by Donya Lynne
Not the office. Home. Because no way could he deal with work right now.
Not even fifteen minutes ago, he had thought nothing could kill his happiness, but he had been wrong. The reason for his elation was the very reason for its demise. Lacey. She had gutted him. With one stupid, fucking lie, she had killed it all.
Just like Theresa.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
Chapter 21
At almost midnight, Lacey pulled into Scott’s driveway. The lights were on, but the curtains were drawn. He hadn’t taken any of her calls all afternoon, and he hadn’t returned them, either. Not a good sign.
After being tended to at the first aid unit at Sun Valley, an ambulance had picked her up and taken her to a nearby emergency facility. They’d X-rayed her wrist, determined there were no broken bones, and then wrapped her arm and put it in a sling. Then they gave her some ibuprofen with instructions to take it as needed and took her back to the ski resort, where she battled through the media circus that had gathered, hid inside the lodge for a while, and then was finally given a ride to her SUV by a member of security who snuck her out to his car.
Driving home in a sling had proven too risky, so she had taken the damn thing off and driven with her right hand unless she needed to use her left around turns, but the damn thing ached like a bitch.
The kid who had slammed into her on the mountain had apologized profusely for running into her, and then had asked for her autograph. Of course. She had given it to him, but what she really wanted to do was lecture him about taking hills he wasn’t prepared for.
But that didn’t matter now. What mattered was the man inside the cabin with curtained windows. The man who was probably trying to figure out why she had lied to him.
Parking her SUV, she winced as she pulled the sling back on then used her right hand to open the door. Snow crunched under her boots as she walked toward the open garage door. It was as if he’d been expecting her and this was an invitation for her to come in.
She slipped inside the garage, past his parked snowmobile, and then took the concrete steps up to the door that led into his kitchen.
What waited for her on the other side? Would he tell her to get out? Would he be angry? Or would he understand? Something told her that last option wasn’t going to happen now. Maybe it was the ominous cloud of negative energy hanging over the cabin that clued her in that Scott wasn’t going to be happy to see her, or maybe it was just a gut instinct, but what waited inside wouldn’t be fun.
She took hold of the cold doorknob, breathed in and out a few times, fought back her tears, and opened the door.
The first thing she noticed when she stepped into the kitchen was a dozen red roses in the trash can.
Oh boy. Oh shit. This was worse than she imagined.
As quietly as possible, as if that would lessen the damage she’d done to him, she closed the door behind her.
Scott was sitting on the couch, motionless, the TV on but the sound down.
“I was beginning to think you weren’t coming,” he said flatly. He didn’t turn around to greet her.
“I just got back.” She gingerly entered the living room.
“Savannah called,” he said. “She was so excited to learn who you really are.”
Lacey’s heart fell into the pit of her stomach from the emptiness in Scott’s voice. She stepped cautiously around the couch.
His gaze lifted accusingly to hers. His eyes were rimmed in red. “I can’t say I’m as excited as she is.” Anger and hurt seethed from him, and he glanced only briefly at the sling around her arm, but it was long enough for a flicker of concern to flash across his expression before he turned away resentfully.
“Everything’s the same, Scott,” she said quietly, still standing. “The only thing that’s different is my name.”
“No, Mattie—” His jaw clenched as he closed his eyes. When he spoke her real name, it hissed out on an angry breath. “Lacey.” Accusing eyes shot toward her again. “It’s not just your name that’s different. Everything’s different. Don’t you see that?”
“Scott—”
He leaped off the couch. “You’re a goddamn champion snowboarder, Lacey!” He flung his arms out to his sides. “A two-time Olympic gold medalist, for God’s sake! How is that not different from the woman I got to know as Mattie? Huh?”
Tears stung Lacey’s eyes. “I’m sorry.” Even to her own ears, her apology sounded lame.
