Rising to her feet, Jocelyn patted his cheek. “You’re so cute, getting all nervous at the slightest suggestion of sex.”
“I’m not nervous. I’m…starting to think of you as my little sister, and talking about sex with my sister isn’t cool.” Close, but not quite accurate. He felt protective toward Jocelyn. “You’re awfully tiny. Some men might try to take advantage of that. If some guy is ever a problem…pressuring you or something, you should tell me about that pronto.”
“Wow.” Jocelyn’s teasing expression vanished. “That’s kind of awesome. I always wanted a big brother to look out for me.”
“As the baby in my family, I’ve always wanted to be a big brother,” Seth admitted. “So I’m honored to take on that role for you. And seriously, Jocelyn, I don’t want you getting hurt. So know I’ll…ah…stand for you.”
“Yeah?” she asked in a stunned voice. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah. I am.”
“Cool.” They grinned at each other like idiots for a couple of seconds. Then, Jocelyn heaved a sigh and dropped her gaze to the shopping bag. “I sort of feel bad now, though.”
“Why?”
“Well, see…none of my dad’s clothes would fit you.”
Uh-oh. “Okay.”
“So I—” Her eyes downcast, she stubbed her toe against the carpeting, saying, “I guess you could say that I made an executive decision.”
“Which would entail what, exactly?” Seth prodded.
“I went shopping. For you. See, I used to work at this men’s store in the mall and I’m pretty good at guessing people’s sizes.”
“That was nice of you,” Seth said cautiously. “What’s the damage?”
“Let’s call this my treat since… Well, my taste in fashion is unique.”
Oh, hell. Seth looked at the bag and then back at Jocelyn. “What did you buy me?”
“Normal stuff. Basically, your typical, everyday wardrobe.” Avoiding his gaze, she whispered, “If you’re a thirteen-year-old girl.”
“What?” Seth grabbed the bag and dumped its contents on the chair. At first, it didn’t look so bad. The jeans were lighter than he liked, but he could live with them for one afternoon. And the cartoon covered boxers were silly, but no one had to see those. But then he saw an edge of pale pink sticking out from underneath the jeans. “You bought me a pink shirt?”
“Pink can be manly. I’ve seen lots of guys wearing pink shirts,” she argued weakly. “But…you won’t care much about the color in a second.” At those words, Seth reached for the shirt. Jocelyn backtracked toward the door. “Thank you for that big brother thing. It means a lot. But I should take off and…get back to my romance novel.”
“Stop,” he said, yanking the shirt free. Once he got a good look at it, he shuddered. “Tell me this is a joke. Tell me you have another shirt—a normal shirt—in your car.”
“Well, it is a joke. But no, I don’t have another shirt in my car.”
“I can’t wear this.”
“Why not?” Jocelyn asked with a hint of her typical sarcastic wit. “It will fit, won’t it?”
“Jocelyn,” he said slowly, striving toward calmness. “This is not a man’s shirt.”
“I picked it up in the men’s department.”
“It has a castle and flowers and a rainbow,” he sputtered. “And a…a…purple horse with a horn.”
“That would be a unicorn,” she said, her voice muffled with restrained laughter.
“A friggin’ unicorn!” Seth scowled in disbelief. “You bought me a shirt with a unicorn?”
“I certainly didn’t buy it for me.”
He shook the T-shirt and a puff of sparkly stuff floated in the air. “Glitter,” he muttered. And it was rubbing off on his hand. Dropping the shirt fast, he tried to brush off the sparkles. “Men do not wear pink and violet shirts with glittery unicorns!”
“The color you’re referring to is lavender. Violet is darker and much more vibrant, with more blue tones than say—”
“You did not find this pink and lavender shirt in the men’s department.” Why he was arguing that point, he didn’t know. It seemed important. “No way.”
“I did.” She shrugged. “Though it was the only one there, and it sort of looked as if someone had left it…like they didn’t want to return the shirt to the proper department.”
His frustration at the situation—at the damn shirt—turned into faint humor. Closing his eyes for a second, he let out a breath. “I either have to wear a scratch-and-sniff, peppermint-mouthwash-stained shirt to Rebecca’s doctor’s appointment or I have to wear this.”
