by Emma Knox
Plenty of truth rings a bell that dies down when Phillip who was seated took the stand. Chuck reluctantly wanted to let him come over. But he returned defeated to his seat and that was a hard lump to remove from his persona. Phillip addressed all in the room, “The Alaskan job centre for shifters has been something that has propped up so many times that I think this will be the first call to action. I would like a raise of hands on who has struggled to find work with the help of the job centre?”
If Mark was here, he would count the show of hands and segregate Alphas, Omegas, and Betas. How he could tell must be his trick with reading people and having a pin-point scent. I was good, but Mark was better. Out of the fifty-plus in the room, almost all raised their hands. And the Beta movement came out in time to join the arm stretch.
Chuck counted everybody in the room with the tip of his pencil and then wrote down a few notes. I knew the council were lazy on that front. So, they must be serious about calling the job centre to action if it was being written down on paper. Phillip gave a quick glance to Chuck; who gave a thumbs up, and then he addressed the room again.
“We will take a ten-minute break or longer and come up with what he can oppose to the room. When we return, the Beta movement will be able to take the stand.”
“Phillip is smart, he managed to wholly turn around Charlton’s question about being a single parent and opted to look into the job centre’s shitty employees who didn’t give a shit about you when you walk in there. To them, you’re a dustbin man with no ambition to aim higher. They stick you there and think it’s best that you don’t dream of anything better for yourself.”
Mark was next to go up in seven minutes. So, he and a few other Betas hung back in the spare room with four tables and black plastic chairs that totalled to twelve. I sat near Mark, but he had very little to say to me. My mind was on leaving…and on a certain someone who I hadn’t seen since the tap and can-you-please-come-outside?
Robbie looked well…but Mark elbowing me in the gut wasn’t healthy at all. It damn well hurt! I was irritated with him for that. “What is it Mark?”
“Shelby asked you a question.”
Shelby was dark skinned with a lime green mohawk that could be half the wheel of a wagon. And his eyebrows were crispier than French fries with a thick texture to them. I figured he screamed for the alternative clan who saved rhinos and drank water if it contained anything but fluoride.
“We were all advocating that having an Alpha speak on behalf of why our new plan is viable would help us strongly in the matter of employment rates and statistics.”
Mark spoke before I could have my say, “Sean is opposed to the idea.”
Tattletale. I knew he had it in him.
“He thinks that Alphas do fine with the licence so there is no need to try and rub off a few massive errors.”
“I want to thank my cousin, but I can speak for myself.”
The Betas glared, and Mark managed to stay in his seat without a reaction or sarcastic quote.
“That’s what I said and there’s no secret to it. No offence to your movement, you guys seriously know what you are talking about and the times will turn in your favour. But as of now, I’m quite happy to come and go as I please. So, I’m going to turn to my cousin again and ask him to think of those of us who work here and do not struggle.”
Shelby with his bright pink shirt still took the front row. “It’s a little weird for you to say think of us who do not struggle. When each member here formed the Beta movement for the sake of breaking a struggle. I can’t sympathize with you if you’re lardy-da-da on your cruiser and coming from the sunny California only having to pay a small toll. And then all of a sudden you can get laid, find a job, and co-join with a pretty Omega with little hassle on whether or not you stay committed because the council love to know that Alphas are getting Omegas pregnant.”
A Beta with strands of hair covering his eyes and ears gave Shelby’s speech some elbow. He must’ve been new because I didn’t know him. “And notice, not once, did Shelby mention Alphas getting Betas pregnant. We aren’t in that category. So where exactly do we lay in this community? Are we the gypsies and vagabonds with only a flute to beg for money?”
“If the movement passes, I’ll be the one begging for money.” A far stretch, but I had to look out for number one.
And the Beta movement took to the stage, all six of them, after Chuck had come to collect them. And their popularity was big in Juneau, even though they came from Fairbanks and were more renowned in that city. They stuck to their picked apples and the council gave it their best defence with major faults.
I was back in the same seat: legs up and chewing half a stick of gum: wishing I was back at home in California with the sun improving my faded tan out here. The meeting had gone on for six hours, and all that was called to action was the job centre getting a training programme that would help employees every step of the way with finding jobs for their clients. A collective applause ran around the room, but what most wanted to know was what would be done for the Betas?
The Beta movement brought the newbies of Juneau an idea. “Why not get rid of the license that favoured the Alpha more with the lifestyle that they can come and go as they please, and give them a chance to show that their contribution to society would be in the workforce: where they would willingly undergo examinations to pass tests that could employ them directly after into suited roles that were available.”
I almost left the room when so many Betas sky-rocketed from their seats in an uproar of that being a brilliant idea! And the ones who didn’t were Alphas just like myself. An Alpha arose to counter-attack the movement, but the same tap-tap on my shoulder came, and Robbie’s face with a gesture for me to come with him was enough for me to follow with no hesitation. Even if the Alpha had plenty to say!
Robbie and I ended up going to the outside of the building where I wanted a cigarette again, but didn’t smoke. “I don’t think you’re following me or anything, but what are you doing here?” I tucked my hands inside my pocket then pulled one hand out to rub my chin.