“You’re sorry?” He gave her an exasperated glare. “Sorry? You’ve lied to me about who you are for two months, Mat—Lacey! You lied to my daughter. You made a fool out of me! You’ve played with my emotions…” He paced to the draped window, his back to her, and jacked his hands up on his hips. “I…I fell in love with you, but…” He spun around, daggers flying from his eyes. “But it wasn’t really you, was it? I fell in love with this sweet, adorable woman who glided into town and simply wanted to find herself. Who I thought needed me. But…” He frowned. “You don’t need me at all, do you? You’re goddamn Lacey Moon.” His arms shot into the air as if her name was cause for fanfare. “What the hell would you need from a guy like me? What? Was I just some idiot you wanted to play with for a while? Some poor clod you got a kick out of lying to? Was this some kind of game to you?”
His words sliced into her like jagged rocks, and Lacey stopped trying to hold back her tears. “No, this wasn’t a game to me, Scott. I did come here to find myself.” She swiped her fingers over her cheeks. “After what happened to me at the Olympics…after what I’ve been through…. You don’t know, Scott. You don’t know what it was like. How awful it was. How hard it’s been not to tell you the truth.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I never intended to hurt anyone. And I certainly never expected to meet a man like you and fall in—”
“A man like me? What’s that mean? Gullible? A pushover? Someone you could play with while you tried to figure out ‘who you are’?” He made air quotes with his fingers as if he didn’t believe for a second that she had come to Hope Falls to figure out her life. “Of all people, you know how important honesty is to me.”
Her of all people. She was the only one he’d opened up to about his past. The only one he’d told his version of events to about what Theresa had done to him and of the accident that had stolen his football career.
“I know. I’m sorry…” How many times did she have to apologize?
“I don’t want to hear it. You don’t need me. You don’t need anyone.”
His anger kept him from being sensible and hearing her, and the longer they talked, the angrier he grew. Lacey could see the hurt and frustration simmering just beneath the surface, fueling his outrage.
But she couldn’t leave without trying to make him see the truth. Her truth. Not what he assumed he knew because of what he’d seen on the news.
“Scott, it’s not like that! I do need you. You weren’t just some game to me. You’re the reason why I needed to come here, don’t you see?” Her cheeks were soaked with tears, and she could barely speak through her sobs. “I love you!”
Silence engulfed them as he grew still as stone, his face a block of ice. For a heartbeat, she thought that maybe she had gotten through, but then he sadly shook his head. “How can I trust you, Lacey? How can I believe anything you say to me now?”
The breath rushed out of her, and her heart broke. She had lost him. She had waited too long. “Because it’s true,” she whispered. But it was too late. The damage was done. She should have been honest with him from the beginning. In a weak voice, she added, “And my first name really is Mattie. Well, Mathilda. I’ve just never used that name publicly. My middle name is Lacey. My grandpa was the only other person besides you to ever call me Mattie.” She felt she needed to at least tell him that, to let him know it hadn’t all been a lie. At least not technically.
Scott turned his back on her and walked to the window, where he stopped, hands on hips again, and refused to look at her. After several long,
silent seconds, he said, “You need to leave, Lacey.” His voice was tight.
Nearly gagging on a choked-back sob, Lacey nodded and let her tears fall openly as she turned and walked with leaden feet back to the door that led to the garage. With her hand on the doorknob, she turned halfway around but kept her gaze on the floor.
“Scott, I didn’t tell you who I was because…” She paused, sniffled, and drew in a ragged breath. There were so many reasons why she had kept the truth a secret. For one, she hadn’t even known who she was when she arrived in Hope Falls, and she had been so worried about staying anonymous that the lie of omission snowballed from something innocuous into a disaster. But the other reason was more personal…and more tragic. “Scott, if I had told you I was Lacey Moon, would I have ever known how you really feel about me? Me?” She lifted her gaze to find he was still facing the window, but his shoulders sagged. “As Lacey Moon, it’s hard for me to know who to trust. Who really likes me for me and who just wants a piece of me because of who I am. If you had known who I was, would I have ever known how you really feel about me?”