“Oh. I…didn’t know you were going with her today. I thought you’d be hanging out here.” Jocelyn held out her hand, instantly contrite. “Give it back. I’ll get you something else before you have to leave. I’m sorry.”
“There isn’t time. I have to wake up Becca, get some food in her and we have to take off.” Reality set in, along with a strong dose of exasperated affection. “Hell, this really is what it’s like to have an annoying little sister, isn’t it?”
“I guess.” She stubbed her toe against the carpet again. “You’re seriously not mad?”
“I don’t get mad,” he joked. “I get even. Just wait until your birthday rolls around, kid.”
“Well,” she said, reaching into the pocket of her shorts. “Maybe this will help. I found it after the baby shower, before I went home that day.” She pulled out her hand and offered him the engagement ring Rebecca had tossed in the rosebushes.
Accepting the ring, he stared at it for a second. “Why?”
“Originally, I thought I’d sell it. To help Rebecca out with some extra money after my niece is born.” Jocelyn shrugged again. “I didn’t like you very much at first. But once I understood everything that happened, I got to thinking. And now… Well, now I think you should propose again. The right way, though. When she’s ready.”
“So the ring hasn’t been out there this whole time?”
“Yeah, but Rebecca doesn’t know.”
“That could prove interesting,” he mumbled. Hearing the unmistakable sound of the shower swishing on upstairs, he stuck the ring in his pocket and ushered Jocelyn to the door. “Thanks for returning the ring, but I still plan on getting even for that shirt.”
“Cool,” she said as she walked outside. “I’d be disappointed if you weren’t.”
Seth held up the shirt for another look. Yeah, it was bad. So bad that if the guys at the base saw him in this, he’d never live it down. Maybe if he hurried Rebecca along, they’d have time to stop at his parents’ place before the appointment.
Otherwise, he’d wear the mouthwash shirt. Because no way, no how… Oh, hell.
If, for whatever reason, Rebecca came down those stairs feeling uncomfortable about what had happened between them, then seeing sparkly unicorns and rainbows on his chest would break the ice. How could it not? She’d surely laugh, and he loved hearing her laugh.
Before Seth could think his way out of it, he took off his T-shirt and put on the girly shirt. Now, despite what thoughts might be mucking up Rebecca’s head, the first thing she’d do when she saw him was smile. And that simple fact right there somehow made even the horrifying humiliation of glitter worthwhile.
Chapter Nine
“What about Claire?” Rebecca asked Seth early Wednesday evening. She was stretched out on her sofa, feeling very much the lady of leisure with a baby-name book propped on her belly and her feet on Seth’s lap. “It’s French and means illustrious. That’s nice, isn’t it?”
“Sure,” he said easily, rubbing his thumbs up the sole of her left foot. “I dated a Claire once. She was very nice.” He winked at her. “Memorable, too.”
“Okay, that’s a no for Claire.” Rebecca crossed off
the name with a heavy slash of her red pen and attempted to ignore the flash of jealousy. “All ex-girlfriend names are out.”
“Didn’t say she was my girlfriend.” The corners of his mouth twitched into a grin. “Just that she was nice and memorable.”
“Hmm.” Somehow, over the past two days, they’d fallen into an almost comfortable routine. Odd, seeing how Rebecca had awakened from her nap on Monday in the firm grip of icy fear. She couldn’t love Seth. Hadn’t she sworn off loving him eons ago? Indeed, she had.
Determined to clear the air, to renounce her feelings as nonsense, she descended the stairs to confront Seth. She found him in the kitchen preparing a meal. And again, deep longing struck as she watched. When she caught sight of the ridiculous shirt he wore, her fear and her intent dissolved into hysterical, tear-inducing laughter.
Good grief, he’d looked silly.
But he kept the shirt on through the doctor’s appointment, grinning at her every time she giggled. Even her doctor had laughed once she heard the story—though Rebecca did have a few choice words to say to Jocelyn. Her sister had shrugged it off, saying that she and Seth had reached an understanding. What that meant, Rebecca wasn’t sure.
