by Rhys Ford
Kane dwelled on the sensitive spots he knew would drive Miki crazy. He’d discovered several over the years. The rise of Miki’s hip bones and the inside of his elbows where his skin was tender and soft. Taking a small bite of the skin under his left earlobe made Miki shiver, and Kane’s fingertips running down the middle of his spine was always enough to harden Miki’s cock.
He wasn’t a musician by any stretch of the imagination, but he intimately knew Miki’s body and could play a sensual dance across Miki’s skin, drawing out every erotic reaction he could ever hope for. Kane reveled in the sighs and soft moans, grew arrogantly smug at Miki’s irritated hisses when his fingers teased at the velvety skin of Miki’s balls. His teeth always found the spots where a single bite could make Miki squirm, and he took pleasure in stretching over Miki’s long, naked body, pushing his lover down into the couch.
Kane stared down into Miki’s face, struck again by the simple beauty in his open expression and unguarded gaze. Naked underneath him, Miki was at his most vulnerable, yet also his fiercest. He could never find the words to express how awestruck he was that Miki loved him, that Miki let him love him. Knowing the horrors of Miki’s childhood and the sacrifices he made, the battles he fought to get to adulthood, humbled Kane. Miki had a strength in his scarred, muscular form and unyielding spirit Kane envied. He didn’t know if he could ever survive what Miki had gone through, and he was thankful to the marrow of his bones he’d never be tested that deeply.
He was about to tell Miki how much he admired him when his lover opened his mouth and murmured into the quiet they cradled between them, “I love you.”
Once again, Miki stole the words right out of his heart.
“Fricking beggar,” Kane growled, lowering his mouth over Miki’s. “What the hell would I do without you?”
“Nothing if you don’t have any lube on you.” Miki canted his head back, glancing at the bedroom just out of sight. “Another good reason we should be doing this on our bed. Everything’s in there. I mean—”
Kane saw something in Miki’s face, something edging on the ridge of fear and apprehension. Miki’s lip trembled, something he didn’t normally see, and his eyes were guarded, despite his flushed cheeks and definite arousal.
Stroking Miki’s cheek with his thumb, Kane gently prodded, “Are you okay, a ghra?”
“Kind of,” Miki whispered back. “I just want to go to our bedroom. I just need to feel… safe.”
THE CUSTOM-MADE bedroom doors were closed, and their room was lit only by the ambient glow of the streetlamps shining through the narrow slit between the blackout curtains drawn over the space’s arched windows. With the world shut away, Miki straddled Kane’s bare hips, his palms pressing against his cop’s chest and his knees barely complaining at being bent while he rested his weight on his shins.
And he felt loved.
God, he needed to feel Kane’s love. Now more than ever.
Having sex in the living room was… wrong. Not because he didn’t want Kane. God, his desire for Kane made his teeth ache most of the time. He never wanted anything more than the touch of Kane on his body and in his soul. Where music calmed the monsters dwelling in his head, it only muted their ravenous hungers, and their rage surfaced time and time again, always seeking out the cracks in his control to tear him down.
Kane silenced those demons long enough for Miki to catch his breath and see the world through wide-open eyes, stripped of terror and doubt. His cop grounded him and, at the same time, sheared the chains holding Miki captive in the prison he’d made from his own memories.
“Never imagined I’d love somebody touching me.” Miki looked down at Kane, tracing his lover’s chest muscles with the tip of his finger. “But fuck, I guess I never imagined I’d ever love someone either.”
“See, that’s a sad state of affairs,” Kane replied in his low, Irish-accented rumble. “I can’t imagine anyone not loving you, Mick. Especially me. Especially now. Are you sure you want to do this?”
“What? Make love to you?” He followed his finger with the tip of his tongue, licking at Kane’s nipple until it tightened into a bud beneath his lips. Drawing out a hiss from his lover with a light bite, Miki chuckled. “Yeah, I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing right now. Especially since I need you so fucking much.”