He waited a long moment before replying. “You’ll never know now, will you?” His voice cracked as if he was holding back an outpouring of emotion he didn’t want her to witness.
Hiccupping through a sob, she opened the door. “I guess not.” She sniffed and took a deep breath, “I’m so sorry. About all of this. I never meant to hurt you. Or Savannah. God, I’m…” She sighed. She could only apologize so much before the dead horse was nothing but a bloody pulp. “I really did fall in love with you, Scott.” She sniffled, forcing back her tears. “Thank you for giving me that. I’ve never known what real love felt like until I met you.” She took a deep breath then turned away. “Good-bye, Scott.” She stepped out, closed the door, and cried herself into her SUV and all the way down his driveway.
She had just lost the one man she had ever truly loved.
* * *
December 2 - 1:00 in the morning.
Dear Diary,
I blew it. I blew it with Scott.
I only wanted to clear my head and gain a little perspective, and maybe gain a little courage, because I was going to tell him the truth tonight. I couldn’t live with the secret, anymore. I should have told him from the beginning, anyway.
God, look at the mess I’m making. I’m crying all over the page.
Lacey stopped writing and tried to dry the tears off the paper with a Kleenex, but all she did was smear the ink.
Shit.
She could barely see the page through the tears pooled in her eyes, anyway. With a sigh, she set the pen tip on the dampened paper and kept writing.
Screw it, you’ll just have to deal with my tears, because right now I can’t stop crying, and to be honest, I don’t want to. Maybe after I’ve left here and put a little time and distance between me and the cluster fuck I created, and can finally forgive myself for hurting him, I’ll stop crying. But that’s not going to happen tonight.
For the next thirty minutes, she scribbled rapid-fire about what had happened in Sun Valley, from the reckless kid to the crowds to the reporter. No detail was spared, not even the ones pertaining to her emotions.
After they examined me and sent me off to get X-rays and patched up, all I could do was lie on the stupid doctor’s table, miserable because I knew Scott was going to hear the truth from the media and not me. I was lying there, my arm in a sling, a fucking gigantic purple bruise forming along the entire left side of my body, the press gathering like vultures outside the doctor’s office, and all I could think about was Scott. I didn’t care if my arm was broken or whether or not I would ever get on a snowboard again. All I was worried about was how Scott was going to see me on the news and learn through some sensationalized report that the girl he knew as Mattie Moon was actually Lacey Moon.
I wish I were Mattie Moon, because then my life would be so much simpler. I wouldn’t have to dodge the media everywhere I go. I wouldn’t have to question the intentions of every single person who comes into my life. Do they like me or do they just want a piece of me, like the motherfucking media?
Mattie Moon didn’t have to worry about that shit. She didn’t have to worry about ducking cameras or finding a quiet moment to herself. She didn’t have to worry about whether Scott wanted to get to know her or if he just wanted to get with her? The only thing Mattie Moon had to worry about was how long it would take for Scott to ask her to marry him.
If I were Mattie Moon, I’d be with Scott right now, sleeping in the safety of his arms after he made love to me, feeling protected for the first time in my life, because that’s how Scott always made me feel. Safe. Protected. ME. As Mattie, I got to be me for the first time in years, but my selfishness ruined it. I ruined everything, because I’m NOT Mattie Moon. I’m Lacey Moon.
Lacey Moon doesn’t get such simple luxuries as normalcy, love, peace, and safety.
So, I guess I finally figured out who I am. But now I can’t even look at my own reflection in the mirror. Because I destroyed a man’s life. I lied to him, and I lied to his daughter, and I only hope that one day he’ll forgive me, because I’m not sure I can forgive myself.
Lacey slammed the journal closed and tossed it aside on the bed, then rolled to her stomach and sobbed into her pillow until she finally cried herself into a fitful, restless sleep around two in the morning.
But she didn’t sleep long.
At six o’clock, with her arm and left side aching like a bitch, she woke up, eyes swollen and bloodshot, unceremoniously threw all her things in her suitcases, and lugged her bags one-at-a-time to her SUV. It took a little effort, and her entire body protested, but she got her bags and all her equipment loaded in the back, then climbed behind the wheel.
