! Far too slow!” I laughed maniacally, the Ravens already cawing in my head again. It never occurred to me that the blackouts were coming way too close together. I skipped back, dancing away as I felt the burn in my eyes slowly start to build.
The Queen’s own gaze widened as she took me in. She pointed. “Someone knock him out! Knock him out now!”
She sent in her Aces. I smiled with the challenge. Her Aces were her elites, the best of the best of the card soldiers. There were only ever four of them. When one died, she replaced it with another card soldier, a high-ranking member she re-converted.
They never spoke, but they were damn fun to play with.
When they came after me, I danced back, twirling around them. They were fast, but I was faster as the heat intensified in my eyes. The Ravens’ caw called to me, increasing in volume. My vision was beginning to tunnel. The Ravens wanted to take over, but I wanted this fight. I wanted to have my fun.
I grimaced as I stumbled. The Ravens were pissed. They wanted control of my body, and they wanted it now. The Ace of Clubs swung at my head. I barely dodged it in time, dancing back and to my left. The other three closed in on my back. I leapt over them with a giggle.
I started seeing red, darkness encroaching around the edges of my vision. The Red Queen’s army was fanning out, trying to box me in. The Aces caught up to me quickly, the Ace of Diamonds knocking my legs out from underneath me.
I couldn’t hear; the Ravens were loud inside my head. I collapsed to my knees, my hands in my hair. What’s going on? I didn’t know at the time, but I’d started to fight back against my darker self. My hat fell off as the Ace of Spades aimed for my head.
Laughter echoed around me. I was done fighting it. I’d barely been in control of my own body for even twenty minutes and already the Ravens wanted in on the action. The giggles continued as I fell forward, making the Ace of Spades dance back in confusion. They didn’t know what to do with me.
They never did.
“I’m seeing Red!” I laughed harder as the Queen of Hearts swam into my vision.
“Take his head and be done with him.” Her voice was cold. “Do it soon, or we may not get another chance. His lunatic is taking over.”
“Queen Calia,” a warm voice echoed around us, causing the Ravens to pause long enough in my mind for me to see the swirl of gold that pushed through the army waiting around me.
The Queen of Hearts sighed deeply in front of me. “Timekeeper, this is no business of yours.”
“I beg to differ. You are on my doorstep.” The Timekeeper waved behind him, the gears on his overcoat clinking as he watched the Red Queen with a tick of his electric blue eyes.
I let out a giggle, then clapped my hands over my mouth when those calm eyes turned to me. An eyebrow raised above them as he studied me. His eyes were cool and curious.
“Gold sand from the sandman!” I laughed again. I wanted to shake off the red I was still seeing, but it was hard to focus on anything. The Aces stepped back as the Timekeeper stepped forward.
“He’s off his rocker, Chronos. I will take his head and put us all out of our misery.” Calia waved her army back. The red haze lifted ever so slightly with their steps of retreat.
I shook my head as Chronos knelt over me, reaching out a white-gloved hand. “No, Calia. I will take him.” I was shaking at this point, mumbling to myself in between hysteric giggles.
“You want this madman?” Calia seemed more annoyed than anything.
This seemed to be hilarious to me. I laughed as Chronos hefted me up under my shoulders, placing me on my feet again. Whatever call the Ravens held over me lessened the closer he got. The sands of Time surrounded me, moving into the darkness I’d known for as long as I could remember.
Something settled on my hair. My eyes rolled up, catching the brim of my hat. I started laughing all over again. “I need tea!” I touched Chronos’s face, I couldn’t help myself. “You need tea too, Sandman.”
“Ace of Hearts, knock this man out,” Calia said over my shoulder.
Chronos sucked in a breath to say something. But before I could find out what it was, a sharp pain exploded behind my eyes as the Ace in question pummeled me in the back of the head. I collapsed forward with a groan. The last thought on my mind?
I was definitely going to feel that when I woke up.
Interlude
I stand from my lounging spot next to Little C’s bed, the hat still in my hands as I study it. In my mind, I’m already imagining what it’ll look like. I tuck it back into the inside pocket of my dark coat, the black leather on my hands squeaking with my movements.
My hat tilts forward over my eyes as I walk to the door of the room. When I glance back over my shoulder, Little C stirs in his bed again, gold sand drifting around him as he dreams.
One day I’ll have to tell him the story of his death. He talks about Chronos as if he can still see him sometimes, that
link into death I’ll never know. I wish I could talk to Big Brother like he can. I could use his advice now.