He didn’t say anything so I continued.
“Nice weather for a Saturday.” I keenly looked to the shit weather above me and then back to him. “I thought you left. I looked out for you, but didn’t see you. Six-hours. Six… frigging hours of that shit! I…I swear the Betas…I mean, why impose that on me?”
With me doing all the talking and him not answering me, I found I might as well continue in that stride. “Inside was real intense, huh? Man, I thought Omegas could be hardboiled, but Betas have it in them to scratch your eyes out and eat them for tea. I can hear it now in there.” I mouthed a silent, “Wow!” And then smirked when I was sure I heard some curse words being issued at Chuck who nobody seemed to like.
“You must’ve seen Mark next to me? He was surely an ally up in there. I can see why Betas hate that Chuck character. Guy could start a world war three and explain that it’s because he smelt bio and it made his eyes water. Which he can’t have, because he’s-za- man!”
Robbie said nothing.
He just stared at me while I was doing calf raises and hip thrusters back and forth. I was just a little uncomfortable with the idea that he might…even slightly…be trailing me. “You know, I was going to call you—”
“Oh, shut up, Sean! I can’t deal with the small talk and your idea of telling me a lie.”
“No, I truthfully wa—”
“Ok. Ok. But I haven’t heard from you in a while and that’s partly my fault as well. And trust me, it’s not my idea to deliver a basket full of oh-fucks!”
“Damn…that’s a basket I want to test out again, Robbie.” I gave him a cheeky smirk.
He flipped his back to me and looked to the bad weather that was decaying into a moody grey.
“Come on…is it that bad that you have to give me your back to speak with?”
“Pretty much.”
“I think that whatever it is… I’m Alpha enough
to show you that I have the ability to deal with—”
“I have something big to say Sean?”
“How big?”
“Bigger than my sex drive.”
“Shit. Ok. Let me hear it?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter 7
Robbie
I could’ve slapped Sean there and then. “Are…are…are…are you sure it’s actually a baby? It might just be too many antelopes?”
“Sean, my body shape hasn’t changed for the past five years. The older I get the more I cut back, for the sake of my health. So, no, pull the other one.”
“Yeah…but…it’s only been a month!”
“And I haven’t been with anybody else since! I’m not that sort of Omega—”
“Could’ve fooled me!”
I wanted to both laugh and cry at Sean who ran his fingers through that sandy hair which had grown in length since the last time we saw each other. I never noticed how stubbed his forehead was, and I could spot the lines of duress as he kept his hands on the top of his skull.
“I’m not saying you’re loose in the lower decking, but…that night you sure came across like…” He slapped the front of his thigh and then walked off – but then turned around – only to walk off again – and then he said, “Are you sure it’s mine?”
I prolonged the, “Yes,” that ended with a huff like I’d taken offence to that. I came closer to Sean and he kept backing away each time I did. “I honestly haven’t been with anybody since you. I had no reason to be with anybody at all.”
Sean kept peering at my stomach like it contained a flesh-eating virus. “But how would I know that’s the truth?”
“I think you know my character more than you let on. Even if you chose to ignore what’s plainly noticeable!”
“Oh yeah!” Sean still acted like I was a contagious bug. “All I know about you is you married singledom and wore a chastity belt.”
I still tried not to laugh. “Times have moved on since the use of those—”
“I see that they should be used again!”
Sean’s zig-zagging of responsibility was apparent.
“Chasity belt or not, I’m pregnant!”
“Yeah. And a month’s a long time to keep that from the un-doting father-to-be. I was around…you could’ve…I dunno…hailed me down in a bar and told me after I was wasted. I’d be a better receiver at the end of your line.”
“I don’t like to chase. I’m too old for that, Sean.”
Sean did this twisting motion with his forearm rapidly — and there was some shaking until he got it under control. “How…how long have you known…you were pregnant?”
“Sean—”
“How—”
“You didn’t let me finish!”
“Well you need to be finish faster!” –
“Can we just…can we just calm down? I won’t hold back from you with this. I knew after the four-day period we spent together that something wasn’t right. It was only on the final day that I decided to check it out and do a test. My symptoms of pregnancy weren’t that strong though. Only light headaches and gaseousness when I shouldn’t have any of that.
“But the test confirmed I was. And then it all began: cravings, cramps, mood swings, and tiredness from moving here and there. The next challenge for me was dealing with how to tell you.”
“And have I disappointed?”
“No. I expected you to be even worse. But you’ve managed to not hop on that bike and drive off.”
“I mean…how can I? What sort of a person does that?”
“You’d be surprised, Sean.”
I could see he was settling down. But I had to keep my distance from him. I just had to hope he wouldn’t reach that cruiser of his — because Sean had an unpredictability that was attractive and annoying at the same time.
“I have to apologize for the way I’m springing away from you…but…if you…if you had told me sooner…a respectfulness comes into that.”
“You’d respectfully find it easier to leave.”