She wanted to get out of there. There was nothing left for her in Hope Falls, anymore. Later today, the press would rain down on the town like a hurricane. She didn’t want to be here when that happened. That would just make everything worse for everybody. If she was gone when they got there, they wouldn’t be inclined to stay. Besides, Scott had told her to leave, and it was clear from his tone that he hadn’t just meant from his cabin. He wanted her to leave-leave.
At a quarter of seven, Lacey backed out of cabin thirty-six’s driveway, shifted into drive, and drove quietly out of Scott’s life. As she cruised by his cabin, she slowed, gave one last look at the darkened windows, and then started crying again as she pressed on the gas.
He hated her for what she had done to him. Probably for what she had done to Savannah, too. And Lacey didn’t blame him.
Maybe she just didn’t fit into Scott’s world, or he didn’t fit into hers. Perhaps being Lacey Moon was a curse, and she needed to get used to things being how they were.
If she hadn’t lied, she never would have known how Scott really felt about her, but by lying she had sealed her own fate and doomed their relationship. Talk about a Catch 22. She was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t.
North of Boise, she pulled through a McDonald’s drive thru for breakfast, and by ten she was on I-84 heading toward Salt Lake City. If traffic held up, she would be home this afternoon.
Only, Utah didn’t feel like home, anymore. She had left to find herself, and she had. In Idaho. With Scott. In Hope Falls. In only two months, she had come to think of Hope Falls as home. Now she would have to rethink everything and find herself all over again.
* * *
Scott woke up and blinked at the glowing numbers on the digital clock on the nightstand.
Eight o’clock.
He rolled back over and pulled the pillow over his head, not ready to get up and face the day. Had yesterday really happened? Had he really learned that he had fallen in love with Lacey Moon? Why hadn’t she told him?
After the exchange with Shirl at the diner, he had come home and turned on the news, and there she was, his Mattie. Only it wasn’t Mattie, it was Lacey. She’d been in an accident at Sun Valley. Nothing serious, but the pictures
of her on the stretcher being carted away cut to the quick of him anyway. Even through the anger and hurt slicing through his emotions, he had still worried about her and hoped she was okay. But that was because he still saw her as Mattie, the sweet, tender woman he had fallen in love with. But Lacey was a tough-as-nails competitor. She didn’t need him worrying about her like some lovesick puppy.
Last night when she had come over, and he had seen her arm in that sling, he had just wanted to take her in his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay, but that was what Mattie would have wanted. Lacey Moon didn’t need him doting over her. She didn’t need to be protected. She had trainers and coaches and doctors to do that.
Lacey Moon didn’t need him, and he didn’t need a woman who would lie about who she was, especially not after he’d been lied to before with such dire consequences.
A shot of anger roiled through him. He threw off the covers and stormed to the bathroom, where he cranked on the shower. Damn straight he didn’t need a woman who lied to him. To hell with Lacey Moon. He slapped the soap against his arms and raked it up and down like he could scrub her out of his body if he washed hard enough, but it was no use, Lacey was engrained inside him, lie or not. She had planted herself inside his heart, and it hurt like hell that she wasn’t there with him, where she would have been if she hadn’t gone to Sun Valley and gotten into that accident and her name hadn’t been splattered all over the news.
She’d told him that she’d intended on telling him the truth last night. So, that was what she’d been referring to in her voicemail yesterday morning.
He wanted to believe she would have followed through, but did he really know for sure that she would have? She’d had ample opportunity to explain herself before and hadn’t, so who was to say whether she would have last night or not. But if she had, would he have reacted differently? Would he still have been angry? He wasn’t sure. But at least he would have heard her out with a clear head, not one loaded with endless, sensationalized news stories. They would have talked. She could have explained why she’d lied, and maybe that would have made all the difference in the world. But finding out the way he did, from Shirl and from the nonstop news reports, had been too humiliating.