Memories haunt me as I stride down the hallway of the Time Fortress. I don’t sleep, and now neither does Emma. I want to help her adjust to her new role, but I’m not the one who can. Teaching Little C seems to help her, but she can only do so much with him. His mind is so young.
I shift my focus to Jack of Hearts and find my gaze narrowing.
He’d brought this on himself. I have no regrets about what I’ve done. He’d tried to poison Little C, even knowing the child could see within his timeline. The child Chronos may be young, but he’s not stupid. He’d brought the drink to me, knowing I could tell him what was in it that made him sick in the future.
If nothing else, I was far too kind. No one messes with my family.
Emma is part of my family too. I want to talk to her, but I don’t know what to say. It hurts too much to look at her, to interact with her. My inner demon wants her to pay for Chronos’s decision. It’s not fair to her, but I can’t seem to stop him.
I’m breaking all over again, but this time there’s no Chronos to help me. There’s no light at the end of my very dark tunnel.
I stumble in my grief, leaning against the brick wall to my right. I promised him I’d look after Emma. I promised myself I’d look after Little C. I will protect him with my life, even if my life isn’t worth much anymore.
I don’t know what to do with myself. Moments swim all around me, mixing with the shadows of Nightmare I still hold within me. I can’t let myself break, but I can’t stop myself either. I know Emma wants to help, but I’m afraid of what I’ll do if she does. I can’t promise I won’t hurt her.
This terrifies me more than anything else. I haven’t felt the need to hurt someone else in a very long time. I don’t know what to do with all these emotions.
I slide to the floor of the hall, overwhelmed. Memories swirl around my head. All the people I’ve hurt and killed before Chronos came back into my life. I’m swirling down a drain…
And I don’t know how to come back up for air.
3
When I woke this time, I was in a room full of gears, twitching and circling harmoniously around me. As expected, my head ached, and when I went to touch it with my fingers, I found a bandage wrapped where my hat used to be.
“I would sit up slowly if I were you,” his voice said from somewhere above me. “The Ace of Hearts gave you quite the concussion.”
I felt weird, at peace somehow, almost as if something was missing, but I couldn’t figure out what. I pulled myself up, slowly as requested, and took in my surroundings again. “Are we in a clocktower, Time?” It smelled like dust and metal, a busy place, always in motion.
Chronos drifted down on a cloud of gold, his eyes watching me with a tick tick I could hear from my perch on the landing he’d set me on. He looked amused. I’d never known anyone to take such a clinical interest in me. Curious.
“We are.” Chronos landed beside me, his steps light. He nodded around him. “This is the Fortress of Time. I took you here when I found you in the Chess Valley.” The golden glow around him softened as his gaze returned to me.
“Mmmh, Time thinks he saved the day!” I giggled as my arm crossed over my raised knee. I studied him, making assessments of my own.
Chronos chuckled softly. “Oh, I believe I saved someone’s day.” He turned to face the gears again, a blue light shining from his eyes as he tilted his head. “I cannot see into your timeline, hatter, not with any clairvoyance, but I can see theirs. The Red Queen would have gone home with half the soldiers she came out here with.”
I tilted my head, a smirk rising on my face. “Accurate.”
“What do you call yourself?” He asked me.
I glanced up at him, unsure of how to respond. I had so many names. I rocked on my haunches, but he only watched me, patient for my answer. “I have Ravens in my head, Timekeeper.”
What I’d said was soft, but I could feel the way it affected Chronos. He’d jolted, as if in surprise. If even the Timekeeper of Wonderland didn’t know what to do with me, I was a lost cause indeed. I smiled, my eyes burning, before the burn disappeared. I tilted my head. “Although they seem… distant…”
Chronos knelt in front of me, his own head tilting in curiosity. “Time seems to be able to help with the darkness some. I can feel it reaching out to you. It was one of many reasons I came into the Chess Valley, Hatter.”
I giggled, shaking my head. “Time goes, Time stays, Time tries to save the day.” I met his gaze, it was gentle. “I don’t know who I am.”
“Then I shall call you Ren, and together we might conquer the ravens in your head.” He stood, holding out his hand. I eyed it, then him. He smiled, nodding once as his eyes ticked. “I may not know what the future holds for you, Ren, but I can tell you that you do not have to be alone if you do not wish to be.” He waved his other hand around, the sands of Time glowing with his movements. “Time reacts kindly to you, and so you are welcome here.”