“That’s not what I’m—”
“So, what do we—”
“Are you sure it’s mi—”
“Yes!” I screamed this at Sean and the birds didn’t appreciate it. He was nearer to his cruiser and that piled on the pressure. I knew what he was up to. “I need your help here, Sean! We have to decide what’s the best course of action to take!”
Sean had his hand on the handlebar ready to get on the dual seat. But his leg made it half-way and he just hovered over it: not sure whether to sit down or hop off and land on both feet. “My suggestion is just how I deal with everything.”
“And what’s that?” Sean had me close to biting the protein off my fingernails.
“Abort!” He got upon his bike. “The best thing to do would be abort.” And without looking at me Sean said, “I’ll cover the costs. And you’ll not have to worry about a penny. I’ll take care of it all, Robbie.”
If Sean was serious…no…he was serious. And that infuriated me. So I left him to start up his cruiser and headed in the opposite direction not contemplating the suggestion he had offered. It was a typical answer from a boy who wanted no responsibility. And I didn’t think I would hear Sean switch off the engine and then come after me with a light-paced jog until he overtook me.
“I take that as a no then?”
“Is everything a joke to you?”
“This revelation isn’t a punch-and-Judy.”
“You’re too much! I don’t even know what that means.”
“I’m not finding any of this funny—”
“Good! Because it takes two to make a baby—”
“You don’t say, Robbie.”
My voice dropped a few notches. “I’m not aborting what’s growing in me.” And next, I could barely get it all out. “I…I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
“Do what?”
“Lose another child!”
That woke Sean up!
“I lost the first one, and I’ll be damned if it happens for the second time running. No. I will not do it…” I wasn’t spilling tears. But my heart was leaking, and I needed to turn from Sean so I could patch it all up again.
Sean laid his hand on my shoulder gently, but removed it when I gave him a glare that said not to touch me. “What do you mean by that, Robbie?” It was the calmest I had heard him sound.
Sean’s gentleness touched me, and that leaked heart had gone through enough stages of healing with the plasters that did their best to hold it all together. But maybe I needed to just let it all out. I was used to closing the door with the problem standing on the outside catching a cold.
But a new baby was on the way…the tears were coming. A new baby was growing inside me…the tears were waiting to depart. And the story of my last…my eyes slammed shut. Then my quivering lips gave way to the sounds of teardrops on my pillow. But there was no comfy pillow, only Sean’s shoulder to take refuge on.
I sobbed, as Sean led me to sit on his cruiser until I was able to tell him about my sunken ship that would never stay in the depths. He had gone inside the council building to fetch me some toilet paper. I refused the tissue. But Sean stuffed it inside my trouser pocket.
“Tell me what happened, Robbie?”
“Ok…” I found that tissue paper would actually come in handy. I blew my nose a few times and then scrunched it up in my palm. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about why I’m still single with the social pariah status. I…uh…I blame my current pack for not doing more. I can’t blame them entirely for what happened. I always did blame then. But if it was any other Omega, they would react in the exact same manner that I did.” I was defiant on that point. “If any of them lost a child and their husband…” I inhaled painfully, “then they’d know to partly blame themselves for not being taken along with them.”
“You were married with a kid?”
I gave him a tiresome exhale and a slow coming, “Yes.”
> Sean held out his arms and drew me in: patting my back and squeezing the back of my head.
“It was an attack.” I might as well have been crying out words. “They had no chance. My husband and kid…they had no chance whatsoever.”
Sean squeezed the neurons out of my system. “I’m really sorry, Robbie. That’s a tough thing to cope with. I can see why you stick to more safer weathers. I can’t imagine dealing with something that humongous!” Sean let me go and tried to find more tissue to give me.
“It’s ok, Sean, I can still use this one.”
“I am sorry.”
“You don’t need to be. And it’s not fair for me to bring this out on you now. I’m not doing it to get pity or empathy from you.”
“I know you aren’t.”
“But that’s the reason why I can’t get an abortion. It would be no different to losing another.”
I got off Sean’s cruiser and allowed him to sit. He needed to find a solution to my final decision. It wasn’t an ego bruiser to see an Alpha of Sean’s qualities so hassled by something that would grind him into salt. Every move he made screamed the lyrics to I-want-to- break-free! And a petty Omega would dance to Sean’s trauma.
That cruiser was his full-time lover. And the road was his continual intercourse. Sean was what I avoided at all cost in the past. My ex-husband had been the clingier sort and wanted me with him often: it was a nice thing to feel needed. Sean was irresponsible, and I knew that from the time he plonked himself next to me and flirted. He was so attractive though, in his own off beat casualness. It was a freedom that he earned even without the entitlement to it.
Sean said nothing to me and I didn’t want to pester him. “If I could go swimming in those thoughts I’d come out a piranha fish.”
“Do you think I’d allow you in that deep?”
“I don’t pose a threat to you — do I?”
I did. His way of life was sacred, and I stood in the way with a boulder. Knowing Sean’s way of visualizing things…that’s probably what a pregnant bump looked like to him. Mine wasn’t too big when I ran my hands up-and-down for the sake of indigestion, and not for the embryo inside.