But, she thought as she skimmed her pen down the next page of names, the fact that Seth had worn the shirt told her a lot about the man. When Rebecca was a child, her dad used to let her paint his nails on a fairly regular basis. Sure, he always cleaned off the polish pretty fast, but the important part was that he was secure enough in his masculinity to play with his daughter.
Thanks to that shirt, Rebecca knew Seth would be the same with their daughter. Now, her desire to protect herself not only warred with her love for him—which she’d given up denying—but with a future she was desperately beginning to want. So, although it terrified her, she was trying to stick with what she told him—that she’d try.
The past few days had shown a slice of how their life might look if they managed to cross their many hurdles. After Monday’s appointment, they’d gone for a walk, had dinner on her back deck and spent an hour watching television. Seth hadn’t stayed over, but he was waiting for her when she came home on Tuesday. Their activities that night mirrored Monday’s. Today, he surprised her by having flowers delivered at her office. And now, they were cuddled on the couch like an old married couple, trying to find the perfect name for their daughter.
Beneath the ever-present fear, she’d enjoyed sharing her evenings with Seth. Even so, she’d held back. A low buzz of unspoken questions existed on the fringes of everything they said and did. Unprepared to answer those questions, to get into any conversation that dealt with the future of their relationship, Rebecca avoided the openings Seth gave her and diverted his attention whenever she thought he was raring up to plunge in.
Cowardly, yes. But also easier. Was it so wrong to enjoy the simplicity of being with Seth for now? She didn’t think so. Especially when thinking ahead brought her face-to-face with all of the sensible reasons why she should push away.
“How about Cordelia?” she asked, instilling a cheery note into her tone. “It has an old-fashioned flair to it, don’t you think?”
“Cordelia,” Seth repeated, as if giving the name a practice run. “I don’t know, sweetheart. Seems too big of a mouthful for a tiny baby.”
“She won’t always be tiny. Or a baby. But okay, I’ll keep looking.” Letting go of her left foot, he picked up her right. Sighing in contentment, she closed her eyes when he started to rub in deep strokes just above her heel. “That’s heavenly. You have no idea.”
“I have some idea,” he said, his voice low and delicious. “Or I wouldn’t be doing it.”
“Every stroke is like a miniature orgasm.” She opened one eye. “I’m not joking.”
“Didn’t think you were.” Seth continued to rub his thumbs in a circular pattern as he moved up her foot. “Glad this feels good, though.”
Huh. She’d expected a teasing, sexy type of response. Perhaps even a quick trip upstairs for some not-so-miniature orgasms. Rebecca opened her other eye. He watched her intently, his expression solemn and searching. Serious.
Raring up to ask her something, she guessed. So she pretended to be oblivious and used the open book to hide her face. “Oh, here’s a good one! What do you think of Darlene? Almost sounds like ‘Darling,’ doesn’t it?”
“I like it.” Seth exhaled a soft sigh. “But I’m not sold on it. We should keep looking.”
“Oh, we will.” Rebecca forced a chuckle and pushed her foot into his chest. “Our daughter’s name is in this book somewhere.”
“Then we’ll find it.” Seth dropped a light kiss on her toe. “Jocelyn’s going with you to the birthing class tomorrow night, right?”
“Um, yeah. That’s what we decided, anyway. Why?”
“Well, last weekend I spent some time with Jace and Melanie, but haven’t really done much with Grady and Olivia yet,” Seth said slowly. “They invited me over and I’d like to go, but wanted to be sure you were all set with the class. And that you’d be okay for the evening.”
“I’m all set.” For the evening? As in, she wouldn’t see him at all tomorrow? “Um… Will you be stopping in later? Should I hold dinner or…?”
“They invited me for dinner. As to later…I don’t know, sweetheart.”
“Well, if you don’t want to come over, then—”
“Why wouldn’t I want to?” Seth grazed his finger along her ankle. “Grady has a few of the ball games I missed on his DVR. It’s sort of a thing for us, a way to catch up. I’m just not sure how late it’ll go, and you need your rest.”