If ever someone had asked him in the past—before Sinner’s Gin died—who Miki thought he would fall in love with, his answer never would’ve been an Irish cop. Kane and his protective, fierce, giving heart wasn’t anyone Miki could have dreamed up. There’d been no affection for him, no hugs that led to foul things, and certainly no kisses meant to soothe away any hurts. Loving Damien had been training wheels and how to open up his heart—fuck, how to find his heart—so while Miki knew how love felt, he hadn’t been prepared for how it would consume him.
God, how his love for Kane consumed him.
He reached for the lube first, stealing it out of Kane’s reach. His body tightened with the expectation of being filled with the thick shaft he cradled against the curve of his ass. Lifting his hips, Miki mourned the loss of the heat of Kane between his thighs but knew that in a few moments, he would experience a heat he could only find with Kane. The oily salve poured between his fingers when he tilted the bottle, and Kane let go of a low laugh at the splatter of fragrant lotion on his leg and hips. A gasp soon followed when Miki’s fingers closed over his cock, the long slow stroke of oil on his skin hardening Kane in Miki’s loose grip.
“You keep that up, a ghra, and I am never going to get inside of you in time,” he rasped. Miki shot him a mischievous smirk, slowly circling Kane’s cock head with his thumb. Kane’s hips twitched between Miki’s legs and he growled, “There’s only so much a man can stand, Mick. You’re about reaching the end of my limit.”
“We just got started,” Miki reminded him, fluttering another touch around Kane’s slit.
“It doesn’t take much of you to drive me crazy,” Kane responded, sliding his hands down Miki’s back. Spreading his cheeks apart, he slid his cock into the crevice. “I could lose myself right now.”
“That would suck pretty badly.” Canting forward, Miki slid Kane’s cock head against his entrance. “Considering I kind of need you hard for what I want to do to you.”
The anticipation of having Kane inside of him tightened his nerves and sent a shudder through him. If there was a way to prolong Kane pushing into him, Miki hadn’t found it. He loved the initial press of length against his ring and then the sliding rush of Kane’s shaft into an emptiness he’d never thought he’d want filled.
He used to fear being touched, being stroked. It’d taken all of his willpower and strength to hold still when Damien held him for the first time, a seemingly meaningless gesture after their first successful gig, but it had been enough to drive Miki to the bathroom sink to empty everything he’d eaten. That was how Damien found him, opening the door to a conversation Miki never wanted to have—never imagined having—where he told another living soul what had been done to him and someone finally believed him.
With Kane, it was even more of everything Miki had been taught to fear.
But with Kane, it was now everything he’d learned to love.
The scent of sweet almond lubricant made his mouth water. The brush of Kane’s callused fingers along his cock or belly made him hard. When Kane’s mouth closed over Miki’s nipple, he let himself fall into the pleasure of feeling it all the way down to his toes. Nothing would ever take away how much joy he now found in the sensual exploration of a man he’d come to cherish—of a man he would give anything to—including himself.
That first push—shit, that first push—made Miki arch his back, opening himself to take Kane in. His cop went slow, easing past the tightness he found at Miki’s entrance. The theft of Miki’s breath seemed inevitable, especially when, despite the countless hours they’d shared in each other’s bodies, Kane was nearly too thick for Miki to handle.
Or maybe he was jus
t too scared to admit how much he wanted Kane inside of him.
Not now. Not naked and mewling with need. Poised and breached by Kane’s shaft, Miki had to fight not to sink himself in one swift move. That would hurt, his brain whispered. But it would feel so fucking good, his body reminded him.
Seating himself made Kane growl and hiss. His lover’s fingers tightened on Miki’s hips, dimpling his skin nearly hard enough to leave bruises. Or they might leave bruises, Miki didn’t care. Nothing made him feel more alive than riding Kane’s muscular, long body. The sinewy strength and give of his moving thighs under Miki’s ass always seemed to match the rhythm of Miki’s heartbeat. Sex with Kane was like finding music in the folds of a rainbow and a stormy sky. Bursts of color and sensation, hammered into the steel threads of craving more. The crinkle of Kane’s hair at Miki’s thighs tickled but then turned erotic when the heat of their bodies brought up the musk of their skin.
