Faster than she could think to lift her legs from the floor, he leaned down and gathered her in his arms to help her stretch out properly on top of the bed.
His gentle solicitation, the close proximity of their bodies produced a bittersweet ache. She turned her head toward the wall, afraid to look at him. “It’s a little cool in here for you, I think.” In the next instant he’d found a light blanket to cover her.
“Th-thank you,” she whispered. The words came out haltingly because as he tucked it around her, his hands seemed to have a mind of their own. She squeezed her eyelids tightly together as she felt him shape his palms to the large mound containing their baby and begin a slow exploration.
You don’t have the right, Cord! Not when you’ve been intimate with Sheila, her heart sobbed in silence.
But Ashley felt powerless to stop him.
Because you’re still in love with him and crave any contact with him. Admit it!
His sure touch was light as a feather, but she felt it in every atom of her trembling body. It had been eight months since she’d known such exquisite pleasure. Eight lonely, interminably long, desolate months. She never wanted him to stop.
“It’s a miracle, darling—” she heard him murmur in a thick-toned voice.
Suddenly the blanket disappeared and the weight on her stomach felt a little heavier. She opened her eyes and turned her head back around to discover his face buried against her belly. A slight gasp escaped her throat as he started to kiss her through the filmy material of her dress.
Unshed tears sprang to her eyes. From almost the very first moment they’d met, he’d kissed her under every conceivable circumstance and manner, but she’d never been as moved, never felt as worshiped and adored as she did at this moment.
Cord would never have the experience of carrying a child nine months inside his own body. Yet it was his child. She realized this was the closest he could come to sharing the experience with her. But she hadn’t counted on the indescribable swell of emotion that made her want to forget every painful tiling that had gone on in the past and just feast on this incredible feeling of oneness with him.
A little being was growing inside her, getting bigger every day. A little life which was half her, half Cord. But while she’d had over eight months to ponder the wonder of it all, he’d only just learned that his life was already immortalized by the son or daughter waiting to make an appearance shortly.
Being pregnant with Cord’s baby bonded them in a way that went far beyond the physical world and touched on the eternal. She couldn’t begrudge him the God-given right to fatherhood by denying him this miraculous moment of discovery.
It was something she would treasure in her heart, long after they’d separated and gone their own way. Which they would, a nagging inner voice cried out in despair once more.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered, pressing a hard, swift kiss to her astonished mouth. After covering her again with the blanket, he left the room in a few swift strides.
CHAPTER THREE
“Hello, you two. I’m Vincent Warren, but since we’re going to be getting to know each other very, very well—” He grinned. “Why don’t you just call me Vince.”
“That sounds good to us,” Cord spoke for both of them in a deep, even voice. He sat down in a chair next to her bed, drinking a cup of coffee he’d carried from the dining room. Out of thoughtfulness, he’d brought her back a roll and some grapefruit, in case she got hungry later.
Seated on the edge of the bed, Ashley tried to put the memory of those moments before Cord had gone for breakfast out of her mind. It had been a transcendent experience, one which had shaken her and affected her ability to concentrate.
She did note that the middle-aged psychologist emanated a professional mien in his pale blue lab coat and clipboard. He was clean-shaven, unlike so many in his profession.
“Ashley? Is that what you want me to call you?”
She nodded.
“And you, sir? You wish to be called Cord?”
“All right.” He put everything on the bedside table, then reached in his pocket. “I’m going to adhere this patch to your neck, Cord. As you know, this is one of the methods used to help you lose your desire for a cigarette.”
“Are there any side effects associated with it?” Ashley blurted anxiously, causing Cord to flash her a questioning glance.
She turned to Vince. “H-he had a bad reaction once to some pain medication following a brush with a grizzly bear.”
“That’s right,” Cord muttered. “I’d forgotten.”
“Oh, honestly, Cord. How could you possibly forget an experience that almost cost you your life?” she cried out in remembered pain.
“Really!” Vince made a notation on his legal pad. “That’s a story I’d like to hear about later. What was prescribed?”
“Percodan,” she supplied instantly.
“Then you’re probably allergic to codeine. The patch doesn’t have the same ingredients, so I’m not worried, but we’ll watch you carefully all the same. Most people respond favorably to this form of treatment. We’ll just have to wait and see.”
It took him about one minute for the procedure, then Vince reached for a chair and sat down facing them.
“I’m sure Dr. Drake has already explained this, but the aim of our clinic is to put together a profile on both of you so we can get as in-depth a picture of your life as possible. At the same time, we’ll teach you some strategies to end your compulsion to smoke.
“As you know, human nature is such that we all operate under the selective memory process. Interviewing both of you at the same time helps get two points of view on the same happening, and supplies the missing pieces to help us make the most correct assessment possible.
“What happened just now when your wife remembered an incident in your life that you didn’t deem very important, is a case in point.