Every word made sense. His reasoning was practical and considerate. But what Rebecca heard was “I want a night without you.” And while she knew she was being ridiculous, it hurt. A lot. Sitting up straight, she nodded and gripped the book tight.
“That sounds fun! And a night to myself is exactly what I need. Besides,” she said with a toss of her hair, “we don’t have to spend all of our free time together. I mean, I’m busy for part of Saturday. I…made plans with Melanie and Olivia. Felicia and Jocelyn might join us, too.”
“That beauty day thing, right?”
“That’s right.” Her voice cracked, which upset her more. Aargh. She hated how, along with her physical changes, pregnancy had her emotions jumping from one extreme to another. “P-Please tell Grady I said hi. Olivia, too, though I’ll see her on Saturday.”
And then, for no reason at all, she burst into tears.
“Hey, now.” Seth slid over to her and pulled the book from her hands. “Why the tears? This really is about hanging with my family. I was gone awhile and they missed me. But you gotta know, sweetheart, spending my evenings with you is always preferable.”
“I get it. I really do,” she whispered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“There is nothing wrong with you.”
As if to prove his point, he set the book on the coffee table and brought his mouth to hers. She leaned in closer, allowing herself to fall into the slow and drugging way Seth kissed her, loving the way this—he—made her feel, and tried not to think about how empty this house—her life and her heart—would feel when he was no longer here.
Because right now, in this instant, Seth was here. Raising her chin, she looked into his eyes. “I want you,” she murmured, succumbing to the need twisting inside of her. “Will you stay with me tonight? All night?”
Twining his fingers into her hair, Seth said, “Aw, sweetheart, you know I will.”
Then, his mouth recaptured hers and she quit thinking altogether.
* * *
Seth arrived at his brother’s place in Beaverton, a suburb of Portland, an hour before he expected Grady to be home from work. He wanted to spend some one-on-one time with his sister-in-law. Naturally, he called first, to ascertain
that Olivia didn’t mind his showing up early. She hadn’t, so here he was.
They settled in the living room. Pictures of his late nephew, Cody, were scattered on the end tables, causing Seth’s heart to shudder in fresh grief. It seemed beyond wrong to come into this house without a little boy barreling into his arms the second he walked through the door.
Swallowing to lessen the tightness in his throat, Seth said, “I miss him, Olly. I hate that he isn’t here right now, quizzing me about what it’s like to fly, and how the clouds look up close, and—” Here, he broke off, unable to continue.
“I know.” Olivia’s eyes softened with the sheen of tears. “I miss him, too. Every single day. I’m learning that will never go away. But…he was amazing, wasn’t he?”
“Best kid I’ve ever known.” Seth shook his head, feeling like a louse for upsetting Olivia. “I shouldn’t have brought him up. Talking about Cody is difficult for me, so I can’t imagine what it’s like for you.” And God help him, he hoped he’d never know that kind of pain.
“I like talking about my son, Seth.” Her fingers dipped beneath the collar of her shirt to grasp the charms—three tiny gold figures embellished with birthstones, representing a family—on her necklace. “Even if I do get a little weepy.”
“Grady told me about that,” Seth said, nodding toward the necklace. “How he and Cody bought that for you…and how Grady saved it until this past Christmas to give you.”
“I saved the box and the wrapping paper it came in,” she admitted. “The tag, too. Cody colored on them, you see. So they were as much a gift as this, as much a miracle to receive.”
“I get that.” What Seth wanted to ask was how she stood it, how she dealt with the fact that her son was gone because a stranger drank too much and decided in his intoxicated state that he was capable of operating a car. Too harsh, though, so he went with, “How are you, really?”
“Ninety percent of the time, I’m wonderful.”
“And the other ten percent?”
“Varies,” she said in a hushed tone. “Some days are worse than others. Every now and then, a really bad one sneaks up on me. But…as much as I wish I could change the past and bring Cody back, I—” She bit her bottom lip in thought. “Grady and I are where we are supposed to be. We’re creating new memories, but we’re remembering to stop and celebrate our old memories, too. They’re sweet and beautiful, and help keep Cody with us.”
An Officer, a Baby and a Bride Page 13