Kane struck that spark in Miki’s body, and he reached out, pressing his palms into Kane’s shoulders to let the lightning riding his spine loose. Chasing the sensation, Miki ground his hips, gyrating with long powerful strokes down Kane’s cock. His cop’s skin grew slippery, slick with sweat but still sweet from the faint traces of lube from Miki’s fingers.
Another stroke of lightning and Miki was almost lost.
“Turn us over,” Miki said, tugging at Kane’s arm. “I want you on top of me.”
“That I can do, a ghra,” Kane said through gritted teeth. “Hold on to me.”
Sex was never elegant. There were times of lazy, drifting pleasure, and sometimes they’d lost themselves in the pounding pleasures racing toward the climax. Elbows and knees never seemed to work properly—not that Miki’s old scars were any help—and there’d been more than a few instances where one or both of them had ended up on the floor because they had misjudged the edge of the bed.
Not this time. Not this joining of who they were into what they’d become.
They moved easily, barely missing a stroke, and if Miki had any complaints it was that Kane needed to go harder, go faster. A few muttered words and Kane eagerly complied, pressing Miki back into the sheets and rocking his hips until the slap of their skin nearly stung with each thrust.
“Not going to last.” Kane bit at the curve of Miki’s neck and shoulder. There would be no hiding the bruise. “The things you do to me, Mick. God in heaven, I can’t hold on.”
The stretching grew intense and the thrusting of Kane’s cock against the nerves inside of Miki’s body broke his mind apart. He no longer fought the pleasure rising to drown him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t stop the wave of sharp threads cutting through his reason, slicing through his control. And when Kane’s lips found his, his tongue plunging into Miki’s mouth, licking and penetrating the depths there, Miki surrendered.
Giving Kane everything he had inside, then taking everything Kane had to give.
He held on as tight as he could, but Miki knew he’d be swept away. It hit him hard, stealing away every whisper of air in his lungs and then every drop in his release. The splash of his orgasm took him by surprise despite the vortex he’d climbed to reach his breaking point. The wind they’d built between them caught him, throwing them back into the storm, and for a brief moment—or maybe an eternity—Miki flew.
And as he began to spiral down, Kane was there to catch him.
“I love you above all others,” Kane whispered—or maybe shouted—into Miki’s ear. It was hard to hear amid the rush of blood through his veins and the final throes of his release, but Miki felt Kane’s words, taking them into his heart. “I will always be yours. Always.”
His lover filled him with a gush of hot liquid and ravaged his mouth with kisses. His lips were swollen from Kane’s small bites and his hips ached, complaining that his thighs had been spread apart for so long. He was sticky with sweat and come, but Miki was reluctant to let Kane go.
“Stay here.” Miki ignored the pangs resonating through his body. He tightened down on Kane’s softening length, wanting to hold him there for a little bit more. “Don’t go just yet.”
“I’m going to be too heavy on you soon.” Kane stroked at Miki’s sweaty hair, pushing it back away from his face. “Are you okay? Are you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Better now that you and I…” He hated the burn of embarrassment across his cheeks nearly as much as he loathed the feeling of Kane sliding out of him. Sighing in resignation, Miki let himself get scrubbed off with the shirt he’d stolen from Kane’s pile of clothes, then stretched out on the bed, watching his cop climb onto the mattress. “Give me five minutes. I might want you again.”
Flopping on his back next to Miki, Kane tangled their fingers together. “I’m old, a ghra. You’re going to have to give me more than five minutes.”
“Okay,” Miki conceded. “I’ll give you ten.”