“I’ve read the summary of your work profile and understand you lived a lot of your life in the out-of-doors before moving back to Salt Lake. Obviously the accident such as she described was routine to you, but to your wife, it constituted much more of a threat, thus her reaction and instant recall.
“You see how beneficial interviewing both of you simultaneously will work to our advantage?”
Ashley was very much afraid that she did. When she darted a covert glance at Cord, his closed expression told her nothing about his inner thoughts.
“Willpower and self-mastery are always the keys to living a temperate life,” Vince expounded, “but many other factors get in the way. When two people live together, for good or bad, those factors increase, thus the reason for both of you agreeing to go through the program. By the end of the week, we hope to have accomplished a great deal.
“Cord—we’d like to see you walk out of here feeling physically fit and having less of an urge to light up because number one, it’s unhealthy. Number two, because through counseling here, you will have zeroed in on the stumbling blocks in your life that trigger your need for nicotine, and will have taken positive steps to remove them.”
Ashley stirred restlessly on the bed. Once they got into the past, it would be like opening Pandora’s box. She dreaded what was about to come out and wondered if she had the temerity to last the course.
Vince’s gaze centered on her. “If you get uncomfortable sitting there while I’m interviewing, please move around or lie down, or do whatever makes you the most comfortable.”
“Thanks. I’m fine for the moment.” Physically, she’d had a very easy pregnancy. Except for occasional back pain, she didn’t swell that much and the morning sickness left after the third month. It’s my emotional state that is in turmoil. Being with Cord like this is killing me.
The psychologist nodded. “According to the notes Dr. Drake left with me, I see that you were the one who filed for divorce. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“How long have you been separated?”
“Eight mon
ths.”
“When was the last time you saw each other since the separation?”
She bowed her head to avoid Cord’s searching gaze. “This morning.”
“So there’s been no communication until now?”
“Not until last Friday when Cord phoned me.”
“Yet you cared enough to help him, and he cared enough to ask for your help. That’s a good beginning if we’re to accomplish anything positive in the next seven days.” He cleared his throat. “All right. Cord? Let’s start with you. What’s your age?”
“Thirty-six.”
“From what I understand, you didn’t start smoking until you went away to college.”
“That’s right,” he answered quietly. Ashley kept her eyes on Vince, but she was listening to Cord with every part of her being.
“Had you ever been tempted by cigarettes before that time?”
“No.”
“Most kids start in junior high or high school. What do you think made you take the first one so late in life?”
“I don’t know. I was at a loose end, and the fellows who roomed in the same apartment I did all smoked. One night at a party someone offered me a cigarette and I thought, ‘why not?’ That’s how it started.”
“We’ll assume for the moment that you’ve been at a loose end many times long before then and since. So what was different about that time?”
Ashley heard the draft of air Cord took in before he answered.
“I’d just left home after a bitter scene with my father.”
“Your mother didn’t figure in it?”
“No.”
One of Ashley’s deepest disappointments was not ever meeting or knowing Cord’s mother, a woman he’d adored. As for Cord’s father, he was a cold man, aloof.
“You were what? Eighteen?” Cord nodded. “Tell me more about your family. How many brothers and/or sisters?”
“I’m an only child.”
Vince wrote more notations. “Since you went away to school in the East, am I assuming correctly that you generally made several visits home a year?”
“No,” came the abrupt reply.
This was news to Ashley. Her gaze fastened compulsively on him, her heart thudding.
“Why not?”
At this point Cord leaned forward, his hands clasped between his knees in an attitude of solemnity. “My father and I became estranged before I graduated from high school.”
“Why?”
Cord’s face darkened with lines. “From the time I was fourteen, I always had to work for my father at the office doing odd jobs, anything he wanted me to do. It was always intended that I would head the family business after he retired, so he expected me to know it all.” His voice grated.
“I take it the idea of filling his shoes didn’t appeal to you.”
“No. I had interests which ran in another direction entirely, but being the only son, I felt trapped.”
“You never told me that—” Ashley blurted.
Cord absently brushed his lower lip with his thumb. “I never said anything because my mother urged me to do what my father wanted. Above all, I hated disappointing her.”
“Surely she wanted your welfare above all else!”
Sadness lurked in Cord’s eyes. “I’m positive of it. But because Dad didn’t seem capable of making her happy, I thought I could. Anyway, in May of my senior year, about three weeks before graduation, Dad hired a new girl to replace the receptionist who was leaving to get married.”
Suddenly Cord’s dark glance swerved to Ashley. “Her name was Sheila Wright.”
A gasp came out of Ashley. “You really did know her clear back then?” she cried in fresh agony. “Then that means Sheila was telling the truth.” For the second time in one morning, she watched Cord’s face pale.
Vince got to his feet before she did. “All right. The mention of this Sheila has touched on an issue of extreme sensitivity, one that has obviously not been resolved.” He eyed Ashley compassionately. “Is Sheila the person you feel is partially responsible for the breakup of your marriage?”