My eyes widened marginally. I’d never been invited into a home by someone that knew who and what I was. The Timekeeper wasn’t stupid, he could see farther than anyone else I knew. So why did he want me here?
I grinned, then took his hand to let him pull me up. My grip tightened around his, and he raised an eyebrow. “Let us take a bet then, Timekeeper. Let us see how long you continue to welcome me in your home, shall we?”
Chronos’s chuckle was low and amused. “I think you are underestimating who I am, Hatter.”
Just like that, I became a guest of Time.
Interlude
Everything hurts with the memory.
He’d been so kind to me, always far too kind. The cool brick of the Fortress wall brings me back into myself. My eyes flutter open as I cool. If I’m not careful, my mind will break into two again. I think it’s this that worries Emma the most.
She doesn’t want me to give up on myself. She never has.
I pull myself up the wall before I register the robot behind me, watching me with its golden glowing eyes. I raise an eyebrow before I glance back at it. “Did she send you to check on me already?” I ask.
The robot hums but doesn’t move from where it’s crouched in the broad hallway. I straighten in front of it, pulling my coat closed around my collar. “I need tea.”
I stride forward, feeling the Guardian’s eyes on me. I give it a look as I pass. “You can join me if you wish. I’ve always been curious to see what some of my brews might do to Time itself.” I pat the robot’s shoulder, then move past.
Imagining tea is something I can do at the drop of a hat, but for this brew I want something made by my hand, not my mind. I need something stronger than my mind can conjure.
Gliding into the kitchen, I pull out all the things I’ll need, laying various herbs on the counter in front of me. I mutter to myself as I touch each one, grinning as I recall what they do. I do hope the twins will visit soon. There’s one herb I’m unsure of. I’d gathered it in a distant place. I need to test it on someone.
I pull out powders next, a little something I picked up on a field trip into a lair of gangsters. I smile fondly. Emma hadn’t been happy I’d brought Little C along for that one. I pause as I glance toward the kitchen door. The robot hums just outside, but he stays where he is. The gentle flow of Time reaches out to me and I close my eyes, absorbing its peace. So, you came on your own…
I begin to move again, boiling water, then pulling out a small strainer I can use. I want to escape this pain, but even Time itself cannot give me the peace I need.
“Uncle?” A small soft voice causes me to pause again.
I turn to face Little C, a grin on my face as I lean against the counter. “Little C!”
His eyes tick softly as he takes in everything I have laying around the kitchen. He says nothing for a moment, his eyes glassy as he tries to figure out what I’m up to.
I take two strides forwar
d and rustle his hair, before I’m kneeling in front of him. “I’m making some grown up juice,” I whisper conspiratorially, a hand in front of my mouth like I’m sharing some great secret.
Little C tilts his head. “Are the twins coming over?”
I laugh. “Not tonight, Little C, but that is an excellent idea!” I stand and wave my hand at the kitchen behind me. “This tea will be far too amazing not to share! I shall have to invite them over post haste!” I wink at him, and he smiles with a soft chuckle.
I pat him on the head and twirl him around. “Shouldn’t you be in bed, little one?”
Little C glances back at me. “I was, but Big Brother was worried about you.”
His words hit me in the gut, jolting my body. My eyes burn as my jaw tightens, but when I look up again, I’m smiling, tapping my chin with my finger. “I can’t imagine why he would be! I’m fine.” I tap the back of his head, pushing him out the door. “Go back to bed, Little C, and tell Big Brother all is well.”
I escort him past the kitchen door, then wave him off to bed as I lean against the doorframe. The Guardian hums beside me and I give it a look. “Not a word out of you.”
Once Little C is out of sight, I turn back into the kitchen and crack my knuckles. “Now!” The shadows tremble as I move, faster than any normal person should. I’m on edge and I need my grownup tea now. I won’t let this break me. I owe Chronos at least that much.
I dance around the kitchen, twirling among the sands of Time offered to me from the robot in the hall. I use them to my advantage. I can’t control Time like Emma can, like Chronos could, but I have a few tricks up my own sleeves.
I’m Kairos Time. The moments in which we live are mine to take and mine to give.
Red stars light up the kitchen as I release the moments I’ve stolen from within me. Closing my eyes, I breathe out, letting them go as I move. Tension escapes my body with their release. I have to release them regularly, or my mind starts to get crowded, and that’s something I don’t need mixing with the pain I already struggle with today.