They lay next to each other, shoulders touching for nearly all of Kane’s five minutes. Then his cop said, “Are you sure you’re okay? A little while ago—”
“I was scared.” Acknowledging his monsters was easier when he was the only one who saw them, but Miki knew he was only fooling himself. Kane saw everything, knew everything, and would push if Miki tried to avoid talking about the shadows stalking him. “I don’t know why. I just felt like I needed to be alone with you, and out there it was too open. I was too open. Or maybe I just didn’t want to share us. I don’t know. I just felt like I needed to be here with you. And not fucked on the counters, because that’s a house rule.”
“That’s the first thing we’re going to do when Damien and Sionn move next door.” Kane reached over and tapped Miki’s nose. “We’re going to resanctify every flat surface in this place.”
Miki tilted his chin up, meeting Kane’s playful gaze. “Do you mind if they stay here for a little bit? I don’t know if I’m ready. Not for a long time, but maybe just until all of this is done?”
Kane’s kiss was gentle and too brief for Miki’s liking. “Babe, I don’t care if they never move out. I just want you to be happy. And for some reason, that means your brother, Damien.”
“And the dog,” Miki grumbled back.
“Well, most of the time, I like the dog.” Kane grunted when Miki’s elbow found his ribs. “Damie’s okay. It’s Sionn I can’t wait to get rid of. I worked too hard to move out of my family’s house, and here I am with my cousin right upstairs. And before you jab at me again, I’m joking. They can stay until whenever you or they feel like it’s time to go. It’s not like the two of you aren’t going to be living in each other’s pockets anyway. It’s just going to be a matter of what side of the wall we’re going to find you on.”
“I need to find me,” he admitted, whispering up into the dimness above them. It felt good to say, especially while holding Kane’s hand. “When you called me to tell me about that guy’s murder today, all I could think about was how maybe no one cared that he was gone. I mean, if that guy in Vegas was his brother, then I don’t know. My brain is kind of like a salad today. There’s just so much stuff going on inside of my head, and I think I expect you to help me find the edge of all of the noise.”
“I will always be here, remember?” Kane pulled Miki closer. “I love you. I will always love you. No matter what happens, I will always be here for you.”
“I’ve been thinking about that too,” Miki confessed. What he longed to say was a risk, but it was one Miki knew he had to take. They’d been through too much, loved fiercely, and fit into each other in ways Miki still couldn’t quite understand but would mourn the loss.
“You doubt I’d be here for you?” Kane gave him a confused look. “What do I have to do to convince you, a ghra? How many more times do you have to hear me tell you I love you before you believe me?”
“I do believe you.” Miki pushed himself up, resting his weight on an elbow so he could see Kane’s face. “I know that you’d be here for me. But I also know that there are times you wonder if I’ll be there for you.”<
br />
“I’ve never—”
“Maybe not you, but the rest of the world,” Miki murmured. “So, I’d like you to marry me, K. I want to make you my family, because no matter who you find—whatever fucking parent or anything I have out there—I want you to remember that I have you first. That I love you and I never ever want to lose you. I can’t ever go back to how I was—when I was lost before—when I was so fucking alone. So, K, will you make me your family? For real?”
Chapter Fifteen
Connor: Babe, how do you feel about kids?
Forest: I’d use my hands, but people don’t like when you pick up their kids.
Con: You know what I meant. Kiki and I had a conversation, and she kind of mentioned she’d be okay with us—well, you—she wants to give us a few eggs so we can get a surrogate. Told her I’d talk to you first.
Forest: Well, you’d kind of have to because you know, I’d have to do… the thing into a cup.
Con: So what do you think?
Forest: I’d love to have kids with you, but before we knock some strange woman up, we probably should tell your mom we’re married.
—Cooking Omelets for Dinner
“SO, I told him yes.” Kane cradled his coffee cup, a double-walled, swirled paper creation meant to insulate his hand from the liquid’s heat, but the molten temperature of Finnegan’s morning brew seeped through. “Then I spent the next couple of hours making sure he didn’t regret asking me.”
“That last bit is something I didn’t need to know, K.” Connor rested his forearms against the pier’s railing, joining his brother in contemplating the choppy gray waters of the Bay. “But I’ll be the first one to tell you, I’m happy for you.”