“Among other reasons.” Ashley’s voice shook. She felt ill. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Ashley—”
She heard the tormented plea in Cord’s tone, but she couldn’t handle the gut-wrenching revelation that Sheila had been his lover as far in the past as high school! Sheila had intimated that she’d been the other woman in the background of Cord’s life, but Cord had always denied it.
Somehow Ashley had thought she was the only person important to Cord before they were married…
“If you’ll excuse us, Cord, I’d like to speak to Ashley in private.”
She had barely made it out the door when Vince caught up with her. “I can see you’re in pain, Ashley. The more we delve, the more it’s going to hurt. But I want you to think about a couple of things before you leave the hospital.
“Without your help, your husband can’t remain here on this particular program. It takes two.”
She knew that, but she feared that if she heard any more, it would destroy her.
“We haven’t been going ten minutes, yet already you’ve learned several new things about your husband’s past. Wouldn’t you rather know the whole truth, instead of just bits and pieces, before you walk away from your marriage?
“Dr. Drake said you didn’t know your husband had ever had a smoking problem. It’s obvious your husband is a very private person. Apparently he has a history of keeping certain memories to himself which are destructive to him and hurting you now. If you were to stay the entire week, perhaps we’ll find out why he has chosen to remain silent on so many issues.
“In the end, you will have greater understanding of his psyche. So will he. Unburdening himself could be the key to getting over his habit. If you do go through with the divorce, the time spent here will give you closure on your marriage.
“After what I’ve just witnessed, I can promise you that your divorce will not resolve the pain and doubts still assailing you. For your mental health and his, I urge you to see this through.
“If you can’t, then I suggest you make an appointment to talk to Dr. Drake. He’s one of the finest psychiatrists in the country. You need some help before your baby comes. The emotional burdens you’re carrying will affect your child. Think about it.”
Ashley rubbed her forehead where she could feel the beginnings of a headache. “I know you’re right, Vince. It’s just so hard.”
“Because you’re still in love with him.”
She would have liked to deny it, but because he’d spoken the truth, she couldn’t.
“No matter how difficult this is, think what it will mean to your child’s happiness if you and Cord can deal with this now. Whether you stay married, or end up divorced, you’ll both be able to start fresh, with new faith in the future. Hopefully he’ll be able to live the rest of his life without a crutch like nicotine.”
Vince spoke the truth. There was more at stake here than just her pain and Cord’s. Their baby deserved the best from both of them. She’d told Cord she would only stay as long as the first session took but the therapist’s words found a responding chord in her and prevented her from leaving.
Somehow she was going to have to find the strength to sit there and listen to more devastating details of his long-term affair with Sheila.
“I’m sorry I walked out,” she said quietly.
“It was a normal reaction, Ashley.”
“If I’m going to stay on, I guess I’m going to have to find another way to deal with my pain.”
“If you’ll keep your thoughts focused on what’s best for your child in the long run, I think you’ll be able to handle it.” After a pause, “Do you want to wait until after the group session this afternoon to pick up where we left off?”
She shook her head. “No—the sooner everything is out in the open, the better.”
“Good for you.”
As she turned, she saw Cord s
tanding in the doorway to their room, his features an expressionless mask. “This is asking too much of you, Ashley. You said you’d stay through the first session. I won’t hold you to any more.”
She took a fortifying breath. “I admit I’d rather be anywhere than here.” At that comment, she thought she saw a flicker of pain enter his eyes before they darkened. “But Vince is right. If you never tell me the whole truth, and I never stay long enough to listen, then we’ll carry around unwanted baggage the rest of our lives. That won’t be good for the baby. So, for the sake of our unborn child, I’ll stay.”
Her words brought another grimace to his hardened features. “I can’t ask for more than that.” He studied her so thoroughly, she started feeling weak-kneed again. “Are you sure you’re up to this physically?”
“I’ll be fine.”
She moved past him, but her protruding stomach brushed against his arm. The slightest contact sent a current of electricity through her body. To offset the sensation, she sat down on the bed next to the bedside table and began eating the roll and grapefruit he’d brought in earlier. Maybe a little sustenance would help insulate her against the shocks still to come.
When Vince started the questioning again, Cord stood nearby, his hands on the back of one of the metal chairs. The knuckles stood out white, testimony of the tension gripping him.
“You said that you and your father became estranged, then you mentioned the woman, Sheila. Let’s start there.”
The last of the roll turned to sawdust in Ashley’s mouth as she listened without looking in his direction, “Sheila was twenty-five when Dad hired her, seven years older than I. She was a willowy blonde who knew she was attractive. I noticed that she flirted with all the male employees, married or single, even my father.”
“Did she flirt with you?”
“Especially with me.”
Ashley’s eyes closed tightly.
“I was like a lot of high school guys, flattered by the attention of an older woman. Since I already had a legitimate right to be at work until late, I hung around there a lot more, hoping she’d hang around, too.
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